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Inappropriate pictures of boyfriend on Facebook - is my reaction justified?

reptilelover88

By reptilelover88
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mr.dream merchant Established Member

mr.dream merchant

Posted
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Ok so I am home from college for the holidays but my boyfriend is still there. Last night he had a big, boozy dinner to celebrate the end of the football term (he coaches a ladies' football team). I'm generally a pretty secure person and I trust him, so the fact that he went to this drunken dinner surrounded by girls honestly didn't bother me. That is, until I saw the photos on Facebook today. I know that he was very drunk, but the photos are awful. He is hugging girls in many of them, which is actually ok with me but it gets worse. In one photo he is quite clearly holding hands with one of them and in the worst ones, he is rolling around half-dressed on a bed with dark red lipstick kiss stains all over him (including his mouth!!) and all over the girls he's with too. So he definitely kissed at least one of them somewhere.

 

My gut instinct is that he didn't cheat (not least because it would definitely get back to me through my own friends in football) but I am still horrified at his behaviour. To me, that is not what you do when you're in a serious, committed relationship. I feel like I have been very supportive and non-jealous of his football team and he's thrown that back in my face. The photos cut me inside and bring back all the past insecurities that I have worked so hard to overcome before I got into this, very special, relationship.

 

But what I would like to know is this: Am I overreacting? Should I confront him about it (we're scheduled to talk on Skype tonight) and if so, what should I say?

 

You're not overreacting.

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reptilelover88 Established Member

reptilelover88

Posted
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So we just talked and had a massive row. I pointed out how upset and stupid the photos made me feel. He did cave quite quickly and admitted that the photos look really bad and that he should have detagged them. He detagged them when we were on the phone and I checked just now and he has done so. Interestingly, he detagged the exact same photos that upset me (without me being too specific which ones those were). He ended up apologising again and we left it at that. I still feel crappy though.

ShannonMI Established Member

ShannonMI

Posted
Posted
Ok so I am home from college for the holidays but my boyfriend is still there. Last night he had a big, boozy dinner to celebrate the end of the football term (he coaches a ladies' football team). I'm generally a pretty secure person and I trust him, so the fact that he went to this drunken dinner surrounded by girls honestly didn't bother me. That is, until I saw the photos on Facebook today. I know that he was very drunk, but the photos are awful. He is hugging girls in many of them, which is actually ok with me but it gets worse. In one photo he is quite clearly holding hands with one of them and in the worst ones, he is rolling around half-dressed on a bed with dark red lipstick kiss stains all over him (including his mouth!!) and all over the girls he's with too. So he definitely kissed at least one of them somewhere.

 

My gut instinct is that he didn't cheat (not least because it would definitely get back to me through my own friends in football) but I am still horrified at his behaviour. To me, that is not what you do when you're in a serious, committed relationship. I feel like I have been very supportive and non-jealous of his football team and he's thrown that back in my face. The photos cut me inside and bring back all the past insecurities that I have worked so hard to overcome before I got into this, very special, relationship.

 

But what I would like to know is this: Am I overreacting? Should I confront him about it (we're scheduled to talk on Skype tonight) and if so, what should I say?

No you aren't over reacting. Not at all. I'd be pissed as hell if I were you. And you think he didn't cheat? He had lipstick marks all over him including his mouth. Do you consider kissing cheating? Some would.

OnyxSnowfall Established Member

OnyxSnowfall

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So you're going to stay with him?

 

Well, wish you much luck with that :/...

Nexus One Established Member

Nexus One

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You're not overreacting. What he did was disrespectful to you as his SO and to the relationship.

 

Alcohol can't be an excuse for him, that would be merely shifting the irresponsibility for his actions away from him.

verhrzn Established Member

verhrzn

Posted
Posted
So we just talked and had a massive row. I pointed out how upset and stupid the photos made me feel. He did cave quite quickly and admitted that the photos look really bad and that he should have detagged them. He detagged them when we were on the phone and I checked just now and he has done so. Interestingly, he detagged the exact same photos that upset me (without me being too specific which ones those were). He ended up apologising again and we left it at that. I still feel crappy though.

