carhill Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 I'd start looking for a room or apartment today. Sorry
Els Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 TA, given all that you have said, why are you still with him? I agree with carhill - no matter what your decision about the R is, it doesn't appear that living together is doing you any good. And that's putting it mildly.
JohnnyCage Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 To me, it seems like the OP is a walking red flag for any stable guy. This guy looks like your bf Join date 29th Nov same date as this thread and he is full of hate for you. If you ask me I think you should leave. But don't think that you left because your bf was in the wrong ONLY. You are as much guilty as he is.
Negative Nancy Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 what he did was wrong, but so were you. that stupid "meowing" () would annoy the hell out of me too. he asked you several times to stop, yet you did it again...there's a breaking point for everyone and he had probably reached the end of his patience, especially after he asked you to stop shortly before this incidence and you told him you would stop, and then you did it again. you thought you could get away with it and test his patience with no limits, well sorry, lesson learned...i'd cut the guy some slack cos i think he did it "in the heat of the moment" and did not really mean to harm you. overall i think your relationship has run its course and both of you are better off without each other.
veggirl Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 2 things are very evident from your threads about this guy. 1- you guys have a terrible relationship and do not belong together. 2- you need to be single for a long, long time. This thread is pointless. You have the same basic complaints about your relationship over and over again, but you do nothing to fix it. You recognize your OWN gross behavior over and over again, but do nothing to fix it. Why waste your time even typing these posts....
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 Of course it's bad when a person resorts to getting physical when in conflict. I don't care if you purposely tried to drive him nuts , he was still wrong to lay hands on you - as you would have been if the tables were turned. But … all I can see is wrong, wrong, and more wrong with this relationship. If he hadn't grabbed your arm and frightened you I would still be perceiving it this way from your posts over time. What's your plan??
veggirl Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 Tigress, It seems like you guys hate each other. It's time to leave. This, absolutely. But, you have nowhere else to live, so you will justify all of these issues....again.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 As a girl, i would say that OP is crazy to live with someone she hates and hates her...is she mental?....i have never seen such dis function...and I am a woman.... Then I guess you've answered your own question about your relationship with a man who you don't trust, you don't think has a heart, and who hit you … you're out of there, right?
azsinglegal Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 As I said he has lots of money and connection..that is why i am confused...we girls love money more than anything or anyone as you well know. I love dick more then money. That's why I'm dating a poor guy with a huge cawk.
Lilmisus Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 May I suggest you writing down a list of reasons to stay and one of reasons to leave? Others have pointed out that him not being able to tolerate what you describe as silly behavior is a sure sign that the relationship is not going to make it. I definitely agree with them. Him not being able to maturely ask you "stop" after you did it once while playing, shows that he is at the end of the rope with merely tolerating you. Sure...it may be a one time thing, but it just SHOWS how he felt towards you at that moment. He may not do it again, but can you rest assured knowing that he doesn't feel like he has to tolerate you and what you describe as "silly" behavior that he used to encourage? Think of the future and what will occur when other disagreements come up. What will happen when he asks you a few times to stop doing another behavior? The risk is not worth it to me. Him grabbing your arm and not listening to you is a sure sign of what the future may hold. Whether or not he gets physical with you again, the feelings will most likely still be there. Especially after the argument y'all got into when you tried talking things over. There's resentment there, and I guarantee it's only going to get worse at this point, even if it doesn't get physical again. I say, take your dignity, and go. Or at the VERY least, stay someplace else for a while, and take a break from the relationship to decide if the relationship is worth saving and being in. From an outsiders perspective, it's not...but give both of you time to know for sure if you really want to be with one another or not, and let him sort through why he resorted to grabbing you and not listening rather than a different tactic.
