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I'm pretty sure she likes me, but I just cannot bring myself to ask her out.

HughHardcastle

By HughHardcastle
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HughHardcastle Established Member

HughHardcastle

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I've been very friendly with a new co-worker in the nearly 2 months since she has started in my office. We've gradually gotten more and more comfortable around each other, with our joking and just general flirting. I am almost certain she likes me. All the signs are there:

 

She plays with her hair while talking to me

 

She laughs at my jokes (although this is no surprise, I am hilarious)

 

She asks for my help with work related stuff that I KNOW she knows by now. I am thinking she does this just so she has an excuse to talk to me.

 

She is "Liking" stuff on my Facebook page. If she had no interest in me, she wouldn't be paying attention to it at all.

 

So, a lot of the signs of attraction are there, but I still wonder if she is truly into me. She hasn't asked me to do anything with her outside of work. She hasn't given me her number.

 

I am wondering if she is just waiting for me to make my move? I worry that she thinks I am not interested in her because I haven't made "a move" yet. Well, I've NEVER "made a move" towards a girl before. I've made some big changes in my life that make it a lot easier for me to try though. However, I just cannot do it. I don't want to throw everything on the table, and have her completely reject me, because not only would it feel terrible, it will make work akward between us.

 

Really, I guess this is a 2 part question: given all the signs I noticed, do you think she's really into me, or just being "work nice"?

 

Also, what is the best way to ask her out? We work in a pretty small office, and I don't really want my co-workers to HEAR it when I do ask her. She hasn't given me her phone number so it's not like I can text her. And I don't think a Facebook message would work, since it would appear that I am too afraid to ask her in person. What do you think?

mtber75 Established Member

mtber75

Posted
Posted
I've been very friendly with a new co-worker in the nearly 2 months since she has started in my office. We've gradually gotten more and more comfortable around each other, with our joking and just general flirting. I am almost certain she likes me. All the signs are there:

 

She plays with her hair while talking to me

 

She laughs at my jokes (although this is no surprise, I am hilarious)

 

She asks for my help with work related stuff that I KNOW she knows by now. I am thinking she does this just so she has an excuse to talk to me.

 

She is "Liking" stuff on my Facebook page. If she had no interest in me, she wouldn't be paying attention to it at all.

 

So, a lot of the signs of attraction are there, but I still wonder if she is truly into me. She hasn't asked me to do anything with her outside of work. She hasn't given me her number.

 

I am wondering if she is just waiting for me to make my move? I worry that she thinks I am not interested in her because I haven't made "a move" yet. Well, I've NEVER "made a move" towards a girl before. I've made some big changes in my life that make it a lot easier for me to try though. However, I just cannot do it. I don't want to throw everything on the table, and have her completely reject me, because not only would it feel terrible, it will make work akward between us.

 

Really, I guess this is a 2 part question: given all the signs I noticed, do you think she's really into me, or just being "work nice"?

 

Also, what is the best way to ask her out? We work in a pretty small office, and I don't really want my co-workers to HEAR it when I do ask her. She hasn't given me her phone number so it's not like I can text her. And I don't think a Facebook message would work, since it would appear that I am too afraid to ask her in person. What do you think?

 

Hey, I had a same situation with a girl from a bank that I'm a customer of (previous post). If you want to be discreet about it, hand her your business card with a note at the back asking for a date? In your case, I think she will go for it! Facebook or email message asking for a date is lame and creepy for the first time.

twinkles Established Member

twinkles

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How about we grab a cup of coffee sometime?

 

Very non threatening and it's better than beating your brains against the wall.

 

No guts no glory.

jobaba Established Member

jobaba

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I am wondering if she is just waiting for me to make my move? I worry that she thinks I am not interested in her because I haven't made "a move" yet. Well, I've NEVER "made a move" towards a girl before. I've made some big changes in my life that make it a lot easier for me to try though. However, I just cannot do it. I don't want to throw everything on the table, and have her completely reject me, because not only would it feel terrible, it will make work akward between us.

 

Yea, I'd say go for it, but try not to get too beat up over it if you get rejected. I hate to sound pessimistically pragmatic, but a lot of your chance of success really depends on how attractive she is.

