Lonely-lulu Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 (edited) I had been in a relationship for the past 5 1/2 years, we had lived together for 4 of those years. I loved my partner so much, I would have done literally anything for him. When I met him he had a normal job and lived in a shared house, I encouraged him to pursue his dreams of becoming a dj and club promoter and helped him whenever I could. As he has become more successful I have seen less of the man I fell in love with and more of his selfish and at times cruel individual who neglected me and our relationship. We split up in august of last year and I was heartbroken I read books on how to win your ex back, became involved in rebound relationships, stopped eating etc etc! After 3 months we met and our relationship restarted. In the last 12 months the progression back to where we were has fast tracked, my partner didn't seem to care about me and regularly said we had nothing in common. I'm not sure how you can spend 5 years with someone you have nothing in common with. He would go out to dj, then go to after parties and not arrive home until 11am, when we went out he left me to get home alone as he wanted to stay out and he rarely said I looked nice. On one the last occasions I tried to initiate sex and had dressed up for him he told me he could 'take it or leave it'. He insisted this was a joke but it didn't feel that way. I approached the subject of our relationship with him 3 weeks ago and told him I felt neglected and lonely and he said we wanted different things, he said I was old before my time and the idea of a life where we go to work, come home, eat together, spend some time together and go to bed was mundane and he said the thought of getting married made him feel miserable. So as you can guess we split up again. He has moved out and I have told him not to contact me as I don't want to be his friend. I am back at square one now, feeling depressed, empty and lonely. I have not read any win your ex back books this time, I'm on my third how to mend your broken heart book! I don't want a relationship like that but that doesn't mean that the pain and fear is not crippling. I am not considering dating until I feel like myself again. So I am trying to do all of the right things. My biggest fear is that you feel that all encompassing love for one person in your life and I wasted mine on the wrong one. I really don't want to live a life without true love. Despite all of my efforts to move forward I can't get rid of this empty feeling and the disappointment that I couldn't make him love me enough to change. I'm just looking for some reassurance that I will recover and that you can love this much again. Thank you for taking the time to read my story x Edited December 4, 2011 by Lonely-lulu Missed a bit!
silly_panda Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 This guy is not mature and is not ready to commit... All he wan in his life rite now is to have fun and party all day... I don't think you wan this kinda guy at all... Take your time to heal... It's hard but you will get through it... Don't think of your 5 and a half year went to waste... You learned a very valuable lesson during this time... I believe you do have some happy memories in this relationship... Keep them and move forward... If this guy ever come back... Please don't take him back unless you are really sure he is a changed person...
Author Lonely-lulu Posted December 4, 2011 Author Posted December 4, 2011 Thank you for your response, I know he needs to grow up, we are both 28 and he just kept saying that he has two years left? He also said that he feels like he is having some kind of mid life crisis. I think rejection is just a bitter pill to swallow!
BoredAgain Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 You write, "Despite all of my efforts to move forward I can't get rid of this empty feeling and the disappointment that I couldn't make him love me enough to change." But if you had been the absolute perfect girlfriend, never making a single mistake in the 5+ years you were together, do you think anything would be different? From what you wrote, I doubt it. He'd still want to go out partying, neglecting you for his DJing, scared of commitment, etc. That means the problem is with HIM, not you. It's good that you're focusing on moving forward instead of trying to get him back. That is extremely healthy. And rather than "wasting" your "all encompassing love for one [wrong] person," you will find yourself on the other side with the ability to have better, more fulfilling relationships... you just have to give yourself time to heal.
Author Lonely-lulu Posted December 4, 2011 Author Posted December 4, 2011 Thank you for your response, it helps me to think I'm doing the right things, I know that only time will heal, but the problem is time takes so long! I really want to feel like me again, not someone's girlfriend which is what I had become.
BoredAgain Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 Thank you for your response, it helps me to think I'm doing the right things, I know that only time will heal, but the problem is time takes so long! I really want to feel like me again, not someone's girlfriend which is what I had become. In a 5+ year relationship, I bet there were plenty of things you wanted to do but couldn't. Maybe there were movies you couldn't get him to watch, books you didn't have time to read, or activities you never got around to planning. Focus on those things. Doing so will improve the quality of your life and speed up the healing process.
Author Lonely-lulu Posted December 4, 2011 Author Posted December 4, 2011 I just read your first post About your situation and I wanted to say thank you for taking the time to try and help me, I realise that you are going through a really tough time yourself and providing me with reassurance at this time is very very kind. So thank you!
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