lilyblue Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Sorry I feel like a broken record posting the same thing, but it just comes in such strong waves. Over and over and over again. I hate that he's getting away with just disappearing and doesn't even have to think twice about it. I hate that so many weeks later I still don't have any respect from someone who used to be such a good friend before he was a more than that. I hate that he has made me wary of trusting anyone again - how can I trust a stranger if I can't even trust him. I feel tricked and deceived and I HATE that he just gets to go on with his life and doesn't even have to think about it while I still cry every day and am so hurt. Sometimes the impulse is so strong to tell him all this in order to just bring it back in front of his face. I just want to cause him pain too. And I miss him so much.
The Poster Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Yup, same here. They are moved on and happy and full of life and having fun, and we are suffering, struggling, and wondering. My ex has gone completely cold on me as well, and I don't know why. I guess I always thought despite not working out that we'd stay on good terms, but it sure seems like she wants nothing to do with me anymore. What can we do though? Just gotta keep fighting.
fificremefarben Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Yep, it sucks. My ex left me for someone else who was on the scene for a while. He didn't tell me that this was why he broke off our 4 yr relationship suddenly, and only told me in a text message a month later before refusing to talk to me face-to-face (i had questions, obviously) about it and just cutting me off completely from that point. Now it sucks that it's 4 months on and im still hurting and dealing with it, and they both get to be happy together. My friends say that I don't know for sure that he's so happy cos he'd been going throug a tough time around the breakup but he can't be unhappy or he wouldn't still be with her. I feel they've both done me so wrong and yet they get to be happy and don't have to be accountable for anything. I know I won't feel this way forever (and I know you won't either ) but it's times like these that I really hope karma is real. X
shayla Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 The same thing happened to me. it galled me so much that he was just able to hurt so many people and not miss a beat. I know that he has no remorse, that he thinks he did something cute by what he did to me, and I totally refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing just hurt I was. It's a year later and he continues to take every opportunity to try to grind my face in what he did and it kills him to know that I have moved on and that I am in a relationship with someone else, actually someone he had introduced me to the year before. It took this long but now when I look back on the situation, I know that he did me a favor. The fact that the other woman is now stuck with the man that lied and cheated on the both of us is an extra plus. A word to the wise. They may look happy on the outside, best believe that behind closed doors, their relationships are no fairy tale. I cannot tell you how many hang up and wrong number calls I've got from the blushing bride since all of this hit the fan, and how short the leash is that she has around my ex's neck. Proof to me that what goes around comes around.
Berlington Bob Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 ...and don't have to be accountable for anything... X I think thats the part that angers me the most. But I know that down the road (and it's not a very long road), every day the guilt will build up more and more for my ex and she will have to live with that. Most of us have had guilt before and guilt sucks... Our ex's have taken steps to help them ignore the guilt for now but like a splinter in their mind (Matrix reference) it will go deeper and deeper each day. I am happy to say that even though I have a broken heart and I am hurting 100 times more than she is right now, in time my pain will go away but hers will get worse and worse and she will have to live with it. I think thats why they usually end up contacting you down the road. To ease their guilt.
mike588 Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 The same thing happened to me. it galled me so much that he was just able to hurt so many people and not miss a beat. I know that he has no remorse, that he thinks he did something cute by what he did to me, and I totally refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing just hurt I was. It's a year later and he continues to take every opportunity to try to grind my face in what he did and it kills him to know that I have moved on and that I am in a relationship with someone else, actually someone he had introduced me to the year before. It took this long but now when I look back on the situation, I know that he did me a favor. The fact that the other woman is now stuck with the man that lied and cheated on the both of us is an extra plus. A word to the wise. They may look happy on the outside, best believe that behind closed doors, their relationships are no fairy tale. I cannot tell you how many hang up and wrong number calls I've got from the blushing bride since all of this hit the fan, and how short the leash is that she has around my ex's neck. Proof to me that what goes around comes around. I agree that they may look so happy on the outside but what's really going on inside them? Some may be happy especially if they jumped into a new relationship and they are in the honeymoon phase but what happens after that's over? I'll bet they want to show/act like they are happy to mask their guilt or embarassement if they really aren't happy,,, look at me I did the right think by dumping you because I'm happy now. My ex. told me she was happy,,,,, we'll see later down the road.
