AwptiK Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 I'm going to try and keep this extremely short, feel free to ask for more details or clarification. I was in an on-off relationship with a coworker (who's a single mother) for the past 4 months. At the 3 month mark, it was officially on and things were great. A week or two later, I don't really know why, but after a few drinks with some friends I tried calling her in the middle of the night. I called twice and both rang to voicemail. I knew she was in bed around like 9:30 every single night, I was just extremely stupid and hadn't paid attention to the time. I got a text the following day from her that she was pretty mad because I woke up her son and he was awake until 6am. In turn, that affected her entire next day - she couldn't get anything done. I apologized and all, I didn't think it was a VERY serious issue. I figured she just needed some space to be mad and then we'd be okay. I saw her two days later and we talked, but she said she was done. I guess it is due to how her life has to be so routine and scheduled, so being the first guy in her life since the boy's father, she doesn't want to have to deal with anything like this. She made a big effort to remain friends, especially after I distanced myself from her after what happened. She left me on a Tuesday, and we saw each other the following Saturday and Sunday. Both days we talked normally and I was still able to tease and be somewhat flirty with her. That was last weekend (9 days ago). Aside from exchanging Happy Thanksgiving texts, we haven't talked since. -- So here comes the question from the title of my post. I won't see her again until this coming Saturday. Upon seeing her, I want to say something like "I've missed you a lot the past few weeks. I made some stupid mistakes, but I never said I was perfect. I'm always working on bettering myself. I really care about you and I want to be with you." I actually don't think I can be too optimistic with the outcome. Honestly, if this gets a clear no, then that's fair. I'm more than prepared to move on. I just want to make one last effort. She's not the kind of person who's going to come around and tell me she still wants to be with me, so regardless, i'd have to say something for her to come around if she wants. She could already be set in not giving me another chance, but i'd like to think with the time that's passed, she's both missed me and hopefully seen the pettiness of what happened. I almost attempted to have this talk yesterday because I knew she was going to be at work. She texted me before I could text her, asking if i'd work for her that night. I said I couldn't because I had plans with my mom. I added that "I was actually about to text you, I was wondering if I could come by for a few minutes tonight on your break or after work to talk to you." She replied with, "I need to find someone to work for me so I can take (her son) to the drs." I asked a coworker who's number she didn't have, to work, and he agreed. I told her and she said "Okay thanks! We will talk on the flip side!" First, knowing her, she won't come out and invite me to work one day she works to talk, so i'll have to wait until we both see each other Saturday. However, that kind of makes me a little optimistic. Not for the outcome of what i'll say, but just in knowing that she has to KNOW exactly what i'm going to talk to her about. One more point, i've only said that I wanted to talk to her at one other time, when we were still in our on-off stages, and she texted back, "Just say what you have to say." Then too, she knew what the subject was and she just wanted to get it over with. I want to believe, if she were truly done, she'd have done the same thing. It's definitely much easier to get it over with over text and let it be done, then to know in a few day's time, i'll be wanting to talk about 'us'.
flitzanu Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 um, she broke up with you for calling her past 930pm? that's a seriously psychotic thing to do. there's more to that story than you know, it seems. or if that's truly her only reason, then get away from her. that's the most worthless excuse i've heard, and i've heard some doozies. just say it again in your head. "yeah i called her past 930pm and she dumped me"
leoc1973 Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Hey man you must know that was an excuse to break up with you. Then she texted you to see if you would work for her? Have you slept with this girl cause it sounds like she might be using you. You only been together a short time if you are already having problems then this girl isn't into you because these are supposed to be the honeymoon stages where you don't see each others flaws yet. How long has she been apart from her "babydaddy"?
Author AwptiK Posted November 29, 2011 Author Posted November 29, 2011 She broke up with my for waking up her son in the middle of the night with my calling. Upsetting her routine, if you will. And she always asks every coworker to work her shifts, usually once every two weeks, she needs a day off for whatever reason. That's not being used. I'm not even the first person she asks. She's been single from the baby daddy, for 5 months now. We started talking almost right after and that's why we were on and off at the beginning. That breakup was a long time coming. She doesn't associate with him outside of "every other weekend" exchanges.