 

Wait a sec... all he did was de-tag them and admit the photos "looked really bad"? And you just let him get away with it? He actually tried DEFENDING himself? (I'm assuming, from you saying you "had a row," instead of "I told him how I felt and he immediately threw himself on my mercy.")

 

The problem is NOT that he was tagged in the photos, the problem was that he did those things in the photos to begin with!

 

Was apologizing really all you wanted? He should have been down on his knees begging you for forgive him for his lack of disrespect (AND public humiliation!) Why in the world would you stay with this jerk?

snowflakes88 Established Member

snowflakes88

Posted
Posted
So we just talked and had a massive row. I pointed out how upset and stupid the photos made me feel. He did cave quite quickly and admitted that the photos look really bad and that he should have detagged them. He detagged them when we were on the phone and I checked just now and he has done so. Interestingly, he detagged the exact same photos that upset me (without me being too specific which ones those were). He ended up apologising again and we left it at that. I still feel crappy though.

 

:confused: So your issue was that he had left himself tagged in the photos? You know, as opposed to the fact that he rolled around half naked in bed with other women, kissed them, and allowed them to straddle him? Are you so desperate to have a boyfriend that you tolerate this kind of disrespect? I hope you understand that by excusing/accepting his behavior, you're teaching him how to treat you... so you can expect more disrespect in the future. Good luck with that.

snowflakes88 Established Member

snowflakes88

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Just took a peek at your post history and see that this guy already told you he doesn't love you anymore and is just sticking around to see if the feelings might come back. Seriously, whyyyy are you wasting your time with this??

ShannonMI Established Member

ShannonMI

Posted
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Just took a peek at your post history and see that this guy already told you he doesn't love you anymore and is just sticking around to see if the feelings might come back. Seriously, whyyyy are you wasting your time with this??

Really? Yeah what gives? And if he doesn't love her I'm sure he did more then kiss the girls in those photos. NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!:rolleyes:

phineas Established Member

phineas

Posted
Posted
Really? Yeah what gives? And if he doesn't love her I'm sure he did more then kiss the girls in those photos. NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!:rolleyes:

 

I disagree.

I think she needs to be single for a bit & figure out why she tolerates such poor behavior from men.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted
So we just talked and had a massive row. I pointed out how upset and stupid the photos made me feel. He did cave quite quickly and admitted that the photos look really bad and that he should have detagged them. He detagged them when we were on the phone and I checked just now and he has done so. Interestingly, he detagged the exact same photos that upset me (without me being too specific which ones those were). He ended up apologising again and we left it at that. I still feel crappy though.

 

You should dump him, I think it's clear from your past posts and this thread that your relationship is over.

Ginger Beer Established Member

Ginger Beer

Posted
Posted
Ok so I am home from college for the holidays but my boyfriend is still there. Last night he had a big, boozy dinner to celebrate the end of the football term (he coaches a ladies' football team). I'm generally a pretty secure person and I trust him, so the fact that he went to this drunken dinner surrounded by girls honestly didn't bother me. That is, until I saw the photos on Facebook today. I know that he was very drunk, but the photos are awful. He is hugging girls in many of them, which is actually ok with me but it gets worse. In one photo he is quite clearly holding hands with one of them and in the worst ones, he is rolling around half-dressed on a bed with dark red lipstick kiss stains all over him (including his mouth!!) and all over the girls he's with too. So he definitely kissed at least one of them somewhere.

 

My gut instinct is that he didn't cheat (not least because it would definitely get back to me through my own friends in football) but I am still horrified at his behaviour. To me, that is not what you do when you're in a serious, committed relationship. I feel like I have been very supportive and non-jealous of his football team and he's thrown that back in my face. The photos cut me inside and bring back all the past insecurities that I have worked so hard to overcome before I got into this, very special, relationship.

 

But what I would like to know is this: Am I overreacting? Should I confront him about it (we're scheduled to talk on Skype tonight) and if so, what should I say?

 

Rolling around on a bed drunk with other women, kissing them at some point?

 

I assume you class cheating as penis in vagina intercourse, but to me what you described is cheating. He wouldn't want you to do that, he probably knows it's unnacceptable himself.

 

I'd be really mad at that to be honest, you're not overreacting.

