Good Signs or Red Flags?

[DDream]

Thanks Jaina19. It's just that I'm tired of kissing frogs. I do really think I have a lot to offer. I just can't find I want to be with who wants to be with me as well. It's really tiring.

[dispatch3d]

Well, since he still hasn't contacted me, I think I should just delete him from my Facebook and that's it, that's all. I guess I dodged a bullet anyway.

 

nah don't put in that kind of effort. Also I'm not much of a hater to be honest.

 

To get back on track, all of your posts were much too long for me to read. Could you put everything into like a 5 point summary? I glanced at someones "summary" but that was also much too long.

[dispatch3d]

oh back to the important question. Why is your name dd?

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Man, I was so proud of myself for having willingly gone through the whole first post, and as it played-out, I kept awaiting "RED flags", and I never saw any.

 

A "RED flag" is and must remain a situation where you are saving somebody from potential harm, (either physically, emotionally, or perhaps even to their eventual credit rating or the like).

 

I kept seeing "tentative/awkward/nervous behavior" on both sides, (but never anything sinister or misleading) and it happening on one side usually allowed that it was more acceptable on the other side in the next 'volley'.

 

The "sweets" part might have come a bit too soon, but it was consistent, so as the other minor bumps (not even big enough to be "speed bumps", I might add) happened along, I didn't get too caught-up in the sweets part.

 

Everything fit quite sensibly for two people who might each be somewhat shy and not entirely confident about themselves.

 

Oh, also, once the so-called 4-hour car ride is over, and you still have all your limbs, it can no longer be seen as the faux gross social injustice it might originally have been.

 

Also, the OP never really put her 'stamp' (slash, 'idea') onto a particular date as a way of CAUSING a "plan" to come about, and then to be followed-through upon (in the absence of his firm planning in some spots).

 

I could understand either side having felt a little awkward and uncomfortable as the drama played out, and maaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe their own (sense of themSELVES) caused either to believe it had been "too awkward" somehow, and thus not worthy of being continued.

 

By the time the "no response" came, I was quite surprised by it, actually, but had it happened after the first in-person meeting, I'd have been less surprised.

 

I don't think it is terribly out of line that a guy should mention to his family a woman from the net who he is soon to meet IRL for the first time.

 

I will agree that there was some element of being "rushed" to plenty of the detailed scenario, but in all the detail, we were often reminded that the OP was "OK with it" in many instances, and the guy wasn't exactly going for the gusto right off the bat.

 

I have a sense that the same OP could date the same guy, with a 'runway for take-off' that was just a bit more smooth, and that the same two people could get somewhere mutually suitable IF CONFIDENCE reared its head in a few select spots along the way.

 

The part about not being sure you'll see him again... baffles me... you wrote (/last edited) the OP @ 9:00am on Dec. 4... and by 7:45pm that night, you were already "not sure we'll see each other again".

 

 

(sigh- still paying attention to ALL (er, most) of the details: )

 

I can't help but at least considering the idea that you might have veered off the conversational path during the part about profiles, and how to regard the dating site (not long after you had sex).

 

He wasn't giving bad answers... he "hadn't checked his profile since meeting you" ... and you were considering "(not) meeting anybody else (from the site) right now".

 

It was fair of you to be contemplating at what point you'd pick-up stakes from the dating website, but it is also fair that he might not have had that consideration (about you or about himself) as the first thing on his mind on the date it came up in conversation.

 

I fear you were truly sending a smallish negative vibe (in merely not feeling entirely comfortable) and that HE FELT something more near to a tidal wave of disenchantment (and this was after you'd JUST not long before had sex for the first time).

 

Honestly, I just never saw a full 'deal-breaker', and I wouldn't mind betting that the two of you could make beautiful music together given a different path toward the proverbial opera house.

 

I would still even vote for YOU extending a clear and direct invitation for him to join you in an activity somewhere near to his home, on a certain day... and trying again... (hopefully with a little more 'comfort/FAMILIARITY' on both sides)

 

What if shared awkward vibes (in a case where each was feeling/sensing mostly VIBES he/she was giving off him/her SELF ) simply kept you from your best chance at thriving together??