Eternal Sunshine Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 My birthday is next week. Boyfriend pre-emptively said that he won't be able to get me a present as he just bought a car and we are booking Europe trip for next year. I can't help but feel a bit sad. I mean, I would appreciate a card or even a bunch of flowers. It just feels like he doesn't care to get me anything. Am I over-reacting?
neowulf Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Eh, personally I think it's a thoughtless cope out. You don't need to spend a heap of money to celebrate a birthday. $10 of shopping supplies + picnic rug + bottle of wine = Lovely day out. It doesn't have to be about a gift. Then again, maybe he's just setting you up for a surprise
Citizen Erased Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Maybe he thinks you are worth more than a card and some flowers. If it bothers you, speak up. He does have a point, other expenses are more important right now. It doesn't make him cheap, it makes him sensible.
carhill Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Can anyone help me understand why someone who is living with someone else in a committed romantic relationship preemptively announces 'there will be no birthday gift for you'? Is this what 'communication' has come to? Heck, I'd probably plan a little inexpensive candlelight dinner at the no-tell motel (the OP's house which IIRC is sitting vacant) and surprise her, but that's probably why I'm divorced.
Citizen Erased Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Can anyone help me understand why someone who is living with someone else in a committed romantic relationship preemptively announces 'there will be no birthday gift for you'? Is this what 'communication' has come to? Heck, I'd probably plan a little inexpensive candlelight dinner at the no-tell motel (the OP's house which IIRC is sitting vacant) and surprise her, but that's probably why I'm divorced. Well, perhaps he isn't terribly imaginative when it comes to romance. Most of the Australian men I know aren't. I'm surprised he didn't just ignore her birthday, actually communicating that he can't afford to take her to a restaurant and hand over a gift is actually thoughtful. Different generation, different country Carhill. You keep being how you are.
the wizard Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 My birthday is next week. Boyfriend pre-emptively said that he won't be able to get me a present as he just bought a car and we are booking Europe trip for next year. I can't help but feel a bit sad. I mean, I would appreciate a card or even a bunch of flowers. It just feels like he doesn't care to get me anything. Am I over-reacting? No, you shouldn't. If he didn't care he woudn't be booking a trip to Europe for you. Why are women so insecure and emotional over something so small as this? Damn.
xxoo Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 He said no gift, but he didn't say no card, no flowers, or no special day. I've preemptively told my H that I wasn't planning to buy a gift, just so he isn't expecting one. But I still cook a meal (anything he wants), make a dessert (anything he wants), make the day about him (anything he wants), and take him to bed (anything he wants!). He's pretty happy
KathyM Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Why is it the guy can't be bothered to get even a small inexpensive gift? There should be something to acknowledge your birthday, even if it's just a $10 bunch of flowers and a card. How hard is that to pull off anyway? Even people who haven't been dating very long try to acknowledge the birthday of their bf/gf with a small gift at least. From the way you describe this guy, he sounds like he doesn't value or appreciate you enough. He basically tells you you aren't good looking enough for him, and now he wants to cheat you out of a birthday gift. I don't think he treats you well enough. What kind of guy tells his SO that she's not his ideal in looks and that he's not getting her a birthday gift? I think you should hold this guy to a higher standard and expect better treatment from him, and not allow him to get away with this behavior/comments that devalue you. Just sayin . . . Tell him you think it's important to acknowledge your SO's birthday, even if it is just with a small token gift.
norajane Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 He could do a little something. It seems mean-spirited not to do anything, not even a bottle of wine and a card. Unless...is he trying to make a point? Did he give you his old car? Is that why he needed a new one? Who is paying for the Europe trip?
carhill Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 If your birthday is normally a day of celebration, I don't think you are over-reacting to feel sad about this announcement.
threebyfate Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Hold it. He bought himself a car and I'm assuming you're sharing expenses for next year's trip to Europe. So what does this have to do with getting you a birthday present?
