How are you supposed to feel about the Other Woman/Man?

[fificremefarben]

I mean, I know that it's not all their fault, and that your partner couldn't have been taken unless they wanted to, but I'm finding it so hard not to hate this girl. She actively pursued him since March, knowing that he had a long-term girlfriend. She would text him inappropriately and flirtily, but the worst part is she pretended to take an interest in me, even offering to meet up with me, which I just find so insulting.

 

 

So, I'm opening it to the board. How do you feel about the person you were left for? I want to hear your stories. Did they know about you/did you know them beforehand? Do you loathe them? Ultimately, are you happy because they did you a favour in the long run?

[mike588]

I mean, I know that it's not all their fault, and that your partner couldn't have been taken unless they wanted to, but I'm finding it so hard not to hate this girl. She actively pursued him since March, knowing that he had a long-term girlfriend. She would text him inappropriately and flirtily, but the worst part is she pretended to take an interest in me, even offering to meet up with me, which I just find so insulting.

 

 

So, I'm opening it to the board. How do you feel about the person you were left for? I want to hear your stories. Did they know about you/did you know them beforehand? Do you loathe them? Ultimately, are you happy because they did you a favour in the long run?

 

My ex. went back to her ex. and at 1st I hated him then I got to thinking it may not be his fault.

 

God only knows what she told him or didn't tell him about me.I'm sure she twisted it around to make her look like the good person.

[BardoPond]

Well I don't know for definate that I was left for the guy that she ended up with all I know is that was with him (not only him but they were in the same house) on holiday for two weeks and they were an offical item a week after she ended our three year relationship. I doubt she physically cheated but I can't see any other way for things to happen the way they did without some sort of an emotional connection. I'm pretty sure he knew about me as well.

 

I've asked myself that question a few times. On the one hand, I don't know him so I can't really judge but I can't lie, when I saw his photo I hated every fibre of his being. For a while I thought maybe I was just being bitter but to be honest (especially in your situation from the sounds of it) people that would do things like this are more than likely scum or at the very least very morally ignorant and those aren't really people I wouldn't general compliment even if they hadn't been at the centre of a massive personal heart break. I honestly just not to think about it, as far as I'm concerned they deserve each other until proven otherwise. The less it's though about the better really.

[mike588]

I never get jealous when I see my ex. with someone else because my parents taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate,ha.

[lolita jade]

I have come to believe there is no point even trying to understand break ups and how people act. It is all a mystery.

 

I used to hate the OW and want to rip her scalp off lol.

 

I now think she is welcome to him and all his bad habits.

 

They prob havent even had their first argument or she doesn't know how tight he is with money lol

[norajane]

Consider that she didn't exactly get a "prize" by getting your ex. She got a man who was willing to be "lured away" by another woman. She better keep him on a short leash, because he's proven that he has no integrity. If he'll dump his ex for you, he'll dump you for another woman, too.

 

So, in short, feel pity for her that she now has to hold on tightly to your loser ex who sucks as a human.

[norajane]

I honestly just not to think about it, as far as I'm concerned they deserve each other until proven otherwise. The less it's though about the better really.

 

This is the best approach. The more hate and bitterness you hold onto, the more you hurt yourself. The goal should be to let go and move past the crap and onto a better, happier life. Leave the crap for the crap shovelers.

[BardoPond]

I never get jealous when I see my ex. with someone else because my parents taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate,ha.

 

Oh snap! If you don't mind I may end up using that.

[Paper Roses]

I have a creep for an ex boyfriend. He cheated on me with 2 women that I know about. Both women chased him, but I never blamed either one of them for HIS actions. He shouldn't have encouraged them, he swore it started innocently enough with both of them. They both knew about me but I believe he downplayed what I thought we had together to them.

 

The first one I actually felt sorry for, she was taken on a ride by him too. He was flip flopping back and forth and when I told him 'fine, be with her' he went back to being an awesome boyfriend. I figured that our relationship was getting serious and maybe he was scared, I made excuses for his cheating ways. She seemed like a very decent lady, I didn't get to know her or anything but we did have an encounter or three. Always held herself with class, that part infuriated me about her, I couldn't say anything bad about her. I "won" though, she went on to marry a nice guy I used to know and they have a baby and he stays home at night, what a loser she is, huh?

 

The second one was the dealbreaker. I loathe this woman, I hate every nasty thing about her. She is a stripper and has 2 trick babies. I intensely dislike people who live their lives this way and he knew it. I found out all about her on a social networking site, he showed me her page. He went on and on about what scum she was and how she made him sick after knowing her awhile, blah, blah, what a whore, what a drunk, she doesn't know who is her babies daddy's are. I cannot forgive him for being with such a lowlife. (sorry if we have any offended strippers on the board but you're going to have to be offended, you're a disgrace). Not only does the thought of being with a man who has been with trash of that magnitude make my skin crawl but now I'm looking down on him now. So, now that I'm thinking about it that second one was the one that made me hate HIM. Second one that I knew of, there HAD to be more.

 

The thing that's killing me (my breakup is fresh) is that I can't stop thinking about how amazing it was in the beginning. Makes me wish I could erase our past to meet him again and do that first year all over again.

 

Yes, that would get under my skin too, if some witch started cozying up to me to get to my guy. That's low imo, she'll get what's coming to her. He's not going to change and it might not feel so good now, but in the long run you'll see that she did you a favor. What if you had married this guy and had kids with him before he acted like such a jerkface? Count your blessings that you dodged that bullet.

 

You still want him?

[Paper Roses]

I never get jealous when I see my ex. with someone else because my parents taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate,ha.

