justagirrl Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Hi everyone, Not sure if you've read any of my previous threads...but I talked to the guy I've been seeing about "relationships" and where he sees things going. We've been seeing each other for 3 months now, and he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend yet... I basically said "Where do you see things going with us?" And he responded "Honestly, I don't know. I love being with you, but what scares me is that I'm moving back home (40 minutes away) in a month and I could be anywhere in 6 months...you know?" Basically, he's a College Football player at the school we go to, and he has a chance of being drafted into the NFL in the spring...but who knows if it will happen or not!!! Should I try to talk to him more about it and maybe talk about how I know a Long Distance Relationship can seem scary, but you never know until you try it! I know he wants to be with me, but I think he's scared because he's never been in an LDR before and neither have I... We both said we like to keep an open mind because you never know... To me, 40 minutes really isn't that far...but right now, we're literally 5 minutes away from each other so it is a change. I'm willing to do it, but should I bring this up again? We're still seeing each other to this day I'm stuck =/
azsinglegal Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 I drive farther than that to work every day. Sounds to me like he doesn't want to commit and why he hasn't asked you to go steady.
Pfiend101 Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 You might as well just break up. LDR's dont work for the most part. If he does get into the NFL (I doubt it). He will not want to be in a relationship with one girl. He will want to bang as many as possible. Not trying to be harsh.... just honest.
ditzchic Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 My last ex and I lived 45 minutes apart. He would always talk about how hard the distance was because we couldn't see each other daily. I really found no problem with it. We both trusted each other and were busy people during the week anyway and we would spend our entire weekends staying at one or the other's place. He was more of the clingy type than I and companionship was really important to him, though. While it wasn't the exact reason we broke up, I know it bothered him and probably had some hand in it since he left because "he felt alone". It really depends on the two people and their respective needs. If one's aren't being met, it isn't going to work. It's basic incompatibility.
Author justagirrl Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 lol Pfiend101, He's actually one of the most impact players in the Big East conference lol they're division 1...a lot of people from his team are in the NFL now, so that's why he's thinking it could be a possibility... It just sucks because when we're together we have an amazing time. To me, 40 minutes is nothing. I'll still be here because of school, but he's graduating in December, that's why he's moving back home. I'd be willing to make trips there if he would come here as well. Like I'm willing to compromise. When I asked where he sees things going he said he honestly doesn't know. I'm happy he was honest, but he had the opportunity to say "I don't think it's going to work out." Am I right? Like I feel like I should talk about it again with him. He's moving back home the end of December...I'm just tired of meeting someone amazing and they leave or it doesn't work out, it's happened so many times and I'm starting to lose hope. I know everyone says this, but I really feel like he's different and I don't want to lose him.
Imajerk17 Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 (edited) Sorry, 40 minutes just isn't that far, and he knows it. Even if he could be anywhere in 6 months.... if he is really going to the NFL, he could fly you in from time to time. He's Just Not That Into You. Edited November 30, 2011 by Imajerk17
Art_Critic Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 I drive 30-40 mins each way every day to work... No.. 40 mins isn't that far.. 1.5 hours would be a timeframe that I would consider a point where it might add a bunch of time to the dating process if you want to see each other 2-3 times a week.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Am I right? Like I feel like I should talk about it again with him. He's moving back home the end of December...I'm just tired of meeting someone amazing and they leave or it doesn't work out, it's happened so many times and I'm starting to lose hope. I know everyone says this, but I really feel like he's different and I don't want to lose him. ...? The guy just literally told you that he is unsure you are worth his time... yet you want to pursue him? Some of my best friends in College were football players. One is currently in the NFL. With some exceptions these guys have no problem getting women. What is an "amazing" connection to you... likely isn't anything special to him. Let this one go.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 When I was younger and had a harder time deflecting unwanted male attention, I used distance as a reason not to date them. This way I didn't have to face up to rejecting them. I could just make it seem like it was the distance that was keeping us apart. And they walked away feeling good about themselves.
Author justagirrl Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 So basically, I should just end things? Or should I go NC and see what he does? We see each other at least 2-3 times a week, and more now since the season is over (except a bowl game that hasn't been announced yet) Whenever he isn't playing football or in class, he's with me! I'm so lost.... Last weekend was the last game, he could have gone out with his bros to the bars and got drunk whatever.......he wanted to spend time with me instead! That's where the mixed signals start. Like hello, go hangout with your guy friends its ok! ....so confusing I guess I'm just gonna back off.
azsinglegal Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 ...? The guy just literally told you that he is unsure you are worth his time... yet you want to pursue him? Some of my best friends in College were football players. One is currently in the NFL. With some exceptions these guys have no problem getting women. What is an "amazing" connection to you... likely isn't anything special to him. Let this one go. She's trying to hold onto him because he might be the golden ticket.
