jormungand Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Hi all. Recently got back together with the 'love of my life' after we were on a break (she went back to her ex. didn't work out. i was willing to take a chance again). Anyway, we reconnected after she moved back home with her parents, officially made up; all the nice things. She said the whole time she missed me, loved me, and couldn't see herself being away from me again. I'll admit, I was pretty happy and starting to let my guard down around her. I missed her dearly while we were apart and my life didn't seem the same. After some chit-chat for a few days, she started to ignore my phone calls, texts; etc. Not that I was going overboard, but we usually talk every day. I asked her if there was anything we needed to talk about that maybe I didn't know was going on with her, which is strange because this girl never has had an issue discussing anything relationship related with me, and that was met with a hearty "No". Didn't hear from her for two days. I dropped her a quick email to say "There's something obviously wrong. We need to talk." which was met with "Sometime soon. I'm busy OK?" That's it. Back to cold, cut and dry responses and this doesn't seem like the girl that wanted to patch things up and work on developing a new relationship, nor does she seem too interested in talking to me. I've since made the decision to give her some space, not knowing where our relationship stands. It's been over two weeks so far. The part that confuses me the most is that when we got back together, I went ahead and let her spell it out very clearly. It seemed like she was very much ready to give it another go and she changed her mind in one day? What worries me the most is that she's ignoring me\covering up for someone else talking up all of her time. She had mentioned getting back in touch with an old male friend previous to us getting back together, and has been going out for drinks\dinner alone with him, and has been going out to the bar alone as well, and getting completely drunk. Who knows what could be happening, but considering her past (jumps from relationship to relationship) I feel like she's trying to let me down gently again by lying, and that she's already got someone else lined up. Sorry for the long story, and I know I brought this on myself for letting my guard down and accepting her back, but she really had me fooled into thinking this is something she wanted. Her actions/words seemed genuine enough and I'm still in love with her despite her going back to being cold, distant, and selfish. I guess it's back to NC and time to write this one off?
mike588 Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Hi all. Recently got back together with the 'love of my life' after we were on a break (she went back to her ex. didn't work out. i was willing to take a chance again). Anyway, we reconnected after she moved back home with her parents, officially made up; all the nice things. She said the whole time she missed me, loved me, and couldn't see herself being away from me again. I'll admit, I was pretty happy and starting to let my guard down around her. I missed her dearly while we were apart and my life didn't seem the same. After some chit-chat for a few days, she started to ignore my phone calls, texts; etc. Not that I was going overboard, but we usually talk every day. I asked her if there was anything we needed to talk about that maybe I didn't know was going on with her, which is strange because this girl never has had an issue discussing anything relationship related with me, and that was met with a hearty "No". Didn't hear from her for two days. I dropped her a quick email to say "There's something obviously wrong. We need to talk." which was met with "Sometime soon. I'm busy OK?" That's it. Back to cold, cut and dry responses and this doesn't seem like the girl that wanted to patch things up and work on developing a new relationship, nor does she seem too interested in talking to me. I've since made the decision to give her some space, not knowing where our relationship stands. It's been over two weeks so far. The part that confuses me the most is that when we got back together, I went ahead and let her spell it out very clearly. It seemed like she was very much ready to give it another go and she changed her mind in one day? What worries me the most is that she's ignoring me\covering up for someone else talking up all of her time. She had mentioned getting back in touch with an old male friend previous to us getting back together, and has been going out for drinks\dinner alone with him, and has been going out to the bar alone as well, and getting completely drunk. Who knows what could be happening, but considering her past (jumps from relationship to relationship) I feel like she's trying to let me down gently again by lying, and that she's already got someone else lined up. Sorry for the long story, and I know I brought this on myself for letting my guard down and accepting her back, but she really had me fooled into thinking this is something she wanted. Her actions/words seemed genuine enough and I'm still in love with her despite her going back to being cold, distant, and selfish. I guess it's back to NC and time to write this one off? Wow another ex.back to an ex. This is starting to scare me that returning to an ex. actually doesn't work and they come back,ha. Sounds like since it didn't work with her ex. she came running back to you then realize soon that it wasn't going to work with you either. Run!! Write her off and return to N.C.!!
Author jormungand Posted December 2, 2011 Author Posted December 2, 2011 yeah, you know my story from before mike. hope all is well for you on that healing train.
mike588 Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 yeah, you know my story from before mike. hope all is well for you on that healing train. Doing much better thanks. Hey I'm sorry you had to go thru this again,now you can close the door on her once and for good. It's ok to still have strong feelings for her,, I still have feelings for my ex. but I'm far from being "in love" with her anymore. You don't need this crap from her or anyone! It's got to be alittle satisfying to see her true colors now,your the better person,, you tried,you gave it your best shot. Ignore her, learn from this and do your best to move on.
stunned8165 Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Doing much better thanks. Hey I'm sorry you had to go thru this again,now you can close the door on her once and for good. It's ok to still have strong feelings for her,, I still have feelings for my ex. but I'm far from being "in love" with her anymore. You don't need this crap from her or anyone! It's got to be alittle satisfying to see her true colors now,your the better person,, you tried,you gave it your best shot. Ignore her, learn from this and do your best to move on. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. But sometimes when that "addiction" over rides logic, then we have to say shame on me twice!.. Hey it happens. Feel bad for you. You give someone a second chance and then they still play games. That's not nice. Sounds selfish.