othersideofthepillow Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 If i were you i'd just cut my losses. Chances are, and I don't mean to be a dick about it, but if you guys started talking right after the split with her sons dad, than you were her rebound....plus chances are if you were on and off even in the beginning she really wasn't in to you are a future partner. Take it for what is was worth and just move on. The amount of time you were with her wasn't even that long, and even if you think you had deep feelings for her, they will subside relatively shortly and you wont even be thinking about it anymore. My advice, just let it go and don't contact her.
flitzanu Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 She broke up with my for waking up her son in the middle of the night with my calling. Upsetting her routine, if you will. And she always asks every coworker to work her shifts, usually once every two weeks, she needs a day off for whatever reason. That's not being used. I'm not even the first person she asks. She's been single from the baby daddy, for 5 months now. We started talking almost right after and that's why we were on and off at the beginning. That breakup was a long time coming. She doesn't associate with him outside of "every other weekend" exchanges. read your version, the one you just typed about waking up her son, and then read mine again. which one sounds like a really lame and made up excuse? you didn't mention the kid's age i don't think...but either way, being up until 6am is part of being a parent, and she needs to quit blaming you. if she's worried about her kid waking up maybe she shouldn't keep her loud phone right next to him where it will wake him up? either way dude, she sounds lame, and fickle. you'll deal with issues like this constantly i'd presume, if you continue chasing.
Author AwptiK Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 Yeah I understand man, i've stopped pursuit. Couple tough days but everything's alright now. She told me today that she wanted to call and talk to me at some point, whether or not she actually will, who knows. I really don't intend anything more than closure to come from whatever we talk about. Unless she sees her faults in what happened.
EnchantedOne Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 um, she broke up with you for calling her past 930pm? that's a seriously psychotic thing to do. there's more to that story than you know, it seems. or if that's truly her only reason, then get away from her. that's the most worthless excuse i've heard, and i've heard some doozies. just say it again in your head. "yeah i called her past 930pm and she dumped me" I have children. One is less then 18 months old. Normally I turn my phone off at night. I HATE getting calls past 10p. An ex of mine called one night and woke up both my younger boys. I was PISSED off. Lack of sleep and the ONE night I could get some real sleep, he called and woke them both up. While I didnt dump him for it, he was on my **** list until I could makeup the sleep I had been losing. I doubt thats the only reason she dumped OP. But she was mad about that happening and maybe she had been looking for an excuse to end things but didnt want to hurt him. So this was an "easy" way to end things. To OP: I am not sure I would say that to her right now. Id give it more time.
EnchantedOne Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 She broke up with my for waking up her son in the middle of the night with my calling. Upsetting her routine, if you will. And she always asks every coworker to work her shifts, usually once every two weeks, she needs a day off for whatever reason. That's not being used. I'm not even the first person she asks. She's been single from the baby daddy, for 5 months now. We started talking almost right after and that's why we were on and off at the beginning. That breakup was a long time coming. She doesn't associate with him outside of "every other weekend" exchanges. With this info, it sounds like you were a rebound and she wasnt ready for it. I know a man whos wife cheated on him. He kicked her out. He dated some girl for a few months. She was the rebound and they both knew it. Then another girl came in his life and they were serious together. This was 7 months after kicking the wife out and 2 after the rebound. While he had accepted the marriage was over, he wasnt ready for a serious relationship even though he wanted the second girl. He needed the time to grow and fully mend from the pain the wife had inflicted on him. Neither of the girls had done anything wrong and he didnt treat them poorly. He was honest about it all in the end and the second girl was more hurt then the rebound girl, but understood why he ended things.
twinkles Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 When you see her on Saturday don't say anything other than Hi ...that's all. Make sure there is a smile on your face like you are happy to see her. Just put your feelers out but don't say anything unless she talks first. Don't tell her you're not perfect because we like to think you are. Don't tell her you are working on yourself...If she, I stress she, brings up the waking of the baby thing you just tell her you are very sorry for calling at that hour. There is no urgency for the two of you to get back together. So wait for a signal from her. Don't push for a talk and don't let any tension build. The more you push someone the more they back away. You have to be patient. When she opens the door then you walk through it. Until then do nothing. If she just left her relationship five months ago she may not be ready for anything right now. She is adjusting to being alone and being a single parent. You have an advantage because you have to see her at work. So you use this advantage by keeping your cool and to show her the best you. There may be a second chance there may not. Who knows. Just don't act like you are in a hurry.
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