Author justagirrl Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 She's trying to hold onto him because he might be the golden ticket. Absolutely not, and I actually find that really offensive. Don't judge someone when you know absolutely nothing about them. We rarely talk about football when we're together, I really don't see it as being a big deal. I like him for the person he is, not what he does or how other people think of him. He may be a big deal to fans, but I see past that.
stillafool Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 40 minutes is nothing when you really want someone. I remember a guy riding a bike for 1-1/2 hours to come see me once. I think he wants to keep his options open because afterall when and if he becomes a football star women will be throwing themselves at him and he doesn't want to be tied down. Your being on 5 minutes away is too convienient (doesn't take much effort to see you.) I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you and I certainly wouldn't push the "are we a couple" thing.
azsinglegal Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Absolutely not, and I actually find that really offensive. Don't judge someone when you know absolutely nothing about them. We rarely talk about football when we're together, I really don't see it as being a big deal. I like him for the person he is, not what he does or how other people think of him. He may be a big deal to fans, but I see past that. Yet you made it a point to mention he's a big football player and might go into the NFL like others from your college. Why not just omit that information if it's not important and make it a really great guy who is moving 40 min away and you're upset about it? Me thinks it plays a part. You protest too loudly my dear. Interesting....
renata Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Ask anyone in a suburb of a major city if 40 mins is a big deal - they all spend more than that sitting in traffic on the way to work in the morning. Agree with the others. You seem to be way more into him than he is into you. I would just let it go and not push him over this.
RiverRunning Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 LDRs usually don't work. Some DO - but the vast majority fail. That kind of distance prevents you from getting closer to each other - emotionally and physically. And it also creates issues of trust ("I can't see her, so she could be doing anything with anybody!"). 40 minutes isn't that far. But a good friend of mine once met a guy who lived in our city - we'll call it Seattle. Well, soon after they met, the guy moved to another city - about 40 - 45 minutes away. Driving there even a few times a week was a full tank of gas (so $30 - $40 a week for my friend). Then my friend moved further, so the commute was more like an hour. That distance, paired with the guy's refusal to help my friend out with gas money, ultimately led to the end of their relationship. It can be costly for college students, who are typically driving older, less fuel-efficient cars anyway, to see one another. I say sample your other options.
FitChick Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 I drive farther than that to work every day. Same here. Even if you meant 40 miles and not minutes, that still isn't too far on a weekend.
Author justagirrl Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 I mentioned that because its the main reason he could be GONE in 6 months
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Catch a hint lady... the guy is gone already. Stop being dense!
ShannonMI Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Hi everyone, Not sure if you've read any of my previous threads...but I talked to the guy I've been seeing about "relationships" and where he sees things going. We've been seeing each other for 3 months now, and he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend yet... I basically said "Where do you see things going with us?" And he responded "Honestly, I don't know. I love being with you, but what scares me is that I'm moving back home (40 minutes away) in a month and I could be anywhere in 6 months...you know?" Basically, he's a College Football player at the school we go to, and he has a chance of being drafted into the NFL in the spring...but who knows if it will happen or not!!! Should I try to talk to him more about it and maybe talk about how I know a Long Distance Relationship can seem scary, but you never know until you try it! I know he wants to be with me, but I think he's scared because he's never been in an LDR before and neither have I... We both said we like to keep an open mind because you never know... To me, 40 minutes really isn't that far...but right now, we're literally 5 minutes away from each other so it is a change. I'm willing to do it, but should I bring this up again? We're still seeing each other to this day I'm stuck =/ 40 minutes is nothing. Does he not have a car? That would be the only way this should be a problem for him. And even then he could take a bus. Do you really think dating a guy 40 minutes away is considered a LDR? Hahahahahahaha that's insane. People date and live in different states or even different COUNTRIES. That's a LDR. This is not one. It sounds like a silly excuse on his part.
azsinglegal Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 40 minutes is nothing. Does he not have a car? That would be the only way this should be a problem for him. And even then he could take a bus. Do you really think dating a guy 40 minutes away is considered a LDR? Hahahahahahaha that's insane. People date and live in different states or even different COUNTRIES. That's a LDR. This is not one. It sounds like a silly excuse on his part. He wants out and she's trying to hold onto the golden ticket. Although, I can't blame her...I should've married rich when I was younger. Now my only choice for rich is over 65.
ShannonMI Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 He wants out and she's trying to hold onto the golden ticket. Although, I can't blame her...I should've married rich when I was younger. Now my only choice for rich is over 65. Ugh gross:sick:
azsinglegal Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Ugh gross:sick: Exactly. I'm sticking with my poor young 33 yr old boy.
ShannonMI Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Exactly. I'm sticking with my poor young 33 yr old boy. Yeah I'll take a poor baby any day of the week over a rich old fart.
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