A Quick Question About Assertiveness

[Marek]

I was going to post this in my old thread, but seeing as it's not getting anymore replies I figure it's better to ask this quick question in a new thread.

 

What do you think the appropriate course of action is when you hear someone slander you to their friends or family or whomever, but they do it very quietly; that is, they say it so quietly it wasn't intended for you to hear. Do you stand up for yourself in such instances, or do you let it slide? I ask because this is by far the most common type of slight I receive (i.e. quietly spoken slander usually done without the intention of me hearing it).

 

I think it's appropriate to be assertive when someone directly and loudly slights me, but I'm not sure if I ought to do the same thing when someone quietly slanders me to others, without the intention of me hearing (albeit I often do hear it).

 

Yesterday, I had an incident like the above when I was walking back to my car in the parking lot after shopping. I walked towards my car and passed by another parked car occupied with a young man and woman. As I walked pass I heard the female say -- very quietly -- something to the effect of "f**king retard..." Both the occupants of that car were looking at me and smiling smugly as a walked by, and there wasn't anyone else around, so I can safely assume that it was directed at me. I mean, it was said so quietly and I don't think it was the slanderer's intention for me to hear it. Should I have said something in such an event? I didn't do anything; I just got in my car and drove off. But after arriving home I felt angry with myself for not standing up to the slanderer.

 

Slander really bothers me, more so than direct abuse, because slander adversely affects other people's opinions of me. If they hear it enough times, they are going to believe there is some truth to it. As they say, "If you throw enough mud, some of it sticks..."

[Andy_K]

Being offended is a choice.

 

It's also about insecurity.

 

Suppose I call you a cyclops or something. This isn't going to offend you because you know you aren't, and everyone else knows you aren't. The most you'll think is 'that guy is a bit weird'.

 

Now suppose I call you a retard. What happens? You question yourself. You internally wonder what you've done to warrant that term. Then your ego pipes up, tells you you're not a retard, and fires you up with anger to plaster over any self-doubts. It screams at you that you can't let people think of you that way.

 

Know what I do when someone insults me? I laugh. The idea that someone thinks they might actually be able to offend me, that they think they can hurt me just with words... it's laughable.

 

I don't need to 'stand up for myself' against verbal abuse, because in my own head, I've already won. And that's where it counts.

[Marek]

Being offended is a choice.

 

It's also about insecurity.

 

Suppose I call you a cyclops or something. This isn't going to offend you because you know you aren't, and everyone else knows you aren't. The most you'll think is 'that guy is a bit weird'.

 

Now suppose I call you a retard. What happens? You question yourself. You internally wonder what you've done to warrant that term. Then your ego pipes up, tells you you're not a retard, and fires you up with anger to plaster over any self-doubts. It screams at you that you can't let people think of you that way.

 

Know what I do when someone insults me? I laugh. The idea that someone thinks they might actually be able to offend me, that they think they can hurt me just with words... it's laughable.

 

I don't need to 'stand up for myself' against verbal abuse, because in my own head, I've already won. And that's where it counts.

 

Wow thanks for you reply, Andy_K! I suppose I shouldn't let it bother me. You're right: By showing my anger it does reveal that such comments get to me, and that I'm insecure about such things.

 

When I was in college I had a horrendous time in regard to people slandering me. I was maligned to others as a freak, weirdo and retard daily. It bothered me greatly. Do you know why it greatly bothered me? Because it was the slander that prevented me from forming relationships at college, friendship or otherwise. An individual who did not initially have a negative opinion of me in college, soon formed one after hearing from at least a dozen other sources that I'm basically a defective person. That's what bothers me, Andy_K. The fact that people who initially had no negative opinions of me have eventually drawn foregone conclusions about who and what I am deduced primarily from others' slanderous talk about me.

 

This is why I said I'd rather have somone insult me to my face, without others around. At least that shows some gumption and it doesn't affect others' opinions of me. Others' opinions matter because I don't want to continue a life of isolation simply because others think I'm "defective" in some way. That's what hurts. The fact that I can't form any relationships because people genuinely believe that there is something wrong with me. This has really impeded my ability to make friends or get a girlfriend. (Hence I am single and have no friends at the moment.) People don't want anything to do with me because they sincerely think there is something inherently wrong with me. If that's stopping me from forming relationships, I think it is definitely a problem. Wouldn't you agree?