stunned8165 Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 I agree that they may look so happy on the outside but what's really going on inside them? Some may be happy especially if they jumped into a new relationship and they are in the honeymoon phase but what happens after that's over? I'll bet they want to show/act like they are happy to mask their guilt or embarassement if they really aren't happy,,, look at me I did the right think by dumping you because I'm happy now. My ex. told me she was happy,,,,, we'll see later down the road. I mentioned that all of a sudden she has been appearing on my way home. The two times out of three, I got to see her face. She just had that same miserable bull dog look. And I don't believe her apprearing on my way home is a coincidence. This is NOT a small town. ... so with that face she had, I say she is still miserable and will be all her life. She left me for her boss. Hes an analopening. It's been six months, 4 months low contact, 2 months ago I shut all contact down. Maybe the honey moon face is wearing off and she's cruise by for comfort. Because she had it made with me. But I agree, they are never really happy on the inside. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t302201/
Author lilyblue Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 It just seems like we're all adults and this seems like such an immature and unnecessary way to handle things!! What a useless waste of emotions when things could be so much more simple. I just imagine him being so happy to get back together with his ex wife. In my head he's so glad that things have finally worked out between them and he doesn't even give me or what he did or how much he has hurt me a second thought. I hate it!! He can't know how much he has hurt me, and sometimes I just want to let him know how horrible he is. I hope it works as you said Bob, and as my pain gets better (if that starts happening) his guilt will just increase, but I think the farther he is removed from it the less he'll think about it.
DannyT27 Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 I'm going through same situation right now it's awful.. I just can't see a future without her... I met up with her sister today and she says she absolutely shocked by the way she's treated me and said she will regret what she's done eventually and regrets a **** thing to live with, the thing is she's witva new fella now and it's only been a month since we broke up lol.. But that's the worst part knowing she's sleeping with a guy who I knw is a womaniser (player). I'm having a horrible day, aparantly her sister said that every now again she starts crying fir no reason and asks for a hug.. Then when ppl try to find out what's up wit her she just shrugs it off... I wonder if she really is hurting like me on the inside ? and this cold heartless behavior is just a front... I hope so!
LostJustLost Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 I would love to tell him off, ask how he did it, turning us from something I thought was set in stone into a pile of rubble without so much as a word. It hits so hard sometimes I want to scream until no more sound comes out. My hope is that eventually that fades, the pain begins to dull and life becomes something worth being part of again instead of just going thru the motions - for all of us.
M2155 Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 Don't do it. It'll let them know they affected you and you're so wounded. They don't want to know that cause that will just motivate them to ignore you even more. If you hurt someone, well if I hurt someone at least, I don't want to stay there and watch them hurt when I know I can't or I'm not willing to change it. You're supposed to be a broken record at this point, we all were. I felt exactly the same way and very glad now that I never said what you're thinking. I know now it wouldn't have made a dent. I don't know about guilt, and I don't think it will change anything for me if he feels guilty since he's too egotistical to ever tell me. I don't want him to feel guilty anyway, I want him to feel ashamed for being so cowardly. I am with fificremefarben on karma.
Author lilyblue Posted December 1, 2011 Author Posted December 1, 2011 Is there another reason you're glad you didn't say anything besides the fact that it wouldn't have made a dent? Sometimes that doesn't seem enough for me, and it seems like it might be worthwhile enough to get it off my chest and on the chance that it affects him even 1%, that would be better than things are now. I miss the promise. I miss being with him. I miss how happy he made me and hearing how happy I made him. I wish I believed in karma for him. And I wish I could just fast forward.
