leftfordead Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 does that leave the door open for the future even if its just a crack? (LTR's only) I've been dumped before and I've done the dumping. The ones I have dumped and I've wanted to stay friends with I would still go back to them if the things that had made me dump them changed. (assuming they would take me back of course) If there was no way in harry that I would get back with them, I never wanted to be friends and I cut all contact and never offered my friendship. The two times I was dumped, one wanted to be friends and one didn't. I got back with the one who wanted to be friends for about 4 years. The other one I never spoke to again. And the reason it didn't last with the 4 year, was because she didn't want to wait for me to finish grad school to start a family. I would have finished in 6 months. She got her family with somebody else, so be it. She was only concerned with kids, not even marriage. That's not me. So if you're a dumper, by offering your dumpee a friendship, does that in some way give the dumper security and hope that you really don't move on? Is it more than a selfish move to make the breakup easier on the dumper?
Eeyore79 Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Sometimes I've been the dumper and have offered friendship in order to let the dumpee down gently, so they don't feel totally dumped. Then over time I'll distance myself, and the "friendship" becomes more and more distant until it's non-existent. If I thought there was any chance of working things out, I wouldn't have dumped them in the first place.
Author leftfordead Posted December 2, 2011 Author Posted December 2, 2011 When you broke up with the person, do you immediately go to someone else or did you stand on your own two feet? And I don't think you're doing a person any favors by 'letting them down gently'. That is all for you and nobody else.
davesterr Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 dumping someone and then to decide to only be friends so u can ignore them later on , distance urself more untill theres nothing left is the worst thing u can do. it doesnt help the dumpee , it would only give them false hope. and in the meantime while they try their best to love you while getting dumped , you torture them by staying ''friends'' by giving them breadcrums while u never intended to even stay friends in the first place. no offense but people like you who does that sickens me.
Author leftfordead Posted December 2, 2011 Author Posted December 2, 2011 dumping someone and then to decide to only be friends so u can ignore them later on , distance urself more untill theres nothing left is the worst thing u can do. it doesnt help the dumpee , it would only give them false hope. and in the meantime while they try their best to love you while getting dumped , you torture them by staying ''friends'' by giving them breadcrums while u never intended to even stay friends in the first place. no offense but people like you who does that sickens me. Yeah, they make me sick too. Look at my screen name. I was left for somebody else after 3.5 years. She strung me along for 2 months lying to me about seeing someone else. She was even seeing me still 3-4 days a week and we went away 3 different weekends during this time. Believe me, I know all about it. Oh wait, I forgot the good part...less than 2 months later she married the guy. And no she didn't know him before this. Just trying to figure out why they do this, that's all. I don't see how it 'let's the other person down easy', I think its about the most selfish and disgusting thing a person can do to someone else.
ScienceGal Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 If the relationship ended on good terms, I've often "left the door open" and told them they could call if they ever needed anything or to talk. But, this is more of a kind gesture. I'm assuming it would have to be really important for them to take me up on the offer (or for me to call them). I've never made that call. I had one ex call me several months after we split, but we never reconciled. IMO, when a relationship is over the best thing to do is move on. You can end on friendly terms, but I've never seen where staying close friends is good.
M2155 Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 I've never seen where staying close friends is good. Me neither. But normally when I've had breakups, regardless of dumper/dumpee "friendship" usually hasn't even been addressed. If we come in to contact with one another we were always friendly and cordial. Sometimes that did morph into friends where I can ask for advice etc...but nothing I'd ever equate to close friends. I think my recent ex dropped the F word though to mean code for "I'm probably never talking to you again but I don't know how to say it."
ladyravenloft Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 I don't see how I could be friends with someone who dumped me. There would always be some underlying feelings that would come in to play and make things complicated, especially if I saw them with someone else and still wanted them. Its best to just close things down completely, at least in my opinion. Be civil and all, but keep distance.
PinkPunkCosmo Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 No i dont believe in the whole friends thing, because if i were to be dumped meaning i did not end the relationships most likely i would still have feelings for that person and would still have hopes of getting back together which is not healthy, and it is not fair to the person been dumped. Its a whole complicated thing, is better to keep your distance if they dumped you okay fine, thats it, its over you didnt want to continue then you go your way and i go my way have a nice life end of story.
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