[jobaba]

Wow thanks for you reply, Andy_K! I suppose I shouldn't let it bother me. You're right: By showing my anger it does reveal that such comments get to me, and that I'm insecure about such things.

 

When I was in college I had a horrendous time in regard to people slandering me. I was maligned to others as a freak, weirdo and retard daily. It bothered me greatly. Do you know why it greatly bothered me? Because it was the slander that prevented me from forming relationships at college, friendship or otherwise. An individual who did not initially have a negative opinion of me in college, soon formed one after hearing from at least a dozen other sources that I'm basically a defective person. That's what bothers me, Andy_K. The fact that people who initially had no negative opinions of me have eventually drawn foregone conclusions about who and what I am deduced primarily from others' slanderous talk about me.

 

This is why I said I'd rather have somone insult me to my face, without others around. At least that shows some gumption and it doesn't affect others' opinions of me. Others' opinions matter because I don't want to continue a life of isolation simply because others think I'm "defective" in some way. That's what hurts. The fact that I can't form any relationships because people genuinely believe that there is something wrong with me. This has really impeded my ability to make friends or get a girlfriend. (Hence I am single and have no friends at the moment.) People don't want anything to do with me because they sincerely think there is something inherently wrong with me. If that's stopping me from forming relationships, I think it is definitely a problem. Wouldn't you agree?

 

Adult life is not like high school and college. Not too many people are going to insult you to your face. In terms of your initial question, it has to be taken into context. Most times you do want to let it roll off your back and laugh it off, but if someone is mocking you or berating you, you can't just sit there laugh and take it. If somebody calls you ugly or a freak, don't just laugh it off, have something to say back.

 

Yes, you do have to be assertive. If you are not people will walk all over you. My father never learned this and people walked over him at work his whole life. He hated his job.

 

And I can't tell how passive you are from 2 posts, but it definitely could be impeding your success with women. Always be assertive and confident around women. At the very least, it won't hurt your chances.

[KathyM]

The problem with confronting people in the situation where you overhear something said quietly to someone else is that you might have misheard them, they might have been talking about someone else, or you're only hearing part of the conversation. Unless you are 100% sure of what you heard and that it was said about you, I would suggest you stay out of it. Especially with strangers, because you never know what they're capable of. If you are certain you are being talked about negatively, then you could say something to call them on it. If it's someone you know, then by all means question them about it. Don't let it slide. If it's some stranger and you're 100% certain that you were being put down by them, don't confront, because you don't know what they're capable of, but you could say something to put that person in their place without confronting them directly. For example, if you were certain that comment the woman made was directed against you, you might have said, over your shoulder upon passing, "Classy woman you have there" (sarcastically).

[eleanorhurting]

what about when people actually make rude remarks to your face?

[dasein]

Well thought this was going to be about people you knew already. With strangers? I hate to admit the immaturity (the best best response is to just ignore them), but when I am subject to this, I walk right up to them and say, "I'm sorry, didn't hear you, did you say something?" The looks you get are priceless. The last time it happened to me was a couple of years ago, I had shorts on in winter as had been to the gym. Walked past some kids and one of them mumbled "nice legs." I walked across the parking lot towards them and said "Excuse me? I didn't hear you" in a friendly (menacing) way LOL. They looked like they were going to crap themselves. Do this one time and you will never be bothered by anything strangers say again. Don't do it at night in a nonpublic place though, that's asking for trouble. But the best policy is to ignore them, it just isn't as much fun.

[Andy_K]

Yes, you do have to be assertive. If you are not people will walk all over you. My father never learned this and people walked over him at work his whole life. He hated his job.

 

This is a good point.. work is an entirely different scenario. In your leisure time you can simply choose not to associate with anyone who might be juvenile enough to insult you. It makes absolutely no difference to your life if you ignore them. At work - depending on what you do and your goals - this isn't necessarily the case.

[eleanorhurting]

I have been working on becoming more assertive with my therapist.

 

But there is still this one guy who I have not been able to confront.

 

he is a douche bag. I am a medical student and i am surrounded by immature retarded douchebags all the time.

 

Anyways, I dated someone for a while but its so over and over than over. And this guy friend of this person whenever i have a conversation with him always brings him up randomly

example:

 

Hey! We are going to be doing our rotation in the same hospital! Thats great. We should take rides together. Like you and me and X person.