 

Based on your background story, you are ostensibly over 22 years of age and have little to no experience with women. When I was in your shoes I always thought girls would think an inexperienced man nervously and awkwardly asking them out would be endearing to them. It really isn't for whatever reason.

 

But go for it. And come back here and tell us how it turns out. Nobody ever comes back and delivers the verdict. I for one wanna hear.

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HughHardcastle Established Member

HughHardcastle

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Oh, I'll be back to let you know what happens.

 

I'm probably going to just ask her tomorrow if she has any plans for the weekend, and if she wants to go out for some drinks either Friday or Saturday night. No big deal (in theory)!

DearAbby Established Member

DearAbby

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Why are all of you people dating people at work? I would never. Recipe for disaster. There are people all over and you choose someone at work. If it doesnt work out, you have to see her 40 hours a week. Not feeling it.

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HughHardcastle Established Member

HughHardcastle

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So I finally worked up the courage to ask her out on Friday.

 

Earlier in the day, I had jokingly suggested in an email that, while she was out meeting her client (a local pizza place), she bring me back some cheesy bread. I come back to my desk at about 12:20 that afternoon, and she's in my office with the cheesy bread. I took this as my final sign that she was truly into me. At the end of the day, I asked if she wanted to get some drinks Saturday night, and she said "Sure, if I'm not too hungover from tonight". She had made plans to go meet some old college friends that night. We exchanged numbers, and she told me she would text me on Saturday.

 

So Saturday rolls around, and I hear nothing from her. I do, however, read about her exploits last night on her Facebook page. I text her at 10 p.m. asking if she still wanted to do something, and she replies that she has a headache from last night and slept until 5 p.m. I then jokingly replied that her best drinking days were over, and that maybe we could rebuild her tolerance some night next week. To which she replied with "bahaha nice".

 

So I guess my question now is, where do I go from here? Should I take her non-text as a sign that she actually ISN'T interested in me, and that ALL the signs she's exhibited in the past are flukes? The way I am looking at it, I really wouldn't want to go out and do anything if I felt bad myself, so I can understand why she would decline an invite out.

 

I don't want to come off as needy or impatient, but I REALLY need some frickin' closure on all this, so do I ask her out AGAIN sometime this week, or hope she makes an effort to set up something, maybe feeling guilty that she wasn't able to do something with me on Saturday?

baguette Established Member

baguette

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Give it some time and ask her out again.

jobaba Established Member

jobaba

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So I finally worked up the courage to ask her out on Friday.

 

Earlier in the day, I had jokingly suggested in an email that, while she was out meeting her client (a local pizza place), she bring me back some cheesy bread. I come back to my desk at about 12:20 that afternoon, and she's in my office with the cheesy bread. I took this as my final sign that she was truly into me. At the end of the day, I asked if she wanted to get some drinks Saturday night, and she said "Sure, if I'm not too hungover from tonight". She had made plans to go meet some old college friends that night. We exchanged numbers, and she told me she would text me on Saturday.

 

So Saturday rolls around, and I hear nothing from her. I do, however, read about her exploits last night on her Facebook page. I text her at 10 p.m. asking if she still wanted to do something, and she replies that she has a headache from last night and slept until 5 p.m. I then jokingly replied that her best drinking days were over, and that maybe we could rebuild her tolerance some night next week. To which she replied with "bahaha nice".

 

So I guess my question now is, where do I go from here? Should I take her non-text as a sign that she actually ISN'T interested in me, and that ALL the signs she's exhibited in the past are flukes? The way I am looking at it, I really wouldn't want to go out and do anything if I felt bad myself, so I can understand why she would decline an invite out.

 

I don't want to come off as needy or impatient, but I REALLY need some frickin' closure on all this, so do I ask her out AGAIN sometime this week, or hope she makes an effort to set up something, maybe feeling guilty that she wasn't able to do something with me on Saturday?

 

Good job on asking her out dude.

 

I'd say you're still in the game. I don't think she's particularly into you per se, but women are picky and narrow like that. Doesn't mean you can't still get her.

 

I'd try and be a little more assertive and interesting the next time if I were you too. I know you work with her and so you guys have a certain platonic dialogue, but think of something more interesting than 'drinks'... maybe a festival or ice skating or something. And be assertive. Say it more like, "I'm taking you out." instead of "Do you have any weekend over the next month free?"

