karie5744 Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 I wrote the other day about my boyfriend not wanting me around his old classmates. I had a few beers with friends last night then drove up to his place. I caught them in bed together.. I never got mad.. but I begged him to sleep with me now that I was there... he had been telling me he loved me and he was just really busy with old friends and when they left..he'd be back with me. In front of her he told me that we were friends only.He kept telling me he'd bring her down to meet me for lunch. Never happened. I got concerned about my boyfriend and felt vibes that he was cheating on me. I think he got embarrassed I caught them.. I think she did too. She told him he had one heck of a mess going on in his life.. she got dressed and left at 1am.....but came back 30 minutes later for more her stuff. I noticed she still had things there when I left this morning. He acted mad at me, but he has himself only to blame. I called him at noon, and told him I was forgiving him cuz everyone has affairs and at least it was with a best girl friend from highschool. I'm just wondering if I need this man anymore, or if he will even come back? I wonder what I did to deserve this hurt?
Karlise13 Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 "At least it was a best friend from high school"???? I don't get that. The fact is he cheated on you and lied to you. Not that I'm the biggest Dr Phil fan, but he did say something wise when he said, 'You TEACH people how to treat you' The fact that you just immediately forgive your BF for acting like a complete a-hole and a big jerk just teaches him that he can do what he wants and get away with it. Please, have some self respect and kick this sh**head to the curb. Why do you think this is OK behavior? If you tolerate it you will get only more of the same. Men don't love women who are wimps!!!!
Stone Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 Karen DUMP HIM!!! he lied to you and will do it again. And then lied about your relationship to his friend or whatever she was. If you don't get rid of him now it will cause you more probs in the future. Ofcourse he want's you to forgive him because she's gone and you called him out. LOL I am a Huge Dr. Phill fan......see quote he's right
Author karie5744 Posted May 27, 2004 Author Posted May 27, 2004 guess its hard to let him go.. we have had such great times for 5 years May 28th 1999. I just feel things could be worked out. I have no clue about the whole picture. I caught them in bed.. but they were half dressed including underwear. Just dump him and not discuss it? He is 63 and I'm 48. I must be a real wimp. I'm in love with him. His first offense while dating me.
Author karie5744 Posted May 27, 2004 Author Posted May 27, 2004 I didn't mean to state that I forgive him, its over.. latida...I meant.. we'll work on it.. and find out why? he went to her.. the heat of the moment? I am deeply hurt cuz I was attentive and thought things were great between him and I.. Little did I know....
Bryanp Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 Hello, Do you really need to have a piano fall on your head. This was the first time you caught him. He has totally disrespected and humiliated you. I can only imagine that you must have very low self-esteem to accept this the way you have. Nobody will respect you until you respect yourself. You are worth than this. Your post is very sad.
befuddled11 Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 I had a few beers with friends last night then drove up to his place. I take this to mean YOU drove. So do you make it a habit of driving after you've been drinking? If this was the case, shame on you......I hope you lose your license. Do you know how many innocent people are killed each year due to drinking drivers? I caught them in bed together.. I never got mad.. but I begged him to sleep with me now that I was there Are you for real? You catch your boyfriend in bed with some chick....obviously having sex (or they either already had, or were going to), and you weren't mad but instead you dismissed that and told him he needed to sleep with you right then? Are you mad? God, nothing like sloppy seconds. You want to sleep with a guy who's supposed to be faithful to you, who's just had his penis in someone else? You want to catch a disease? You want to catch Herpes or AIDS? You don't know anything about this girl's health or sexual history...she could be a walking disease. You don't sound too bright. You busted your guy in bed with someone else......but you're willing to overlook it. ... he had been telling me he loved me and he was just really busy with old friends and when they left..he'd be back with me. In front of her he told me that we were friends only.He kept telling me he'd bring her down to meet me for lunch. Never happened. I got concerned about my boyfriend and felt vibes that he was cheating on me. I called him at noon, and told him I was forgiving him cuz everyone has affairs and at least it was with a best girl friend from highschool. Are you nuts? No, not "everyone has affairs." Where did you get this insane idea from? There's plenty of guys out there, of all ages, who don't sleep around while in a relationship. I'm just wondering if I need this man anymore, or if he will even come back? I wonder what I did to deserve this hurt? Girl...if you continue to be so naive and not show any respect for yourself, you're going to spend the rest of your life having men sh*t on you and cheat on you. No guy likes a wimpy woman who acts like a stupid doormat. Are you desperate or something? Why would you be willing to accept this kind of disrespect and lies and deceit? If this kind of thing is really "okay" with you, well then I guess you deserve the crap you get.
Stone Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 I am confused from your post I fuigured both of you we're much younger because you said friend from high School. Are you sure this woman is a old class mate? or is he feeding you a crock? 10 years why hasn't he asked you to marry him or move in???? He is a DOG sorry to say
befuddled11 Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 I guess I missed your recent post where you stated that you're 48 and your cheating swine of a boyfriend is 63. Holy crap. I just assumed that you were some really young naive school girl who didn't know much about life or relationships.....but my God, you're 48..and you've been with this guy for 5 yrs. That puts a totally different spin on your situation, if it's even true..because frankly I'm having a really hard time believing that someone your age could be so daft. I'm thinking you MUST be a troll.
Author karie5744 Posted May 27, 2004 Author Posted May 27, 2004 5 years...yes.. she is a classmate. from many moons ago. He just called . I told him I feel sorry for him. He is a mixed up old man.
