SJC2008 Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Need some advice, please critique my response. Was contacted by a female on an old site and I responded and she did not reply. She's 26 and I'm 29 almost 30. Her: Just wanted to say hi. Liked your profile and was interested in getting to learn more about you. Hope to hear from you soon. xxx Me: Hey! I read your profile xxx and would like to learn more about you too. As for me my name is xxx and I'll be reaching a big milestone next month, the big three 0! I've lived in Texas since 1993 and I bet you'll never guess where I'm from but I will tell you that my parents are from New York City. I'm a prettly down to earth person, I wouldn't call myself a news junkie but I do keep up with what's going on in the world which leads to some good convo and debate. I like to go out with my friends, fish and try new things as well. I see you are going for your masters, great! Are you still going to xxx? Where are you from? If you have any specific questions just ask. Take care, good night. I don't see anything with my response. Please let me know what you think, thanks!
Cracker Jack Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 It happens. She probably lost interest, started chatting with someone else, or just didn't feel like replying. Don't let it bother you.
Author SJC2008 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 I have much tougher skin since trying old, I send emails not expecting a response. But getting an email from a woman first is a rare feat in old and was it just makes me think what the hell did I say wrong? It's like one false move and your fked.
Cracker Jack Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 It's definitely rare. I just think it's best to not dwell on things you can't control. It's also possible that she was a fake.
ditzchic Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 To me it seems like a pretty over eager response. There's a lot of information there. She said she's be interested in getting to know you, not that she wanted to know everything about you that minute. And the way you just kind of start spouting information off seems like you are really desperate to just have anyone to talk to. I mean really, where your parent's are from??? Honestly, I probably wouldn't respond back to that either if I were her. Next time I would try and sound a little more laid back in your response. A girl may be willing to break the "norm" and initiate contact. But that doesn't mean she is looking for something different than the cool, composed, confident man.
Author SJC2008 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 Well that just goes to show that men and women think differently. I do not think it is over eager. How is saying I'm 30, laid back and keep up with what's going on in the world over eager/spouting off tmi? Saying my parents are from NY was a hint to where I am from (but really to throw her off because Im from nowhere around there lol!) not "spilling my guts". It's not like I said "hey I'm wife hunting and want to have kids, lets go out". If was a 10 instead of average she would of responded in a New York minute and I dare you to tell me she wouldn't have. But I am here for advice and not to argue so give me a good example of a response.
refurb Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Dude it's online dating. Don't focus on getting replies, focus on sending out emails. Every once and while I'll get a reply and be like "WTF? I don't even remember sending her an email!". Now that I've been on the other side of the fence (not replying to girl's emails), I realize that there are a million different reasons why she didn't reply. The fact is, none of them matter. Just move on to the next one. RF
LexiB Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 To me it seems like a pretty over eager response. There's a lot of information there. She said she's be interested in getting to know you, not that she wanted to know everything about you that minute. And the way you just kind of start spouting information off seems like you are really desperate to just have anyone to talk to. I mean really, where your parent's are from??? Honestly, I probably wouldn't respond back to that either if I were her. Next time I would try and sound a little more laid back in your response. A girl may be willing to break the "norm" and initiate contact. But that doesn't mean she is looking for something different than the cool, composed, confident man. This. Messages should mimic the style of an *actual* conversation you'd have if you were talking face-to-face. If she came up to you at a party and said "hi", would you really just start spouting off your life story?? Of course not. You'd say "hey" back, maybe even give a her compliment, then ask her a question about herself to get things moving. Done. A better response would have been, "Hey! I'd love to get to know more about you too. How about we start with your name?;)" or "Thanks! You seem pretty cool yourself. So where are you getting your masters?" Short and sweet. Plenty of time for more in depth responses as the conversation develops.
FitChick Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 I thought the OP's email was friendly and chatty. Today's gripe is getting an initial email from a guy who was negative and mean spirited. If you don't like what I said in my profile, move on, buddy. Why waste your time and mine?
Author SJC2008 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 @Fitchick, thanks. Thanks for the feedback yall. It just blows my mind how women (not all) get creeped out/turned off so easily lol. It also blows my mind how women (not all) screen men so hard ie. be confident but not cocky, don't call too soon after a date but don't wait too long, don't be overeager, BUT they wind up in shtty realtionships and biatch here about my bf won't propose, my bf doesn't talk to me, my bf hits me. LOL! yall screen for the wrong things.
jobaba Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 It's definitely rare. I just think it's best to not dwell on things you can't control. It's also possible that she was a fake. I agree. Sounds like a really generic, automated spam type hello. You may be on an email list for bestiality pornography.
mtber75 Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Your email sounds too generic. That's something you post on your profile, not a email reply. You should start out with something creative or a joke to catch her attention immediately. I would mention things that shows that you have read her profile/background. My advice is to keep it short and be creative to keep her interest. Like the others said, there's probably a 1000 reasons why she hasn't replied so don't take it personally.