 

I am sure he knows we dont even talk anymore so i think this is so rude but i usually just ignore his remarks. But, im going to say something i just havent thought of what. This person is a real jerk. Seriously he's rude to everyone but then puts on this phony face so that it doesnt look like he is.

[dasein]

he is a douche bag. I am a medical student and i am surrounded by immature retarded douchebags all the time.

 

That settles it. I'm never going to the doctor again.

 

Seriously, there's something very subtle and polite you can say to this guy,

 

"Stop being such a f-cking douchebag!"

 

Sometimes the indirect approach is best.

[Marek]

Okay, thanks for your reply, guys. It's a toss up between laughing it off and approaching the slanderer assertively. I have been doing nothing about it for far too long. As I keep saying, it's the fact that slander insiduoulsy affects others' opinions of me. And others' opinions DO count when my goal is to establish a relationship of some sort. I have no friends and no girlfriend presently.

 

As I said in an ealier post, it's often perpetrated by strangers (usually women), and it happens SO often (i.e. virutally once a day, when I'm out in public, shopping etc.) It really plays on my mind and affects my quality of life. Because these aren't one-off events, it has eroded and is eroding my self-esteem and self-confidence. But what can I do? Approach strangers every time they slander me? I would literally be confronting people every day.

 

I'm not really worried about how these slandering strangers may react to my assertivenss, as I'm 6' 3" and 210lbs. Most of these people who abuse me are slightly built women, so I'm not worried about things turning violent.

 

I think the fact that having done NOTHING about such things my entire life has not worked, calls for an active approach to the problem. And that active approach would be to approach these people on the matter. After all, women, in general, aren't geared for confrontation. Thus putting them in their place would really alter their conduct towards me (I think... I hope).

 

I don't mean to sound sexist by always saying it's women who degrade me, but from my experiences, I have to say that roughly 80 to 90% percent of the slander about me is perpetrated by women. Women (in general only!) appear to be the sex that thrives on gossip, slander and character assassination. Schadenfreude is a trait many women possess apparently (and unfortunately).

 

If women think I'm weird, a freak, a retard, a loser and so on, they are entitled to their opinions (even if they are prejudicial); however, they are not entitled to utter such remarks to others in an attempt to get them to view me contemptuously.

 

A question for everyone: If you heard from many different people (slanderers) that (for example) a certain guy is a completely worthless loser, how much would that affect your opinion of that certain guy?

 

I have found that when people have slandered me to others, those "others" base their opinions of my acts to conform with the negative evaluations they have heard about me from many slanderers.

 

In other words, every negative thing I do is amplified and accepted as it conforms with the negative evaluations they have heard, while they minimize or even don't process the more positive things I do, as that conflicts with all the negative data they have heard about me. Basically, they filter out the good and accept the negative, for it fits with what many slanderers have said about me.

 

Do you guys believe this theory of mine. It's basically paraphrased (rather badly, most likely!) from a few books I have read on psychology; I think the theory I wrote about falls under "informational influence" or "normative influence" or "social bias theory"... I can't exactly remember the correct term that is used in psychology to describe what I wrote in the last two paragraphs.

 

Thanks for reading. I'm interested and would like to hear about other forum posters' opinions on this post.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Any chance they were not even talking about you?

 

I know when you are insecure it seems like the whole world is ragging on you behind your back... but chances are they were just discussing someone they work with or a relative...

[Coil]

I would definitely ignore it in most cases. Especially if you approach some people in a car in response, they could feel threatened and you could get shot or something.

 

Just take note and you will know who your real friends and enemies are.

[lifelong]

I found myself wondering why you would be getting negative commentary from people on a daily basis.

 

I wonder if maybe you expect negativity and see it where it doesn't exist. Unless you make it your business to bother and offend people, or you always steer toward the most negative people and situations, there just isn't that much negativity out there. It's not a perfect world, but it just isn't that bad.

 

If you see any chance I'm on to something, I'd urge you to get help with a real reboot of the way you see the world. If I'm missing the boat, just ignore me.

[Marek]

I found myself wondering why you would be getting negative commentary from people on a daily basis.

 

I wonder if maybe you expect negativity and see it where it doesn't exist. Unless you make it your business to bother and offend people, or you always steer toward the most negative people and situations, there just isn't that much negativity out there. It's not a perfect world, but it just isn't that bad.

