SkyEmtRN Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 I was able to fall asleep last night...just to wake up at 12:00am with thoughts of her in my head. Body was shaking yet again, all the what if's where flowing through my head. I was angry. I fell back asleep....just to wake up at 2:00am. I was pissed and looked on Facebook and Aim to see if you were on. You weren't...I knew you wouldn't be on. But I know that if I was to see you on there I would have been happy. But I know if you would have wrote something I would have been pissed. Good thing my uncle works at night so I was able to talk to him and get a lot off my chest. It helped, but I know I still have more in me that needs to come out. Fell back asleep....just to wake up at 3:45am. Even more agitated knowing that I had to be up in 3 hours to drive to school. I checked facebook and Aim again...same results.... Finally fell asleep through 6:30am once again...checked everything and still no changed. I got to school and once I got on a computer...I checked again. Its starting to bother me and the shakes came back. Before class I had to force myself to leave my phone and ipod in the car again. It helped but the urge to get on a computer took over. I worked out today, felt great when I was done. Someone on this forum gave me some nice words of encouragment so I thank him for saying so. It helped make this easier for today. I still checking your facebook every 5 minutes. I see your name pop up on the chat list but it says your offline. I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight but I'm extremely tired and I have to be up at 5:45am this time. Now you just signed onto Aim. This is what you said: Her: hey Her: how r u? Her: u said ure still waiting around for me cuz i keep saying idk. well i cnt say that answer is gonna change, so i cnt expect u to wait around. n u shouldnt feel like u have too. idk. i want to still talk to u, but if u dont want that, i have to accept that Me: Ok. You to. Have a goodnite! Her: ok have a goodnite too, enjoy clinicals Her: er is that an ok we can talk or shu i leave you alone? Me: What ever you feel like doing, I'll still be here Her: okk, how was ur day? Never messaged back.
PoppyLove89 Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 I can safely say I know how you feel...i got the shakes from all the anxiety too. I'd go to sleep only to wake up missing him more because i'd been dreaming about him. all i ever wanted to do was ring or text him - it was like an over-whelming urge but you know what helped me?? and i have to say, i never thought it would....i deleted him off facebook/his number. now even if i wanted to i couldn't contact him meaning im free to heal and he can still contact me if he feels the need to. (I know he wont.) but trust me, its the best thing for you and your sanity. having her in your life without actually having her in your life and being reminded of that via facebook/aim/phone isn't going to help you. you'll just stay stuck in the grieving process. trust me, it helps. be strong
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