Jump to content

He dumped me, wants me back. Slept with someone else.Can he change?

NordicStripes

By NordicStripes
in Second Chances

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

NordicStripes Established Member

NordicStripes

Posted
Posted

He wants me back. He broke up with me 4 months ago - he says he'd been depressed even from before we got together and that I was too jealous. A couple of days he started sleeping with one of his colleagues - to try and forget about me he says. He did that for about two weeks... Then he saw me and stopped it because he realized that he just wants me and I'm the love of his life.

 

I am still feeling very hurt and upset for him sleeping with her. She's a known slut and she was already after him while we were still together. I find the fact that he immediately started sleeping with her incredibly unrespectful and very very hurtful.

 

We were together for three years....

 

He sent me this text:

 

"I love you, I love you, I love you. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you, I feel horrible about it and I want nothing more than to show you that you are my everything and that I will do anything - truly anything - to make you happy. As happy as a boy who loves his girl so immensly can. ... I am in starbucks thinking about you, missing you. I feel so bad and hope that I can ever get the chance to soften the pain and to show you how I really feel, and especially how you are a part of me and always will be. I'm sorry D., I'm sorry for the pain I caused. I will fight for my own happiness but mostly for the privilege to be able to call the sweetest, warmest, most beautiful person in the world my own. Goodbye, the boy who will love you forever and who has never wanted to fight for something so genuinly and persistanly as I will for you. Forever."

 

Thoughts?

othersideofthepillow Established Member

othersideofthepillow

Posted
Posted

When my ex dumped me i had the chance to just in to something sexual and had all the right to do so. I completely understand the hurt that you feel. that thing with his co-worker was a rebound to fill the void from not having you. my ex has not sent me a text even close to the one you got but IF you still feel strongly for him i say you respond to him and have a sit down conversation and discuss giving it another try.

 

Go over everything and give it another go. It seems as though he realizes what his mistake was and to admit that to you took away the pride that he has been holding on to since the spilt.

 

Have a talk. Take it slow. No one says it will be easy at all - but think of it this way - he wants to try again again and you still love him....who's to say the second time around wont be a million times better than the first!

 

best of luck!

 

hopefully my ex sends me a text like that at some point

Lis007 Established Member

Lis007

Posted
Posted

I would so love to get that message.

 

Do you think he is truly sorry? Do you still love him?

 

I believe in second chances though many on here don't people are human and they do make mistakes.

 

Just take it slowly if you do try again.

  • Author
NordicStripes Established Member

NordicStripes

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks guys,

 

you're telling me what I needing/hoping to hear.

I'm scared of taking the plunge, as he could easily hurt me again. But I would like things to work out between us...

 

And I hope you guys get a message like that as well someday :-) Although I can promise you that it's not just great and sweet and romantic! It's confusing too! :)

Graceful Established Member

Graceful

Posted
Posted
He wants me back. He broke up with me 4 months ago - he says he'd been depressed even from before we got together and that I was too jealous. A couple of days he started sleeping with one of his colleagues - to try and forget about me he says. He did that for about two weeks... Then he saw me and stopped it because he realized that he just wants me and I'm the love of his life.

 

Translation: He goofed and wants back on the gravy train he had with you. Why not? He was on a free ride for the past 2 years. Doesn't exactly make him a hot commodity to other women. No money, no ambition. Sounds like a bit of a loser, IMO.

 

He broke up with you even though you should have kicked him out a long time ago. He's been unemployed for 2 of the 3 years you were together living with him. You fought all the time. You resented his laziness.

 

He's a dead beat. He's depressed? Of course he's depressed, he sits around all day. Has he tried to do anything to better himself or his situation in the past 2 years?

 

Oh, wait a minute. He broke up with you, and immediately slept with someone you called (your word) a slut. Now, that really helped, didn't it?

 

I am still feeling very hurt and upset for him sleeping with her. She's a known slut and she was already after him while we were still together. I find the fact that he immediately started sleeping with her incredibly unrespectful and very very hurtful.

Of course you're hurt. Now you can see him for who he is. That's a pretty big disappointment, isn't it?

 

"I love you, I love you, I love you. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you, I feel horrible about it and I want nothing more than to show you that you are my everything and that I will do anything - truly anything - to make you happy. As happy as a boy who loves his girl so immensly can. ... I am in starbucks thinking about you, missing you. I feel so bad and hope that I can ever get the chance to soften the pain and to show you how I really feel, and especially how you are a part of me and always will be. I'm sorry D., I'm sorry for the pain I caused. I will fight for my own happiness but mostly for the privilege to be able to call the sweetest, warmest, most beautiful person in the world my own. Goodbye, the boy who will love you forever and who has never wanted to fight for something so genuinly and persistanly as I will for you. Forever."

