YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Do people really ever get over their ex's? Why are so many breakups caused by the dumper getting back with their ex? It seems 75 percent of the breakups on here are caused by the dumper getting back with their ex. Is this a chain reaction we are all now falling for? It's like the pain and suffering our ex's went through when they were the dumpee has been transplanted onto us. They miss their ex and when what we wish for to happen (their ex wanting them back) takes place we are left with the burden. Does this cycle constantly repeat itself? I hope I don't screw over someone to get back with my ex one day. What are your thoughts on this?
bbronco Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 It really depends on what terms the relationship ended on...I have an ex ex that when the relationship ended, I hated his horny cheating ways. (Go figure when you pick a Notre Dame, wrestler frat guy to be your boyfriend!) I would have still given anything to make the relationship work but he had to be set free on the town. Now 3 years later, we've kept in touch and he's quieted down, hates the bar scene, is thankful to have a smart woman in his life to have the serious business talks with and has suggested we date again several times...but what we had is lost. I'm not turned on anymore when I see him and don't feel any butterflies..haven't since we broke up. We'd be so compatible at this point in our lives but unfortunately we ruined it for eachother by dating too soon maybe! My recent ex though...the breakup was very emotional with lots of love. It's impossible to move on and forget when you still care so strongly. I know as long as I don't meet anyone I'm attracted to, I'll be waiting to get back together with him again. Not the best case scenario!
Paper Roses Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I have never been in a relationship that ended because of an ex. If you are thinking this way about your ex, it's time you spent some time alone. Alone is good, don't let your relationship status define you. Work on yourself and your self esteem and all that good stuff so that you can be a really awesome woman who knows what she wants and has something to offer a good man. Your ex is an ex for a reason, don't forget that.
Author YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 28, 2011 Author Posted November 28, 2011 It really depends on what terms the relationship ended on...I have an ex ex that when the relationship ended, I hated his horny cheating ways. (Go figure when you pick a Notre Dame, wrestler frat guy to be your boyfriend!) I would have still given anything to make the relationship work but he had to be set free on the town. Now 3 years later, we've kept in touch and he's quieted down, hates the bar scene, is thankful to have a smart woman in his life to have the serious business talks with and has suggested we date again several times...but what we had is lost. I'm not turned on anymore when I see him and don't feel any butterflies..haven't since we broke up. We'd be so compatible at this point in our lives but unfortunately we ruined it for eachother by dating too soon maybe! My recent ex though...the breakup was very emotional with lots of love. It's impossible to move on and forget when you still care so strongly. I know as long as I don't meet anyone I'm attracted to, I'll be waiting to get back together with him again. Not the best case scenario! Bronco, Do you believe your feelings are still so strong for the recent ex because the breakup just happened? Do you think it will be possible you could lose that attraction down the road just like you lost it with your ex ex. People change and I guess those feelings change too as time goes. Were you the dumpee both times?
radiodarcy Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 i agree with Flourescent- - i have read instances on this board where someone dumped their current flame for an ex. but the 75% figure seems a little high. that being said there are no figures to suggest the success rate of such reconciliations. until you have those - - i wouldn't be so quick to say those couples will last a second time around. like Paper Roses said - - an ex is ex for a reason.
M2155 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I doubt the majority of breakups are caused by an ex (I don't even see that being the majority on this board). Most people who have truly moved on or understand they broke up for good reason won't have this problem. I think a lot of people get to a point where breaking up is probably the right thing to do in their current relationship and the easiest way to do it is to try and rekindle something familiar. I'm not saying always, but I can see when you hit that stage in your relationship you think back remembering the good times about so-and-so. My ex broke up with me because he got back with his ex. But deep down I think we would have broken up anyway or he wasn't willing to do the work, so I guess he was just making sure he had somewhere to go first. But most of the posts on this board are people who at least think they want their ex more than anyone, so I can see how it happens.