 

If she is any good looking at all, she gets other guys taking her out on dates, and you are going to have to separate yourself from the pack.

Eddie Edirol Established Member

Eddie Edirol

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Dont bother. She knew she said she would text you on saturadya and she didnt. She wasnt hungover, that was just an excuse. If she REALLY wanted to go out with you, she would have remembered to text you at some point of the saturday to confirm, because she would be looking forward to seeing you. Women dont flake on guys they really like.

 

So now you know, you were never in the game. So what shes doing is just work flirt. Shes just friendly enough to be nice, maybe she thinks you can help her get ahead, or she just flirts to keep your attention for an ego boost. So dont play that game with her anymore. If she isnt into you now, she wont be for a while.

runner Established Member

runner

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you tried, she flaked, let her come back to you with an alternate plan if she cares to. sounds like she does dig you ....(*drum roll*)...as a friend.

 

that doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing though; who knows you guys might get closer over time and it may happen on its own- whilst she's at your place watching a movie with you alone. but until that happens, leave it be and date others who don't work in your office.

 

ps, let the flaking bit be your closure in this.

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HughHardcastle Established Member

HughHardcastle

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She had made plans earlier to go out with her college friends on Friday night. I don't expect her to cancel those plans and devote her entire weekend to getting drinks with me. I believe she really WASN'T in the mood to do anything Saturday night. It wasn't an excuse. Not EVERYTHING has to fall under "the game" that people play.

 

And as far as her being interested in me, she's exhibited every damn sign imaginable, and I know she enjoys talking to me and my company. Right now my mindset is, she didn't feel up to anything last night because she was not feeling well, and didn't want to waste my time by showing up for a half hour then going right back home.

runner Established Member

runner

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you thought of saturday night as a date, she didn't. if she thought saturday night was a date and she really wanted to spend it with you, she would have- and would have told her friday night buddies that she can't stay out partying too late cos she has a date the following night with a hot guy from work. apparently it didn't work out that way. move on dude.

DearAbby Established Member

DearAbby

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Give it some time and ask her out again.

 

 

and don't wait til ten pm. ask her in the morning and dont leave the ball in her cuort telling her to text you. Men are supposed to do the pursuing.

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HughHardcastle Established Member

HughHardcastle

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and don't wait til ten pm. ask her in the morning and dont leave the ball in her cuort telling her to text you. Men are supposed to do the pursuing.
Well, she told me on Friday she would text me, so that is why I waited.

 

This may be shocking revelation, but when someone tells me they are going to do something, I usually believe them.

Eddie Edirol Established Member

Eddie Edirol

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Well, she told me on Friday she would text me, so that is why I waited.

 

This may be shocking revelation, but when someone tells me they are going to do something, I usually believe them.

 

yeah and look where it got you? It got you blown off. She didnt really flirt with you at work, if she did, she would have given you more than subtle hints for you two to go out. There would be no question about it. You came here because you didnt know, and she did it that way on purpose. But she didnt. You can try again, but I think youre wasting your time, and you really shouldnt believe what she says just because you like her. Do you really think that someone who likes you would flake on you for the first date? REALLY? It is a kind blow off that she gave you. And when you plan another date with her, she will blow you off again. Ill bet you money. PLEASE prove me wrong.

runner Established Member

runner

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yeah and look where it got you? It got you blown off. She didnt really flirt with you at work, if she did, she would have given you more than subtle hints for you two to go out. There would be no question about it. You came here because you didnt know, and she did it that way on purpose. But she didnt. You can try again, but I think youre wasting your time, and you really shouldnt believe what she says just because you like her. Do you really think that someone who likes you would flake on you for the first date? REALLY? It is a kind [of] blow off that she gave you. And when you plan another date with her, she will blow you off again. Ill bet you money. PLEASE prove me wrong.

 

quoted for truth. and i would caution against continuing to pursue her; it will make the work environment really awkward if he persists and then forces her to bluntly reject him.

jobaba Established Member

jobaba

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She had made plans earlier to go out with her college friends on Friday night. I don't expect her to cancel those plans and devote her entire weekend to getting drinks with me. I believe she really WASN'T in the mood to do anything Saturday night. It wasn't an excuse. Not EVERYTHING has to fall under "the game" that people play.

