Biancalee Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 My boyfriend and i met when i was overseas, we kept in contact and i flew over to visit him in may we had a silly fight and he walked out on me so i flew home, he ignored me for months, i did the whole begging and crying thing and it didnt work. we eventually made up and i flew over to see him in October, we had one argument and he walked out on me again, he ignored me for a few days while i was in his country. I got so upset and decided to fly home (14,000kms away!) when i left he said he was speechless i was leaving and he couldnt believe it. Now i am home and have realized that i have made a HUGE mistake. i never gave the relationship a chance. we have not really spoken, i said to him instead of dragging this out for months could we sort it out, he said "i just dont know right now" that was 3 days ago and i have gone NC. I am really lost on what to do, i know he loves me and i love him, we just cant seem to get it right. I am scared if i go NC he will think i have moved on and i didnt really care, but whats the point in contacting him if he just ignores me? I messed up really bad and its breaking my heart. how can i get him to know i messed up and i love him? just give him space? tell him? in all honesty im not doing NC to "heal" im doing it so he misses me, wrong i know.
Emilia Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 He manipulates you and makes you feel bad about yourself, that's not love. Is he prepared to fly the 14,000 kms himself? Thought not
Author Biancalee Posted December 1, 2011 Author Posted December 1, 2011 I understand that everyone thinks i am "stupid" but i am in love with him. I really wish i wasn't as this is a really hard situation. even when things were good being on the other side of the world is hard. I was just looking for some positive thoughts from people as this is a hard time for me.
Els Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 Hey Bianca, I'm sorry you went through all that. But the way it seems to me, you're putting in all the effort into this R and he's not even appreciating it. YOU flew in to see him twice, and when you had one argument he decided to just ignore you for days while you were in his country, on a trip you must have paid thousands for? C'mon, hon, you deserve better than that. I did a 5,000 mile LDR with the bf before, and when he flew in to see me for a couple of weeks I would never, EVER have done that to him. When time together is so precious and so dearly paid for, and the other person does not value it, there seems little sense in being in the relationship. Have you ever asked yourself what it is about him that makes you love him?
zetkin Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 Well nobody can really help you as long as you're suffering from stupid! And what is the help of your comment? If you consider this is stupid, why do you stoop to write in this topic in the fist place, moreover even twice? Biancalee, don't pay attention to this. My boyfriend and i met when i was overseas, we kept in contact and i flew over to visit him in may we had a silly fight and he walked out on me so i flew home, he ignored me for months, i did the whole begging and crying thing and it didnt work. we eventually made up and i flew over to see him in October, we had one argument and he walked out on me again, he ignored me for a few days while i was in his country. I got so upset and decided to fly home (14,000kms away!) when i left he said he was speechless i was leaving and he couldnt believe it. Now i am home and have realized that i have made a HUGE mistake. i never gave the relationship a chance. we have not really spoken, i said to him instead of dragging this out for months could we sort it out, he said "i just dont know right now" that was 3 days ago and i have gone NC. I am really lost on what to do, i know he loves me and i love him, we just cant seem to get it right. I am scared if i go NC he will think i have moved on and i didnt really care, but whats the point in contacting him if he just ignores me? I messed up really bad and its breaking my heart. how can i get him to know i messed up and i love him? just give him space? tell him? in all honesty im not doing NC to "heal" im doing it so he misses me, wrong i know. I had somewhat similar experience. 14000 km is hard for a relationship to survive, especially that you already have troubles. And it is impossible for a R to work out if only one person believes in it, and it looks like that from what you have told. You should talk honestly with him and decide - is it worth struggling further? You should also stop doing all that effort you were doing. If he really loves you and wants to give it a chance, he will do something. I also think it might be that you are so much into him just because he ignores you, and you want to gain him back. My boyfriend changed as soon as I stopped struggling to be with him. He started working on finding a way for us to be together, although it was too late