 

Translation: I don't know what I'm doing out here on my own, when I should have kept my mouth shut and stayed on that free ride with you. What the hell was I thinking, anyhow? I want to make you happy so I can sponge off of you. My goal is to get you so snowed that you take me back so I can go back to my do-nothing lifestyle. See this message I wrote? It's all about ME, now isn't it? What I FEEL, what I THINK, what I WANT. It has NOTHING to do with YOU, because I don't care about YOU. I care about MYSELF. I am not sorry for hurting you, I am sorry for hurting MYSELF.

 

Train wreck waiting to happen. Cut this one loose. Dead beat, dead weight. Good riddance, good bye. Grow up. You can do better.

 

C'mon now. Admit it. Are you with me? Follow? :rolleyes:

ScienceGal Established Member

ScienceGal

Posted
Posted

I, for one, am not a fan of acting out of desperation, which is what his text message is oozing with. I've been the desperate one, and it was only to fill my immediate need to feel "better". The lie I told myself was that the relationship would get better too. I was wrong, every time. I don't doubt that he is feeling terrible and really misses you, and I know that you are feeling terrible (hugs). But how long lasting could the "good feeling" that comes with reconciliation last?

 

Sex with the slut aside, only you can reflect upon the relationship that you had with him. Is that what you want for your future? Can this man really make you happy? Really?

  • Author
NordicStripes Established Member

NordicStripes

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Ok, very different opinions here...

 

I do think that we might just work out some day. We used to be really good together, everyone thought we were such a great couple.

 

But I do still have a lot of anger.

 

And I'm gonna be honest: I want to contact the girl he slept with and tell her everything I think of her. And it won't be pretty!!!!!

ScienceGal Established Member

ScienceGal

Posted
Posted
Ok, very different opinions here...

 

I do think that we might just work out some day. We used to be really good together, everyone thought we were such a great couple.

 

But I do still have a lot of anger.

 

And I'm gonna be honest: I want to contact the girl he slept with and tell her everything I think of her. And it won't be pretty!!!!!

 

Don't contact her. Not only does she not deserve your energy, but she isn't the problem. She could have been any woman. Let that go.

 

Focus on you and your ex. If you still have anger, you need to work through that. What about couples counseling?

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

Posted
Posted

"I love you, I love you, I love you. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you, I feel horrible about it and I want nothing more than to show you that you are my everything and that I will do anything - truly anything - to make you happy. As happy as a boy who loves his girl so immensly can. ... I am in starbucks thinking about you, missing you. I feel so bad and hope that I can ever get the chance to soften the pain and to show you how I really feel, and especially how you are a part of me and always will be. I'm sorry D., I'm sorry for the pain I caused. I will fight for my own happiness but mostly for the privilege to be able to call the sweetest, warmest, most beautiful person in the world my own. Goodbye, the boy who will love you forever and who has never wanted to fight for something so genuinly and persistanly as I will for you. Forever."

 

All that equates to.......... I'm horny and need to get laid...

 

Anytime a guy lays it all on that thick and tells the woman what she wants to hear, it is about sex.. each and every time.

  • Author
NordicStripes Established Member

NordicStripes

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I have loads and loads of anger. And I want couples-counselling, but he refuses as it costs too much and he wants to work things out ourselves. Thinking everything would just work out by itself is part of why we broke up in the first place, he refused to fix things...

 

And to be honest, he has tried to have sex with me. I declined.

citrusdrop1688 Established Member

citrusdrop1688

Posted
Posted

Dont contact her. She didnt do anything wrong. She is single and slept with a single guy. Your trying to displace your angry feelings for him onto her. Shes not the problem.

 

As far as your ex goes, I wouldnt be able to get back with someone that had done that. Technically did he do anything wrong? No. Does it say a lot about his character as a person and give you some insight into his morals and how he chooses to deal with things? Yes. And it doesnt look good. My ex and I are currently trying again now and we didnt talk for three months. Neither of us slept with anyone because when we were together we had discussed our views of sex, and how we felt one should conduct themselves. So we basically knew sleeping with someone else would be saying good bye to each other forever.

 

If you feel like you can truly let go and move forward you can try. I just know I could never go back to someone who cheated on me, although some people can. And I wouldnt be able to do this either.

  • Author
NordicStripes Established Member

NordicStripes

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Actually, she already had her eye on him when we were still together. And she had a boyfriend. Whom she cheated on with my ex.

 

Like you say, it's a question of morals. He always pretended to have the same as I have, but then he goes and acts the complete opposite. He claims it wasn't him, and he was in a haze because of his state of mind. But still. He knew what he was doing...

 

I so desperately want to get over this. But I'm still hurting so much... It's been almost 4 months....