 

And as far as her being interested in me, she's exhibited every damn sign imaginable, and I know she enjoys talking to me and my company. Right now my mindset is, she didn't feel up to anything last night because she was not feeling well, and didn't want to waste my time by showing up for a half hour then going right back home.

 

Doesn't mean anything. Forget signals. Signals are for pitchers and catchers. I could dig into my vault of rejection and give you some signals which would make you think I'd be jumping that woman's bones without question. Nope...

 

you thought of saturday night as a date, she didn't. if she thought saturday night was a date and she really wanted to spend it with you, she would have- and would have told her friday night buddies that she can't stay out partying too late cos she has a date the following night with a hot guy from work. apparently it didn't work out that way. move on dude.

 

Honestly, some guys will never have a woman who is INTO them from the start. For guys like that (me), you can't just give up because a woman doesn't think you're 'the hot guy from work'. That is never going to happen. I'd give it one more try if I were the OP. There's no harm in it.

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HughHardcastle Established Member

HughHardcastle

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I'm not just going to give up because she had too much fun at a party she had planned on attending for weeks, and wasn't feeling well enough to see me. I am also not buying this idea that all her signs were faked. She was thinking of me when she brought me lunch on Friday. You don't do that for someone you don't have some kind of interest in.

 

Tomorrow will be big. If she tries to offer me a "make good" date, I'll certainly take it.

 

Is it too soon to suggest a re-do for sometime this week? If she THEN shuts me down, I'll know she has no interest in me.

Eddie Edirol Established Member

Eddie Edirol

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I'd give it one more try if I were the OP. There's no harm in it.

 

Theres no harm in it as long as he keeps in mind that he might be wrong about her liking him.That way he wont be so surprised if she blows him off again.

Edited by Eddie Edirol
runner Established Member

runner

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There's no harm in it.

 

did everyone just skip over the fact that they work in what seems like a professional environment ? he already expressed concerns in his OP about word going around the office. so yea- no 'harm in it' :rolleyes:

 

She was thinking of me when she brought me lunch on Friday. You don't do that for someone you don't have some kind of interest in.

 

um, actually i've done that a few times with new colleagues- it's a great way to build rapport with people you're supposed to be spending hours and hours with.

 

Is it too soon to suggest a re-do for sometime this week? If she THEN shuts me down, I'll know she has no interest in me.

 

if you insist...but if you must, be sure to diffuse the situation as quickly and as best as possible in a way that won't make you both uncomfortable. keep a good humour about it.

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HughHardcastle Established Member

HughHardcastle

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I am not worried in the least bit about things getting akward at work. I am not the type of person that would let stuff like that happen.

 

And in the 5+ years I have worked where I do now, I have never, not once, seen any of my co-workers bring others lunch, or anything even remotely close to that. I should also mention, I did some work for her on Monday that I would considering going "above and beyond", and she emailed me back saying how much she loved it, and how "I see desserts in your future", and then on Thursday she brought me brownies. I'm sorry, but THAT is a sign of SOMETHING, I don't care who you are.

runner Established Member

runner

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I am not worried in the least bit about things getting akward at work. I am not the type of person that would let stuff like that happen.

 

And in the 5+ years I have worked where I do now, I have never, not once, seen any of my co-workers bring others lunch, or anything even remotely close to that. I should also mention, I did some work for her on Monday that I would considering going "above and beyond", and she emailed me back saying how much she loved it, and how "I see desserts in your future", and then on Thursday she brought me brownies. I'm sorry, but THAT is a sign of SOMETHING, I don't care who you are.

 

sounds like a pretty depressing place to work :laugh: in any case you see what you want to see, and you do as you do. /good luck.

Dust Established Member

Dust

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She may or may not like you. Suggesting Drinks when you knew she was drinking a lot the day before was a bad idea. Why not food!?

waveforms New Member

waveforms

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Runner you did what you could. This is not likely to end well.

 

I guess guys don't realize that women flirt as part of office politics. No, I take that back, we realize it except when it happens to us. Then we want to believe that the hot girl is really into us but just can't make the leap.

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