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted November 29, 2011 Author Posted November 29, 2011 We are sharing expenses for Europe trip but he bought a car for us both to use with his money. I am also not sharing expenses with him at his place (he pays all the bills, we only share food expenses - he insisted on that). We are going to celebrate my birthday at my parent's place where mum will make us dinner. He does pay for us both about 80% of the time when we go out to dinners. He is generally not cheap so that's why this announcement is a bit of a surprise
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted November 29, 2011 Author Posted November 29, 2011 Why is it the guy can't be bothered to get even a small inexpensive gift? There should be something to acknowledge your birthday, even if it's just a $10 bunch of flowers and a card. How hard is that to pull off anyway? Even people who haven't been dating very long try to acknowledge the birthday of their bf/gf with a small gift at least. From the way you describe this guy, he sounds like he doesn't value or appreciate you enough. He basically tells you you aren't good looking enough for him, and now he wants to cheat you out of a birthday gift. I don't think he treats you well enough. What kind of guy tells his SO that she's not his ideal in looks and that he's not getting her a birthday gift? I think you should hold this guy to a higher standard and expect better treatment from him, and not allow him to get away with this behavior/comments that devalue you. Just sayin . . . Tell him you think it's important to acknowledge your SO's birthday, even if it is just with a small token gift. I really wouldn't say that he treats me badly. Perhaps I am not seeing it. He tends to blurt out whatever is on his mind and sometimes it's things that can be hurtful. Plus, I tend to ask too many questions. He also tells me that I am beautiful all the time which is contradictory with what he said before about my looks *shrug*. He says that I look more beautiful now than when he met me... BTW, he did take me to a really expensive restaurant in another city (he payed for the flights) for our 6 months anniversary. He bought me a nice necklace when he came back from Europe...so yeah wouldn't call him cheap and unappreciative.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted November 29, 2011 Author Posted November 29, 2011 I guess that I will wait for what he does on the day. If he really doesn't even get me a card I will be pissed/dissapointed.
Star Gazer Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Well, perhaps he isn't terribly imaginative when it comes to romance. Most of the Australian men I know aren't. I'm surprised he didn't just ignore her birthday, actually communicating that he can't afford to take her to a restaurant and hand over a gift is actually thoughtful. Different generation, different country Carhill. You keep being how you are. He's not "from" Australia. He just lives there.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Is it really that big a deal? I mean birthdays were big when I was 10... but I'm 32 and I'm not going to cry if someone skips it.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted November 29, 2011 Author Posted November 29, 2011 Is it really that big a deal? I mean birthdays were big when I was 10... but I'm 32 and I'm not going to cry if someone skips it. No. I am turning 33 and really, I guess I am OK with not getting a present. I hope he remembers to wish me happy birthday. I do not want to cause an argument over something silly. I should point out that the day after my birthday we are traveling interstate to meet up with his parents at a nice resort where we will spent 3 days with them. They are paying for the entire trip (they really like me). Boyfriend told me just now that he booked some activities to do while there (like jet ski and electric bike ride). I offered to pay for my half and he said "Nah, you can think of it as your bday present". So I guess that's cool.
threebyfate Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 I offered to pay for my half and he said "Nah, you can think of it as your bday present".So he's already giving you a birthday present. What's the problem?
Citizen Erased Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 He's not "from" Australia. He just lives there. Yeah well it rubs off, believe me.
oaks Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Am I over-reacting? What did you say? Anyway, I don't believe him.
Els Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 (edited) Can anyone help me understand why someone who is living with someone else in a committed romantic relationship preemptively announces 'there will be no birthday gift for you'? Is this what 'communication' has come to? Heck, I'd probably plan a little inexpensive candlelight dinner at the no-tell motel (the OP's house which IIRC is sitting vacant) and surprise her, but that's probably why I'm divorced. I completely agree with this. Very strange - I have given the bf birthday presents that cost less than $10 (you can do quite a lot with a kitchen, or art supplies, or, well, you get the drift!). Edit: Oh, hrm, I just read the rest of your thread. Given what you've described about how he treats you, I guess I'd just say that he's not a birthday-gift-person. I can certainly understand that you'd be a little disappointed, but it's not a big deal IMO. You are probably right in that you should just let it go. Edited November 29, 2011 by Elswyth
musemaj11 Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Money, money, money. He pays this, he pays that. You women make me ****ing sick. Disgusting parasitic leeches.
azsinglegal Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 No. I am turning 33 and really, I guess I am OK with not getting a present. I hope he remembers to wish me happy birthday. I do not want to cause an argument over something silly. I should point out that the day after my birthday we are traveling interstate to meet up with his parents at a nice resort where we will spent 3 days with them. They are paying for the entire trip (they really like me). Boyfriend told me just now that he booked some activities to do while there (like jet ski and electric bike ride). I offered to pay for my half and he said "Nah, you can think of it as your bday present". So I guess that's cool. What's wrong with making that your birthday present? I think that shows he's thought about your birthday.
carhill Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 My father was born four days before Christmas. Do you think his birthday presents were found under the Christmas tree? 'Hey, hon, pick any of those packages and consider that your birthday present' We teach people how to treat us.
phillyfan Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 My birthday is next week. Boyfriend pre-emptively said that he won't be able to get me a present as he just bought a car and we are booking Europe trip for next year. I can't help but feel a bit sad. I mean, I would appreciate a card or even a bunch of flowers. It just feels like he doesn't care to get me anything. Am I over-reacting? Dude WTF? wat a loser. Tht aint rite. Any fool knows u gota do somethin for ur girl on her birthday, hell he cud do a lotta things tht aint even costin him money, masage, cookin u dinner, flowers (they aint much). Hes a cheap ass guy who aint treatin u rite. If he aint pullin a suprise outta the air on ur birthday, thn mayb this dude aint the rite one 4 u.
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