Looking for websites like marriage builders, but with a focus on a gay relationship

[HokeyReligions]

We got a call last night from Bob -- a friend of my husband's for about 25 years. Bob's companion, Bill, has left him. They had been together for about 9 years. We've celebrated our anniversaries together, and done general couple stuff together, and we just love them both---they are more than family to us.

 

Bill lost his job a couple of years ago and has tried to go into a different direction, but is not having much luck, so he has had that stress, and Bob has a career that he loves, but he can't make it financially on his own. Also, his job is very high stress and he works on average 50 hours a week and is always tired. I think that Bill may be suffering from depression and I'm forwarding all the information I have to them both and we are going to try to help Bill see a doctor and get on meds if he needs them (here's a good argument FOR gay marriage. If Bob & Bill could get married, then Bob could put Bill on his medical insurance, as right now Bill has none, and some insurances also cover counseling--which they both need right now)

 

Well, apparently a couple of weeks ago they started having problems, which I won't go into (not sexual, just lengthy)

 

Bob has always been terrified of death - won't go to a funeral where there is an open casket or anything - and he actually said that all of this has made him seriously think of suicide (hence the frantic call to hubby last night)

 

He is devastated. Bill is acting like everything is OK and they are just friends and pretends that he is not hurt and is moving on (while still living with Bob because of finances)

 

Anyway, I'm sending him to the marriage builders site for some help, but I'm searching for some websites that may offer support or help for a gay couple and for some of the unique challenges they face as a couple. I realize that there are some differences in the way we feel and react. They are not legally married and it makes a difference to them.

 

I don't want to see them break up - they are so right for each other and they love each other so much. I didn't go last night because Bob needed just a one-on-one talk with hubby. Hubby took him out to eat, they talked about other stuff and discussed movies, etc. to help Bob get through this, and we are dragging Bob over this weekend to play games and visit and maybe treat him to a movie, etc. Bill is invited too, but 'has other plans.'

 

Any websites that you can recommend? Thank you

[LoosScroo]

wow.. that sounds pretty tough to say the least. i'm not sure of websites, but a gay friend of mine and his companion were having similar problems. what worked for them was individual counseling about the issue. and then a lengthy discussion about their relationship and each of their needs. sorry i can't offer more help.

[HokeyReligions]

I found a counselor in our area who works with gay couples and he will see Mark next week and is available to talk with him on the phone any time -- including this weekend.

 

It's difficult to find a good website that is geared to help gay couples with the same sort of problems a heterosexual couple have, but with a focus on the gay POV and dealing with society too. Like marriage builders. A lot of that information is pertinent to what is going on too and I'm printing out some info and the questionnaires for them to use.

 

Mark said they talked for a bit last night, but having guidelines and structure so their conversation does not get saturated in emotion and tears, and lose direction and focus is important. The MB questionnaires are very helpful with this for ANY couple who are having problems. Its a great communication tool. If they use these and take their questionnaires to the counselor, it will also help them.

 

I haven't given up on them!