M2155 Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 (edited) Looking back now, I'm glad I didn't, I'm sure I didn't feel that when when I was at your point. I didn't do it because a.) I didn't want to look even more pathetic (afterall I just got played) making effort toward someone that tossed my aside like yesterday's news and b.) He was happy with his ex so whatever I had to say he probably wasn't paying 0.002% of attention to so it wouldn't have done any good. I wrote him a letter that I never sent- I would be sitting at work with tears writing and I'd re-write it everyday or whenever I was feeling the emotions, just what I'd say if I saw him. Every week or so I noticed the letter got shorter and less emotional. You do have to get it out, but telling him probalby isn't going to do anything. If you break your leg, breaking your ex's leg doesn't make your leg feel any better. I hope my ex remembers the good times just like you do. And you may not want the last memory he has of you to be an emotional dump. He already knows he hurt you. If he has no intention of being single anytime soon, he's not going to want to talk to you while there is still a flame cause he doesn't want to hurt you further. I was talking to a friend who dumped a guy and he did the four-page letter thing and she didn't even bother reading it because she already knew what he wanted (why bother sending a letter at all unless you care?). When you are in a place where you can talk to your ex, it won't be about the past anymore. It's not an easy blow to take. He may feel bad, he may apologize, any number of things, but your ex can't take back how hurt and angry he made you feel no matter how much you tell him. Do what you need to do for YOU, but talking to him right now will hurt you even more because any reaction/non-reaction you get won't be enough. Edited December 1, 2011 by M2155
Author lilyblue Posted December 1, 2011 Author Posted December 1, 2011 Yeah the pathetic part is I think the only part that holds me back from doing anything. I don't like the "chase". When this happened to me before however and the guy finally came back to apologize I told him that was one of the reasons I didn't reach out. He couldn't believe that I would have seen that as chasing. He felt like that would have been normal and not pathetic. It was a slightly different situation, but still make me wonder sometimes. I don't know, breaking his leg might make me feel pretty good right now Interesting about the last memory thing. That helps me a little. Right now the last memory he has of me is happy and moved on I would think. The last time I saw him that's how I acted. I am glad about that. But then there's that part of me that wants him to realize how much he's hurt me. I would have second guessed how I acted either way I guess. There's just too many different things I want to convey. It just still infuriates me that he refused to talk to me at all. Who gets no break up AND no reaction? ever. I read all the stories about people who get dumped and their ex comes back a couple of days later and just wonder how he could have gone silent on me. Don't you only do that to someone you hate?? Days before I was still making him "so happy". blah.
M2155 Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 I feel like I'm talking to me from 4 months ago They don't want to deal with reaction period. Thats why our exes basically went cold and ignored us. They KNOW what they did is hurtful and don't want to watch. He may not see it as pathetic, but I think you might. Not only did he take the easy route out of the relationship, but you are also the only one making an effort. You want to reach out to someone who will probably brush you off as quickly and cordially as he can because it's too uncomfortable. That's what I got from my ex, awkwardness and distance. Your other ex that came back, sounds like he did that on his own, that's more sincere. If you went after him dumping feelings he probably wouldn't need to make any effort to speak with you on his own accord. All I'm saying is you will not get the response you want or end up feeling better as you think you will. It hurts and feels unfair they can walk out without a word and jump into their ready-made seemingly happy relationship. While I did fantasize this morning about throwing a rock through his window while he wasn't home while wearing shoes to big so they think a 5'9" man did it, the best revenge is picking up your life and choosing to leave him in the dust.
lolita jade Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 Everyones comments are spot on. Ditto, Ditto, Ditto to what all dumpee's go through. I have told my ex all and sent a letter. I might as well talked to a brick wall. Early on I asked him if he felt guilty. He said no, because he was having a good time. Unfortunately, even people having affairs dont feel guilty during the honeymonn phase due to having a good time. Do you think is natures way of reproducing??? What I mean is in the animal world it is the males job to produce as many offspring as he can. Do you think this is why sex, which is what it boils down to, makes us feel so great, regardless of our morals? Just food for thought.... We need to hold our head high and act as if we dont care I am afraid. It gets better results and with time and luck, they will turn out miserable without us, but tough sh**
sardeen Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 This is why I had to delete some of my exes friends from Facebook. Watching her write on their wall about how much fun they had just made me miserable because I was sitting at home and wallowing away. I just want to stand in front of her and tell her how much she hurt me and understand why she did it to me. In a weird way, I just do not want her to hurt anyone else the way she hurt me It sucks, but maybe getting rid of things that remind you of the person or trying to have fun will reduce those blues.
mike588 Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 I'll use this again: I never get jealous when I see my ex. with someone else because my parents taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate.
sunflower11 Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 I emailed my ex a month after the break up telling him how horrible I felt, about the anxiety, not eating (ive lost 8 pounds since the break up), not sleeping...basically not living. And he didnt care. I wish he cared, I wish he understood...I wish he would have done things differently and not treated me like ****. I wish he knew what it is like to hurt this way because I would have never done this to anyone, I would have never broken his heart this way and treated him so badly or ignored him when he needed me the most. And he is out there living his life, playing videogames all day and talking to girls on dating sites just being happy...while I am here miserable.
