ToothpasteLove Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Long but in need of a little help here. We originally met on a dating site.. and have been seeing each other for a few months now, we've been on many dates, kissed, slept together, met friends and family etc: an as of a few days ago she told me she loves me and i make her so happy, i told her i love her too and really see this going places, from the begining we agreed that we werent going to be seeing anyone else, she told me how the last person she was with really messed her about, i promised id never do that, if im with someone, im with them and only them, thats how ive always been. I felt ready to move it into labels, last night i asked her if we could make it official, we have feelings, we've gotten intimate, we've seen each other for sometime now, and i plan on been with only her but she told me not yet, a little more time but she promises shes not going anywhere. I said okay maybe its a little early.. but in my mind you love someone your with them? You dont plan on been with anyone else so whats the deal? I get that some people dont care for labels.. but i would be so proud to call her my girlfriend because i think shes an amazing woman. I logged onto the dating site we met on today to delete my account because i no longer wanted or needed it and i see that she had logged onto her account earlier today, which means she's still using it? I dont see any other reason other than she's out fishing again. She has told me once before that been commited to someone scares her because she could get hurt. My gut tells me this girl liked the chase, the newness has worn off and now shes on the hunt again.. But here again.. I asked her, are you sure this is what you want.. ill accept what ever you say, i wont make a scene and ill do as you wish, but she got really pissed off with me and said she cant believe id say something like that? Shes sending so many mixed signals that tell me she doesnt want this, but tells me she does want this more than anything. . Before we started dating there was another guy she told me about.. she told me they had texted for some time and she wasnts interested.. then the story changed to they had been dating for a while but he never made the effort anymore to see her.. and when she met me she knew she wanted to be with me, so she called it off with him. Majour red flag? What is this girl doing? Playing games? Leading me on until the next best thing comes along? Am i falling for someone im never going to get? At the moment.. i dont want to do this.. but im thinking about putting my profile back up so she can see im using it and see how she likes that.. but then i risk this been turned around on me and me been called the game player? If she wants to keep it just casual id give her that but she gets pissed off everytime i ask what it is she really wants. Any input or opinions on this situation will help me out alot, im lost with what this girl wants.
KathyM Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 She's afraid of commitment. That's why she doesn't want to put labels on your relationship or make it official. Nothing you can really do about that. It could be that she was checking out the goods on the dating website to try to convince herself that there really is nothing better out there for her before she makes a commitment to you, or she could just not be ready to close off all options at this point. I think people that are afraid of commitment do not make good dating prospects and you can only go so far with them. Then there are people who waste a person's time and stick around until the right one comes along, then all of a sudden they are ready for commitment to someone else. Hard to tell which of these scenarios is happening in your case, but if you want to take what she said at face value, she's afraid of commitment, and that is why she is keeping her options open.
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