KelBel Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 How can I just move on and treat like everything's ok. How can I be happy for him and how does he expect to be friends? What the heck is happening? I don't feel like repeating the whole story so I had posted the story and I believe it's under the heading "how can a man just forget a year and a half" My ex said that he looks at all our good memories and says that he's happy and is moving on cuase life is too short to mope around and be sad It's wiered we had our home we were on the waiting list for out dog...he said he was close to marrying me but never did....said he was just comfortable and loved me as a best friend and not IN love with me.
meanttolive4ever Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 my ex started dating 2 weeks after me....its sad actually..i could understand if like the relationsip was a month old..but after 10 1/2 months and on...thats just wrong
Karlise13 Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 If someone starts dating immediately after a breakup it's likely that they WANTED to date someone else for quite some time before ending the relationship. Perhaps they had a flirtation going on for months before ending it. They did the right thing and instead of cheating ended the relationship.... Sorry, it's really hard. It might be better to lose contact and have some distance for a while. The reality is this person is not mourning the relationship, they are ready for something new.
meanttolive4ever Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 Originally posted by Karlise13 If someone starts dating immediately after a breakup it's likely that they WANTED to date someone else for quite some time before ending the relationship. Perhaps they had a flirtation going on for months before ending it. They did the right thing and instead of cheating ended the relationship.... Sorry, it's really hard. It might be better to lose contact and have some distance for a while. The reality is this person is not mourning the relationship, they are ready for something new. not necissarily...sometimes it could be that they're rebouding in order to fill that gap when that other person left and usually it ends up as a short thing. half the time it doesnt even work and people eventually get back together
bluechocolate Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 How can I be happy for him and how does he expect to be friends? You DON'T have to be happy for him & you DON'T have to be friends. In fact I would suggest that you stay away from him. Don't talk to him & don't see him. It was rude & disrespectful of him to tell you about his new girl - even if you asked. He should have been more sensitive towards your feelings & known what that information would have done to you. And then to go on & describe her to you! I know you were together for years, but he sounds like a jerk! You've been hurt & you need to heal. Maintaining contact is only going to keep those wounds open. Best of luck to you.
unreal Posted May 27, 2004 Posted May 27, 2004 It's really easy to fall into the rebound category. I did it in the past one time. You are longing for that intimacy you lost from the relationship before, and usually someone comes along offering to go out with you, and before you know it, you are in another relationship. It is easy to do. I however, think that if you truely love someone, you shouldn't do that and should aim to not date right away. Especially after 7 years...man!! That would be the last thing on my mind right now.
Author KelBel Posted May 27, 2004 Author Posted May 27, 2004 So I emailed my ex asking all the questions popping into my mind just to get them out of my head forever. He did email me back and the whole situation is worse then ever. We broke up on April 25th, and he happened to bump into this girl on the 29th,he offered his number and said to call if she wanted to go fo dinner. She phoned the following week and they had gone on a few dinner dates but didn't start seriously dating until May 11th. He said that he has had sex with her and it took about 2 weeks of them getting to know eachother. At first I felt like she was a rebound but then he says that he has fallen madly head over heals for her. He absolutely loves her and she loves him. He said he wasn't expecting something like this to happen so quickly but it has and he says it just feels right. He says he know's that I'm not his soulmate and that enjoys spending every free moment of his time with this girl. He still wants to be friends and have me in his life. He says that he wants me to be happy for him. That he is never coming back. He says look at all the good times and just move on. This past weekend when she came with him to stay at the house he even introduced her to his parents. So for him to fallen in love so quickly with someone and to introduce her to his parents makes me doubt that this is a rebound. He says he's never been any happier and all of this just feels right. For allthe descriptions my gut is telling me that he thinks she's THE one. He said that after the project a year ago that he was working on he had only seen her for about .5 hours per day and when the project was done he hadn't seen her since but considered her a friend. They just happened to bump into the parking lot the week after we broke up. He says he's been unhappy for a very long time and really thoughthe could make himself love me again but can't. He has this burning desire for this girl now and not me. He even had the balls to say....once I've handeled all of this it would me a lot to him if I met this girl to really see how fantastic she is. And if we want to go for coffee or hang out at parties that wouldn't be a problem he says "hi gfriend" would understand and trusts him. How do you develop so much trust in 1 month? The nerve.
moimeme Posted May 28, 2004 Posted May 28, 2004 Lots of people fall 'madly in love' very quickly - only to fall right back out again after some time. I'd take all this joy of his with a grain of salt. And quit talking to him - it's only going to bother you.
meanttolive4ever Posted May 28, 2004 Posted May 28, 2004 well atleast you've gotten closure out of this..just take this as a memory and move on...im too afraid to call my ex or email him and ask him those questions..im afraid of the answers actually..but thats alright because i have someone who treats me better and doesnt kick me out of his truck and tell me to walk to the apt...
sinkerswim Posted May 28, 2004 Posted May 28, 2004 Im sorry this has happened to you. Ive been with my fiance for 8 years and I HOPE there is nobody else yet. I really dont think there is though. But I would do anything to get back with him. Well, my suggestion to you is..if he is with someone..stay away. I know its hard..but I think that is going to make you feel 100 times worse. Hang in there.
meanttolive4ever Posted May 28, 2004 Posted May 28, 2004 Originally posted by sinkerswim Im sorry this has happened to you. Ive been with my fiance for 8 years and I HOPE there is nobody else yet. I really dont think there is though. But I would do anything to get back with him. Well, my suggestion to you is..if he is with someone..stay away. I know its hard..but I think that is going to make you feel 100 times worse. Hang in there. well mine found another girl and i found another guy..but we'll prolly get back together later down the road...but i cant sit around and wait for that
FolderWife Posted May 28, 2004 Posted May 28, 2004 I don't think it's such a big deal. Have y'all heard of "coping mechanism"? usually after any break up in my life, I was back out there dating within a week. Once a relationship was over, I didn't mope around missing the other person. I said, "Welp, it's over, now I can date someone else!" and so I would. Why waste time being miserable over someone. Usually the relationship had been bad for about a month, and when we broke up, it was actually a relief! There was one time a guy dumped me out of nowhere, and it took me almost two weeks to start dating again. I know you had a lot invested in him, and the break up was a suprise to you, but for him, it had been in the workings for a long long time! So now that it's over, to him it's been over a long time, it's just it's only been OFFICIAL for two weeks. He's asking you to remain friends as a form of torture. He wants you to see him with another girl, and suffer.
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