 

If you see any chance I'm on to something, I'd urge you to get help with a real reboot of the way you see the world. If I'm missing the boat, just ignore me.

If you read my earlier thread titled: Why do Women have less Empathy than Men, you'd see my personal problems.

 

One major thing about me that attracts bitter criticism/slander is that I have a rather unusally awkward gait. This alone brings out the prejudice in many women. "Oh, he walks so weird! He must is a freak and there must be something wrong with him..." This seems to be many women's opinion and thought process. It's very prejudicial to judge someone solely on such a merit, yet this is what's happening to me.

 

For instance, I out shopping later in the evening last night. The shop was fairly crowded and as I left a heard some female voice say "...that freak." That's all I heard. But I'm assuming it was directed at me, because when I heard the comment, I immediately stopped walking and turned around to see if I could see people looking at me. (It's usually the case that when I'm slandered, the slanderer will be looking straight at and smiling smugly.) Anyway, I turned around and saw that there was a male customer at the check out who was staring straight at me. Now, he didn't say the remark (the voice was distinctly female), but I'm gathering he heard it, because why would he just stare at me for a couple of seconds?

 

I couldn't have said anything in that situation, though. For one thing, I don't know which female said it -- there were many around. But even if I did know which female said it, there were about 100 other people around. There is no way I could make a scene with THAT many people around. I have another trouble asserting myself in one-on-one situations...

 

But to you guys that say I may be misconstruing such remarks: Haven't you ever known in your lifetime someone who appeared very strange or disabled that wasn't maligned by society in general. It does happen. There are people, even adults like me, who are so different that they just evoke the nastiness in others.

[Marek]

Any chance they were not even talking about you?

 

I know when you are insecure it seems like the whole world is ragging on you behind your back... but chances are they were just discussing someone they work with or a relative...

It's possible that they weren't talking about me... but it's quite unlikely. Read the above post I just made.

 

The types of slander used (i.e. the words they use) are usually the same everywhere I go: freak, weirdo, retard, loser. These four things get repeated about me daily. It's just too much of a coincidence for them to be talking about others. I don't often get the full context of what they're saying; I just hear one of the above-metioned four words. I just know it's about me. I may get it wrong sometimes. However, I know I'm on the money at least 90% of the time.

 

I've been treated "differently" by others all my life, and it's only getting worse the older I become.

[carhill]

Here's the referenced thread

 

OP, if not for the sounds you heard, these people generally are strangers, right? You'll never know or care about them in any way. Perhaps that's instructive.

 

Tell me, do you get the same treatment from male strangers?

 

Lastly, have you always had a gait impediment, or is it an adult thing? If the former, it's very possible that marked abuse while your brain was still forming and you were moving from parental to peer acceptance left marked negative emotional memories, a 'tape' if you will, and that tape gets replayed when you hear those quiet utterances. If you find your emotional reaction to seem out of character with the stimulus, that might be worth looking at.

 

People have 'sides'. Ostensibly, you may appear as a soft and gentle and caring person so some people like to test that and take advantage of it. Show the other side, the side more deadly to their existence, and word gets around and people leave you alone. It worked for me many years ago, mainly as a result of moderate to severe childhood bullying, meaning emotional abuse, physical injury and property damage. All it takes these days is a look and a quiet word or two.

 

If you find this dynamic to interfere with your daily life, I'd suggest professional help. You can learn psychological tools to both better process the dynamic (your emotions and perspective) as well as how to interact and set clear boundaries with people. Good luck

[betterdeal]

It's difficult to know when to ignore them and when to challenge someone. First step is to not take it as having any value whatsoever. Such sour, bitter comments really do say more about the sour, bitter mind that utters them than the object* they direct them at.

 

Wasn't it Nietzsche who said pity was beneath contempt? People who utter nasty comments are pitiable. They've just cut themselves off from getting to know a bloody decent guy (you) for no good reason, and made themselves look pretty damned ugly in the process. Why they want to hurt themselves so, who knows, but it's not your problem; it's theirs.

 

And, of course, you may be a tiny bit paranoid and interpreting some of these comments as being directed at you when they really aren't. So a measure of doubt that so many people are so bitter is a good idea too.

 

Either they're messed up or you misread the situation, and either way, as long as you believe we should judge a man solely on his character, and you do your best to live to your own standards, to maintain a good character, you can sleep at soundly night knowing you will leave this world with the most precious thing you can - a spotless name.

