stunned8165 Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 I have a thread here about running into her again. "why is she doing this".. But That makes three times in two weeks. It upsets me to think that her and her kids are just a few feet away from me but yet so far. I still miss them very much. I miss the girl I fell in love with, and cetainly miss her two young kids (4 & 5) who I really bonded with because they have no real dad in their lives. I was their dad. . months later and I'm still screwed up, have that feeling in my gut back again today and just confused. I want to reach out to them so so bad but I know I can't. And I won't. I'm so afraid of Christmas too because Christmas was special for us. I even decorated the back yard with all the Christmas lights so the kids can see them all they want. We had two Christmas trees, one in each lving room. They were so happy except for that bull dogged faced mother of theirs who quite frankly, just didn't want to be a mom. Those kids were more of a burden to her.... I will never understand how someone can walk away from a nice normal family life for her kids, herself like it meant nothing. It was all the signs of gigs. She's 35.. not 38 by the way, that was a typo. But she was angry as hell at herself, very confused, even had sex with me 4 days before she moved, after sex she said she was so afraid of making a big mistake etc etc.. But I found out a week after she left, she was seeing her boss. He even helped her set up a place to live... I just don't understand any of it. Sorry, just needed to vent. Better I write it out here then to her. I trying so hard to keep no contact.. my origimal story [COLOR=#810081]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t302201/[/COLOR] about running into her [COLOR=#810081]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t308658/[/COLOR] [COLOR=#810081][/COLOR]
mike588 Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 I have a thread here about running into her again. "why is she doing this".. But That makes three times in two weeks. It upsets me to think that her and her kids are just a few feet away from me but yet so far. I still miss them very much. I miss the girl I fell in love with, and cetainly miss her two young kids (4 & 5) who I really bonded with because they have no real dad in their lives. I was their dad. . months later and I'm still screwed up, have that feeling in my gut back again today and just confused. I want to reach out to them so so bad but I know I can't. And I won't. I'm so afraid of Christmas too because Christmas was special for us. I even decorated the back yard with all the Christmas lights so the kids can see them all they want. We had two Christmas trees, one in each lving room. They were so happy except for that bull dogged faced mother of theirs who quite frankly, just didn't want to be a mom. Those kids were more of a burden to her.... I will never understand how someone can walk away from a nice normal family life for her kids, herself like it meant nothing. It was all the signs of gigs. She's 35.. not 38 by the way, that was a typo. But she was angry as hell at herself, very confused, even had sex with me 4 days before she moved, after sex she said she was so afraid of making a big mistake etc etc.. But I found out a week after she left, she was seeing her boss. He even helped her set up a place to live... I just don't understand any of it. Sorry, just needed to vent. Better I write it out here then to her. I trying so hard to keep no contact.. my origimal story [COLOR=#810081]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t302201/[/COLOR] about running into her [COLOR=#810081]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t308658/[/COLOR] [COLOR=#810081][/COLOR] It's ok to have setbacks. There have been numerous times that I felt I was over my ex. then WHAM the hurt and pain returned like it happened yesterday. We didn't have kids but she had a 15 year old daughter and we bonded and I helped her with school work,drove her to and from school etc. and I miss her too. Try to stop "understanding" what happened,, it will drive you so FRIGGIN CRAZY,, I know,, I about went out of my mind doing that. What's done is done,, you can't change it. My ex had sex with me the night before she dumped me for her ex. Guess she felt she owed me it,,guilt?, who knows,, I just quit trying to figure it all out. You know it's ok to vent here,, we're all in the same boat kinda, you know we are here for you. Hang in there! Don't reach out to her.
Author stunned8165 Posted November 29, 2011 Author Posted November 29, 2011 You need to change your thought process. Who cares why she chooses this route near you. It's not important. The thing you need to focus on, is the way she treated you. This woman left you for her seedy boss without a second thought for your feelings. If she came back you can be gaurenteed she would leave you again, just look at this woman's history! You need to figure out why you were attracted to such a woman like this in the first place. Two kids, two different absent fathers, a bad childhood. There should never have been a second date! You seem like a nice man. I feel it's a really good idea to go to Therapy. Losing kids that you loved like your own is very very hard (harder then losing her I suspect). Von can do it in 3 weeks (maybe you should PM him for some advice). Kids are very special, their love is so unique and pure..I have followed Mike's story and you are doing the EXACT same as him. Going over the same questions over and over again looking for answers you will never get and/or understand. You like Mike will be posting the same stuff in 6 months. Your concern is, no longer why she did what she did. Your concern is to focus on yourself and get the help of a professional to help you get over the loss of those beautiful kids. I feel for those kids. Children more often then not are a product of their environment. With a mother like her, they haven't a chance, just like she herself didn't...Life can be very hard smetimes... Everything you say is right. I know this. But my gut keeps messing with my head. I know she treated me badly. And I did breakup with her twice in the begining. But she kept chasing me. We came a long way in over two years. But then she went back to her old ways I guess. Who the hell knows.. I wish I had better health insurance because I WOULD go talk to someone. I wish she would too for the sake of the kids but she is in complete denial. .. All I can do is keep trying to move on I guess.
