Mohanson Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 I'm talking to this really sweet, really nice girl, who has a lot to offer. Only problem is, I'm finding myself not attracted to her, physically. Now granted I've only seen pictures of her (the initial ones were kind of fuzzy so wasn't exactly clear and 3 days later I finally saw more clear pictures of her) and I haven't seen her in person yet. But my attraction to her has waned. Should I give her a chance in person? She has said she doesn't photograph well, and neither do I. I don't want to lead her on, truth is I like her personality and enjoy our conversations but I'm worried that I'm not going to get past that.
jobaba Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 I'm talking to this really sweet, really nice girl, who has a lot to offer. Only problem is, I'm finding myself not attracted to her, physically. Now granted I've only seen pictures of her (the initial ones were kind of fuzzy so wasn't exactly clear and 3 days later I finally saw more clear pictures of her) and I haven't seen her in person yet. But my attraction to her has waned. Should I give her a chance in person? She has said she doesn't photograph well, and neither do I. I don't want to lead her on, truth is I like her personality and enjoy our conversations but I'm worried that I'm not going to get past that. I guess you're asking this question to figure out what the rest would do and base your wavering decision based on that? I would meet her and I wouldn't have even thought of hesitating. But I'm not typical. For most others, it would depend on what other options they had, and how they approached the dating game.
Author Mohanson Posted November 29, 2011 Author Posted November 29, 2011 Yeah your absolutely right she deserves a chance at least. I would want someone to give me that chance if the shoe was on the other foot. One other thing that was bothering me, and just like to get anyone opinion on it. Is it bit underhanded using fuzzy non clear pictures of yourself on your profile because you don't photograph well? I'm not facially challenged or anything I'm a "fat" person but I put up clear full body shots of myself on my profile to be fair.
Emilia Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 If they are fuzzy, they might have been taken from a distance and enlarged that's all.
RiverRunning Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Maybe they were the only shots she had at the time? But aside from that, yes, you should go out with her. But I have a standard "two date" rule. Unless the person is a TOTAL creep or a TOTAL loser on the first date, I always meet up for a second date. Usually if the guy's a creep the first time, he's even creepier the second, I've learned. i met my second boyfriend that way. On our first date, he just kept staring above my head at a TV in the restaurant. Initially, I thought he was being rude and was bored/disinterested in what I had to say. But then I began to suspect he was just nervous, so I agreed to see him again. He later told me that he was very nervous - and that I too didn't photograph well, because he didn't expect me to be as good-looking as I turned out to be. He went home after our first date, depressed and worried that I wasn't going to contact him again. We've had good times and bad times. But I am glad I gave him a second chance. I would want someone to do the same for me. And really, is it such a big investment to agree to a two or three hour date? Most of us would probably just sit at home in our underwear playing XBOX anyway.
thatone Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Maybe they were the only shots she had at the time? But aside from that, yes, you should go out with her. But I have a standard "two date" rule. Unless the person is a TOTAL creep or a TOTAL loser on the first date, I always meet up for a second date. Usually if the guy's a creep the first time, he's even creepier the second, I've learned. i met my second boyfriend that way. On our first date, he just kept staring above my head at a TV in the restaurant. Initially, I thought he was being rude and was bored/disinterested in what I had to say. But then I began to suspect he was just nervous, so I agreed to see him again. He later told me that he was very nervous - and that I too didn't photograph well, because he didn't expect me to be as good-looking as I turned out to be. He went home after our first date, depressed and worried that I wasn't going to contact him again. We've had good times and bad times. But I am glad I gave him a second chance. I would want someone to do the same for me. And really, is it such a big investment to agree to a two or three hour date? Most of us would probably just sit at home in our underwear playing XBOX anyway. the above is far too rational and makes too much sense for most people .
carhill Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Meet her in person and refrain from the thinking process of 'giving her a chance'.
grkBoy Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Go one one date and decide. You trying to judge it all on profile, emails, and photos is no better than the vast amount of women who do that. Look how many guys complain endlessly on how women won't even reply because they simply look for chemistry with a photo and profile. One date won't kill you.
FitChick Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 If someone was way off in the looks department compared to what you generally liked, I'd say don't bother. But if you find her pleasant looking enough and you get along, go out with her. I've done that with guys. One who was borderline ugly I wound up falling in love with, so you never know. He was within the parameters of what I like in a man,though. Just not a pretty face.
Sanman Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Meet her, but don't do it to give her a chance. Do it because she might be the one and you would be robbing yourself of meeting her if you did not go. Some of my best relationships were those where I was initially turned off for dome reason, but went ahead and met the person anyway. A few pleasant surprises have come my way using this outlook.
blueskyday Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Go meet her. Give her two dates. I always do that, too, unless the guy is obviously deranged. I agree, go into with the idea she could be the one, not to give her "a chance." If you do that, you will be looking for the negatives. Have fun!
