ramba24 Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 I've been a long time lurker on here and decided that I need to share my story and get some opinions my situation, so here it goes. I have been dating my BF for 6.5 years. We have had everything possible thrown at us and have had major bumps in the road along the way. Within the first month of us dating my dad died, then after 32 yrs of marriage his parents divorced, and most recently he had to move 800 miles away for a job. I call it our three D's: death, divorce, and distance. Even through all of this we have been at each others side. Yes, there's been bumps and mini break ups long the way, but overall we have survived everything that has been thrown at us. When he left, I had to stay in our home state due to me starting a grad program. We were in agreement that I would move down when I was done. Well, I am going to be done after this semester and was all planned to move down. Then things took a turn for the worse. Things have been stressful the past few months as its hard to do long distance, it definatly wears on everyone involved. I went to go visit him in September and the trip was great. We had a good time and things seemed to head in the right direction. All the doubt and stress of being long distance wore away. I came back home and a few days later my engine in my car had some major problems. It took over a week for them to fix it (thank goodness everything was under warranty!). I failed to mention to him that I got my car. I didn't think it was a big deal, he was upset by it. After that he started to become distant. When we talked he only gave one word answers and he was cancelling our video chat dates. Beginning of Oct, I had enough and told him that we needed to end it. I couldn't take it any more. I didn't understand how we went from a great time seeing each other to this. When I ended it, he told me he needed space and time to think and didn't want to talk. I respected that and didn't talk to him. He deleted me off of Facebook, but not my friends or family. A month later, he wrote me an email saying how things didn't change for the past month and how I didn't talk to him. I was confused because he said he didn't want to talk. He then said we could start talking again. During Oct, I don't think he mentioned to his family what happened to us. His mom wrote me an email asking what I wanted for Christmas and a friend of his suggested we all hang out when he came back from for Thanksgiving. The following weekend, we chatted and I apologized for some much needed stuff and the conversation was okay. He said how much he loved me and how this will take time. I texted him here and there throughout the week and the following weekend we talked again. This time it was just a casual and general conversation. He said that it was great to hear my voice and it ended on a positive note. This is where it goes bad. I made the mistake of coming on too strong and wrote him an email of something that reminded me why I love and care for him. He responded saying he was uncomfortable with the email and to stop. I asked what he wanted from me, and he said he wanted nothing from me right now. Hurt, confused and embarrassed I let my emotions get the best of me and I apologized for the email and I told him that I will just have to think of him as a friend if that what he wants. He didn't respond. I said that because I had a hunch he was talking to someone else during this time. I think I made the mistake of telling him he was in the friend zone. This was a week ago. Yesterday on his Facebook he puts something up about going to see a concert. A lady responds "taking anyone special" he says "yes an awesome girl named____" she responds with a winky face. So my hunch was right. I decide not to let my emotions get the best of me and email him. I said how I accept he's with someone else, I respect his new relationship, and together or not his happiness is most important to me. I ended the email saying that he just should have told me he was seeing somone, because I would have never sent the email if I would have known. I kept it calm and cool. He sent a text back saying "okay, thanks". I think I originally messed up by telling him he was in a friend zone, which is not the case at all. How in a week could he go from wanting to talk to now full blown date someone? This leads me to believe he was testing out the waters with her, but wasn't too sure about it. That's why he wanted to keep talking to me. When I said he was in the friend zone, he thought there was no chance with us and immediatly jumped into her arms. He's 30 and she's 38 with a young son. I don't know why but that seems so out of character for him to be dating someone like that, especially since there's a child involved. What should I do at this point? Opinions or thoughts on how to fix this? I'm so lost. I know we both still care very much about each other.
Ariadne Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 What should I do at this point? Opinions or thoughts on how to fix this? I'm so lost. I know we both still care very much about each other. Hi, You sound like a great girl and you've been handling all this situation amazingly well. I'd say continue with your studies and finish your degree according to plan (congrats for that). You have been with him for over 6 years so that makes the relationship pretty solid, and it's longer than the time you've been away. See what happens if at the end of all you will be together or not. Have patience as he seems a little confused on what he wants. Good luck to you.
funkyyyy Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Well first off you're taking this amazingly well as the above poster has already stated.. I couldn't begin to imagine how I would feel if my current ex broke up with me for someone else. Basically I have this to say to you: Amidst all the pain and heartbreak you may feel down the road ahead, you must always remember that you deserve someone who is worthy of your love. Not someone who will throw it away for the next quick fix which from your post, I have seen. 6 years is a long time to just throw away. Again as the above poster said you seem like a great person and I think the best thing for you would be just move on with your life, finish your studies and viola. You're set. The grass is greener, good luck and post updates ~Nic
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