 

:laugh::laugh:

[Mcnulty]

Distance coming from me 7 weeks ago die to her keeping me at a distance sue to her difficult son...saw her twice a week if i was lucky.

 

2 weeks of no contact, no wrong words or arguing, just cut dead...2 weeks later facebook announces she is in a relationship...with my friend!!!

 

i hate him...2 days after finding this out, he saw me and tried to talk to me..I cut him dead, like I did her...no contact for 7 weeks. i keep my dignity intact. Know she was seeing him in the summer...cheating on me..he was a friend for ****s sake!!!

 

They're welcome to each other...hope there's no trust as they cheated...scum they are. She blocked me on fb instantly and he deleted me...who can you trust??? No one in my experience.

[Paper Roses]

Distance coming from me 7 weeks ago die to her keeping me at a distance sue to her difficult son...saw her twice a week if i was lucky.

 

2 weeks of no contact, no wrong words or arguing, just cut dead...2 weeks later facebook announces she is in a relationship...with my friend!!!

 

i hate him...2 days after finding this out, he saw me and tried to talk to me..I cut him dead, like I did her...no contact for 7 weeks. i keep my dignity intact. Know she was seeing him in the summer...cheating on me..he was a friend for ****s sake!!!

 

They're welcome to each other...hope there's no trust as they cheated...scum they are. She blocked me on fb instantly and he deleted me...who can you trust??? No one in my experience.

 

that's harsh. you don't expect that from a friend. sorry that happened to you.

i don't even know these two and i'm wishing hell on them.

[lolita jade]

Ditto to maybe using the used toy quote lol

 

:D:D:D:D

[M2155]

Well my ex went back to the girl before me. I never knew her or anything about her really. She's all over Facebook posting pictures and lovey dovey stuff between them so that was super shocking in the beginning. I don't look at it anymore but it would always hit me in the face--good reminder to let go but stirred up feelings at the same time because he wasn't like that with me. Sometimes I wonder if they are in honeymoon extreme or they are just really love each other.

 

Now to answer the question how do I feel about her? I don't really feel anything. My anger was always towards him. The worst case I hoped she experiences and can't handle his flaws and ends up leaving him or they just realize they aren't as great as they think each other to be (although I gain nothing from this). He left when our relationship got to that point where you really have to work together and honestly for what he was giving, I should have left him. So I'm sure everything was magical when they hooked back up compared to us. Whatever. I think he and seems like she as well, are good people at heart so I don't want to wish them ill will, but they don't exactly have my blessings either. History now though.

[mike588]

Since this is the 2nd time my ex. went back to him (1st time from me) I hope one day she realizes that she went back to the same ol crap,nothing changed about the way he treats/treated her and remembers how well I treated her, how my love was unconditional towards her and she dumps him and breaks his heart.

 

I said earlier I know nothing about him but I'm sure he contribuated? to our breakup,,after all she told me he texted her saying love you miss you knowing she was seeing me.

[ladyravenloft]

I never get jealous when I see my ex. with someone else because my parents taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate,ha.

 

I love that, especially since it's true! I don't hate my ex's new squeeze, even though he got with her while we were together. I figure that sooner or later she'll find out the truth about him and I feel bad for anyone that has to go through that.

[The Poster]

As much as it hurts, and it does, I don't really blame either of them. You can't help how you feel and my ex is a lot more compatible with him. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't any natural bitterness but in the end you have to accept the feelings they have for eachother.

 

At this point, I'm much more upset that she doesn't talk to me at all anymore. I figured we'd at least stay on good terms and cherish the 2 years we spent together but I haven't heard a word from her in almost 2 months now.

[Jono85]

my ex left me for her ex, and i hated him, only b/c he wrote me on facebook acting all high and mighty. she wasn't being honest with me, in fact i had to find a letter from him to find out what was going on. well she went through a period of being 'confused' and kept stringing me along telling me she wouldn't go back with him. one day, weeks later after i'd been ignoring her texts, i saw she blocked me on facebook, and updated her profile pic to her and her ex (what an amazing way to find out huh...when i say blocked me, we weren't friends, i defriended her, but obv i was still creeping her fb). so i ended up writing her a pretty nasty email, as i thought it was heartless what she did, not even coming to me and telling me she had chosen him. well this guy has the audacity to write me on facebook that night telling me how immature i was, and to stop guilting her etc etc. i didn't even know this guy! i was so pissed off. she never ONCE told me the truth, and i had a right to be upset finding out that way, and this guy sends me that bullsh-t???

 

anyhow...they're not together anymore, seems she left him and is dating another guy now. i'm glad. i wish i could rub it in his face, but obv i would never do that.

[fificremefarben]

are people who are taken extra attractive or something?

[BigDumbFoot]

It depends on the day really... I used to get enraged when I thought about him. The reason being my ex and I used to make fun of this guy because of how desperately he hit on her. I was actually there when he first met her. I found out later that he approached her at a party and said something along the lines of "I heard you have an on again off again boyfriend. I just want you to know that I'm no trouble." She used to make fun of him for that and call him a pathetic loser, and laughed at the fact that he was such a waifish guy (I'm a bigger guy.. or I was at least).. Then come to find out she ends up leaving me to be with this guy, even though she said that it wasn't serious.. It clearly was considering how much they texted and spent time with each other.

 

But nowadays I don't really care for the most part. I mean if I happen to see them together (which has happened a couple of times) I'll get pretty pissed, or if I really get swept up in dwelling over what went down between the three of us.. But I don't really give a **** about him any more..

 

I think it helps to know that he got the short end of the stick in that deal.