I Think I want her back...

[Sentient6]

So after nearly 4 years of relationship i broke up with my gf yesterday night..In all these 4 years we 've been through a lot of ups and downs and (at least) i have though of calling it off several times in the past but I simply couldn't do it being afraid that I may break her heart(and maybe mine too) or that after i would call it off i would want her back..and such is the case right now..

 

 

The main fact is that she is my first love, the VERY FIRST woman I ever loved..I have had many relationships before her but this was the first major one 4 both of us..So this whole thing is a really big deal 4 me..

 

 

Like all couples we 've had our number of fights, but lately, and especially after she moved to another city(which is FAR FAR away from where we live) to go to college ,we have been fighting more often than ever,even for silly reasons like "why didn't you call me last night?"etc..

 

 

So last week(she's been back from college for a couple of weeks now to stay with her mom) we had a really big fight about her going out and getting a lil bit drunk(which really pisses me off)..The next day when she called me and told me about the whole situation i got really mad at her and got all shouting and swearing at her (which is something I rarely have done in the past and maybe I was affected by the fact that i have a lot of hard work to do for my studies in college until christmas and this has struck to my nerves)..

 

 

After that incident, we did not talk for about two days and she finally called me two days later..We didn't manage to work things out through the telephone and we ended up fighting once more again..And that's when i couldn't help it anymore and I told her that we should break up..After discussing it for a while(all these through the phone!!!) when we had calmed down from the previous fight she eventually agreed with me that we should call it off and after about 1 hour full of complete silence we hung up..

 

 

We haven't spoken for 3 days now and these have been the worst 3 days of my life..I miss her so f..king much and i don't know what i should do to get her back..On the other hand, I sometimes think that this is good for both of us,to get over each other and go on with our lives,even though it is so painful for me(and for her too).

 

 

The day after tomorrow she is going back to college for about a month till Christmas and I won't be able to see her till she comes back so my situation is very immediate..

 

 

Any ideas please?????? Do you think that i should try to get over her and finally move on(that's what most of my friends say),even though it will hurt me??Should i do something before she leaves for college and try to convince her that things could work once again out between us??? Or Should i wait for her to come back for Christmas and the call her??

Edited December 4, 2011 by Sentient6

[BoredAgain]

I don't quite understand the situation.

 

Why did it bother you that she was a little drunk?

 

Also, you said you think you only got so angry because of the current stress in your life (college coursework), but there are always going to be stresses that pop up in life. So, what's preventing this from happening again if you got back together?

[Sentient6]

It bothered me so much because every time she gets drunk she is so effusive & talkative to everybody. Except me of course..That particular time I'm writing about in the first post i tried to call her over 8-9 times that night and she just either wouldn't answer the phone or answer and hung up without saying a f..king word..

 

The whole thing of her getting drunk has happened like 2 or 3 times in the past and she knows how much that bothers me..

 

When she called me the next day she wouldn't even apologize for her sh***y behavior and she talked to me like i was the one wrong and that I should forget about the whole thing..Just forget it..

 

I've always had admitted my mistakes in the past and i would almost always apologize to her for my bad behavior..So the fact that she was not willing even to try to make it up to me really pissed me off and got me all mad..

 

I cannot guarantee that this won't happen again if we got back together..Nobody can guarantee that..The thing is that I'm more than willing to try to prevent this from happening next time if we get back together again..

 

Idk..I'm so f..king confused!!!I really don't know what to do and i don't understand how we got here.. Should I try to handle the break up and move on or should i to talk to her before she leaves city and try to work things out???

[othersideofthepillow]

Ok. man here's my 2 cents.

 

 

Your breakup is so fresh you can still smell it cooking....its only been a few days and your still living with the current emotions from the fight/split. Give it a few days more and than see how you feel.

 

I can understand your frustration with her when she gets drunk. I like to have a good time but getting drunk has never appealed to me....BUT...regardless of what you may want/think is best, you have to let them have their fun as well. Now She does need to show some respect for your wishes and make a effort to keep that to a minimum but you can't expect her to change everything just cause you want her too. Gotta let people be who they are even if your not a fan of it entirely...that's what makes us human. We all like different things.

 

You got here because you acted on your emotions of your CURRENT situation (i.e. not happy with her).

 

You say that she is leaving soon and than will be back in a month or so. If I were in your shoes I would suggest this: Before she leaves, have a conversation together about how you both feel about each other and if it truly is worth ending it for good. Often times with "fights" you think that they are worse than they really are, than emotions get involved, things are said out of anger and before you know it peoples pride/ego gets in the way and than thats the end of the relationship for good.

 

If you guys decide that you can work thru this and still be together, than this time that she is leaving for a few weeks is actually a blessing in disguise. While she's away, keep the contact to how it was when you just started dating. A few texts a day and a call every other day or whatnot. It will allow you guys to let your current emotions subside and see each other for the ppl you really are and how much you care for each other.

 

Chances are when she does come back, you BOTH will have that "feeling" for each other again since you have not seen each other in a while and have had limited communication. You have a long history together so don't let your/pride get in the way!

 

Best of Luck & keep us posted!

Edited December 4, 2011 by othersideofthepillow