mike588 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Do people really ever get over their ex's? Why are so many breakups caused by the dumper getting back with their ex? It seems 75 percent of the breakups on here are caused by the dumper getting back with their ex. Is this a chain reaction we are all now falling for? It's like the pain and suffering our ex's went through when they were the dumpee has been transplanted onto us. They miss their ex and when what we wish for to happen (their ex wanting them back) takes place we are left with the burden. Does this cycle constantly repeat itself? I hope I don't screw over someone to get back with my ex one day. What are your thoughts on this? Most of you know my story but let me put my 2 cents in. On top of them never getting over their ex.I'm guessing there is some unfinished business there between them, maybe they go back to fix the problem hoping it will work this time. My ex. told me she failed in the relationship with her ex. so I guess she went back out of guilt?,, to try to fix her failure? Put this in your pipe and smoke it, she also told me after she went back to him she KNEW the relationship will fail again, WTF!!
bbronco Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Do you believe your feelings are still so strong for the recent ex because the breakup just happened? Do you think it will be possible you could lose that attraction down the road just like you lost it with your ex ex. People change and I guess those feelings change too as time goes. Were you the dumpee both times? The first time I was the dumpee, the most recent I was the dumper. It's hard to understand what I was thinking but I know in dating my recent ex, when I would reach points of frustration that I knew I never had a problem with while dating ex ex, then there would be those occasional slip moments where you compare and doubt if you're in a better relationship than before or not. I didn't want to go back to my ex ex, but I'd have those "what if" things might be better thoughts if I tried again. Again, I wasn't attracted anymore because of all the pain I went through in dating him. Right now...it's hard to pinpoint where all my feelings are coming from. I was unhappy and ended my relationship, but now I'm doubting if those were strong enough reasons to end things. We were pretty much 90% perfect but that 10% was a bitch! I def. harbor feelings of guilt and regret which keeps my attraction to him strong and fresh. His resistance to come back keeps me on this constant mission to reassure him that we can work. The only way my feelings will change with this ex is if he continues to ignore/avoid me for another 5 months...acting like a douche is starting to leave an unpleasant taste in my mouth. He's a totally different person with no sense of compassion. Not an attractive trait to keep my interested in wooing him back!
fucpcg Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I waited 7 months before dating again after my horrible ending of a relationship of a year. Its now been 2 months that I was seeing someone else, and I ended it with her yesterday. Why? Because first I could see she was getting to stage where she would soon be very attached to me, and after 2 months I still am not any less over my ex. I love my ex 100%, I know it, and I can't lead on a girl I know that could really fall for me. Having your heart ripped out of your chest really sucks, and I never ever want to do that to someone. I tried to move on from my ex, I couldn't.
mike588 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I'm proud of my heart,it's been played stabbed cheated burned and broken but somehow it still works.
M2155 Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 I'm proud of my heart,it's been played stabbed cheated burned and broken but somehow it still works. Are you reading a quotes book today? This is like the 7th one:D
mike588 Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Are you reading a quotes book today? This is like the 7th one:D No just from memory.lol I remembered alot of "love quotes" too that I would say to my ex. and she thought is was so sweet,, didn't help though,ha.
wilsonx Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Im going to tell you all a secret... I've been fantasizing about causing an LS Story like this and upping the percentage to 76% teeheehee hee hee
darkmoon Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 (edited) exes? well, i saw an on-line debate group who all agreed the ex should not hang around. On this debate alot of ppl think the opposite. my non-boyf's ex got my address - but he won't (so far) give me hers - yes, that's why he's my non-boyf. the ex may have some hold that in my case is rather apparent, and I'm glad not to be involved because of it. I'm querying - does an address mean more to him than me? Happy walk away here we were all unanimous - the debate looked like it had been started by a guy whose ex wanted to stay friends (clinging vine) and s/he had thrown it open to the public - my non-boyf's ex wanted the hold on him, he thought it was ok to let thast happen but he looks concerned to see me out and dressed up. which is not my problem Edited November 29, 2011 by darkmoon
Author YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 29, 2011 Author Posted November 29, 2011 I waited 7 months before dating again after my horrible ending of a relationship of a year. Its now been 2 months that I was seeing someone else, and I ended it with her yesterday. Why? Because first I could see she was getting to stage where she would soon be very attached to me, and after 2 months I still am not any less over my ex. I love my ex 100%, I know it, and I can't lead on a girl I know that could really fall for me. Having your heart ripped out of your chest really sucks, and I never ever want to do that to someone. I tried to move on from my ex, I couldn't. Fucpcg, Did you tell your current ex the truth (real reasons) for the breakup or did you tell her something else? If you didn't tell her you still had feelings for your ex what did you say? I am just curious to know.
