HeartOnSleeve Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 speaking more about men, but I'm sure they would say the same...maybe?! But lately the men I am meeting and my friends are meeting are just not ready, not wanting, or just avoiding a committed relationship in general. I'm seeing all ages and all stages of life. Yet they want us all to act like we are in a relationship but NO "title". Anyone else running into this more often. Are there just to many options these days? I'm confused
WildWildWest Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 and have noticed for a looong time now.. I have been dealing with a guy on and off for 2 years and he's the same way.. however he acts like its a commited relationship but just doesnt give it a title.. We agreed to be fwb long time ago.. come to find out his defintion of fwb is NOTHING like the real defintion.. All this time I was thinking we were free to see other ppl, and just recently found out he thought I was gonna deal with just him and him deal with just me.. but he doesnt wanna feel tied down or feel like he has to check in.. seems like a semi commited relationship to me.. MAKES NO SENSE!! haha
wildtrac77 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 speaking more about men, but I'm sure they would say the same...maybe?! But lately the men I am meeting and my friends are meeting are just not ready, not wanting, or just avoiding a committed relationship in general. I'm seeing all ages and all stages of life. Yet they want us all to act like we are in a relationship but NO "title". Anyone else running into this more often. Are there just to many options these days? I'm confused Yea i find a lot of women are like what you describe above... thou what the hell is all this talk about a title??? black is black and white is white.. your either in a relship or your not... talk about people making dating so complicated these days!!! I wouldnt say :To many options, more the case most people are waiting for someone better to come along!!!
Elysian Powder Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 speaking more about men, but I'm sure they would say the same...maybe?! But lately the men I am meeting and my friends are meeting are just not ready, not wanting, or just avoiding a committed relationship in general. I'm seeing all ages and all stages of life. Yet they want us all to act like we are in a relationship but NO "title". Anyone else running into this more often. Are there just to many options thesidays? I'm confused well, young men are smarting up and realizing that relationships are senseless, worthless, and mostly benefit women. you better grow used to it 'cause commitment and monogamy are so 1300 A.D. -like . thank you, feminism, for the free pOOnani :love:
Author HeartOnSleeve Posted November 28, 2011 Author Posted November 28, 2011 by saying options I meant...waiting for the next best thing I've been dealing with a guy for 9 months, and have 3 friends that have been all going through the same. I'm just baffled. And yes I agree the whole defining of a relationship and a title makes dating complicated. If you like someone and spend time with them, like communicating with them, having sex with them and so on what's the big deal. So you break up if it doesn't work. I'd rather give something a go then just give up on nothing. Wild wild west ...what are you doing in your situation. I feel the same. I thought we were free to go about our lives seperatly or together since he wasn't ready, but he says he would be upset if I was out and about flirting or dating. WTH Shall we just sit around and wait for them to be "ready"?
Author HeartOnSleeve Posted November 28, 2011 Author Posted November 28, 2011 well, young men are smarting up and realizing that relationships are senseless, worthless, and mostly benefit women. you better grow used to it 'cause commitment and monogamy are so 1300 A.D. -like . thank you, feminism, for the free pOOnani :love: Hahaha....Kill me....I'm pretty liberal and laid back but lack of anything is really bothering me lately. This is why women AND men eventually give ultimatums. Unbelievable.
grkBoy Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 speaking more about men, but I'm sure they would say the same...maybe?! But lately the men I am meeting and my friends are meeting are just not ready, not wanting, or just avoiding a committed relationship in general. I'm seeing all ages and all stages of life. Yet they want us all to act like we are in a relationship but NO "title". Anyone else running into this more often. Are there just to many options these days? I'm confused Only rationale some have made is they notice now things crash and burn the moment the title gets put on it all. Like you'll see two people doing wonderfully, until they call it a "relationship", then a month later they get into a fight and it breaks them up. Too many unfortunately see it all as "the end" as opposed to "the beginning".