DonJuanInc Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Give it a shot, but don't feel bad if she isn't attractive to you. If that's the case, tell her after the first date you aren't interested romantically.
Author Mohanson Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 Yeah I will go on a few dates with her and see what happens. The reason I brought up the thing with the fuzzy pictures was because she had others and didn't put those up, but I can see how they might of been re sized and became fuzzy. I'm sure there are a multitude of reasons as to why the pictures are out of focus and fuzzy. I'm not a super hot guy (or even moderately hot lol) but I just feel that disclosure is the best option, this is what I look like no surprises if you like me great if your don't wonderful please move on.
allina Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 I'll go against the majority and say don't meet her. You're no longer excited about her and you aren't attracted to her, what's the point? It will be more awkward if you decide to stop talking to her after the meeting. And what constitutes giving someone a fair chance? I think once you decide that someone won't be the right fit for you there is no reason to keep them on the line.
jerbear Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 Here is my argument against the majority. Depending on what kind of love and attraction you utilize, are you the slow burn type or the hot and heavy personality? If you're the hot and heavy type, then don't meet up with her for a date. If you are the slow burn type, go on a date.
Casablanca Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 I'll go against the majority and say don't meet her. You're no longer excited about her and you aren't attracted to her, what's the point? It will be more awkward if you decide to stop talking to her after the meeting. And what constitutes giving someone a fair chance? I think once you decide that someone won't be the right fit for you there is no reason to keep them on the line. I had someone like that, I wasnt too sure based on talking to her twice on the phone, but we had interests in common, so I went with meeting her, still luke warm after the first date, went on a second and sparks started to fly....heck I wasnt that excited to meet her the first time, but it went well and I really found myself liking her.
Author Mohanson Posted November 30, 2011 Author Posted November 30, 2011 I had someone like that, I wasnt too sure based on talking to her twice on the phone, but we had interests in common, so I went with meeting her, still luke warm after the first date, went on a second and sparks started to fly....heck I wasnt that excited to meet her the first time, but it went well and I really found myself liking her. Awesome I'm completely open to the experience, glad you tried with her and it worked out.
allina Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 I had someone like that, I wasnt too sure based on talking to her twice on the phone, but we had interests in common, so I went with meeting her, still luke warm after the first date, went on a second and sparks started to fly....heck I wasnt that excited to meet her the first time, but it went well and I really found myself liking her. I'm glad you had a nice experience. Are you still with her? Personally, I would never want to date a man that did not find me attractive. I don't want to "grow" on a guy because we have common interests because I know that it takes more than that to maintain a romantic relationship. I feel like we can often convince ourselves to be temporarily attracted to someone that we originally didn't find attractive but that fades with time, then you're stuck with a partner that never physically did it for you.
Casablanca Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 I'm glad you had a nice experience. Are you still with her? Personally, I would never want to date a man that did not find me attractive. I don't want to "grow" on a guy because we have common interests because I know that it takes more than that to maintain a romantic relationship. I feel like we can often convince ourselves to be temporarily attracted to someone that we originally didn't find attractive but that fades with time, then you're stuck with a partner that never physically did it for you. I am not, she broke up with me after a couple months of dating
allina Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 I am not, she broke up with me after a couple months of dating Sorry to hear that.
jobaba Posted November 30, 2011 Posted November 30, 2011 (edited) I'm glad you had a nice experience. Are you still with her? Personally, I would never want to date a man that did not find me attractive. I don't want to "grow" on a guy because we have common interests because I know that it takes more than that to maintain a romantic relationship. I feel like we can often convince ourselves to be temporarily attracted to someone that we originally didn't find attractive but that fades with time, then you're stuck with a partner that never physically did it for you. From what I have read and observed from the internet and from real life experiences, most women have a narrow range of what they find initially 'hot and attractive'. Maybe 20% of guys in their own age demographic. So, if women were only to date the men they found initially hot and attractive, 80% of men would die off as bitter virgins (while all the while being mocked on LS dating forum). A LOT of women end up dating men who maybe they weren't initially attracted to but who grow on them after a little while. And I have been one of those guys. A lot of times women end up dating those guys seriously and marrying them. From what I gather, there's a HUGE difference between dating someone a) you did not find particularly attractive initially but grew to become attractive and b) dating someone you do not think is physically attractive period. I have heard multiple women say, "I didn't think he was initially attractive, but now I think he's gorgeous!" Perhaps you are an awesome looking girl and can regularly pull hot guys, so you don't have to worry about such things, but you are very visual based for sure. Consider that a good amount of men will probably never be looked at by ANY woman as initially hot and dateable. So, by your dating philosophy all those men would just have to die off... Edited November 30, 2011 by jobaba
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