Any hope? Any ideas?

[RockGuy87]

I posted my story earlier. But I have new info. Some of my family has talked some sense into me and found out that I was in a way smothering. I'm scheduled and she is real fly on the go. I have always been strict this way and I want to change. I wish to be more laid back and just do random things. I have often been shy and not very outgoing so I have never been this way. We have been done for 4 days. She left me with that she loved me, I would always be her baby, but that she just couldn't. She has made comments on Facebook about her having a rough time. Haven't talked to her in a couple of days. Do I contact with an apology? Any hope? Please.

[wilsonx]

You let it go and focus on yourself. You jumped quickly into that relationship. You really need to take time to yourself and focus on yourself for a while. If she misses you and wants another shot, she will come around

[RockGuy87]

Jump into it quick how so? I just feel like this is my place to say what I realize and leave the ball in her court. And if she is just waiting cause she says ball is in my court. Feel like I'm the one who should be asking for another shot.

 

We were almost together for one year.

Edited November 29, 2011 by RockGuy87

[RockGuy87]

Any more helpful advice?

[immitable]

how long since the break up?

 

if it happened recently, you need time. In time you will figure out what to do with yourself and how to change. You only can change yourself and that is the positive thing.

Remember all breakups hurt and the only cure is time.

Stay NC bc it is the only way to prevent you from setbacks.

If she wants you she is going to move mountains to get back to you. The ball is in her court.

The best way to heal is to work on yourself and realise your potential, this is only going to make you stronger if you keep to the guidelines of NC.

[RockGuy87]

Thanks a lot for the response. Im confused on still why the ball is in her court. She left me. For something I did. I agree its up to her if she wants me back to move mountains to come back and in that case the ball would be in her court. But I also feel that we left things off on the wrong foot. She always made comments while together about taking responsibility. Im not trying to crawl back and GET her to come back. I just want to apologize for the way both the relationship and the break up went down. If she comes back, then thats another story, but if not. I feel like i said what i needed and I at least said my peace. Trust me I wish she would come to me but idk if that will happen.....

 

We have been broken up for 4 days. NC for almost all of that. Last time we had a split it was a week before she contacted to me reconcile.

[immitable]

Thanks a lot for the response. Im confused on still why the ball is in her court. She left me. For something I did. I agree its up to her if she wants me back to move mountains to come back and in that case the ball would be in her court. But I also feel that we left things off on the wrong foot. She always made comments while together about taking responsibility. Im not trying to crawl back and GET her to come back. I just want to apologize for the way both the relationship and the break up went down. If she comes back, then thats another story, but if not. I feel like i said what i needed and I at least said my peace. Trust me I wish she would come to me but idk if that will happen.....

 

We have been broken up for 4 days. NC for almost all of that. Last time we had a split it was a week before she contacted to me reconcile.

 

 

You are welcome

 

I have been in your shoes (6 months bu for me). You are in a confused state now and it hurts we all know.

Apologizing means nothing, words are cheap. She broke up with you which means she doesn't want to be with you, whatever HER reason might be. There is nothing you can change about it at the moment, I am afraid. Accept it and try your best to move on. This way you are going to save yourself from hurting on the long run. Best would be if you would stop blaming yourself also, see when a bu happens both parties are to blame not just one. The thing you got rejected hurts you and you are on the way to realise what you did wrong. In order for you both to ever possibly be together again is she needs to realise her mistakes as well and you can't make her do that. Be a man and repsect her decision bc everything you try to do now (since she broke up with you) would seem pathetic or make you look like a total loser in her eyes and you don't want that.

[RockGuy87]

I also want to add that im not worried about taking the time to figure out what i need to fix. I am very aware. I have talks with my own family on this. I know how and would love another chance to try but thats on her to come to me.

Once again i appreciate your response. You are totally right. She broke up with me. She told me i was wrong in thinking she wanted this but she has to and that she will consider me her "baby" forever whatever that means. She cried and i left. Since she has posted statues about having a "hard day" and she said "if you only knew". That was the very first thing that happened a year ago when we met. I made a status saying that when we first met and it was something she cherished all through out. Please give your interpretation? Greatly appreciated.

Edited November 30, 2011 by RockGuy87

[immitable]

I also want to add that im not worried about taking the time to figure out what i need to fix. I am very aware. I have talks with my own family on this. I know how and would love another chance to try but thats on her to come to me.

Once again i appreciate your response. You are totally right. She broke up with me. She told me i was wrong in thinking she wanted this but she has to and that she will consider me her "baby" forever whatever that means. She cried and i left. Since she has posted statues about having a "hard day" and she said "if you only knew". That was the very first thing that happened a year ago when we met. I made a status saying that when we first met and it was something she cherished all through out. Please give your interpretation? Greatly appreciated.

