what do i do now?

[hellfire241]

okay let me keep it short.. i just need some good advice..

 

my ex and i were tgt for 6.5 years. she initiated the break up stating that she didn't feel i was good enough for her and that she could do better. plus i didn't reassure her of our future. we were each other's first for a lot of things! almost everything.

 

i'm not about to give up and want to make things right cos i truly believe that if you have sth good going on, you should hold on and not let go. considered if i just wanted things to get back to normal and if i was getting back into an unhealthy r/s but i really think not for the following reasons..

 

- arguing puts a lot of strain on a r/s so i learnt to just let some things go. just not worth the strain and all

 

- we support each other's ambitions and give advice not to serve our own needs

 

- try to give solutions to each other's problems, be it big or small.

 

- we got mutual friends and get to know each other's family

 

- in a sense i feel like we are same but different ppl and we make up for what the other person lacks. e.g. she's not really motivated to study so i give her encouragement. and i'm not really optimistic so she'll always try to cheer me up.

 

these are just a few since i want to keep it as short as possible.

 

but now i find out that there was another guy involved from a mutual friend. she admits that there is nth between them but she just feels he cares for her? i don't know but i think this guy might have stepped over the 'friend' caring to something more, knowing that she's attached.

 

and then now i find out they are spending a lot of time tgt since they go to the same school and are in the same class. and she asked him out.

 

i made my stand to her saying that i will continue to try and she didn't stop me. i see that i'm just a go to guy just in case things doesn't work out btw her and this other guy and i'm probably setting myself up for a bigger disappointment and heart ache if she does get tgt with this guy.

 

at this moment the only solution i have to anything she decides is to continue trying. fyi, i did the no contact for one week and we've been broken up for about a mth now? i did feel like after the week that i was in a much better position in a sense that i realised that i could let her go. so i made the decision to consciously hold on to her cos i don't want to let her go.

 

my approach to this is to work at things that caused the break up in the first place like not being caring enough and keeping all the promises that i made to her before we broke up. one at a time. but i just feel like she's not opening her eyes to me changing? at least not fully. that's just the feeling i get.

 

so what i need advice on is how to approach the situation. i'm giving her space and she probably likes being chased (thought she asked this guy out) and i still text and call her and meet up. and when we do we still have that connection and are still pretty touchy with one another. what should i do. Please don't tell me no contact or just give up. that's not an option for me and its a decision i how readers will respect.

 

i know that there are many out there who are in my situation, getting out of a long term r/s. some have even gotten back. i just feel lost right now. i'm fine being left hanging for the time being and this guy is an external factor i cannot control. so let it be. i've gone thru the forum and saw that she might be having a case of Grass is greener on the other side thingy.

 

if you need any other info to give me better advice please feel free to ask. if its not too personal i wouldn't mind disclosing it.

 

i don't know if it helps but i'm the guy.. just in case you are wondering.

[betterdeal]

Okay, so you have broken up and yet you're still in contact and have a lot of physical affection still. So hat has changed, particularly, other than she's now has a new play mate as well as you? One thing you can do is consider all the things she said led her to break up with you and improve things you think are valid, but use that new improved you with someone else, a new girl.

 

Or you can think of it like this: she wants to try out things with the new lad, so let her. But don't be half and half: stop the calling / texting / meeting / touching etc but be open minded to getting back together once she's got that out of her system, and tell her so. If you continue to interact with her, how's she going to know what she's missing? Stop that sh*t. Let her know for real what life is like without you, and go and do stuff that makes you happy. Being able to be happy with or without someone is a good skill to have in life.

[hellfire241]

i honestly don't know if i'm just being stubborn because tons of ppl are telling me that.. like stop trying so hard and all.. and yes.. i do think that she wants to try things out with this new guy.. i don't think she loves him or wad but has interest. and yes, i am doing exactly what you said - open to meeting new ppl and dating. none of them really meant anything tho. the only reason i don't think no contact will work in this case is that she's too proud to come back to me or ask me out for that matter. so i feel like if i break lines of communication she will probably leave for good even knowing that she might have made a mistake leaving me. i'm trying to maintain this line of communication so that when she has made up her mind then i'm at least still there and she doesn't have to come looking for me. i hope this clears out why i ruled out NC as an option.

[hellfire241]

"you r in love with yrself more den u r in love with her.". this is a tip i got from a close friend of her's.. any thoughts?