his mixed signals, kinda

[kourix]

basically this guy and i have gone out a total of two months, i know it's short. but still...

 

so we broke off (he treated me badly so i just gave up and told him i wasn't able to tolerate it anymore if he wasn't able to respect me, and he agreed it wasn't fair to me if he wanted something physical while i wanted something more - the total opposite of what he said when we first got together btw)

it's a long story but i'll cut it short!

 

so fast forward two weeks, i bump into him, most awkward conversation ever... and i told him my birthday was the previous day and he's like oh no i forgot! happy birthday, and i just brush it off and i see his bus so i tell him he better go.

and then he texts me... with the convo going like this:

F: mad at me?

me: Nope why?

F: a little awkward seeing each other

me: haha i know right, it was surprising!

F: and i forgot your birthday... i'm so bad!

me: yeah oh wells, it's cool

F: i don't usually remember these things

me: haha well you don't have to anyway!

F: i don't like to say this because what is done is done, but i miss you

*a minute pause*

F: a little

 

i see this and i'm so irritated, because, gosh what a douche, really? a little? what the hell. so i ignore it and after two hours i reply:

 

me: yeah prob shouldnt have rushed into a rs, it was fun while we were dating

 

and i never hear from him again. been three days, and i'm still insulted and angry and i just wanna call him out on all the bullcrap.

 

 

basically, he was this sweet guy before we got together and had sex, and after he wasn't anymore. he wanted a serious relationship (his words), and after we got together and slept together, he said he doesn't think he wants a relationship after all. and i know it sounds like the typical story, but he's a pretty good looking guy, and i know he can (and does)get one night stands in clubs whenever he feels like it, so why did he have to do that to someone like me? when he KNEW i wasn't that kind of girl (he even said it himself that he wanted a rs with me coz i was different)

also, we didn't sleep together till we were together, that's something i always make a point of. and then almost immediately he started treating me differently, and practically pushed me to initiate the breakup, to which he agreed without a fight. i just don't get it, why would a guy do that and go through the effort of wining and dining a girl for a like over a month just to become a douche about it... and even then, he never said "oh lets be friends etc etc" he just, left.

 

basically told me yes i agree with you it isn't fair if i want a physical relationship and you want something more serious. you're pretty, funny and interesting but i just dont want a relationship right now. i have to care about the other person, and i don't feel good because i can see that i don't care, at least not as much as i should. and the decision isn't very clear for me, but we're still new(about 2weeks at this point), so it's better to cut if off now than let it drag for three months because i know i will be fed up by then and it'll hurt both of us more to break things off then when our bonds are stronger.

all i could say was "you shouldnt have told me you wanted a serious relationship when you didnt" and he replied "i agree, but like i said before, it isn't easy to make the right choice when you're caught up in the moment, and you are a good girl so i wanted to try with you."

 

and at that point i was tired of all his nonsense, plus his last sentence just made me feel like a toy he was trying out, so i said "as you want", something he always said to me, and i said, yeah it's sad, but oh well! and he never even bothered with a reply, just stopped. and it hurt, and i was healing, and my birthday came and went without a wish from him (only 2 weeks later from our breakup day) and it hurt but it gave me the will to move on and the next day i see him and he texts me he misses me... a little? and i reply and once again he's pulling the silent treatment?

 

like, what's wrong with him? part of me wants to just be the bigger person and forget it, but another part wants to scream at him. i've always been very submissive with him, even when he left he never suffered any consequences. he broke a decent girl's heart and just got away scot-free and i was so mad but i decided to just forget it. and now, we bump into each other and he says something like that and just leaves again. it's not fair. and i have so much things to say to him but it's a little complicated. i don't know if i miss him, or i miss being part of a couple, however short it was (i hate being single, try being single when ALL your friends are attached), and i don't mind just hanging out but not being fully committed, i just wanna belong to a couple (and no it's not easy to find another guy and he's cute and i want it to be him), and i wish i could tell him that but i don't know if i should, i mean life's short right? shouldn't we just do what we want, who knows what could happen tomorrow... and another part of me wants to scream and him and say, you know what, you were an ******le and it's not cool what you did and i don't deserve this etc etc and you don't get to bump into me and tell me you miss me (a little, no less!) after a breakup like that when you didnt even try to be friends etc, and try to mess me up again. plus, if he really cared, he would have AT LEAST offered a "do you wanna go and grab a birthday dinner?" or something, right? and you don't forget your gf's birthday when you know it's around the corner. there's something called FACEBOOK.

 

and honestly, how douchey is it to tell someone you miss them... a little???! and THEN ignore them. talking about adding insult to injury. i've already tried my best to be casual in our convo, HE brought it up that he missed me, so why do i feel like the loser in the convo just coz' he didn't reply?