Author YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 29, 2011 Author Posted November 29, 2011 The first time I was the dumpee, the most recent I was the dumper. It's hard to understand what I was thinking but I know in dating my recent ex, when I would reach points of frustration that I knew I never had a problem with while dating ex ex, then there would be those occasional slip moments where you compare and doubt if you're in a better relationship than before or not. I didn't want to go back to my ex ex, but I'd have those "what if" things might be better thoughts if I tried again. Again, I wasn't attracted anymore because of all the pain I went through in dating him. Right now...it's hard to pinpoint where all my feelings are coming from. I was unhappy and ended my relationship, but now I'm doubting if those were strong enough reasons to end things. We were pretty much 90% perfect but that 10% was a bitch! I def. harbor feelings of guilt and regret which keeps my attraction to him strong and fresh. His resistance to come back keeps me on this constant mission to reassure him that we can work. The only way my feelings will change with this ex is if he continues to ignore/avoid me for another 5 months...acting like a douche is starting to leave an unpleasant taste in my mouth. He's a totally different person with no sense of compassion. Not an attractive trait to keep my interested in wooing him back! Bronco, When you first broke up with your current ex did you believe it was the right thing? When did you start regretting it? I am just curious to know. Also do you think the reason why you want him back right now is because of his resistance to come back (wanting what you can't have)? I know you said that will wear off in time but it sounds like he has taken advice from people on here ha ha (sorry for the sarcastic laugh).
mike588 Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Early on in our relationship,2 months maybe over breakfeast we were talking about us and she mentioned she still had feelings for her ex. but heck I thought alot of people have "feelings" for their ex. I had/have "feelings" for some of my ex.s but not, In Love feelings so at that moment I didn't give it much thought, (red flag I know) Later that night when I was at my home she called me and I brought that up after thinking about it. I mentioned that maybe we should cool it for awhile,, take a break but as soon as I said that her response was ,No, I hope your kidding,I want to keep seeing you, I don't want to breakup. She convinced me that all was good,, Oh if only I would of followed thru with that I wouldn't be here now.
bittersweet memories Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Do people really ever get over their ex's? Why are so many breakups caused by the dumper getting back with their ex? It seems 75 percent of the breakups on here are caused by the dumper getting back with their ex. Is this a chain reaction we are all now falling for? It's like the pain and suffering our ex's went through when they were the dumpee has been transplanted onto us. They miss their ex and when what we wish for to happen (their ex wanting them back) takes place we are left with the burden. Does this cycle constantly repeat itself? I hope I don't screw over someone to get back with my ex one day. What are your thoughts on this? No Way 75%...
fucpcg Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Fucpcg, Did you tell your current ex the truth (real reasons) for the breakup or did you tell her something else? If you didn't tell her you still had feelings for your ex what did you say? I am just curious to know. I was honest from day one, saying I just had a terrible split from my ex. The girl I was dating was very appreciative of the honesty and understanding. We both kept a bit of an emotional distance these two months. However, I could see she was getting attached, and after running into my ex last Saturday for the first time in 7 months, I could also see I wasn't making any real progress. So I had an honest talk with her about it, and we ended it.
Recommended Posts