ihatedating Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 I met a guy on match.com over a month ago. We liked each other and started dating. Things were progressing physically and I told him that I'm a virgin (I'm 33) on the 5th date. At first he was a little shocked but determined that I would lose it. We continued to date, but I still didn't feel like I was ready to take that next step with him although he would constantly talk about it. On our last date we spent the whole day together and that night he asked me for a blow job. I told him it was "gross" and that I wasn't ready for it. In retrospect I should not have said gross, but I was drunk at the time. He did go down on me several times though, even though I wasn't too fond of it. Since then he has been distant. He did contact me after that date and even invited me to his holiday party. However this week he has stopped calling altogether even though we are supposed to hang out on Saturday. I told him that I am not opposed to oral sex or sex in general and that it has to be with the right person with a committed relationship. He is still hung up on the fact that I said "gross." The other thing is that he continued to be active on the online website while we were dating so I did not fully trust him to get too physical. My question is, why would he invite me to his holiday party then completely stop talking to me. I get the picture that he doesn't want to date me anymore, but why is he sending mixed signals??
ChessPieceFace Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 33yo virgin female who said blowjobs are "gross". What do you expect him to think? He thinks you are a massively uptight prude and he might be right. Issues aren't attractive. BTW I'm older than you and also a virgin with issues. I just wouldn't inflict them on someone then wonder online why there is a problem.
Exactamundo Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 Honestly I would be really put off if a girl said the thought of giving me a blowjob was "gross". That's a really strong word. It would make me feel like she feels that I'm unattractive or dirty or something. I know it would give me pause about continuing the relationship, so perhaps that's what his deal is.
Emilia Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 He isn't sending you mixed signals, it just took him a little while to wean himself off you. He has probably found another girl since that likes sex.
Author ihatedating Posted December 1, 2011 Author Posted December 1, 2011 Yes, I understand that we are not sexually compatible and he is not willing to wait for me or take it slow. Yes the term gross was not appropriate, but I was drunk and nauseous and the time and couldn't think of a good excuse. But why even call and text afterward and invite me to events?? That's pretty lame that he invited me to his holiday party next week and now isn't talking to me at all. He also said we are hanging out saturday but I haven't heard a peep from him.
Emilia Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 But why even call and text afterward and invite me to events?? That's pretty lame that he invited me to his holiday party next week and now isn't talking to me at all. He also said we are hanging out saturday but I haven't heard a peep from him. Yeah it's lame just to stop talking but he probably doesn't know what to say. I broke up over bad sex with someone and my approach wasn't that much better because how do you tell someone something like that? He thinks you don't like him enough basically.
Author ihatedating Posted December 2, 2011 Author Posted December 2, 2011 Yeah, I think he is just a jerk. We hung out after that night and he made it seem like everything was cool and made plans to hang out this weekend. Well I haven't heard from him. If he wasn't interested he should have just ended things then.
Soxfaninfl Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Are you holding out for marriage to have sex? I just trying to understand why you are still a virgin at 33 years old?
Emilia Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Yeah, I think he is just a jerk. We hung out after that night and he made it seem like everything was cool and made plans to hang out this weekend. Well I haven't heard from him. If he wasn't interested he should have just ended things then. I don't understand why you care. The only time the idea of having oral sex with someone grossed me out was when I didn't fancy him. Surely good riddance, no? On the other hand, if you want a meaningful relationship with someone you will need to work on your intimacy skills. It's one thing taking it slow but not having sex at all is something else completely. I don't think most people are able to relate to that sorry. Maybe your user name is a give away and he picked up on it too
Author ihatedating Posted December 2, 2011 Author Posted December 2, 2011 No I am not holding out for marriage. I definitely want to have sex and I am sure I will enjoy it. However, I do want to be in a committed relationship to do so. I do not believe in casual encounters. There are too many STDs out there. So yes, I did like him, but I just wasn't ready and we didn't have the talk about relationship yet. He called me last night but I missed the call and he didn't leave a message. I texted him this morning and wrote the I saw that he had called and asked how he was doing. He never responded.
ShannonMI Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 I met a guy on match.com over a month ago. We liked each other and started dating. Things were progressing physically and I told him that I'm a virgin (I'm 33) on the 5th date. At first he was a little shocked but determined that I would lose it. We continued to date, but I still didn't feel like I was ready to take that next step with him although he would constantly talk about it. On our last date we spent the whole day together and that night he asked me for a blow job. I told him it was "gross" and that I wasn't ready for it. In retrospect I should not have said gross, but I was drunk at the time. He did go down on me several times though, even though I wasn't too fond of it. Since then he has been distant. He did contact me after that date and even invited me to his holiday party. However this week he has stopped calling altogether even though we are supposed to hang out on Saturday. I told him that I am not opposed to oral sex or sex in general and that it has to be with the right person with a committed relationship. He is still hung up on the fact that I said "gross." The other thing is that he continued to be active on the online website while we were dating so I did not fully trust him to get too physical. My question is, why would he invite me to his holiday party then completely stop talking to me. I get the picture that he doesn't want to date me anymore, but why is he sending mixed signals?? Ugh NEXT!!! Don't even give a second thought to this guy. All he was concerned about was getting into your pants. Once he found out you were a virgin, it was his personal mission to take your virginity. HE is f*cking GROSS. Not your aversion to oral sex. If he calls you again about that party, don't go. Tell him to lose your number.
