Al Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half and we've been living together for 7 months. Since moving in together, we've had some issues financially (my boyfriend was laid off for weeks in the winter and got behind on his half the bills) and we also had an issue recently regarding his ex-girlfriend. We've recently sat down and discussed these issues and both agreed that we would like to work on our relationship and continue to be together. He is going to be paying some of the bills along with money towards what he owes me and he no longer has contact with his ex. However, my parents know what has been going on and don't quite look at him like they used to. Every time they talk about him the conversation starts "I think he's a nice guy but..." How can I make them understand that if we think the relationship deserves the effort, then that's all that matters. I try to blow off their negative comments, etc. but it's hard when it's coming from your parents. I've tried to talk to them but they just keep complaining. I know they just want what's best for me but I'm 24 years old, I think I can figure out what's best for me on my own.
bluechocolate Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 How can I make them understand that if we think the relationship deserves the effort, then that's all that matters. You don't have to make them understand. Like you say, if you think the relationship deserves the effort then that is all that matters. When they start to bad mouth him just tell them you don't want to hear it & if they can't respect your decision to work at making your relationship successful then you would rather they didn't mention it at all. If your relationship grows & you get through this they should admire you for making the effort. However, if it fails.....watch out for those "I told you so's." !!
Stone Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 Originally posted by bluechocolate However, if it fails.....watch out for those "I told you so's." !! I agree, parents remember everything. LOL But you also have to watch what you say to them some things are non of their business, like him owing you money and ex- girlfriend problems. But if you complain to your parents about him they will automatically side with you and hold a gruge. ( No parent like's to see their little girl get hurt) so from now on only tell them the good things about him and find a friend to confide in about the bad struggles. This is hard if you are close to your parents, but it becomes a reality as an adult.
DerangedAngel Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 But if you complain to your parents about him they will automatically side with you and hold a grudge. That is so true! I've learned the hard way not to vent about boyfriends to a family member, or a really close friend. When things start to work out, all they do is throw the past in your face. (Ex: mother: didn't he refuse to go shoe shopping with you 6 months ago and make you cry? Why are you still with that boy? He's "bad news". me: Because he wouldn't shop with me? AAAAHHHH! Go away!) Yeah, dumb example, but it ends up making you miserable, and causing you to second guess yourself all of the time. Plus, it doesn't do much for your relationship with your parents and/or close friends that nag you about it. I've found that message boards (like this one) are the best way for me to b*tch and complain, without worrying that someone will side with me later and hate my boyfriend over something quite silly (i.e. his refusal to shoe-shop ). Added benefit to b*tching: you get some really great, unbiased, advice. Your parents love you, and are just trying to protect you. Oh, but it sucks when they are all up in your business, eh? Cheers and good luck. -Deranged
CurlyIam Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 Well, Al, it is money and another woman, so they are nice only to be saying "he's nice, but...". You figure out what you want and keep you mom and dad away from your relationship. Still, I don't know about your folks, but my parents were right every time about the guy. Every single time! Made me so mad!
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