Feelsgoodman Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 speaking more about men, but I'm sure they would say the same...maybe?! But lately the men I am meeting and my friends are meeting are just not ready, not wanting, or just avoiding a committed relationship in general. I'm seeing all ages and all stages of life. Yet they want us all to act like we are in a relationship but NO "title". Why does this confuse you? Men are smarting up to the fact that in our modern society, marriage (whether official or common law) comes with many downsides and absolutely no upsides, at least from a man's standpoint. So men are trained to avoid "official" relationships like a plague.
WildWildWest Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I just wanted to be fwb.. nothing serious, in which I thought we were free to see other ppl.. well over time my feelings have changed and I decided I was ready for a relationship and I really wanted to be with him.. but it seemed like he was just playing games with me and he just wasnt ready.. He would go threw spells of not talking to me at all, ignoring me and acting as if I didnt exsist (we work together so it was really awkward) so after a long period of waiting it out and seeing what was going to happen I sat down one night and wrote him a letter.. put all my cards on the table, told him how I felt and everything, but I also told him despite how I felt I wasnt chasing him anymore, told him what I was looking for and if he ever wanted to try a real relationshiop he has my number.. a couple days later he was txtn me and he admitted that he does feel the same way but he just doesnt like to put his feelings out there.. thats also when he told me his definition of fwb and told me that he gets mad and jealous over other men.. So now he has told me how he really feels but yet I havent seen any change in action.. I am tired of being the one to persue him all the time.. Im pretty much at a standstill, really more confused now than I was before.. haha.. He has been burned pretty bad in the past and I kno that has alot to do with how he is now, but seriously tho, I'm tired of waiting!!!!!!
ditzchic Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I think it's a lot of people just wanting to have their cake and eat it too. I've dealt with a couple of guys who "didn't like labels". Now I'm no commitophile, I don't commit to people unless I really really want to be with them for something potentially long term but I don't leave the people I'm "just seeing" hanging in limbo. I don't expect them to give me all their time, attention and try and form something real if they are getting nothing in return. It seems like a lot of the guys I have dealt with that aren't into the labels expect all the benefits of having a girlfriend (time, attention and sex) while expecting to not meet the emotional needs of the person that they would label their girlfriend. Next time I hear a boy say he isn't into labels, I'm running the other way. When I'm feeling someone I want to label the hell out of it. I'm done messing with boys who don't feel the same way about such things.
carhill Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 There are commitment-minded men out there (as well as women) but those men are not attractive to you (OP) so you never discover their commitment-mindedness. I've noted a great way to repel women is by being clearly commitment-minded. They scatter. I have no idea why Good luck
Art_Critic Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Age can have something to do with running away from commitment.. The 20's are about expanding your horizons and tasting all that is out there.. The older you get the more setting up a place to call home and roots are more important..
Art_Critic Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I've noted a great way to repel women is by being clearly commitment-minded. They scatter. This is sooo true.. even if the woman was looking for a commitment Go figure...
DearAbby Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I don't know. I am having the same problem. No one wants to committ. They act like they want to get in a relationship, take things slow, and get to know me, but once it starts to get serious they run. I think it has to do with options and people online dating, so they always want the next best thing.
carhill Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 One can be adventurous, fun-loving and still maintain a strong sense of commitment. Examples might be commitment to family and friends; doing what one says they'll do. Commitment to school. Commitment to a job or business. A clear sense of direction and a plan for life. All these aspects are or can be synergistic with 'seeing what is out there'. Even in dating, STR's and LTR's prior to marriage, a person's commitment style, of strong, can shine through. If the OP predominantly encounters men who are uncommitted, perhaps she can adjust her demographic focus onto a different category and caliber of man; men who demonstrate strong commitment in the predominance of their lives.
Woggle Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 If you look at who initiates most divorces and who most often catches GIGS it seems that men are not the ones with commitment issues. Also women tend to be the ones constantly saying they will not settle so I don't think we have the monopoly on bigger and better. Another thing is that men for the most part will pick peace and lack of drama over anything and most relationships these days are just filled with drama.
somedude81 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 speaking more about men, but I'm sure they would say the same...maybe?! But lately the men I am meeting and my friends are meeting are just not ready, not wanting, or just avoiding a committed relationship in general. I'm seeing all ages and all stages of life. Yet they want us all to act like we are in a relationship but NO "title". Anyone else running into this more often. Are there just to many options these days? I'm confused And you know who lets this happen? The women. If men couldn't have sex with women outside of relationships, then more men would commit. Why expect a man to buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?