M2155 Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Sounds like she doesn't know who she wants to be with, but it's not with you and it's not alone. It is selfish. Keep your distance untill you don't have such strong feelings for her.
snowloverbaby Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Wow I can relate here. My ex of 6 months broke up with me at the beginning of October. I fought hard to make things work for weeks of him with NC. He and I started dating again slowly at the beginning of November and he and I got back together on November 13. He started saying I love you again and things went great for a week. Then he started doing the same things to me. Every time he said he call me back or text me later that day he wouldnt do it.Then the excuses came about he fell asleep or had his kids. It got to be more and more. It went on for a week till finally on Monday he told me maybe I should find someone who had more time for me since he was busy with a full plate right now. Sounds like someone who loves me right? LOL! I mean I fought for 5 weeks to get him back and then to give it a week chance and do this to me again is down right absurd! Now Im healing again well.....trying too.It hurts badly because I thought for sure hed miss me. Then he pulled the lets be friends line. We are supposed to meet Sunday to exchange back some items and i dont even know how im gonna feel because right now im p****!
Author jormungand Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 Thanks for the advice everyone. Funny enough, I was awake last night letting my dogs out, and heard an email come through on my phone at 1:30 (this is when bars close around here) "Stop acting like love is the only thing that matters in life. I don't have the energy to deal with anything superfluous in my life, and don't want you or anyone else right now. Please understand that and leave me alone." Possibly being a mean drunk and trying to alleviate guilt over hooking up with someone else by just blaming 'outside forces' for ending a relationship? Whatever the reason was, this really seals the deal for me. I've already been treating it like that, but time to move on. I don't think it's fair to date right now, as all i'll do is make comparisons. It'll take a really long time to fall out of love with whoever this girl is now.
mike588 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Did she say why it didn't work out again with the ex.?
Author jormungand Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 Did she say why it didn't work out again with the ex.? She 'realized it was me who she wanted all along'.
M2155 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 Wow to using "superfluous" in a late night message... You're right use the message to let go. She is clearly trying to convince you (and herself) that she is not willing to make it work. Well, do any extra work if we're talking superfluous. Sounds like she only wants somthing casual and you don't need that.
Author jormungand Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 Wow to using "superfluous" in a late night message... You're right use the message to let go. She is clearly trying to convince you (and herself) that she is not willing to make it work. Yeah, isn't that kind of messed up? To call a relationship where we never fought, loved each other endlessly, had nothing but great times, great conversations, and great memories superfluous is kind of a kick in the junk right now, but i guess it's telling me what i need to hear right now.
mike588 Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 She 'realized it was me who she wanted all along'. Yea I'm guessing that's what my ex. told him,her ex. whos she is back with now,,Oh well have fun.
Author jormungand Posted December 13, 2011 Author Posted December 13, 2011 Got another message today actually finalizing things. "We were partners in a fantasy land where neither of us were getting anywhere in life. I'm starting a winter session class in a few weeks, then my regular classes in addition to my internship in january; none of which would have come to fruition had you and I continued with whatever it was that we were doing. I'm sorry, but this can't continue." Although I'm sad about it still, it's a lot better than being in limbo about where I stood with her.
Chi townD Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Got another message today actually finalizing things. "We were partners in a fantasy land where neither of us were getting anywhere in life. I'm starting a winter session class in a few weeks, then my regular classes in addition to my internship in january; none of which would have come to fruition had you and I continued with whatever it was that we were doing. I'm sorry, but this can't continue." Although I'm sad about it still, it's a lot better than being in limbo about where I stood with her. WOW!!! She's great at trying to rationalize her guilt! Please tell me you're not responding to this crap!
Author jormungand Posted December 14, 2011 Author Posted December 14, 2011 I'm glad you agree. I think this is a total bull**** reason, because i know couples who are both going through med school at the moment; but that's neither here nor there at the moment. I said 'take care' and that was it. Think it should have been handled differently?
Jono85 Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 take care was perfect. just DO NOT send her anything else. what she wrote to you was ridiculous and clearly as someone said trying to alleviate her guilt. it's terrible what she did, she sounds very young tho. not giving her an excuse, but there's lots of young girls who don't have a single clue how to treat ppl it seems sadly. move on, and like u said at least u got ur closure. don't entertain anymore of her BS; she will likely msg u again when she's really lonely and needs ur attention. please ignore.
Author jormungand Posted December 14, 2011 Author Posted December 14, 2011 take care was perfect. just DO NOT send her anything else. what she wrote to you was ridiculous and clearly as someone said trying to alleviate her guilt. it's terrible what she did, she sounds very young tho. not giving her an excuse, but there's lots of young girls who don't have a single clue how to treat ppl it seems sadly. move on, and like u said at least u got ur closure. don't entertain anymore of her BS; she will likely msg u again when she's really lonely and needs ur attention. please ignore. It's funny. I'm 27, and she's slightly older than I am, and would always explain the importance of 'being an adult' and honesty and all that. Funny times we're in.
a_bit_lost Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 similar thing with me mate, ex gf came back after begging etc after 1.5months split up with all the words under the sun, she begged and took me for dinner and everything. 8 weeks later after a surprisingly good - gone again.. Also suddenly, although thinking about it now there were a few hot/cold days in the lead up.. Check my post for some more of an insight perhaps. Maybe a bit diff to your case but similar things.
wilsonx Posted December 14, 2011 Posted December 14, 2011 Agreed dont give her the time of day. I ate this too a couple of times, make her grow up by not responding. It hurts like a champ
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