Kamila Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 My boyfriend and i met when i was overseas, we kept in contact and i flew over to visit him in may we had a silly fight and he walked out on me so i flew home, he ignored me for months, i did the whole begging and crying thing and it didnt work. we eventually made up and i flew over to see him in October, we had one argument and he walked out on me again, he ignored me for a few days while i was in his country. I got so upset and decided to fly home (14,000kms away!) when i left he said he was speechless i was leaving and he couldnt believe it. Now i am home and have realized that i have made a HUGE mistake. i never gave the relationship a chance. we have not really spoken, i said to him instead of dragging this out for months could we sort it out, he said "i just dont know right now" that was 3 days ago and i have gone NC. I am really lost on what to do, i know he loves me and i love him, we just cant seem to get it right. I am scared if i go NC he will think i have moved on and i didnt really care, but whats the point in contacting him if he just ignores me? I messed up really bad and its breaking my heart. how can i get him to know i messed up and i love him? just give him space? tell him? in all honesty im not doing NC to "heal" im doing it so he misses me, wrong i know. Bianca dear, I relate so much to your story. I too had a long distance relationship, well not as far as yours, but far enough to make the distance a drag over the years. At the end it was me doing all the yards, and him just expecting to drop over to his place. The moment I started talking about commitment and me moving where he lived, he changed the way he felt about me. He talked about how scared he was and that he won't be around for me that much either since he'll have his hands full with studies and work. Now, does that seem like a healthy relationship according to you ? No... A woman is not supposed to do all the work here. Your man has to come to see you, or accept on a compromise you both can make. And you're not supposed to force him into making a commitment, he must propose it out of free will, or because he loves you. If he doesn't make an effort, that means as much as that. He maybe loves you in words, but not in deeds. I know you love him very much and I must admit I still love my ex-boyfriend also very much (heck, I even cried a bit today because I missed him). But we must stay true to ourselves and face the fact that we're not in healthy situations here. Your love for him is keeping you in a cage. Try to break free from his chains. He made you fall deeply in love with him, but he's not committing himself into anything with you. It's not fair for him to treat you like that. The only way for you to heal and try to live your life in a happy way is to apply NO CONTACT. It's the most cruel way, but in the long-run, believe me, you'll feel so much better.
Author Biancalee Posted December 4, 2011 Author Posted December 4, 2011 Thank you for the replies. At this point i am so emotionally drained. The last time we broke up and i flew home back to australia i was so upset, beyond upset. I cried, begged, messaged and messaged. he ignored me, and ofcourse when i started to heal, he came back with the "i made a huge mistake and i love you" I know in my heart that this is going to happen again in the next few months, its like he wants to see me suffer. I have ignored him this time and i feel much better, i just hope i am strong enough if he comes back. He owes me thousands of dollars, i dont know if i should just wipe the money and put it down to a loss, i guess i should as the chances of getting it back are very slim. I am still gobsmacked that a man will let a woman pay his rent, bills, cellphone and hit her up for money in front of his friends over and over. I dont even know what i loved about him, maybe cause this was my first relationship i dont know. Well this post has just been me Venting out loud, thanks again for the replies <3
thepedestrian Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 You feel better and stronger when you ignore him - remember that next time he contacts you. Write it down somewhere where you'll read it and see it. I can tell you're making progress just from your posts and you're starting to figure your stuff out. The money might keep bringing up old wounds, it depends how much you really need it/want it. It probably will delay your healing.
Author Biancalee Posted December 4, 2011 Author Posted December 4, 2011 You feel better and stronger when you ignore him - remember that next time he contacts you. Write it down somewhere where you'll read it and see it. I can tell you're making progress just from your posts and you're starting to figure your stuff out. The money might keep bringing up old wounds, it depends how much you really need it/want it. It probably will delay your healing. To be honest, I started using NC so he would miss me and come running back, but as tough as it is at the start it really is the ONLY way to break free and heal and you 100% start to think "do i actually want them back at all" and you're right, the money is just going to drag this out, its not worth it. I'll just write it off as a loss and hope karma comes and bites him in the butt
Recommended Posts