2sunny Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 This, absolutely. But, you have nowhere else to live, so you will justify all of these issues....again. Yep, there have been other issues with this same guy in the past - yet she stayed then too, when he wasn't treating her kindly. Most likely she'll stay again... She hasn't given herself the independence to have the option of being on her own. Even a roommate situation would be better - to share expenses... Look at ads today and move tomorrow! Do you earn enough now to support yourself each month? Staying because he pays your way will never have the R feeling balanced. Causes resentment from him - and you thinking your not capable of supporting yourself. Moving is a great choice given the circumstances... But it was also a great choice 6 months ago and you refused to move forward with this necessary growth. Are you afraid to be alone?
whichwayisup Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Your friend and her bf think by letting you stay with them for a few days to be alone and think is going to cause them drama? W T F !! You are a friend in need and I don't know how she could have told you no, what is wrong with her boyfriend??!!. Sorry but your friend let you down when you needed her most,,A safe place to stay and she shut the door on you. How she and her bf sleep at night is beyond me! (Sorry I had to rant about that!!) Your bf is playing this cool right now and he's being 'nicer' because that's the pattern. Move out. Seriously being with him isn't safe. This relationship is over, it's only a matter of time before it gets worse. If need be, stay at a shelter. I know it's expensive but DO stay in a hotel. Or ask another friend or a co worker.. YOu can't do this alone and people can help (well most! Sorry still stuck on the issue that your friends bf won't let you stay with them for a few days!)
laotzu Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 In the future, you should be more aware of your behavior, and what your behavior is telegraphing to your partner. In this case, you realized a certain action would have a certain effect, and you set about exploring that. Your action, meowing, bothers your partner - so you continue meowing. And, as is his apparent MO, he overreacts. We all do small, "character acts" like meowing or grunting, or making particular faces, and sometimes we find that one of them annoys our partner. You found one that annoyed your partner, and he told you; we don't know how many times, but we're assuming many times. You meowed, he grabbed your arm, you asked him to stop. Here, you realized: if I meow, he might grab my arm. You responded by engaging in the same behavior shortly thereafter. We're all just sort of smart animals, and you both behaved like it. Additionally, it sounds as though you were in a fight or a tiff: you went to kiss him, and he pulled away. Why do you try to escalate situations, as opposed to de-escalating them?
veggirl Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Your friend and her bf think by letting you stay with them for a few days to be alone and think is going to cause them drama? W T F !! You are a friend in need and I don't know how she could have told you no, what is wrong with her boyfriend??!!. Sorry but your friend let you down when you needed her most,,A safe place to stay and she shut the door on you. How she and her bf sleep at night is beyond me! (Sorry I had to rant about that!!) Eh, she prob made the story about the friend up. What friend would turn away a girlfriend who had been physically hurt by her bf to the point that she was frightened? I'm pretty sure TA just said that stuff about the friend and "fiance drama" to explain why she was back home that night. afaik from the other threads, TA don't you and your bf split rent and stuff now? It's basically 50/50, no? So you can do that with someone else. Roommates .com, CL, whatever.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 I can only imagine you stay in this relationship because you are just that afraid of being alone. If it's that bad for you, live with a family member or friend, or get a roommate or two. Trust me, it can be hard at first, but it is so much better to be on your own and healthy than in a relationship that is so problematic and unstable.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 (edited) Tigress, normally I agree with you, but I have to call you out on this. I believe that this is a one off with your BF as well, because you know you deliberately annoyed him with the "meow" a few times, and forgot to consider his feelings when you kept doing it (one time per incident, I know!). But when you come here to update the situation, you dont even mention considering how HE feels at all. Remember, you meow at him after he asks you to stop. You wanted to stop, but you did it without thinking. For all he knows, you were still doing it on purpose to push his buttons. So now his feelings are hurt because he felt like you disregarded his wishes to not be annoyed, and now its a misunderstanding. It is his mistake for letting his frustration build, instead of getting away from you to show you his frustration, but were not always rational when emotions get involved, look at how you smash your head when you get mad. I understand that youre guarded now, I think you two can get past this. I truly think you dont have anything to worry about, but for god sakes, if someone asks you to stop doing something, dont keep doing it. Because youre basically showing them that you have disregarded his feelings entirely, which starts the breakdown of the relationship. You keep saying how cold he was about your feelings, but you havent even mentioned any concern for how he feels. I thought you LOVED this guy? I know you feel scared, and you have a right to feel that way, but you have to wise up at some point and take 50% of the responsibility here. EDIT: I just realized that I havent been caught up with the past of this relationship, so I recant my advise about trying to work it out. That said, Tigress, I hope you will consider peoples feelings in the future, when they ask you not to do things, and dont only consider your own feelings in that situation. Edited December 2, 2011 by Eddie Edirol
Els Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Eh, she prob made the story about the friend up. What friend would turn away a girlfriend who had been physically hurt by her bf to the point that she was frightened? I'm pretty sure TA just said that stuff about the friend and "fiance drama" to explain why she was back home that night. You must have had very good friends. I absolutely know a few people who would do that.
