Cere Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 Over a year ago I met a great woman. Outgoing, passionate, gorgeous, funny, albeit younger than me (14 years). We fell in love, we dated. Probably not long enough; 4 months; and got married. Since then, it has been a succession of real highs and real lows. Each time, I got back to her thinking things would get better, she'd be less jealous, less possessive (she wasn't either when we were dating), and didn't have to go through very intense arguments that left me really tired, and made me lose myself little by little. Then things calmed down, and got much better. However, it was very temporary, and a few weeks later, it started all over again. I do love her. She's a great woman. But I realize that I just can't be married to her because we are just not compatible. Forgive the cliche, but it's just not working (for me anyway) and I don't see an end to the ups and downs despite the numerous promises. I long for a relationship based on trust, kindness, stability, communication, support. Now, she is trying really hard, but it feels like what has happened before has taken everything I had in me (and despite the whining here, I am a very motivated, very perseverant man). But I think relationships should be simple, not exhausting. Am I just way off base?
mike588 Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 Have you considered professional help? Marrige counceling?
Author Cere Posted December 1, 2011 Author Posted December 1, 2011 We did...I went a lot more than she did...the therapist wasn't sure what to think about this. I feel like I gave everything I had in me. I'm exhausted now. After just over a year. Now, she's sweet etc. but I get a feeling that it's just too late...All my friends told me to just end it.
mike588 Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 We did...I went a lot more than she did...the therapist wasn't sure what to think about this. I feel like I gave everything I had in me. I'm exhausted now. After just over a year. Now, she's sweet etc. but I get a feeling that it's just too late...All my friends told me to just end it. Do what you want to do not what your tell you to do. Did she go at all? What did the therapist say? I can't believe he/she wasn't sure what to think about the situation. Maybe you should see a different therapist,ha. If you love her try everything you can to resolve it, have an honest heart to heart talk with her,, you don't want to leave then have regets later.
OnyxSnowfall Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 Haha... you sound a bit like my ex. Although he lasted 4 years before throwing in the towel. Did you give her good reason to be insecure and or possessive? Relationships are rarely "simple"... in any case, yours doesn't sound healthy (my last one wasn't). You have to decide if it's worth it or not --- they all tend to have their own struggles and challenges... but, in the end, they should be a source of support and something that gets you through other curve-balls that life tends to throw at people............. It's only "too late" if *you* think so... but you may both be better off a part...
EgoJoe Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 There is a movie called "Fools rush in.". Go post in the Separation and Divorce section.
Author Cere Posted December 1, 2011 Author Posted December 1, 2011 I think the therapist didn't want to say that my wife cared less about the relationship than I did. But that was a pretty obvious conclusion. Now that things are falling apart, she seems to be doing a lot, but I'm not sure I want to be disillusioned one more time. I never gave her any reason to not trust, although her previous relationships made her inclined to think that she shouldn't trust. Anyhow, I gave her access to my cell, email, etc. and she still gets jealous and possessive often. I agree, our relationship isn't healthy. I'm a very healthy person in general, very fit, with a ton of energy, but that energy has evaporated over the past few months.
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