ScienceGal Established Member

ScienceGal

Posted
Posted
I have loads and loads of anger. And I want couples-counselling, but he refuses as it costs too much and he wants to work things out ourselves. Thinking everything would just work out by itself is part of why we broke up in the first place, he refused to fix things...

 

And to be honest, he has tried to have sex with me. I declined.

 

NO NO NOOOO, Do not let him call the shots! Things will not work out on their own, and both of you know that. He's trying to get on the fast track to getting you back. Good for you for turning him down!

 

When he says it's 'too expensive', your response should be "so what you're saying is it's not worth investing in repairing our relationship?" He knows he messed up, but he doesn't want to face it openly and honestly. He has to though, so that you can see he is sincere, and also so you can heal. That is the only way there is any hope for you two.

ScienceGal Established Member

ScienceGal

Posted
Posted
Actually, she already had her eye on him when we were still together. And she had a boyfriend. Whom she cheated on with my ex.

 

Like you say, it's a question of morals. He always pretended to have the same as I have, but then he goes and acts the complete opposite. He claims it wasn't him, and he was in a haze because of his state of mind. But still. He knew what he was doing...

 

I so desperately want to get over this. But I'm still hurting so much... It's been almost 4 months....

 

Big deal, she's a slut. There are plenty more like her in the world. She has no bearing on your life unless you let her...

 

You need to get past this anger and determine whether you can trust him again. Does he really share the same morals as you, and this really a lapse in judgement? This discussion needs to be done with a trained professional who has an outside perspective. Did I mention counseling? ;)

  • Author
NordicStripes Established Member

NordicStripes

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I WANT counselling!!!! :-)

 

Everything you say make such sense... do you want to be our counsellor? :-p

ScienceGal Established Member

ScienceGal

Posted
Posted

Wish I could :)

 

If he is reluctant, go to counseling on your own. Start as soon as you can.

Minnie09 Established Member

Minnie09

Posted
Posted

Somebody already said it....the msg he sent you was all about him and what he wants and needs. Bad sign. If he refuses counseling, sit him down and tell him that this is your requirement. Maybe he needs counseling, individually.

 

He needs to own his **** and poor choices. He's not in a position to make any demands. You're in the driver's seat. You call the shots. If he gets defensive, the relationship won't have a chance to survive. He's got a lot to change within himself. You've been way too lenient. And he knows it. If he's serious, he'll recognize that he's been taking advantage of you and shows true remorse and a sincere willingness to change his attitude. Don't let him off the hook too easily, or just call it quits. Seriously.

  • Author
NordicStripes Established Member

NordicStripes

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I had counselling on my own immediately after we broke up. My therapist basically told me that I would never be able to trust anyone because of my past and that I should just try to find someone who can deal with that... seems kind of fatalistic?

 

I just had the ex on the phone. He'll go to counselling with me. But then he started yelling about how much I hurt him by never trusting him during the relationship etc etc... so yeah. I'm so tired...

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

Posted
Posted
He claims it wasn't him, and he was in a haze because of his state of mind.

 

hahaha....

 

Yeah Honey.. I was in such a daze that when she sat on my face I got up, tripped and my dick fell right in her...

 

NS.. the problem is that you are not making him accountable for cheating on you.. you keep blaming the girl...

 

Stop it....

  • Author
NordicStripes Established Member

NordicStripes

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Oh I am making him accountable. Every single day.

And I know he technically didn't cheat on me, but it sure feels like it.

 

The girl, well, she's known in our town as 'the mattress'. I just thought I'd let her know :)

geegirl Established Member

geegirl

Posted
Posted

It's funny how this woman gets vilified and you're forgiving and willing to take him back when he was as equally vile as she was. You're displacing your anger. Leave her out of it.

Graceful Established Member

Graceful

Posted
Posted
Ok, very different opinions here...

 

I do think that we might just work out some day. We used to be really good together, everyone thought we were such a great couple.

But I do still have a lot of anger.

 

And I'm gonna be honest: I want to contact the girl he slept with and tell her everything I think of her. And it won't be pretty!!!!!

 

And I'm gonna be honest, too. So hear this.

 

If being with a dead beat, non-communicative, immature, idiotic, unemployed, unambitious, lazy, lame azz cheater, who you did not get along with and argued with for months is the best you can do, then by all means, hop to it.

 

I mean, who would want to let a catch like him slip away? :rolleyes: Makes me wonder about you. Low self-esteem much? Yes, counselling is in order, but not for the two of you, but for you.

 

The only other girl that wants him is a slut, so that speaks volumes about who your competition is in getting him back. :laugh::rolleyes:

 

Wish I could say the line forms to the right, but there's no line. :rolleyes::eek:

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...