Karlise13 Posted May 28, 2004 Posted May 28, 2004 OK, people here are being really hard on you. But I also assumed you were a high school kid or maybe...mAYBE someone in their early twenties. Maybe you lead a very sheltered life? It's just very hard to fathom that you could be so lackadaisical about walking in on your boyfriend in bed with another woman. I think that's why people here are like "HUH"????? Take their advice and drop this drip.
winterwonderland Posted May 28, 2004 Posted May 28, 2004 lol....and you think that is bad....listen to this and this should make you feel awhole lot better....i have this guy that wants to propose to me but in the mean time he is laying every girl in the country. In fact the day he comes here to propose the day before he will be sleeping with someone.....lol...funny huh....oh and another thing this guy who is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo in love with me and wants to marry me.........didnt even recognize my bday or xmas. Go figure....oh and here is a real twist if i bed a guy I am cheating and not worthy of being a wife to anyone cuase hey he will make sure every guy knows it. Mariage who needs it when there are guys willing ot give you the world just for being there everyday friend!!!
Author karie5744 Posted June 3, 2004 Author Posted June 3, 2004 Originally posted by befuddled11 I guess I missed your recent post where you stated that you're 48 and your cheating swine of a boyfriend is 63. Holy crap. I just assumed that you were some really young naive school girl who didn't know much about life or relationships.....but my God, you're 48..and you've been with this guy for 5 yrs. That puts a totally different spin on your situation, if it's even true..because frankly I'm having a really hard time believing that someone your age could be so daft. I'm thinking you MUST be a troll.
Author karie5744 Posted June 3, 2004 Author Posted June 3, 2004 None of us are perfect....... I met this man..never seemed to have had this problem before... no I'm not a troll... he talked about marriage and then she appeared and he was too busy with her and his classmates.. I think he scared himself from a committment with me.. he has been divorced for 22 years.. me 15 years... its a scary thing going through marriage.....again....after so much heartache the first time around,,,,.. what do you know anyway?? you aren't God.. none of you are.... and a decent answer would have helped more then cynical remarks. I understand he is a true jerk and I got humiliated.. but the day I wrote it out ..to receive help from any understanding heart? I got trampled on by a herd of buffalo.meaning all the snide remarks.. Have any of you been in a situation like that before? How would you feel..being calleed a troll.. or stupid or whatever? I have a disability.. I don't always see the right or good or bad in a situation. Yes, I've lived a sheltered life.... 13 years of beated up marriage, to 15 years of isolation from people like you. I honestly think he got scared to think he was in love again.. and ran away so to speak.... ever consider that idea?/ Nope..
Linlin Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 Karen, I am sorry that you got hurt by the comments. I think that people just want you to realize that you shouldn't stay with someone who treats you like that. You need to get counselling for yourself or with him if you both want to be together. I realize that you were looking for help, and we all have not made the best choices about things and situations when we hurt and aren't thinking clearly. Go see someone professional who can help you. Stand up for yourself and protect yourself. If you don't, no one will. Good luck
Author karie5744 Posted June 3, 2004 Author Posted June 3, 2004 I am seeing a professional. I have been for months..I was seeing him for my past life....... everything was just wonderful.. until he did that.. I saw this as a message board to down him not me.... I was wrong to come here..I needed a support team.. not a bunch of name callers. I have told him.. we are over... I have moved on with friends and have a date Saturday with a guy who wants nothing more then friendship. He too just was strung... by girl-friend. I guess I should have stayed with just my counselor and never involved anyone else.
Debster Posted June 3, 2004 Posted June 3, 2004 To clarify because I think you might have misinterpreted what someone meant by a 'troll' - a 'troll' is someone who goes to forums like this one and makes up information or insults/teases someone online. I don't think this was meant as saying you were dumb but just that your situation seem unbelievable so they thought you were making it up to get a rise out of them. I think your situation just shocked people and they didn't quite know how to respond. That does not excuse some of the comments though. I hope you do decide to continue to post even though it appears as though you've solved your situation anyways. I'm glad you've dumped the guy as what he did to you was awful. Good luck to you.
Author karie5744 Posted June 3, 2004 Author Posted June 3, 2004 I tore up a $330 picture he gave me. I know: It sounds childish.. but he tore up my happy heart...and everytime I looked at the wolves in the picture, I cried.... I have not cried since I ripped it up and sent some of the scraps to him... I let him know: "I loved the pic like I loved you" "But I toe up the pic, cuz you tore up my heart" My kids are proud of me. They are adults . They hurt bad for him hurting their mom.
Author karie5744 Posted June 4, 2004 Author Posted June 4, 2004 OK... everyone that tried to get me to see the light... I'm looking at this as an experience I never want to go through again... I gave my heart and can't get it back so a long hurt is there and will be awhile before I can get back in the world and trust anyone.. I'm reading other forums here and understanding that it was not my fault he strayed. I just need to go "cold turkey" and move on in my life..... there are other more wonderful loving men out there and probably getting passed on because they aren't good looking.. but looks are not the full issue of finding a full time life mate right? It comes from within.... I'm learning.... I'm getting older.. not looking for gorgeous men.. but for helpful, loving, nurturing, men and if he ain't got much money? Who cares? Money does not buy happiness.... Thats what this guy had .. and obviously had nothing else.
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