Andy_K Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Me: Hey! I read your profile xxx and would like to learn more about you too You don't need to tell her this. You probably wouldn't be responding otherwise. As for me my name is xxx and I'll be reaching a big milestone next month, the big three 0! I've lived in Texas since 1993 and I bet you'll never guess where I'm from but I will tell you that my parents are from New York City. This is the kind of thing you put in your profile, not in a message. It's also not very interesting. Plus, the length and content of your message is disproportionate to hers. She wrote three short sentences, so you don't want more than 4 or 5. I'm a prettly down to earth person, I wouldn't call myself a news junkie but I do keep up with what's going on in the world which leads to some good convo and debate. Kind of sounds like you're trying to justify your interests to her. You're also talking a lot about yourself. Focus more on her. She already wrote to you. She'll ask about things she wants to know. Focus on finding out interesting stuff about her. I like to go out with my friends, fish and try new things as well. I see you are going for your masters, great! A bit too enthusiastic. Are you still going to xxx? Where are you from? If you have any specific questions just ask. Take care, good night. Quickfire questions and 'ask me anything' make you sound like you're trying too hard to get a response Your actual response to a message like that should be more along the lines of LexiB's suggestions.
Emilia Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 This. Messages should mimic the style of an *actual* conversation you'd have if you were talking face-to-face. If she came up to you at a party and said "hi", would you really just start spouting off your life story?? Of course not. You'd say "hey" back, maybe even give a her compliment, then ask her a question about herself to get things moving. Done. A better response would have been, "Hey! I'd love to get to know more about you too. How about we start with your name?;)" or "Thanks! You seem pretty cool yourself. So where are you getting your masters?" Short and sweet. Plenty of time for more in depth responses as the conversation develops. I disagree. I'm frustrated by people that only send a couple of lines each time we go back and forth but then again I enjoy writing and each time I hit it off with someone he was a writer too. OP, it depends on what suits your style, there is no wrong or right way to communicate. I like men that have a lot to say for themselves because I'm the same too. I'm not interested in those that ration their responses, in my opinion they don't usually make interesting conversation partners. You refer to not understanding how women think, when they want to be called, etc. We are all different. If you are the more outgoing, friendly type, try to find girls that are similar. If you project a certain kind of communication style, you will attract those that are similar. Just be yourself
LexiB Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 I disagree. I'm frustrated by people that only send a couple of lines each time we go back and forth but then again I enjoy writing and each time I hit it off with someone he was a writer too. OP, it depends on what suits your style, there is no wrong or right way to communicate. I like men that have a lot to say for themselves because I'm the same too. I'm not interested in those that ration their responses, in my opinion they don't usually make interesting conversation partners. I'd be frustrated too if *every* response was that short. *It'd be *indicative of a weak writer or a lack of interest. * My point is, OP gave way too much too soon *relative to what she wrote in that message.* *She said hi, and he just started rambling about a hodgepodge of topics all at once - none of which she even asked about. *His response should have been more laid back. *Not in an effort to 'play it cool' , but because it's on par with the natural flow of conversation.* As they ask each other questions, the responses will naturally become more involved if there's a mutual interest. *As they should.* One of the biggest turn-offs about OLD is that it can often feel overly formal. *You want to make the people you interact*with feel that they're talking with a 'buddy', not conducting an interview.*
Andy_K Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 he was being himself and funny. dating is so f***ed up. What part of his email was funny?
LexiB Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Grrr, damn iphone. Sorry for all the asterisks in that last post.
Author SJC2008 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 Ok so views range from over eager, too enthusiatic and ok with the latter 2 taking the majority. And now that I look back on it it does read profileish. My stance is SO WHAT. If a woman (or man) can some someone up in one email, they have a power that I don't. Also, it's communication via text, most of us are not english/writing majors, I take that into consideration and it seems like most others don't. It's like when they read emails they're like "too long, next" "too short, next" "over eager, next" "not funny enough, next" "too desperate,next". No wonder there are so many single people in the world. I'm not angry or bitter, if I "spooked" her lol! and good. I hope she doesn't get PTSD lol!
PlumPrincess Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Well that just goes to show that men and women think differently. I do not think it is over eager. How is saying I'm 30, laid back and keep up with what's going on in the world over eager/spouting off tmi? Saying my parents are from NY was a hint to where I am from (but really to throw her off because Im from nowhere around there lol!) not "spilling my guts". It's not like I said "hey I'm wife hunting and want to have kids, lets go out". If was a 10 instead of average she would of responded in a New York minute and I dare you to tell me she wouldn't have. But I am here for advice and not to argue so give me a good example of a response. Well, you're wrong and ditzchic is spot on. Give her two lines and some very basic information about yourself. Ask her something about herself. And that's it!
FitChick Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 I like men that have a lot to say for themselves because I'm the same too. I'm not interested in those that ration their responses, in my opinion they don't usually make interesting conversation partners. Same here. I don't like the strong, silent type or men of few words. Boring.
Author SJC2008 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 Well we'll see what happens. Got a reply from an email. I'm not going to change who I am but I'll try to fine tune my email skills. If the shorter emails don't work I will sue the pants of all of you lol jk!
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