ScienceGal Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Check out the thread I started yesterday about "is there such a thing as too much communication?". It's this exact issue. I'm dating a guy that is reluctant to give a label. I'm suddenly having a really hard time with it yesterday and today.
Art_Critic Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I'm dating a guy that is reluctant to give a label. Hey ScienceGal.. doesn't that in itself give your relationship a label ?
Author HeartOnSleeve Posted November 28, 2011 Author Posted November 28, 2011 Age can have something to do with running away from commitment.. The 20's are about expanding your horizons and tasting all that is out there.. The older you get the more setting up a place to call home and roots are more important.. Actually, two of us are 28 and dealing with it...have a friend who is 22 dealing with it, another who is 31. It's across the board these days. Come to think of it my mom has a friend who is 57 running into it as well. Which is why it's confusing. Normally I would say it a generation thing Carhill: I know they are out there and trust me I am not putting the men I date in a box. I branch out...try new things...online, meet up groups, sports, different places in my city and I literally. I have dated quite a few men and have what I consider a high/balanced set of standards. Also, the men I am attracted to seem to have good direction in their life, solid family life and great friends. The guy I am "stuck" on a the moment has job circumstances that make it more complicated but at the same time that is a good excuse for him to use to avoid something more at this time. However I have noticed that dating these non-committal folks has made it much harder for me to communicate my feelings for fear of this type of rejection...which I am fully aware of and working on myself. It's amazing, men and some women say we want these independent, you have your friends and I have mine type of folks, but is that true? Women are scared to initiate these days because of books like "why men marry (love) bitches" etc. We are being programmed to not be "needy" and to not always discuss our feelings out of fear men will think we are dramatic. It's an interesting topic to me. The psychology of dating is getting in the way of just DATING
ScienceGal Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Hey ScienceGal.. doesn't that in itself give your relationship a label ? I've labeled it pseudo relationship, but it could also be called BS. I could also just tell him that I'm going to refer to him as my boyfriend and if he doesn't like kg then he should break up with me!
Author HeartOnSleeve Posted November 28, 2011 Author Posted November 28, 2011 Check out the thread I started yesterday about "is there such a thing as too much communication?". It's this exact issue. I'm dating a guy that is reluctant to give a label. I'm suddenly having a really hard time with it yesterday and today. I'm sorry your situation is stressing you out ScienceGal! But it would appear to me that you two are exclusive and if I were you I would either end things since you are this upset and it doesn't appear you can get what you want from this particular relationship. But I am the type of girl that doesn't like to talk about past relationships in depth...I like to know someone had them but that is all. I also, like to know how each of us are feeling about one another but I don't need the long drawn out conversations. I just want to have fun, care about someone and know the feelings be mutual. I don't think it's good to over-analyze to someone which is why I love LS If you like him and you two are exclusive and together just enjoy it and let it grow and hopefully your insecurities and his will start to go away
Titania22 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I've labeled it pseudo relationship, but it could also be called BS. I could also just tell him that I'm going to refer to him as my boyfriend and if he doesn't like kg then he should break up with me! I like this idea, because if he does stick around, he might also get over his fear of the label after he has heard you use it a few times. Maybe it won't be so bad for him over time.
ShannonMI Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 speaking more about men, but I'm sure they would say the same...maybe?! But lately the men I am meeting and my friends are meeting are just not ready, not wanting, or just avoiding a committed relationship in general. I'm seeing all ages and all stages of life. Yet they want us all to act like we are in a relationship but NO "title". Anyone else running into this more often. Are there just to many options these days? I'm confused Very true. Or they are in committed relationships and they stray. I know two guys right now who are like this. One is married and one has been with his girlfriend for like 3 years. The married one is unhappy, but the other one says he's happy. They both cheat though. I think if you cheat, there is something seriously wrong. You can't be all that happy if you can't stay faithful to the person. Am I right?
Titania22 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 You can't be all that happy if you can't stay faithful to the person. Am I right? I think there are 2 types of people, ones that are naturally monogamous and ones that aren't.
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