sadcalifornian Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 Well, she has her own logic in offering such, but I am just not comfortable with such unorthodox thinking. If you marry her, it will be a very volatile relationship at minimum. I assure you.
Author intuition Posted December 1, 2011 Author Posted December 1, 2011 Hi, We have a very volatile relationship. Some day's she'll be super pissed, and then i'm the center of her life. I have told her multiple times that she should really learn to not stress over some of the things she does. (For example drippy focet).
Milocat Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 I don't believe for one second she actually wants you to be with another woman, nor would it go over well to have a threesome with her either. I agree with PPs re: reassuring her that you're fine without trying other women, but take the opp to let her know that you want to try out lots of stuff with just her. TBH... the reassurance was prob all she wanted all along anyways.
sadcalifornian Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 She comes across as someone very self-centered, unstable, immature and promiscuous. I strongly advise you to carefully contemplate an exit strategy. She is not a marriage material !
2.50 a gallon Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Intuition I actually think that your GF is a wise woman I am a retired baby boomer, when I went to high school, marrying a virgin was the ideal and many of my friends did so. NONE of them survived the 20 year mark. In fact many of them were over within five years. In my college days I worked for the Clerk of the Court, the official who holds all of the paper work, files, dockets, of all cases, civil, divorce, criminal, etc. By that time I had lost contact with most of the kids I went to school with. One of the ways I kep tab on them was when I saw another one of them filing for divorce. It was almost a monthly thing, and mind you this was but 3 years after graduating. I can't tell you the number of times that I would bump into an old classmate and when catching up on our lives find out that they were divorced. The good thing was I got the bag several of my classmates who I lusted for during myh school years. By the time of our 10 year reunion over half of them were divorced. And one of the prime reasons was sex. One or the other would get curious as to what they had missed and try a new partner. And time after time, once they stepped over the line, they decided that their spouse was a dud in bed. I can understand your GF being leery of a life time commitment with a partner who was a virgin to her. She is trying to protect herself and your future kids. The chances are extremely high, when after years of being together, and your youthful passion for each other begins to wane, that you will get curious and let down your guard when another woman comes on to you You have only been with one woman, so you don't know that each partner in the time of passion is different.
Author intuition Posted December 2, 2011 Author Posted December 2, 2011 Hi That's what I'm thinking to, and way she has repeatedly explained. She rather that I explore ( and ofcourse come back), right now, then to explore when we have a committed life. She has had 5 partners before me and gas repeatedtly told me that she knows what's out there and that all her x don't even come close to the sastisfaction I give her. She also tells me that she never felt such a strong bond with anybody else before, and that she's extremely happy with me. She's finishing her ungard and might do graduate studies. I just finished my under grad, I am starting another undergrad ( part time, and related to my previous under grad), and I'm in the process of opening a research laboratory. She always says that she wants to move around to every part of the world, and that she doesn't want to stay here. I don't want to stay here, but she knows I'm not willing to move to a new place every couple of years ( she understands why now) We are both goal oriented people, who tend to push the others out of our way. This is a good thing caterer wise, but sometimes it hurts our relationship because we are both try to do something bit we are in each others way . We have learnt how to coexist with that cover time, but when we moved in together we had 2 months of hell. She also tells me that if work, school requires me to go away for a certain amount of time that I should go for 1,2,3 years ad then we would be back together afterwards ( within those years we would have a long term relationship). She tells me that if I need to go on a business trip ( for 1,2 weeks) that I can sleep with the locals. ( until commitment is made). She even proposed that I get a super high class prostitute( I think it was a joke). Not sure what else to say, oh and for te people reading. I havent made up my mind on what to do yet. I just like exploring and understanding every aspect. Thank you
nofool4u Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 What do you guys/girls think? Should i open the door and test the waters, should we try to setup a 3some, or should i just ignore what she says. Thank you Sorry, I highly doubt if after the fact, if you go through with this, that she will be fine with it. Oh she says she will, but there are too many times people tell their stories of consensual 3-somes, and after the deed is done, one ends up having a problem with it. And even though you are inexperienced, she gave the ok, and that she'd be fine with it because she has had other men, it is selfish to think you can be in a relationship and screw around while in the relationship, and she doesn't get to. Doesn't matter what she did with who before you 2 were an item. I think if you do this, say goodbye to the relationship as you know it. And my guess is that she suggested this because she has cheated and you don't know it.
nofool4u Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Hi, Well i've asked her, and i've warned her over and over that i wouldn't accept it if she slept with another men. Then you shouldn't go through with it, regardless if she gave you the ok. I doubt the double standard would hold for very long. Her reply is that she doesn't need to since she has in the past and she's really satisfied with me. Again, I suspect its because she has already had other men WHILE in a relationship with you. She also said that the rules would be "don't fall in love", "warn me when you go". Thanks, Lets say this was a genuine proposal. How many times, with how many different women to you get to partake?
sadcalifornian Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 I cannot believe where this thread is leading to. Am I the only one sensing red flags all over in this relationship?
