Myna30 Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Hi everyone. I have a bit of a problem on my hands. I am currently in long distance relationship with a boy who is a year younger then me, and have been for roughly two years. I know some might say this should go under the LDR tab, but my problem goes a bit deeper then that. To begin, this boy is what some might say a diamond in the rough. He is extremely committed to me, very kind, mature, patient, and aware of his flaws, which he has admitted to me and asked me to help with so he can overcome them. His flaws are that he is socially withdrawn and emotionally bad at expressing himself. This has led to me feeling extremely disconnected from him in recent months, because I am dealing with my own issues of depression. I get very frustrated with him because he does not say the things I want to hear, and is also very absent minded and tends to forget important things. If I pull away from him, it will take a while for him to notice. However, I am not an aggresive person, and trying to "help" with his flaws is hard. Because it means confronting him, and Im afraid of hurting his feelings. This is causing me a lot of anxiety, because I feel like its a huge sign that I should break up with him. I am not getting my needs met at all. However, this is through speaking online. When I'm with him in person, he is extremely loving, and his physical affection makes up for his inability to comfort me through words. His dedication to me is overwhelmingly sincere. It feels like I am constantly at war with myself over trying to justify staying with him or not in my mind. One the one hand, to throw away a rare and wonderful guy like this because of my own emotional turmoil would seem a very bad idea. On the other, I am getting increasingly restless and simply do not know how to inform him yet again that my needs are still not being met. My depression has fogged my mind so much, I cant make a clear judgement anymore. Does this look like a real love worth pursuing, or do I cut ties now and fix myself first?
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 The real question you need to answer is... Are YOU capable of love?
Feelsgoodman Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 The real question you need to answer is... Are YOU capable of love? Exactly. Notice how her post talks at length about how the guy is failing to meet her needs, yet says nothing of what she's doing to meet his. Typical woman.
Eeyore79 Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 A teenager is capable of love - I was in love as a teenager, and even now as an adult I can look back and say that I genuinely loved him as much as I've ever loved anyone. The question is whether this particular boy loves you. Maybe he does, and he's just bad at communication. Or maybe he doesn't. Either way, you're not getting your needs met, which means he's an unsuitable partner for you.
Author Myna30 Posted December 2, 2011 Author Posted December 2, 2011 Exactly. Notice how her post talks at length about how the guy is failing to meet her needs, yet says nothing of what she's doing to meet his. Typical woman. This seems a rather generic and incorrect statement to make of all women. I am meeting his needs as he has informed me I am--but as the question states, mine have grown due to my depression. He is not depressed.
FrustrationSetsIn Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 My depression has fogged my mind so much, I cant make a clear judgement anymore. Does this look like a real love worth pursuing, or do I cut ties now and fix myself first? I think you answered your own question there. He tells you his flaws and wants you to help you "fix" it as you were. But you know deep down the only way one can fix flaws is by working on themselves first. His happiness isn't your responsibility. You are putting aside everything about yourself in order to make him happy. That's not love, that's being a nursemaid to someone that is selfish whether they know they are or not. As for hurting his feelings, guess what, you're going to hurt his feelings eventually. Be it sooner or later, his feelings are going to get hurt. Oh and this may not be what you want to hear, but you'll never hear what you want to hear all the time. Sometimes the things you don't want to hear are the best things to hear.
Soxfaninfl Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Hi everyone. I have a bit of a problem on my hands. I am currently in long distance relationship with a boy who is a year younger then me, and have been for roughly two years. I know some might say this should go under the LDR tab, but my problem goes a bit deeper then that. To begin, this boy is what some might say a diamond in the rough. He is extremely committed to me, very kind, mature, patient, and aware of his flaws, which he has admitted to me and asked me to help with so he can overcome them. His flaws are that he is socially withdrawn and emotionally bad at expressing himself. This has led to me feeling extremely disconnected from him in recent months, because I am dealing with my own issues of depression. I get very frustrated with him because he does not say the things I want to hear, and is also very absent minded and tends to forget important things. If I pull away from him, it will take a while for him to notice. However, I am not an aggresive person, and trying to "help" with his flaws is hard. Because it means confronting him, and Im afraid of hurting his feelings. This is causing me a lot of anxiety, because I feel like its a huge sign that I should break up with him. I am not getting my needs met at all. However, this is through speaking online. When I'm with him in person, he is extremely loving, and his physical affection makes up for his inability to comfort me through words. His dedication to me is overwhelmingly sincere. It feels like I am constantly at war with myself over trying to justify staying with him or not in my mind. One the one hand, to throw away a rare and wonderful guy like this because of my own emotional turmoil would seem a very bad idea. On the other, I am getting increasingly restless and simply do not know how to inform him yet again that my needs are still not being met. My depression has fogged my mind so much, I cant make a clear judgement anymore. Does this look like a real love worth pursuing, or do I cut ties now and fix myself first? How old are you?
ShannonMI Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 How old are you? Yeah i was going to ask the same thing. These posts are a little too intelligent sounding to be written by a teen. And she's concerned about a teen boy loving her? Is this a teacher/student situation? Kinda creepy.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 This seems a rather generic and incorrect statement to make of all women. I am meeting his needs as he has informed me I am--but as the question states, mine have grown due to my depression. He is not depressed. Look, the point is that this guy isn't as expressive as you would like. You can't expect that to change... ever! I understand you don't feel like he is meeting your needs. It's fair for you to dump him on those grounds... however just based on your description I would say your needs are bit much. Nobody is going to be happy being forced to constantly lavish you with attention and verbal affection to stave off your depression. Plus you say the guy fits your needs in person... which means the distance is the problem more than anything. Personally... I think YOU are the only person who can meet your needs. Using a man is a short term fix. You are going to have to work out your issues regardless of whether you keep this relationship or not. Some people just can't do distance and maybe you are one.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Yeah i was going to ask the same thing. These posts are a little too intelligent sounding to be written by a teen. And she's concerned about a teen boy loving her? Is this a teacher/student situation? Kinda creepy. She states in the opening post that this guy is just 1 year younger. However... I do note that her profile name is Myna30. That could mean something or not.