Soxfaninfl Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 No I am not holding out for marriage. I definitely want to have sex and I am sure I will enjoy it. However, I do want to be in a committed relationship to do so. What's the longest relationship you've had?
Author ihatedating Posted December 3, 2011 Author Posted December 3, 2011 Not long. 2-3 months. I have been in school most of my life and dedicated my 20s getting my education. Yes, it is odd I know.
Soxfaninfl Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 (edited) Not long. 2-3 months. I have been in school most of my life and dedicated my 20s getting my education. Yes, it is odd I know. It's ok. You were getting your education. Hopefully your done with school and you can find someone to have a committed relationship with. Sex is a beautiful thing that you share with someone you care about, so who ever your with make them wait till you are ready. Trust me I know of the STD fear. I got genital herpes in my first relationship out of a 11 year marriage, and the women told me she was clean. We only dated for two months. I had a OB 5 months after we broke up. I'm in 2nd relationship since my divorce, and this women has herpes too. 1 in 4 people have heres. I would advise you not to give a man oral sex until he has been tested for genital herpes. If you do, make him wear a condom. He can give it to you with out even having an out break if he has it. A person can also have it and never have an out break too, so who ever your with make them get tested for it. Even if they say they are clean. Learn from my mistake. That's the one of the things I miss about being married not having to worry about STD's. Hopefully this relationship will lead to marriage for me. Edited December 3, 2011 by Soxfaninfl
Author ihatedating Posted December 3, 2011 Author Posted December 3, 2011 Yes, that's exactly what I am so afraid of. STDs scare me. I'm actually scared because men have given me oral sex before and I hope I didn't get HSV 1 from them!!
Soxfaninfl Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 Yes, that's exactly what I am so afraid of. STDs scare me. I'm actually scared because men have given me oral sex before and I hope I didn't get HSV 1 from them!! You can't get hsv from them if they give you oral. It's the other way around that you have to worry about, so you are safe.
aaronno9 Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 Wait. So. Other guys have been down on you. He has a few times. And you don't give anything back? Think I can see where the route of this problem came from!
Author ihatedating Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 Well, I actually tried to stop him but he begged to do it. I told him early on that I wanted to take it slow but I guess he didn't hear that part. He knew where I stood on the issue and said we were dating each other only, yet went on match daily to check out the scene. How do you trust someone like that? No wonder I didn't sleep with him.
Author ihatedating Posted December 5, 2011 Author Posted December 5, 2011 I don't think so. I have been in school my whole life and now work 80 hours/week. Hard to meet men that way.
Soxfaninfl Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 you'll end up with the right guy. your luck has got to turn around. i'm a 31 year old guy with even less experience. How come? With this day and age with intetnet dating it is easier to meet women.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 5, 2011 Posted December 5, 2011 (edited) Look, here is the bottom line: Most guys in his their mid 20's,30's is definitely going to expect to get into your pants after a a certain amount of time (which is terribly short)...and the way women give it up these days there really isn't a lot of incentive for men to wait If that's what they expect. Now...if he really really likes you, like thinks he's fallen in love with you and you might be the one and all that crap, then he will try and hold out for you. However it doesn't mean he's going to succeed in that, he might really want to share that intimacy with you and with the world it is the way it is today he doesn't feel like he knows you well enough to make that kind of sacrifice. However, since you made it this far what he is after doesn't concern you...unless you really really to keep this guy around and take the chance..which honestly I wouldn't If I were you, I would just hold out for a guy who's willing to really work with you. But you need to be completely honest and open upfront, there are not many people that aren't 33 and virgins so don't just drop the bomb and then expect him to adjust while he's already thinking he might be having sex with you sometime soon, and definitely don't call a mans penis gross that you are into or you will shatter many..but you know that already. Let them know you are serious about it, and they're wasting their time if they think it's just going to change for them...you want a committed relationship..period! Also, most women like to make it out like men are the only ones trying to get into their pants, I can assure you that women are equally or even more aggressive, I don't even remember the last time I made the first move towards sex. And no they aren't whores, these are educated people with degrees and in the medical field well aware of STD's...hate how people think they seen a picture of an STD they are an expert. Conclusion: You made the right choice, I wouldn't talk to him again, I think he wanted to try but couldn't. However do yourself a favor and let men know early on if you feel there is a certain level of possibility of you really going out and dating this guy, don't just tell anyone or they're going to take it as a challenge...and trust me, unless you're wise to it someone experienced will get one over on you. It will be a deterrent for some, a challenge for others, and an understanding to the right guy who isn't going to talk about it and pressure you. Edited December 5, 2011 by Ninjainpajamas
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