eerie_reverie Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Tigressa... What do u get out of this? Your relationship is exhausting even to read about.
Trimmer Posted December 2, 2011 Posted December 2, 2011 Your friend and her bf think by letting you stay with them for a few days to be alone and think is going to cause them drama? W T F !! You are a friend in need and I don't know how she could have told you no, what is wrong with her boyfriend??!!. Sorry but your friend let you down when you needed her most,,A safe place to stay and she shut the door on you. How she and her bf sleep at night is beyond me! (Sorry I had to rant about that!!) I understand, and fully acknowledge what you are saying. However, I recognize that her friend does have more of a direct history with her than we do. It does make me wonder whether this might be a "here we go again" situation for the friend. Put it this way - you can't understand how someone could be so cold, and I get that. But remember, we aren't seeing things (or history) through the friend's eyes. Which scenario is easier to imagine: kind of a whitewashed, objective view of a generic friend being so cold as to turn away another generic friend when she is in need, or given what we do know about the OP and her cycles through relationship drama, a friend who has been there in the past, maybe feels like she has put herself through "the drama" more than once, and feels like maybe she's in a crying wolf situation... Not saying it's right (that's the essence of the cry wolf story - it's not right to ignore the plea for help, but after enough desensitization, it's an understandable response) but given what we know about the OP, which of those sounds more likely?
Lurkers1983 Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 EDIT: I just realized that I havent been caught up with the past of this relationship, so I recant my advise about trying to work it out. That said, Tigress, I hope you will consider peoples feelings in the future, when they ask you not to do things, and dont only consider your own feelings in that situation. I think you should follow your own advice. You're guilty of not respecting people's feelings yourself. Remember, we're all adults that take responsibility for our actions. Don't get offended by my comment and accept it as honest feed back.
Eddie Edirol Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I think you should follow your own advice. You're guilty of not respecting people's feelings yourself. Remember, we're all adults that take responsibility for our actions. Don't get offended by my comment and accept it as honest feed back. Im guilty of not respecting STRANGERS feelings. I dont have to. If im brash to people on here, its because I think thats what they need, I dont do it for sport. So youre not saying anything that everyone doesnt already know. I deal differently with people that are close to me. So your feedback is noted as unoffensive yet how bout you say something that would benefit the OP? Did I disrespect your feelings with that one?
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 6, 2011 Posted December 6, 2011 I'm not sure what the other posters are saying...but coming from a physically abusive childhood I recognize one huge problem here. It's the fact that he felt there was justification to hurting you/applying pressure, and it was no big deal. That's the main issue...before you know it, it will be "oh quit being such a baby, I only smacked you across the face...it's not even red" He feels sorry for the fact that things have gotten to such a big deal over this and obviously it's a big issue for you so he is doing what any average brained person would do and is apologizing. However unless he realizes the magnitude of his actions and sees the big picture, he will probably feel it will be justified if the moment arises again. It's a very bad sign, it's up to you If you can get over it and see if he does it again...judging from experience, once that trust is broken however it cannot be brought back.
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