 

* In this case, you're the object, but it could be humanity, a god, car, job - anything, really.

Edited December 1, 2011 by betterdeal

[Marek]

Here's the referenced thread

 

OP, if not for the sounds you heard, these people generally are strangers, right? You'll never know or care about them in any way. Perhaps that's instructive.

 

Tell me, do you get the same treatment from male strangers?

 

Lastly, have you always had a gait impediment, or is it an adult thing? If the former, it's very possible that marked abuse while your brain was still forming and you were moving from parental to peer acceptance left marked negative emotional memories, a 'tape' if you will, and that tape gets replayed when you hear those quiet utterances. If you find your emotional reaction to seem out of character with the stimulus, that might be worth looking at.

 

People have 'sides'. Ostensibly, you may appear as a soft and gentle and caring person so some people like to test that and take advantage of it. Show the other side, the side more deadly to their existence, and word gets around and people leave you alone. It worked for me many years ago, mainly as a result of moderate to severe childhood bullying, meaning emotional abuse, physical injury and property damage. All it takes these days is a look and a quiet word or two.

 

If you find this dynamic to interfere with your daily life, I'd suggest professional help. You can learn psychological tools to both better process the dynamic (your emotions and perspective) as well as how to interact and set clear boundaries with people. Good luck

Thanks for the link, carhill . This awkward gait of mine has been present for a long time. Strangely, however, I have noticed in old video tapes of me walking when I was about 10 or 11 years old, it wasn't present. However, since my teen years, my gait became very awkward.

 

The best way to describe it is thus: my arms and legs move when I walk (obviously), but my torso remains unnaturally and extremely inflexible, rigid, if you will. It's as though it's a slab of concrete. Most people have a sort of minor "sway" in their torso, when they walk. I don't. As I said, it's like a slab of concrete... it just doesn't move. No matter how hard I try to move my torso and my shoulders, it just comes off as even more awkward, unnatural and ungainly.

 

I should point out, though, that while I was bullied a little in high school, it was exactly that -- only a little. I was never orally abused daily. Also, rather strangely, this abuse I have been suffering has only been apparent for about the last 3 years... People slandering me daily in public was not a problem before then Sure, it happened occasionally, but nothing to the extreme it is as now.

 

I think there's a snowball effect going on, so to speak. That is, people hear the negativity about me and it gains momentum (they are strangers, but I often see the same faces in the mall, so people do tend to notice me as the guy that has something wrong with him). Like a snowball down the hill, it just rolls harder and faster and gets bigger and stronger.

 

However, if you put a brick wall up the snowball will crash and break up. This is an analogy: I should be the brick wall; the people and slander are the snowball.

 

You are right, carhill: many people perceive my lack of self-confidence and the resultant passiveness it causes. If I appear more confident (as I have in the past) I don't get mistreated as much.

 

So I agree that these sentences you wrote hold true: "you may appear as a soft and gentle and caring person so some people like to test that and take advantage of it. Show the other side, the side more deadly to their existence, and word gets around and people leave you alone."

 

I need to start doing that. I have been assertive and somewhat aggressive back when I was drinking, and I didn't have many problems with people bad mouthing me after I gave them a dose of my own venom. So it does work, especially with women.

 

I have moved to another suburb about 8 weeks ago. Things were okay at first, but then, around the malls I frequent, I've become widely known as defective to many people. And the malicious gossip spreads (it's the snowball effect again). And coupled with my passiveness it makes me a ripe candidate for slander and general abuse.

 

The only problem is that it is very hard to approach a femail who has slandered me when there are many other people within earshot. How do I manage something like that?

[KathyM]

what about when people actually make rude remarks to your face?

Then you call them out on that, such as saying "Well, that was uncalled for", or "Why would you say that?", or "Do you make a habit of saying rude things to people?" You don't just let stuff like that slide without calling them out on it.

[Marek]

It's difficult to know when to ignore them and when to challenge someone. First step is to not take it as having any value whatsoever.

Thank you for the entire post, but I just want to reiterate something in regard to this particular passage you wrote.

 

As I keep saying, I shouldn't care what others' think. However, when slanders adversely affects another's opinions of me (that another being someone who had no initial negative opinion of me) that causes a problem. Since many people hear the same type of negativity about me from many others, they come to believe some of it. As the saying goes, "If you throw enough mud, some of it sticks." This is true.