mike588 Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 I emailed my ex a month after the break up telling him how horrible I felt, about the anxiety, not eating (ive lost 8 pounds since the break up), not sleeping...basically not living. And he didnt care. I wish he cared, I wish he understood...I wish he would have done things differently and not treated me like ****. I wish he knew what it is like to hurt this way because I would have never done this to anyone, I would have never broken his heart this way and treated him so badly or ignored him when he needed me the most. And he is out there living his life, playing videogames all day and talking to girls on dating sites just being happy...while I am here miserable. I know the miserable feeling but do you really know he's living his life and is really happy? If he didn't respond to your email he's probably feeling guilty,doesn't want to hear it,, doesn't want to deal with your pain,,, maybe it hurts him too? Stop contacting him, find someone who will treat you the way you want to be treated,loved. Love can make you happy but often times it hurts,but love is only special when you give it to it's worth.
sunflower11 Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Yea thanks mike ...like I said, this was a month after the relationship ended..it has been over 2 months now and I know he didn't read my email. I've heard a lot about that..maybe he feels guilty, maybe he feels bad and thats why hes ignoring you, thats why he hung up the last time you called, he doesnt want to hurt you more so hes pushing you away...(and I'm sorry for saying this but maybe I just feel so much anger and hurt right now)...but I think it's a load of crap. I just feel like he doesn't care AT ALL about me..and well, maybe it's not a bad thing to think that..if it helps you move on right? what good can it come out of thinking he doesn't mean to hurt me ..when he is hurting me?
WakeMeUp Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 At the risk of receiving some wrath on this site, I'm going to talk about why I left my wife of nearly 10 years and never looked back. First, as a male, I didn't have anything close to the experience nor intelligence I needed to make a wise decision when marrying my (now ex) wife. We males (or at least many of us) don't discuss relationships, don't want to look dumb around women so always sound "confident", and don't want to hurt women (so we don't bring up touchy subjects with you. Now, you can blame it all on us. It's easy to do. But here's my take on this: I left my wife quite suddenly - but it was sudden only because I didn't know why I was feeling the way I was, then when I learned enough to figure it out, the answer was staring me in the face all along. I had to leave her, I shouldn't have married her in the first place. She was not my soul mate, sex was just ok for me, and we had different goals in life. It takes many of us guys much longer to learn the ways of relationships then for you women. So we are more likely to make a bad choice, and not realize it for many years. This is a risk any women takes with a man (unless he's older like me and been through several long-term monogomous relationships). But I'm in my 40's and can finally say I have a handle on it (but that's only been the case for a few years now). So who do you really blame? Men are held to a strict 'male' standard that states we are not supposed to talk about relationships with other men, that we shouldn't watch relationship-shows on TV and shouldn't buy magazines the emphasize 'women's subjects. And let's face the truth, any guy that does all those things probably would NOT have attracted any women in this forum. See the contradiction here? No easy solution. And of course these reasons may have nothing to do with why your s.o. left, but it was the reason why I did. Did I tell her? I tried but she looked at me like I was from Mars. It just didn't compute, so I didn't try to explain anymore, I just left. And I left a world of pain behind. .
mike588 Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Yea thanks mike ...like I said, this was a month after the relationship ended..it has been over 2 months now and I know he didn't read my email. I've heard a lot about that..maybe he feels guilty, maybe he feels bad and thats why hes ignoring you, thats why he hung up the last time you called, he doesnt want to hurt you more so hes pushing you away...(and I'm sorry for saying this but maybe I just feel so much anger and hurt right now)...but I think it's a load of crap. I just feel like he doesn't care AT ALL about me..and well, maybe it's not a bad thing to think that..if it helps you move on right? what good can it come out of thinking he doesn't mean to hurt me ..when he is hurting me? Again I know how you feel. I'm just 4 months into being dumped hard and I too had those feelings or ANGER and HURT!!! and felt that she just didn't care about me after all I did for her,,, how could she!!!!
sunflower11 Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Again I know how you feel. I'm just 4 months into being dumped hard and I too had those feelings or ANGER and HURT!!! and felt that she just didn't care about me after all I did for her,,, how could she!!!! thanks mike, I know you get it maybe in a few months, instead of us asking..how could they?! they will be asking..how could I? In an ideal world of course.
mike588 Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 thanks mike, I know you get it maybe in a few months, instead of us asking..how could they?! they will be asking..how could I? In an ideal world of course. Yea that would be nice. It's to bad that love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with tears.
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