hoping2heal Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 I have said this before, I don't know why people call "gigs" so often on this board. I'm not saying this to be rude either - I just think it limits so many perspectives to lump it all under one general branch that more times then not didn't even seem to fit the criteria (as I understand it, anyway) I think it is incredibly sad the way she treated her children and I think that is just more confirmation of her self-centered and immature behavior. I think those two factors are why the relationship went badly (IIRC she cheated?) I don't believe thinking the grass is greener on the other side has anything to do with just being selfish and immature, in that case decisions are driven by erratic impulses. "I want it- so I'll do it, I'll get it, I'll buy it, I'll take it" etc. etc. etc. She clearly does what she wants, when she wants to and her expectation is that she can so she will. I feel so badly for those kids because you can cut this destructive and selfish being out of your life - she is their Mother and they are stuck with her. Poor kids. I feel badly for you too having gotten attached to them and now not being a part of their lives - another incredibly sad outcome. Their Mother screwing up her relationship with you by cheating is just so foul because not only you are attached to them - they must have gotten attached to you too and now you're just gone. I suppose that is the wrong way to look at it though - even if she hadn't cheated she would still be the "me,me,me monster". I can't fathom the level of self-centeredness in a person where even their own children hold little significance to them relative to their want,want,wants but it sadly exists. I'm sorry for the loss of those children you are dealing with, oh that is just so sad. I keep picturing a kraken each time I think of their Mother, so even though I understand you miss her - I can only congratulate you on being rid of a person like that knowing that they will subject you to an endless cycle of hurt and misery with their careless actions and selfish behavior which will repeat itself time and time again. She may be driving near your route to see you or because she misses you or just because she is having an off day and needs some validation but she won't bring you anything but down and even if she did miss you? What a lost cause that would be.
Author stunned8165 Posted November 29, 2011 Author Posted November 29, 2011 I have said this before, I don't know why people call "gigs" so often on this board. I'm not saying this to be rude either - I just think it limits so many perspectives to lump it all under one general branch that more times then not didn't even seem to fit the criteria (as I understand it, anyway) I think it is incredibly sad the way she treated her children and I think that is just more confirmation of her self-centered and immature behavior. I think those two factors are why the relationship went badly (IIRC she cheated?) I don't believe thinking the grass is greener on the other side has anything to do with just being selfish and immature, in that case decisions are driven by erratic impulses. "I want it- so I'll do it, I'll get it, I'll buy it, I'll take it" etc. etc. etc. She clearly does what she wants, when she wants to and her expectation is that she can so she will. I feel so badly for those kids because you can cut this destructive and selfish being out of your life - she is their Mother and they are stuck with her. Poor kids. I feel badly for you too having gotten attached to them and now not being a part of their lives - another incredibly sad outcome. Their Mother screwing up her relationship with you by cheating is just so foul because not only you are attached to them - they must have gotten attached to you too and now you're just gone. I suppose that is the wrong way to look at it though - even if she hadn't cheated she would still be the "me,me,me monster". I can't fathom the level of self-centeredness in a person where even their own children hold little significance to them relative to their want,want,wants but it sadly exists. I'm sorry for the loss of those children you are dealing with, oh that is just so sad. I keep picturing a kraken each time I think of their Mother, so even though I understand you miss her - I can only congratulate you on being rid of a person like that knowing that they will subject you to an endless cycle of hurt and misery with their careless actions and selfish behavior which will repeat itself time and time again. She may be driving near your route to see you or because she misses you or just because she is having an off day and needs some validation but she won't bring you anything but down and even if she did miss you? What a lost cause that would be. They were extremely attached to me. I had to listen to the 5 year old girl plead to me that she didn't want to go live there. She wants to live here with me, her brother and her Mom. I tried to comfort the girl, told her she needs to go live with mommy for now, be good and maybe someday come back here. All the mother had to say with her anger is " I can't believe you told my daughter that".. WTF?.. Why all the anger? I mean she was really angry through out the whole moving thing. She is just angry with herself because she knows she was making another poor decision.
Author stunned8165 Posted November 29, 2011 Author Posted November 29, 2011 forgot to make my point. But I still get that tape playing in my head about the little girl not wanting to go. I was her daddy. The day before they moved she introduced me to her whole class as her Daddy. I tear up just writing this.. But for a week, she had to call me because she wouldn't go to sleep unless she got to talk to me. She cried over the phone wanting to come home. So yes, they were VERY attached to me. They also were attached because I was the only one that gave them positive attention and reinforcement. They miss behaved for her because they didn't get that kind of attention from her. All she cared about after she came home was that job, and yakkin on the phone. I'm the one that played with them after work, taught the girl to write her name and so on. I was a great Dad. I loved it too...
harvej Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Stunned, you are dealing with a sociopath or Borderline Personallity Disorder. You cannot win in this case. Ever! Trust me, I just went thru something similiar, but have slowly with the help of these fine folks on this forum, come to understand what type of person i was dealing with. Life is way too short, (Trust me, i know). You cannot afford to waste one more minute agonizing over her and the kids. Even if she came back, you wont be loved, and the kids will eventually become independant and move on, while you burn your youth on this sociopath. Try becoming big brother to another kid, or better yet, get out there and a true love , marry her and have your own while you still can. You must move on!
mike588 Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 The best prediction of future behavior is past behavior.
Author stunned8165 Posted November 29, 2011 Author Posted November 29, 2011 Trust me. Logic tells me everything all of you say. But the emotional part grabs logic by the short ones if you know what I mean. I would never allow her back as a spouse. I would never subject myself to her poor behavior again. But I still have these feelings for the kids. Thats what i have to over come. And thats why I am here with all you awesome people. To vent here. To reach out here instead of to her. I realize she isn't worth my energy. And some day soon I'll be saying to my self "What the hell was I thinking". But I will tell you this, As much as it shouldn't matter, I do want that call to come so I can feel as though I have the upper hand and tell her to go see where she has to go. I know what path I have to take for my own sake. I know those aren't MY children, I know shes a piece of garbage.. But the fact still remains as crazy as it seems, and I'm sure you all understand, I still have feelings. But only time will repair the damage done, and fine tuning myself. I'll get there. I promise. And I will let everyone here know when I get there.
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