At the angry stage

[harvej]

For those who have already read my story, please forgive me on this thread. I have on every deep resentful issue that i need closure on. Its about blaming me for her decision to get an abortion,that still resonates in my head. It was too painful to bring up earlier, but now that i am moving on and making progess, I need advice on this one last subject. Again, I am

so

very sorry for bringing my story back up, I really want to get advice on this one last topic,

so

i can find peace with myself, regardless of current health.

 

For newbies and friends:

My story is sort of different in that my

GF

of 5 years, dumped me for another man, two weeks after I was diagnosed with cancer. She had become distant but did say that she wished she could "take care of me" and move in. This woman has a child and had been a cheater, was bi-polar,had many financial issues and ailments all for which i took care of her. I was a rescuer to start, then fell for her. Long story short, she dumped me in the normal style I had become accustomed to each time she cheated. She would get caught and say "i thought we were broken up", each time we had a fight and I went

NC

for 3-5 days. I caught her again 2 weeks ago on her "second date" with her now, new

BF

. Now after 2 weeks of

NC

, I assume she is married! LOL!

My issue today is that in our breakup discussions, she blamed me for everything,and I did not say a single thing back to her that was accusatory or what bugged me about her. i just let her unload on me. One issue that really hurts me now, is that she got pregnant and had an abortion early on in our relationship. In hindsight, it may not even had been my baby. I was supportive of her,and let her know i would support the baby and her,and would support any decision she made, but to think it thru and make a decision based on her true feelings. I am anti abortion, but respect the womans right to get one. She had already had one child out of wedlock and her daughter has had years of mental issues, behaviour disorders, and was driving her into a depression. (This child was beyond anything i had ever seen as it pertains to being spoiled and tantrums). Even now at 10 years of age, she still throws massive tantrums if she doesnt get her way. I was a good father to her and can control her somewhat, but i always got the "you are not her father" speech. Anyway, she chose an abortion. In our breakup discussion she blamed me for the abortion and said I "forced her because it wouldnt look good to my public image" What image?!!! I am a nobody! I had never said anything even remotly close to that and she said i had a very bad memmory. I assume as she is sociopath that lacks empathy, is that she had convinced herself that she was a victim,and that she was forced to get an abortion vs making it her decision. I makes for a nice "I am a victim" scenerio for her now new rescuer. Again, I took the blame for literally everything and let her vent, not knowing it was our last conversation. She didnt even apologize for cheating multiple times and anything about my cancer etc.. Just totally void of any blame on anything.

So

I started the

NC

Rule thinking she would come back for that second opp for me to vent,and nothing. She is sleeping over already with her new guy. (Took her 3 days after we split),and apparently happy and has purged me from her life, complete with self exoneration or any lessons learned how to accept responsibility and become a better person. Should I move on or seek some sort of closure to get it off my chest? I would never go back to that nightmare, but I am a bit angry that she walked scott free of any blame and left me with the burden of blame on her abortion. I accept full responsibility for putting up with her,and can live with my mistakes, but this one item is bugging me.

[smokey bear]

The best thing you can do is to stay NC, heal get over her and find someone else.

 

You sound like such a lovely man and deserve a princess to treat you as good as you give back.

 

Honestly I wish and pray to god that she never comes back to you because you deserve so much better.

 

I hope you re read your post and see how good a man you are and step up to the plate and god damm give all that love and care to yourself.

 

There is a Captain save a hoe thread out there somewhere, i think this is one of those situations.

 

I hope you find a lovely girl and start your own family and look back one day and say this was the best thing that ever happened to you.

[harvej]

But you started the water works for sure. Thank you!

[Berlington Bob]

I agree with NC. I admit, when I broke my NC to tell my ex I wasn't going to let her see my dog it felt good because I got to get stuff off my chest. But in your situation I dont know how you would go about getting it off your chest without coming off spiteful. I don't think I sounded spiteful in my NC breakage because I wasn't yet in the anger stage. I think about calling her now and telling her how pathetic she is about 20+ times a day now but I don't because I know that it hurts her more to know I can live just fine without her in my life than it would if I called her and told her what a piece of S**T she is.

 

I totally know how you feel about it though. I took it while my ex educated me on why her going out to a bar and shacking up with a guy while engaged to me was my fault. I didn't believe any of it then but I never tried to argue that her view on the matter is messed up either. Something that bothers me every day but I know in the end it will bug her more eventually.

[harvej]

i understand Bob. It sucks in hindsight, because i literally pulled this woman out of the ghetto and gave her a better life. I cleaned her up, got her into her house, got her credit back in order, new professional wardrobe so she could build her LMP business without looking dumpy, new vehicle, house full of items that she and her daughter could enjoy as they had nothing, computer, mortgage payments, rent on her space at her business... the list is too long to write down here. As i was having to work two jobs to cover her bills and mine, she suddenly says that i didnt spend time with her enough! Then I find her with a client in the truck i bought her, coming back from their date where he took her shopping. She said she had just recently been "hanging out" with the guy. He seems like a nice guy, but he has always been hanging around for years pining for her,and probably had alot to do with her breaking up with me, even if they were just friends. Has a truck with a thousand bumper stickers on its tail, no job, and is 57years old and never married. (Odd to me). I would guess he woudl be as desperate as she is to get married, so I expect them to be married by March at the latest. Again, when i told her i was sick, she acted as if it was a footnote to my day, and did not show any interest outside saying that she wished she could move in with me and take care of me. that was two weeks before she split. Then she said she was 'over me and gone" before i even told her,so she wasnt 'abandoning me in my time of need". I am getting angrier at her everyday, but I see your point. A person like her can only see things from her side of view and the lack of empathy on her part, shows I was likely involved with a sociopathic person. Why do I wish her and her new beau crash and burn? I should not stoop, but I am a bit pissed at both for hoodwinking me behind the scenes. I also dont wish her the best, i wish her karma!. Shallow thoughts I know, but i am just purging. Push come to shove, i wish everybody the best. It must be easy for sociopaths to go thru life without remorse or blame. I am not sure its good for their relationships, but having no empathy is like having no soul.

[Paper Roses]

You sound like a wonderful man and she's just a toxic person. You have every right in the World to be angry. Be good to yourself, find a woman worthy of you and fight that disease. Please don't let what she did to you stop you from taking care of yourself.

 

In time, the anger will fade. I hope she never comes back, she sounds like the type of user who will when she falls on her face.

 

You deserve a good woman. Wish there were more men out there like you.

 

Give it some time and I'm sorry this happened to you.

[Berlington Bob]

i literally pulled this woman out of the ghetto ....

 

You can take the woman out of the ghetto but you cant take the ghetto out of the woman...