 

so basically, i hope someone can help decipher his coded rubbish... should i just let it all out? or will i come across psycho? (if i let it all out, besides the screaming at him for being an a** and lying about wanting a relationship, should i also talk about how i don't mind us hanging out and just enjoying each other's company coz' i miss being with him?

or should i just forget it?

 

there is a high chance of me bumping into him again, i work 5 mins from his home, and he's always waiting for the bus at the same stop as me...

i met him online and he's an expat, so there's no mutual friends.

also, he's 26 and i'm 24...

 

i always think about the potential we could have had/ and i'm so confused, how can it be you think i'm cool but just "don't want a rs". am i just not "the one?" i always believed that if you met the one, you would give up everything for her... which leaves me with the question, what's wrong with me? he told me previously his ex and him were together for 2 months, they didn't want anything serious but suddenly it developed into a two year relationship. and i'm thinking, if it can happen with her, why not me? am i not good enough? they've been broken up for one and a half years, when he decided to relocate to another country (here) because there was a job opportunity. he's been single since, till he met me.

 

honestly we didn't have that great a time together but i do miss the companionship and am thinking, if i can go back in without getting hurt, why not... there's just so many WHAT IFs/POTENTIAL and i just don't want to look back one day and regret because i held back.

 

plus i blame myself, what if i held out on sex? perhaps he would have fallen for me and then this wouldn't have happened... afterall he told me, guys get into rs without as much feelings first, and it needs time to develop, and it made me feel like i pushed him too fast (coz i talked about what expectations we had for each other since i didn't want any misunderstandings etc) + had sex too soon, which turned him off since he already "gained the prize".

 

i'm sorry if my thoughts seem all over the place and this is already very brief. haha

[silly_panda]

What's wrong with him..? More likely, what's wrong with YOU..? You wanna be in a relationship so badly because all your peers are in a relationship..? You don't mind hanging out and not being fully commited..? And you are 24..? You are at the same age as me... No offense but you sound like you are 16...

 

Look... This guy admited that he only wan a relationship based on sex... Knowing that, instead of running away from him, you wanna run towards him and ask him to take you back so that he could have his way with you again..? Just cause he's cute..? Really..?

 

It's not hard to understand why people don't remember their bf/gf's birthday... Because they don't care... Simple as that... Even if he says he miss you A WHOLE LOT... What different does that make..? Will that make you feel better..?

 

You said having sex too soon is bad cause that turned him off cause he already got the prize..? This just shows what kinda guy he is... He just wan sex... That's all... What's the different between having it sooner than having it later..?

 

For me, and I think many guys will feel the same... After my girlfriend had sex with me, I will love her more... Why..? Because she trust me with her body and sex is a very deep emotional thing... Anyway, please love yourself and respect yourself...

[twinkles]

If you go back and read your post all your answers are all there.

 

He treated me badly... he wanted sex you wanted more.. it wasn't fair,

he couldn't respect you..what a douce he is.. he lied to you to get you to sleep with him..he forgot your birthday...you were tired of his nonsense..you don't want to be his toy..he doesn't want a relationship.

 

I'll decipher his coded rubbish for you...He is offering you nothing.

 

Do not call this person again. Try to grasp what it is you want. Don't give him another one of your precious thoughts...move along.

[kourix]

thanks for the harsh truth...

i guess i just really wanted to believe he'd feel bad and want me back and believe the good in him. it was different when we first started dating, saying he wants to be serious etc etc, and then suddenly, it's "just physical".

he seemed sincere at first and all that, and i just feel guilty, like it might have been my fault for pushing him although he's always the one who defined the relationship. i just don't understand the sudden disconnect and change in his actions, and if i have to run into him again i want to be prepared and not have to deal with all this baggage again. i just feel like telling him off and asking him to make up his mind.

[twinkles]

You have no fault in this. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You were honest with your feelings and you had faith in him. There is nothing wrong with that.

 

He is all about himself. He only thinks about himself. He gets what he wants and he doesn't care who he hurts.

 

It's not about you it's about him. He's not going to change his mind about you. Sure he will play with you if you let him but where will that get you.

 

Don't wait for him to change his mind, you change yours. Next time you see him at the bus stop you can say hello and be your usual nice self but if he offers you anything you just say No Thank you. By saying no you get your power back. You don't have to yell or scream you just keep your dignity.

 

Prepare yourself by learning to say No thank you. You deserve so much better than this so believe that you do.

 

A man who loves you will not forget your birthday. A man who loves you will not sleep with you then tell you he doesn't want a relationship. A man who loves you will treat you with the care and respect you deserve.