tahoekid Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get". Ok, so I met someone, she seemed totally together. She's cute, affectionate, and has a lot of common interests with me. We started sleeping together after a few weeks. It was only after we got closer that I started seeing a different side of her. She would get weird and go on the attack if I did not communicate with her for too many hours. I was cleaning my apartment one night, and left my cell phone turned off. The next morning I was busy, and texted her around 1:00pm (on a Sunday). She suddenly went crazy with accusations of cheating, etc. Since then she goes from being nice to mean in a cycle. The latest was "I can't believe you didn't get me a Thanksgiving Day present". Who the hell does that? Then the next day I get a text msg (I was traveling out-of-state for the holiday) asking me "how come you don't say you miss me?". I'm about ready to run for the hills. I don't need drama or insecurity from a S.O. What do you think?
robaday Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 I can only speak from experience. But I had the same issue and persisted. It got worse a lot worse. For the first six months I didnt react to the guilt trips etc. But afterward once I was attached it was hard not to. Eventually I bagan giving her what she wanted, and the tears etc began to affect me. Then she began to actively dislike me (funny that), and slowly she became more and more critical. It would be possible to work through it - are there other problems in her life at the moment that are causing this? If she is just like this by nature you will never be enough for her. No matter what you do. Am I right in thinking she was attached and besotted with you in a very short space of time? I can tell you once you fall off that pedestal your in for a rocky ride.
RiverRunning Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Woah, she certainly pulled the bait-and-switch on you. I could never imagine accusing a partner of cheating unless he was gone all hours of the night with no decent excuse, he was caught in a series of lies, etc. But cheating because I just have a FEELING that he is or cheating because he didn't talk to me for a few hours? Huge red flag of insecurity. And there's nothing you can do about this besides talk to her and try to convince her to start working on her insecurity. Did someone in her past cheat on her? Remind her that you are not that guy, and she will have to start treating you as though you aren't him. It's not surprising that some of this would come out after having sex - I think for a lot of women, it means a closer attachment and suddenly they risk losing more if you leave. I say give her three months to improve IF she says she's willing to work on it. And then you are gone. Life is too short to deal with these kinds of accusations. My ex-boyfriend was insanely jealous of my gay friend (who was even in a relationship at the time). He accused me of sleeping with the friend (and I had been upfront about my friendship even before we started dating, and he was fine with it then) and would call me 10 - 15 times in a row if he knew the friend was visiting me. When I answered (this was at the beginning - after a while, I ignored all of his calls), he would yell at me about not answering the first time and demand to know what I was doing.
phineas Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Giving into a woman's insecurities just makes it worse I learned. You can just tell her "if you really think i'm cheating on you, why do you stay with me? Don't you know I could never respect a woman who would stay with a guy who cheats on her?" That'll put her brain in a knot long enough for you to flee out the door & get around the block. LOL!
Author tahoekid Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 Well, the problems are beyond the fact that she thought about the cheating. We've been having sex for several months, and so far it has been very 'vanilla'. It started feeling to me that she was being a bit selfish, so I mentioned to her I would like a bit more variety. She took that as an insult - that I was being selfish for not just giving her what she wanted and I would get what I got. She got into a tiff for a few weeks on that one. I feel like I cannot talk to her about anything, or she will take it as a negative. I'm now on the fence as to whether I should just move on. I am not a shrink and I feel like I am her 'feel good' companion. She 'invites' herself into dates by saying (like today), "we should go out to dinner this weekend, and maybe a comedy club". But of course I'm the one who is paying... I feel I'm being taken for a ride.
Author tahoekid Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 I can only speak from experience. But I had the same issue and persisted. It got worse a lot worse. For the first six months I didnt react to the guilt trips etc. But afterward once I was attached it was hard not to. Eventually I bagan giving her what she wanted, and the tears etc began to affect me. Then she began to actively dislike me (funny that), and slowly she became more and more critical. It would be possible to work through it - are there other problems in her life at the moment that are causing this? If she is just like this by nature you will never be enough for her. No matter what you do. Am I right in thinking she was attached and besotted with you in a very short space of time? I can tell you once you fall off that pedestal your in for a rocky ride. She has been out of work for months, so that is making her pretty stressed out. I'm thinking wait it out until she is working - maybe she will lighten up.
Author tahoekid Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 Run Forrest run. Yeah, I think you're right.
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