 

my interpretation is she misses you, like all dumpers do, but not enough to be with you at the moment.

One thing you must remember there is no way back to what you had, the relationship died (now don't panic). In order for it to work again it has to start from scratch or somethng. It is a process, things need to be forgotten and changed and it is only possible after time passes and you detangle yourselfs from eachother.

[RockGuy87]

You are really helping me out here. Keep the words coming! I know it takes time. We broke up almost 2 months ago over somethings. She came back a week later and told me she had "given up the thing she loved most, she would never forgive herself, she loved me more than anything, and tons of other things along that line." Things were better than ever. We both discussed it openly how wonderful everything was. This last one was a small problem that was elevated because we were both drunk. Thanks again with the words.

[immitable]

You are really helping me out here. Keep the words coming! I know it takes time. We broke up almost 2 months ago over somethings. She came back a week later and told me she had "given up the thing she loved most, she would never forgive herself, she loved me more than anything, and tons of other things along that line." Things were better than ever. We both discussed it openly how wonderful everything was. This last one was a small problem that was elevated because we were both drunk. Thanks again with the words.

 

I will repeat again things need to be forgotten and changed, you need to detangle yourself from her.

This is not to give you a false hope thoguh, you can't influence what she is thinking in any way, let her be at the moment. Don't feed on these so called breadcrumbs and what ifs bc you are going to hurt even harder if you find out, lets say, her dating someone else or she has been dating someone else etc (i am not stating this as a fact). In order for you to not feel too much anger, bc you will down the road, it is normal. You need to not follow what she is doing with whom she has met and what she said that is bad now. delete her fb her mail and no text messaging. try not to look at pics of you two together it is a setback on your way to regaining selfconfidence etc. When you detangle, it is along road remember you are going to be able to see things with clarity (not yet though) and who knows you may find her not attractive anymore or say to yourself "what was i thinking", you also need to take her off pedestal you put her on and respect yourself more in order to gain the power back she took from you when she broke up with you.

[RockGuy87]

I went through this before with the relationship before this girl. This site helped me aswell. I kno what NC does for you and the way it helps. I used it before. But that was much more clear. Then i was flat out told that she had lost feelings and just wanted to be friends and we wouldnt ever work again. It hurt and i improved myself. I lost 80 pounds, ran everyday, and gained tons of confidence. Im just confused here because even if it isnt to get her back i feel like i want to say something. (Like we have been discussing this whole time)

 

Something along the lines of:

Hi ***,

 

I didnt want to bother you but feel like things ended on the wrong foot. Especially as much as we've been through together and i think its owed. I have done a lot of thinking the past few days (much needed thinking) and wanted to leave you with something I believe you deserve. I wanted to just tell you im sorry for the way I acted. On the night we broke up, afterwards and even during our relationship. I smothered you in a lot of ways and i'm sorry. There were times I put my happiness before yours and I shouldn't have. There were plenty of things we should have done and that if i could i would. We sometimes didn't do something just if i didn't want to and i regret that. I feel like i have to have a plan for most things and get caught off guard when something so spur of the moment comes up and thats how you like to do things sometimes. I want to be more "go with the flow" and relax a bit. I messed up something good and very special to me and i just wanted to let you know Ive realized a lot of my faults and I will have to live with those and what ive done from here on out. i wish I had the oppotunity to show you change and become the person i want to be for you and myself, but that opportunity i guess has passed. I acted like a damn fool bri and i made things harder on us. I even took a lot of things for granted. Thanks for taking the time to read this and once again im sorry beyond you could imagine. "

 

This is something i typed while just thinking. I have wrote many letters and not sent them (learned it helped with the girl previous). But this above i feel is needed. Be free to correct me if im wrong. Im sure all listening probably will.

[immitable]

Ok, I am just going to give you a quick rundown of possible scenarios

 

1. you send her this and she and her new guy (of whom you know nothing about, yet) are cracking up at the stuff you wrote. How do you act? angry?

 

2. she gets it but refuses to read it and you get no response at all, what do you do, ask for answer again?? no!

it comes off as very needy and you don't want that, man up!

 

3. she simply doesn't care anymore and gives you no response, you still lose.

 

sometimes the silence is the best answer, you show her your integrity you show her that you are the man and that you respect her decision and disappear from her life bc that is what she wants.

Edited November 30, 2011 by immitable

[RockGuy87]

Your honest opinion, although tough to chew makes some since. But im not worried about another dude. She wouldnt have said the things she did on facebook like she did and she only changed her profile picture of us and her to single yesterday. Those might be petty but if there was another dude she would have made sure to do those a lot quicker, in my opinion. Without those things, sure that would have crossed my mind. The way it plays out for me are:

 

1. She gets it. Reads it and says nothing.

2. Reads it and only says "Thanks"

3. Reads it and something more comes out of it.

 

I wont send it. Not today, not tomorrow. Thanks for taking the time to help me. Sometimes help is in abundance here and sometimes you cant find any. You can just see from what happened last time and she broke up and came back that its in the back of my mind. Im doing better this time than last time I believe. When the weekend comes it might be different.