2.50 a gallon Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 sadcalifornian I am with you "volatile relationship" "separating for 1-3 years" and having a LTR is just not going to work, somebody is going to cheat "career orientated, who tend to push the others out of the way", that probaly won't work in you career and definitely will eventually kill your relationship relationships are built upon compromise, neither can have everything they want
Author intuition Posted January 23, 2012 Author Posted January 23, 2012 Hi, A little update, because now i'm even more confused. So at the beginning of december i decided to do what you guys told me, and told her i had no interest in other women and that i wouldn't take her offer. Now we fast forward to this friday. I had a meeting with a friend of mine (who is a girl, for which i have known for 5 years) about a research project i wanted to start up. The reason why we ahd this meeting was because i had previously given her a summary of what the project would consist of and she was extremely interested since it was partly in her field of study (alzheimer's 'In case some people are like - Oh yeah research you say). And i had told my GF about this the second me and the girl had chosen a date,time. So we proceeded with the meeting(which lasted 3 hours), and when i came back home. My GF asked what we talked about, so i explained and blah blah blah. Then I told her that we would probably have another meeting later on (like in ~1 month). So then my GF turns around and starts to say that i like this girl more then i like her. I procees to tell her that it isn't true, and that i don't understand how she got to that conclusion. So then she starts saying that eventually i will start having meeting with her and not telling her that i'm having meetings, and that i will start to like this girl, and/or that this girl already likes me, but knows i'm in a relationship, and that she is in one to therefor it is a forbidden fruit. I'm just sitting there the whole time going ................... I just don`t get it anymore, 1 day (couple months ago) she says go sleep around, then i say no. Then i have a meeting (not a date), with an old friend for which i have been in contact for a long time, about a Reasearch project and she blows up stating that we will fall for each. Can anybody explain the logic behind all of this? Maybe i don`t understand because i`m an engineer and there is no logic behind this . Thank You,
MusicMan1234 Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Dude, it sounds like she's cheating on you. The reason she was trying to get you to sleep with other woman is so she feels better about cheating.
Breezy Trousers Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 What do YOU want, Intuition? Why all this focus on her, her, her? You might want to explore that. Don't make your girlfriend your higher power, worrying about what she thinks, where she's coming from, etc. If you're feeling unsettled about this, that's all you need to know. Don't do it. Your girlfriend doesn't sound grounded enough for this, anyway. Open relationships require tremendous emotional maturity. Very, very few couples can handle it, nor should they. I only know of one successful open relationship, and they are spiritual (tantra) teachers who deliberately use their open relationship as a tool for loosening egoic attachment .... Conscious open relationships are not the same as swinging or infidelity (ugh). And this rule, "Don't fall in love," is naive. I don't think you have a bit of control over who you fall in love with.... When you start slapping bodies together? Good luck with that! Read anthropologist Helen Fisher's work on love, sex and brain chemistry. Listen to that intuition of yours.
Author intuition Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 Hi, Well I have been focusing a lot on my work/projects/research/company (Busy man). So it isn't all about her her her. When i come here (which isn't often), and i write of course it will be about her since this site is dedicated to these sort of things. If i wanted i could tell you that working 24 hours a week, taking 2 math classes (night classes), im in the middle of starting a RnD medical company. Therefor, i'm only at home for supper, and to relax for 1-2 hours(When i don't have classes), when i have classes i get home eat and then i go to sleep. During the weekends, i to do my homework, and work on/off on my company. Also, since i'm building a company i'm creating a lot of new contacts for myself so that i can eventually use them, and i'm using old friends to help me out in some endevors (will pay them or hire them as interns - since most are still in school).
Breezy Trousers Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Hi, Well I have been focusing a lot on my work/projects/research/company (Busy man). So it isn't all about her her her. When i come here (which isn't often), and i write of course it will be about her since this site is dedicated to these sort of things. If i wanted i could tell you that working 24 hours a week, taking 2 math classes (night classes), im in the middle of starting a RnD medical company. Therefor, i'm only at home for supper, and to relax for 1-2 hours(When i don't have classes), when i have classes i get home eat and then i go to sleep. During the weekends, i to do my homework, and work on/off on my company. Also, since i'm building a company i'm creating a lot of new contacts for myself so that i can eventually use them, and i'm using old friends to help me out in some endevors (will pay them or hire them as interns - since most are still in school). I meant that, on this forum, you sound more concerned with her thoughts than your thoughts concerning this issue .... You're very busy. You'd be inviting a lot of unnecessary complication and risk into your life if you follow through on this, your girlfriend notwithstanding. Some get off on that, though.
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