 

It shouldn't bother me, but it does, solely because I WANT to establish relationships with others. I want friends and a girlfriend like everyone does. But such slander is causing people to shun me, because they hear it so often.

 

In college for instance, I heard a girl say to a friend "That guy's such a freak!" The friend she said it to replied, "Yeah, that's old news, everyone's heard that and everyone knows that." It's very painful to think that I can't acquire relationships simply because virtually everyone views me as being defective in some way. That's what I'm really struggling with. I'm in my late 20s and I have not one friend on this planet. I sometimes go for days without uttering a single word to another human being, and when I do, it's usually just to a cashier at a grocery store. I can't really handle much more abuse and isolation -- it's abnormal.

[carhill]

The only problem is that it is very hard to approach a femail who has slandered me when there are many other people within earshot. How do I manage something like that?

Essentially the same tool you use to approach a female to ask her on a date, except with a different twist.

 

'I overheard you talking about me, so naturally I wanted to come over and get to know you better' This, combined with your large size and a nice smile, will have an impact. In fact, look on these opportunities as a great way to become comfortable with approaching women for dates, since you could care less about these kinds of women and their 'rejection' means nothing.

 

Experiment a bit and see how it goes.

 

Lastly, develop some close male friendships. With quality friendships and associations, the 'rumor and gossip mill' becomes largely irrelevant, IME.

Edited December 1, 2011 by carhill

[Marek]

Essentially the same tool you use to approach a female to ask her on a date, except with a different twist.

 

'I overheard you talking about me, so naturally I wanted to come over and get to know you better' This, combined with your large size and a nice smile, will have an impact. In fact, look on these opportunities as a great way to become comfortable with approaching women for dates, since you could care less about these kinds of women and their 'rejection' means nothing.

 

Experiment a bit and see how it goes.

 

Lastly, develop some close male friendships. With quality friendships and associations, the 'rumor and gossip mill' becomes largely irrelevant, IME.

 

I'll try that. But I have feeling such an approach will just get me laughed at even more. Wouldn't females think that by me approaching them in such a manner after they so blatantly slandered me constitutes weakness? Wouldn't a slightly more aggressive approach be more suitable? Also, I really don't think I'd be accepted for a date by those who slander me. I'm viewed as an untermensch by these women, so I doubt I'll have success with getting a date with them. Moreover, dating isn't on the cards for me at the moment. I don't think there are any women who are interested in a downtrodden social outcast like me. I'm not being self-defeating or self-pitying; I'm just being realistic.

 

Yes, I would love to have some male friends. That, however, seems very hard to achieve, as well. I am a member of two clubs and I'm not accepted by anyone in those clubs, so it seems. I have a feeling I'm evaluated just as negatively by my fellow club members. It seems that wherever I go, I don't fit in, and thus don't become accepted. But I'll keep trying, although I am skeptical.

Edited December 1, 2011 by Marek

[betterdeal]

It shouldn't bother me, but it does, solely because I WANT to establish relationships with others. I want friends and a girlfriend like everyone does. But such slander is causing people to shun me, because they hear it so often.

 

I fully understand where you're coming from. Hmm. I find it hard to explain, but once you decide to engage more with people, people will engage more with you. Look at Lady Gaga, or Iggy Pop. People like them because they engage. They own their uniqueness. They take insecurities and turn them into strengths. Lady Gaga doesn't fit the model of conventional beauty, but check it out...

 

 

84 million hits. As she says,

 

I'm beautiful in my way

'Cause God makes no mistakes

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret

Just love yourself and you're set

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way

 

And it *almost* doesn't matter what you say to idiots or anyone else - as soon as you engage with yourself in a such a way, you become more engaging, then you get the friends, then you get the girlfriend, and so on.

[carhill]

OP, if I had to choose how to direct my energies, I'd put them into establishing and maintaining solid male friendships. In the long run, those relationships and the skills learned from and dynamic of them will serve you well in life.

 

One of my best friends is 6'5" weighs around 300lbs and has had a speech impediment his entire life, sometimes to the point where it's impossible to understand him. There's a reason why he has a huge circle of friends and it has nothing to do with size or impediments. It comes down to humanity and compatibility. Those who would demean you without even knowing you are on a different path. That's valid. If you wish to interact with them, do that, but put the predominant focus on positive things and people for yourself.