jenjen83 Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 I have a date tomorrow night with a guy I met in a bar a couple of weeks ago. He seems like a lovely guy but I'm frightened I'm not over my ex. How will I know when I am? I thought I was a few months back but now I'm unsure. I think about my ex at least once every day but it doesn't affect me in that I eat well, sleep well, go out and have fun. I do cry over him sometimes though..maybe every few weeks. It's been 6 months so I feel I should be able to move on. This guy isn't even the first I've dated since...in fact he's the fourth. Am I bad for even going on this date or do I just have to accept that a part of me will always care for my ex?
Sustugriel Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 The question is, what do you want? -If you still want your ex back, then you haven't really recovered, and it may not be fair to this new man to lead him on when you won't commit to him if that ever comes. At the same time, a lot of times finding someone new and exciting can help smooth out those ridges that make you cry at times. The fact that you're posting here means you're a romantic...you will probably never forget your ex if you were ever intimate. Forgive me, I don't know the story...There's nothing abnormal about that.
smokey bear Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 If your ex wanted to get back together, would you go back? If its yes, your not ready If its no your ready
RockGuy87 Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Hey Jen. Ive been there. I have gotten a lot of help her so I want to share what happened with me. Me and my ex of 3 years broke up 2 years ago. I was miserable. Couldnt sleep, eat, function, and i cried everyday all day. I tried to go on a date about 2 months afterwards. It was nice company but it was the last with that girl. I felt like I was cheating or something. Even though my ex already had a new guy. It was fun and nice to get out but you can just feel it. There was nothing there and all i did was think of my ex. As time went on it got better. For example after 5 months I went on another date and that feeling of my ex wasnt there, the girl was just lame lol. But then after a year almost exactly i met ther girl I have been with for a year. You have to date and see other people like you are doing. Just dont get discouraged if you dont feel it or think about your ex. A girl 6 months after my break up is what really got me out of the loop. So keep going! I still thought about my ex everyday. Still do somewhat. But I dont miss her or anything. She was in my life for 3 years so its expected. Hope this helps. Ill check back to help more if needed.
mike588 Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 I have a date tomorrow night with a guy I met in a bar a couple of weeks ago. He seems like a lovely guy but I'm frightened I'm not over my ex. How will I know when I am? I thought I was a few months back but now I'm unsure. I think about my ex at least once every day but it doesn't affect me in that I eat well, sleep well, go out and have fun. I do cry over him sometimes though..maybe every few weeks. It's been 6 months so I feel I should be able to move on. This guy isn't even the first I've dated since...in fact he's the fourth. Am I bad for even going on this date or do I just have to accept that a part of me will always care for my ex? Hummm still thinking about the ex. every day,still crying over him your probably not over him, only you really know. Your not bad for going on a date just make sure you don't use anyone for a "bandaid" so you can get over your ex. Go very slow in any new relationship and it's normal to care about an ex. just don't dwell on it or let it affect the new relationship.
Chi townD Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 I think you're reading too much into the date. Problem is, you got this wall around you and you might not be scared of the date so much as you are of getting hurt again. So, keeping that in mind, be honest with the dude. Tell him that you've just came out of a relationship and you're really not looking for anything serious. However, you are looking forward to a fun evening out with him. Keep it simple, let your hair down and ENJOY a night out! As long as you lay it all out on the table I think you'll have a good time. 1
Author jenjen83 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 Thanks everyone for the advice. I do want my ex back sadly so maybe I'm not ready. I think Chi townD is correct and it's probably more that I'm scared of being hurt again and my ex is a safe fall-back (even though he hurt me he treated me well)
M2155 Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 How about just go have a night out with someone interesting and then call it a night. It's not a relationship, you don't have to have expectations. You could sit home another night thinking about the person that hurt you or you could surprise yourself and have a very good time and not even have to see him again if you don't want to. 1
lymtal1 Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 jen, its been six months for me as well since my b/u. i will also tell you that i am not fully over her. so with that in mind here is what i experienced with my last "date". ended up going out with someone and although i too was a bit afraid of the experience it went well. i did let her know of my situation and where i was and she was ok with it and appreciated me being honest. it actually was funny when i told her about the situation and her response was "that she didn't think we were getting married, were we?" so that made things very easy and i did have fun. and yes there were times that i was sitting there thinking about the ex and felt a little bad. but i think that is normal and the feeling passed as i had a little chat with myself. the takeaway i got was that after six months i was making progress and that i was taking control of my life and was not letting her continue to control my emotions. i plan on seeing her again as i did have fun and she said she did and agreed to go again. just put yourself out there as you have been doing given this is the fourth one you have been on. yup, we will always care for them if it did not end bad. but your choice must be to live your life and move on. and the last thing. you mentioned that you want him back and that this might keep you from being ready. well this is the fourth one you have been on. that tells me you are ready to be true to yourself. you know deep down that you are doing the right thing by trying. don't stop and get paralyzed by what might never be. don't let him stop you from living your life. just go have fun and keep it in perspective. the perspective is you have two choices. stay in and don't grow. go out and move your healing just a little bit more. take small steps but move forward:)
Author jenjen83 Posted December 6, 2011 Author Posted December 6, 2011 Just a bump to say the date went very well as did dates 2 and 3 and we are now in a relationship. I'm happier then I have been in months but am taking it slowly.
