Miss G Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 I have had a boyfriend for 3 1/2 years now. I love him very much and have no intentions of ever cheating on him. Unfortunately, I have a terrible tendency of flirting (unconsciously) whenever we go out; right in front of him. I have lived in the same town my whole life. Most of the people I hug or give my number to are old plutonic guy friends. I was always considered "one of the guys" when I was single for 5 years before I met him. I am now 29, and I want to settle down, but this one thing is holding us back. I can't help it. I don't even realize I am flirting because I do it so much. It has put a strain on the relationship since day one. I don't feel like I am doing anything wrong because I want nothing to do with these men intimately. How can I still socialize with the old guy friends without making him feel insecure? Is flirting something you grow out of or is it a characteristic that always stays with you? I am the only one out of my friends who still seems to do this. Any advice would be great; sometimes the truth hurts.
Stone Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 wow you sound just like me. I am a huge flirt and it's a part of my personality. Can't change it and I don't want to. You should just tell him your friendly ( that's probably a quality he loves about you in the 1st place) and you will try to cut it down a knoch. But I don't really see anything wrong with giving old friends a hug. When you see old friends just automatically introduce him as you wonderful b/f and make him feel secure. constantly remind him that you love him and include your friends in his life to. ex:" this is my old friend DUDE he likes baseball you guys should talk and maby get togeather sometime." That's the only thing that works for me.
dudesomewhere Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 being the respectful guy I am... ...it's nice when a girl does flirt, she does so in a tomboyish way. It's a huge turn off to me when she's all skanky flirting when she's involved. So yeah, I avoided saying more to be mean...just to be open minded. Of course if you hang around with scummy guys they won't mind the skank flirting har har
johan Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 You really can't control your flirting, or it's just so damn fun you wish you didn't have to? You'll have a hard time convincing me that you can't control the kinds of interactions you have with men. Maybe if you also claim to be insane, then I'll buy it. Are you insane then?
Stone Posted May 28, 2004 Posted May 28, 2004 Originally posted by johan You really can't control your flirting, or it's just so damn fun you wish you didn't have to? You'll have a hard time convincing me that you can't control the kinds of interactions you have with men. Maybe if you also claim to be insane, then I'll buy it. Are you insane then? why would she be insane? That makes no sense! She has a lot of guy friends and has lived in the same town and know's everybody so she is friendly, and want's to socialize with the people she grew up with man/ or woman what's the difference? What's the prob with that........Why would that make her insane????????
johan Posted May 28, 2004 Posted May 28, 2004 I'm only saying that she is having interactions with other men and attracting attention that makes her boyfriend uncomfortable. I'm not buying the excuse that it can't be controlled. Insane people can't control their behavior. This is a choice. In fact, this relates to another post I wrote. This is cost/benefit. What are the benefits you get from flirting? I'd like to see a list. What are the costs from doing it? How do you figure it's worth it?
sleep.deprived Posted May 29, 2004 Posted May 29, 2004 A simple suggestion: when you do flirt with these other guys, make sure you go straight back to him. When you see old friends just automatically introduce him as you wonderful b/f and make him feel secure. constantly remind him that you love him and include your friends in his life to. ex:" this is my old friend DUDE he likes baseball you guys should talk and maby get togeather sometime." Absolutely excellent advice. From a guy's perspective: if you go over to someone else he doesn't know very well and flirt, this is annoying (not bad, just mildly annoying). You're given a slight insult, that he's not the most wonderful person and that someone else might be slightly more wonderful. This is okay - it happens! (your parents may also be in that "slightly more wonderful" category!). But because it does offend a little, you need to make it back up to him right away. Flirting with someone else embarrasses him in front of a bunch of other people (a negative) - you need make it up immediately by complementing him in front of those same people. (No, not making it up hours later in private - make it up right then!) Introducing him as your boyfriend of several years is good. If you go off to give someone a hug, make sure (MAKE SURE!) you return back to his arms - and don't forget! You see a friend, go over and hug him and spend the next ten minutes chatting it up while leaving your boyfriend to fend for himself, your boyfriend is going to feel abandon; you see a friend, hug him, then drag your boyfriend over for introductions, then spend the ten minutes chatting it up while your arm is around your boyfriend, and he's not going to feel nearly so isolated. Examples (body language): you sit down across the table from your boyfriend, and flirt with the guy sitting next to you. This says: the guy next to me is more interesting than my boyfriend. You sit down next to your boyfriend, and flirt with the guy a few seats away, then turn back and give your boyfriend a quick kiss - much less rude, since it says "I left you for a second, but I'm back, and I still want to be with you." So, yeah. Every time you pull away from him to flirt, go back to him even more strongly - find a way to say, with your actions, that he's still the most important. Since you are a good flirt you do have the language to say that sort of thing - make sure you don't forget to say it to that boyfriend of yours!
Stone Posted June 1, 2004 Posted June 1, 2004 Originally posted by johan I'm only saying that she is having interactions with other men and attracting attention that makes her boyfriend uncomfortable. I'm not buying the excuse that it can't be controlled. Insane people can't control their behavior. This is a choice. In fact, this relates to another post I wrote. This is cost/benefit. What are the benefits you get from flirting? I'd like to see a list. What are the costs from doing it? How do you figure it's worth it? I think she's being friendly not so much intentionally flirting. Flirting is not insane! nor are the people who do so
SASSYPRINCESS Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 i am also a very flirty person and have always had male friends , not girl friends and i to was one of the boys and i am in the same position as my boyfriend does not like it and i made the choice to let those people know that it makes my boyfriend uncomfortable if i spend to much time with them or flirt and they were totally cool with whole thing.. understood completely .. so i do think you can control flirting if you want to. that doesnt mean you have to or what i have done is write or wrong, its just a choice i made because i love my boyfriend.
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