[RockGuy87]

Any other words. Maybe something to get me to actually sleep for once? Tired of taking NyQuil to just try to sleep

[RockGuy87]

Thanks for the replies guys. Im not friends with her on fb but some mutual friends are and they told me today this is what she posted "Because days come and go...but my feelings for you are forever....one last kiss."

 

Keep going? Gah I know they say to wait on them to contact but im the one that messed up here....

Edited November 30, 2011 by RockGuy87

[twinkles]

Ok Rock go ahead and call her.. that's what you want to do and that's what you want to hear.. do so do it. Call her right now.

 

We'll be here for you if you need us.

[RockGuy87]

I wasnt going to call due to her maybe not answering. At least a letter would know that she would get it. She would be more open to reading than listening I think. This is something I might say. Help me edit it some. It's not about what I "want" to hear. Sure I want everyone to say now is the best because I'm constantly turning over the idea of saying something and what's best. I want to send it when it would help most. Best scenario is she contacts me and I use this as a reply.

 

Hi ***,

 

Things ended on the wrong foot. Especially as much as we've been through together and i think this is owed. I have done a lot of thinking the past few days (much needed thinking) and wanted to leave you with something. I wanted to just tell you im sorry for the way I acted. On the night we broke up, afterwards and even during our relationship. I smothered you in a lot of ways. There were times I put my happiness before yours and I shouldn't have. There were plenty of things we should have done and that if i could i would now. We sometimes didn't do something just if i didn't want to and i regret that. I feel like i have to have a plan for most things and get caught off guard when something so spur of the moment comes up and thats how you like to do things sometimes. I want to be more "go with the flow" and relax a bit, maybe in good time i guess. I messed up something good and very special to me and i just wanted to let you know Ive realized a lot of my faults and I will have to live with those and what ive done from here on out. Im just happy I have realized these things and i can become happier for myself. Wish I had the oppotunity to show you change and become the person i want to be, but its left up to me proving something to myself now. I acted like a damn fool *** and i made things harder on us. I even took a lot of things for granted. I had some pretty childish moments. Too many times i look back on and instead of being upset I easily could have been happy with what I had. Thanks for taking the time to read this and im sorry beyond you could imagine. I said a lot of things i didnt mean the past week and that night, hope you forgive me like i always did when you would do the same. This helped me realize a lot and I just have to keep on moving forward. One day Ill be a husband and dad and this change will be helpful for me in the long run. I debated on sending this but I've decided its the next step.

Edited November 30, 2011 by RockGuy87

[twinkles]

Dear...

 

I'm so sorry on how things ended the other night. I've had these last few days to think about you and our relationship. It hasn't been easy for me because I really value and treasure you and our relationship. I know that I'm a better man when you are in my life.

 

I know we had some struggles in our relationship. We are both young and inexperienced and I know that we have to learn how to treat each other...but we can't do that if we don't talk about it.

 

I know I was a real knucklehead the other night in not showing you the respect you deserve and once again I sincerely apologize and hopefully you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

 

I want you to know that I am open to talking with you about it and I hope when you are ready we can do that.

Just know that I miss you very much.

[twinkles]

you don't remind her of your faults these are the things that will keep her away

[RockGuy87]

Well than what? I only said those things because throughout our relationship it was about taking responsibility. I didn't do so well with that. Not until talking with my family.

[twinkles]

Rock, right now you are first trying to get back with her and getting her to talk to you again.

Just apologize for now ..then when and if you get back together you start to talk about the other issues.

If you point out all your faults to her now it may keep her away.

 

First you say sorry and open the door to conversation.

[lolita jade]

On the odd occasions I made contact through feeling brave or strong or just sad. I said everything you can say. Apologies, upbeat, tears, suggestions of days out, drinks, try again, one more try, etc etc etc you name it I said it but everything I say annoys him, even if I say the sky is blue, that is wrong. You could say do you want me to give you a thousand dollars and they will argue with you.

 

So............ You end up feeling much worse than before the call, dejected, unwanted, stupid, unconfident and more than anything, alone.

 

You need to be sure your ex wants to talk to you first. Give it time.

[RockGuy87]

So you suggest to send a message with just "I'm sorry"?? Seems like she won't really get anything from that. I wanna make sure it's what's right if I'm going to break NC

[immitable]

Hey Rock, send her that letter but be prepared, if nothing you might get the closure for the time being at least.

 

Best of luck to you