Chi townD Posted December 7, 2011 Posted December 7, 2011 DAMN GIRL!!!! The first date wasn't even a week ago!!! SLOW DOWN!!!! By the way, I'm happy for ya! I csn't help but feel partly responsible for your happiness...*sniff* *misty eyed* *sniff*. Just kidding
Author jenjen83 Posted January 30, 2012 Author Posted January 30, 2012 A little bump to say we are still together and are very happy. I'm still taking it slow but I look back now and realise my ex wasn't the right man for me at all and instead I've found someone who appreciates me for who I am and WANTS to be with me and in turn lets me look after him. I feel special in a way I never felt before. It's a cliche to say time heals but it does and for anyone missing their ex and feeling that no one else will ever come close let me tell you you are right. There are people out there WAY BETTER!
geegirl Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 Awesome Jen! I remember your struggles and after reading this, I see there is hope for all of us!
Author jenjen83 Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 I am soooo sad today and this post has put a real smile on my face.. Aww I'm glad it has and thank you geegirl for your words.
flitzanu Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 A little bump to say we are still together and are very happy. I'm still taking it slow but I look back now and realise my ex wasn't the right man for me at all and instead I've found someone who appreciates me for who I am and WANTS to be with me and in turn lets me look after him. I feel special in a way I never felt before. It's a cliche to say time heals but it does and for anyone missing their ex and feeling that no one else will ever come close let me tell you you are right. There are people out there WAY BETTER! that's awesome and all, but i just want to know...and no offense intended (which of course implies offense)...do girls seriously say this about EVERY guy they start dating after a breakup? it's so repetitive to the point of sounding like a training mantra. did you say the same thing about your ex back when you first dated him?
Author jenjen83 Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 I guess it's just human nature to think that the one you are currently with is better than your ex and maybe in a few months/years I'll be saying my boyfriend right now was not the one for me...we can only judge the here and now. I looked back at my ex for a while with rose tinted glasses and while I see he had good points, the way my current boyfriend treats me is better and that's not bias, it's just facts. I was only with my ex 4 months and so its an easier time frame to compare.
flitzanu Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 I guess it's just human nature to think that the one you are currently with is better than your ex and maybe in a few months/years I'll be saying my boyfriend right now was not the one for me...we can only judge the here and now. I looked back at my ex for a while with rose tinted glasses and while I see he had good points, the way my current boyfriend treats me is better and that's not bias, it's just facts. I was only with my ex 4 months and so its an easier time frame to compare. sorry, wasn't trying to single you out there. just happened to read the thread and by the end my question was already begging to be typed. thanks
sleepykitten Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 This is lovely news, keep us posted on how its going please.
Author jenjen83 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 A shameless bump to say we are still together and very happy and are just about to celebrate our six month anniversary. 3
Tree_Salmon Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 that's awesome and all, but i just want to know...and no offense intended (which of course implies offense)...do girls seriously say this about EVERY guy they start dating after a breakup? it's so repetitive to the point of sounding like a training mantra. did you say the same thing about your ex back when you first dated him? Have to agree with you here. It's become painfully cliche to hear this from all the females in my life. I've heard them say this about EVERY guy they've ever dated. 6 guys later, it still prevails. Not to take away from the feelings you have, im not trying to insult anyone im just saying its the honeymoon phase. People want to believe that every time is the best time.
Author jenjen83 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Sometimes we just meet men who ARE better. 1
robkris8079 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 (edited) well I'm not a girl but I always say the next one is better then the last. So far it has held true in my experiences. I think this is because I'm better equipped to see what I'm more compatible with. After each relationship I know more of what I want and I won't get into something unless I see these things. I'm currently starting something with someone. I just got out of a 5+ year relationship earlier this year. Now this could just be the honeymoon phase but I talk to this girl more openly then I ever did with my ex. I'm more comfortable saying anything around her. Actually this has alot to do with me. I am much more confident in myself. No longer a push over and I'm willing to stick up for myself. I'm not as passive as I once was. This so far is one thing that is way better then I had with my ex of 5 years. Actually there are several things that are way better so far but I won't clutter this thread up with them. I also want to note that the last relationship I was in was better then the one before that in the beginning, through the entire thing, and even the end. Honeymoon phase on that one was way over after being together for over 5 years. Edited May 22, 2012 by robkris8079
Chi townD Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 A shameless bump to say we are still together and very happy and are just about to celebrate our six month anniversary. LMAO!!!!! YAY!!!! And here you were worried about going on a date with him! I'm glad you took it slow and just let things happen and enjoyed each other. You're right, there are better men out there......I'm the BEST but I'm off the market, sorry to disappoint. 2
geegirl Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 A shameless bump to say we are still together and very happy and are just about to celebrate our six month anniversary. I'm happy for you jenjen. I was the same way when my current bf came into my life. We were friends though, and would never thought to have crossed that boundary and I didn't know if a friendship could translate well into a relationship but I was very taken by his strength and upstanding character and allowed him into my life. Granted I was afraid to get hurt again, eventhough I knew who he was as a person, I took that risk. Sometimes it pays off and sometimes it doesn't. Lucky for you and me both, it did! And it's not a shameless bump...it's cause to celebrate those that are finding happiness on the other side! Yay! Good for you!
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