Ginger Beer Established Member

Ginger Beer

Posted
Posted
whats not justified is you even making him your boyfriend. girls can see this sh*t from a mile away but you ignored it. very special my ass relationship. guy is an animal.

 

Don't hold back, mate.

LexiB Established Member

LexiB

Posted
Posted
whats not justified is you even making him your boyfriend. girls can see this sh*t from a mile away but you ignored it. very special my ass relationship. guy is an animal.

 

Don't hold back, mate.

 

All very deserving words, imo. This dude sucks as a person and she's still with him. :sick:

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reptilelover88 Established Member

reptilelover88

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I just thought I'd post an update. My boyfriend just broke up with me over the phone. This was after I took some space to get over those photos. After 2 days of taking space, I contacted him to say that I had got over the photos and wanted to go back to normal. Then he said that he has decided that the relationship isn't working out and he wants to break up. He said that he has been trying to do this since November when he told me he didn't love me any more and wasn't sure if he ever had. I tried to talk him out of it but he said that his mind was made up and it was for the best. He said that he loves me but doesn't see a long-term future with me.

 

The thing is, I agree. Though I love him and have had a great time with him, there have always been big issues. I have always felt as though I was the one pushing things forward, that he wasn't nearly as interested. And I suppose this proves it. I KNOW all this, and I KNOW I can and will meet someone better, but it still hurts like hell right now. I have strict no contact and no second chances rules after break ups. I have already deleted him on Facebook, deleted his number and all his text messages, phone logs etc. It's killing me that I'm never going to see or talk to him again. And all the little things hurt so much. I know I'll get over this and move on, but right now my heart is breaking. I still love him so much.

nothappyjan Established Member

nothappyjan

Posted
Posted

So sorry that your hurting hun, but i'm not sorry that it's over as you deserve soooo much better. I got dumped by a guy i really liked and he sounded like your bf telling me he didnt love me anymore etc.

 

Looking back it still hurts but I know that being with someone who doesn't care about you hurts even more.

 

Just take some time to yourself and then one day you will meet a guy so much better than this one that you laugh at how stupid and pathetic this guy is.

daphne Established Member

daphne

Posted
Posted
Just take some time to yourself and then one day you will meet a guy so much better than this one that you laugh at how stupid and pathetic this guy is.

 

This is true.

 

What bothers me most is that you loved this guy, who didn't love you, even after how he treated you. I wished that you had loved yourself more than that goofball.

 

I hope you get mad and realize it. You'll find someone much better for you.

verhrzn Established Member

verhrzn

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The line "not sure if he ever loved you" is cruel. It's cruel, and it's juvenile, and it's a worthless person taking out his lack of personal responsibility on the weakest target... you.

 

You are well rid of this guy. I know it hurts. But let it be a shining beacon of light to the fact that you got out before things got very serious... before your stuff was intwined, before you'd confessed your love before friends and family, before you brought children into this world. This guy doesn't know what love is, but more importantly, he doesn't know what kindness is.

 

Be strong, and waste not another tear on this jerk. Take the time instead to examine why you stayed with such a man... why you "got over" him rolling around in bed with women half-naked. Who are you really, deep down what are your valued, and what is it in life that YOU want independent of any other person?

Tangerine Lipgloss Member

Tangerine Lipgloss

Posted
Posted

So sorry you went through this, but he's a douchebag and you will meet someone better.

 

NO contact is the way to go, take care of yourself.

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reptilelover88 Established Member

reptilelover88

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Yep, I'm fully in no contact and have been since we broke up. I have deleted him on Facebook and deleted all his contact details so I'm not even tempted. Anyway, all I'd want to do right now is yell at him for treating me so badly and I don't want to give him that satisfaction! The last couple of days have been tough, but I realised that I'm mainly sad because I miss his mum (with whom I get on really well) more than him! I'm also upset because I feel I 'lost'; I should have dumped him but he got there first. These facts are telling in themselves. I'm not actually very upset about HIM. I wrote a list of all the things that were wrong with our relationship and it was long. I read it whenever I feel sad. So far it seems to be working and I'm well on the way to a life free from him! I'm excited about being single now. Thanks to everyone who has posted messages of support.

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