ShannonMI Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 She states in the opening post that this guy is just 1 year younger. However... I do note that her profile name is Myna30. That could mean something or not. Right but what's with the title of this thread? Is a teenager capable of love? Is this kid she's talking so eloquently about a teen and is SHE a teen herself? I'm confused:confused:
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Right but what's with the title of this thread? Is a teenager capable of love? Is this kid she's talking so eloquently about a teen and is SHE a teen herself? I'm confused:confused: Maybe she is 20 and he is 19... or maybe she is 30 and he is 14. I really don't think it makes a difference either way.
ShannonMI Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Maybe she is 20 and he is 19... or maybe she is 30 and he is 14. I really don't think it makes a difference either way. It doesn't make a difference if she's 30 and he's 14? Hahahahaha I beg to differ my friend. Pedophilia anyone? And do you notice troll boy has a new user name and he's STILL following me around? IGNORE!!!!! God, I'm so glad I discovered that option.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 OP thinks she is more mature because she has a vagina.....I bet she got cold sores too. like ShannonMI. I have been meaning to ask... what is up with you and cold sores? Clearly you hate vaginas... yet I doubt you have ever seen one, and cold sores... which is a disease I am skeptical you have even had the opportunity to contract. Unless of course you got it from your mother at some point. Why not choose some other disease... like Syphilis, Herpes, HIV... ect?
OnyxSnowfall Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Clearly you hate vaginas... yet I doubt you have ever seen one :lmao:
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 It doesn't make a difference if she's 30 and he's 14? Hahahahaha I beg to differ my friend. Pedophilia anyone? And do you notice troll boy has a new user name and he's STILL following me around? IGNORE!!!!! God, I'm so glad I discovered that option. Hey... don't diss on NAWBLA.... it's the Female chapter of the North American Man Boy Love Association. Love does not know age! Personally, I think this guy is flattering you with his constant obsession and stalking. It's proof that you have really gotten under his skin.
ShannonMI Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 I have been meaning to ask... what is up with you and cold sores? Clearly you hate vaginas... yet I doubt you have ever seen one, and cold sores... which is a disease I am skeptical you have even had the opportunity to contract. Unless of course you got it from your mother at some point. Why not choose some other disease... like Syphilis, Herpes, HIV... ect? My guess is troll boy had one encounter with a dirty vagina and he somehow contracted the herpes virus. That's why he is so hung up on women having herpes. So he's sitting in front of his computer right now with a dick full of oozing, festering sores. Ugh no wonder he's got nothing nice to say to anyone. I wouldn't either. Or maybe you're right.....Mommy gave them to him.
Author Myna30 Posted December 3, 2011 Author Posted December 3, 2011 How old are you? I am 20 and he is 19.
ShannonMI Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 Hey... don't diss on NAWBLA.... it's the Female chapter of the North American Man Boy Love Association. Love does not know age! Personally, I think this guy is flattering you with his constant obsession and stalking. It's proof that you have really gotten under his skin. Yea obsessed is right. I'm not flattered because the dude is probably really ugly and lets face it, he's got herpes. Not someone I want following me around if you know what I mean.
Author Myna30 Posted December 3, 2011 Author Posted December 3, 2011 Yeah i was going to ask the same thing. These posts are a little too intelligent sounding to be written by a teen. And she's concerned about a teen boy loving her? Is this a teacher/student situation? Kinda creepy. Uh...no. I am 20 as I mentioned.
ShannonMI Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 I am 20 and he is 19. Ahhhh ok. So yes he's a teenager, but he's on the cusp of adulthood. I don't know if his age is really relevant. If he was say 14 or 15, it would be. Young men in their early teens tend to be very immature.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 Ahhhh ok. So yes he's a teenager, but he's on the cusp of adulthood. I don't know if his age is really relevant. If he was say 14 or 15, it would be. Young men in their early teens tend to be very immature. I'm 32 and still have a tendency to be very immature. Myna needs to work on her self esteem and depression issues. THEN focus on fixing her relationship... if it's fixable.
Wolf18 Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 I am 20 and he is 19. It's up to the individual really. But just so you know, someone who isn't mentally mature by 19, is not going to be by 39 either. This whole thing about extended adolesence (people aren't "adults" until their late 20's it seems , these days) is just a social construct.
ShannonMI Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 I'm 32 and still have a tendency to be very immature. Myna needs to work on her self esteem and depression issues. THEN focus on fixing her relationship... if it's fixable. Yeah even a 50 year old man can act like a teenager sometimes. Just ask my mom about my dad and how he acts at times:p:rolleyes:
ShannonMI Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 It's up to the individual really. But just so you know, someone who isn't mentally mature by 19, is not going to be by 39 either. This whole thing about extended adolesence (people aren't "adults" until their late 20's it seems , these days) is just a social construct. Yep so true. 19 is the end of adolesence. Time to grow up and be a man. If he can't at 19, he's not going to.
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