Celestine Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I posted this in the Dating forum before, but I felt this is actually the better place for it. Walking away is what I should be doing right now. I have been seeing this guy for about 2 months. Anyways, at a party last Thursday he kissed a friend of his while I was standing right there watching them. I feel that action was absolutely respectless, we didn't have any type of agreement or relationship, so maybe I shouldn't be angry with him. But I am and I think it speaks volumes about what kind of person he is. I'm kind of disappointed with myself because I would have never thought that of him. We've talked about it, he apologized, he said he didn't think about what he was doing, he said it wouldn't happen again and so on. He kept saying he hopes I'll forgive him at one point. We decided that some time away from one another would be best. He asked if he could call me if he wants to see me. I said he should if he feels like it and that I could still decide to not answer. I'm still secretly hoping he's going to call. Why is walking away so difficult even if it's the best thing to do?
lolita jade Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Because your heart falls in love with who it wants to fall in love with and they are not always right for you. Your head has to then try to rule your heart and the heart is always stronger. If he is not right for you and you have only been dating 2 months, give him up now. It you leave it till you have been dating a yr, think how hard ot will be then. You are strong and can do it.
EgoJoe Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 You have no agreement and you're two months in to casual dating. You're overreacting, being selfish, immature and probably would not be thinking the same if the situation were reversed. However, give yourself a break because you're human and warn yourself against this kind of premature attachment. Take note of your feelings and act accordingly. Oh and for the love of god the "unsure of how I feel thing" is something I have no compassion for. You are not secretly hoping he calls. you want him to call and tell you that you're special etc. Which is very egotistical, yet, once again: human. Self awareness goes a long way.
Paper Roses Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 After 2 months you're having trouble walking away? You barely know this dude. You want him to call and you might not answer? So, what you really want is to play some games. Small wonder he was kissing somebody else. Wow. 2 months....
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I think you should walk away... save yourself the greater hurt that will likely come later on.
OnyxSnowfall Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 If y'all don't have a defined commitment, then you need to pour yourself a big glass of shut tha hell up. Until you take him off the market, he's free to kiss whoever he wants. You wouldn't be having any disconcerting feelings if the roles were reversed and you kissed another guy would ya hypocrite But as far as we know, she didn't kiss someone else in front of him.... did she? She probably *could* have though It DOES speak volumes of someone's interest level... and OR maturity level. Whether or not they are "technically taken". I would lose interest in someone, even if we weren't in an exclusive relationship, if they did such a thing --- they can have their fun, but I'm not investing myself in someone so......... .......
Author Celestine Posted November 28, 2011 Author Posted November 28, 2011 (edited) After 2 months you're having trouble walking away? You barely know this dude. You want him to call and you might not answer? So, what you really want is to play some games. Small wonder he was kissing somebody else. Wow. 2 months.... Uhmm.. I'm not really sure what to say about this, I would suspect you have too much going on in your own life right now to have any compassion left for people with what you consider "smaller problems". That's ok. But if you don't have anything constructive to say, just don't say anything at all. Btw, same for some other not so helpful answers. Just so you know, I'm fully aware that he can kiss whomever he wants to kiss. That doesn't mean that I have to go along with it. He apologized profusely, so I guess he's fully aware that it wasn't ok with the type of thing we had going on. I met him during a very tough time in my life, he held my hand during those sleepless nights. I knew it would be hard to build something in such an unstable time in my life, so we kept it casual. I don't blame him that it got too complicated for him, I just wish he would tell me that he can't do it. This way I have to walk away from someone who supported me and would probably still be willing to do so, in a situation where support would what I need most. I'll still walk away because I have my pride. Edited November 28, 2011 by Celestine
Paper Roses Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Uhmm.. I'm not really sure what to say about this, I would suspect you have too much going on in your own life right now to have any compassion left for people with what you consider "smaller problems". That's ok. But if you don't have anything constructive to say, just don't say anything at all. Btw, same for some other not so helpful answers. Just so you know, I'm fully aware that he can kiss whomever he wants to kiss. That doesn't mean that I have to go along with it. He apologized profusely, so I guess he's fully aware that it wasn't ok with the type of thing we had going on. I met him during a very tough time in my life, he held my hand during those sleepless nights. I knew it would be hard to build something in such an unstable time in my life, so we kept it casual. I don't blame him that it got too complicated for him, I just wish he would tell me that he can't do it. This way I have to walk away from someone who supported me and would probably still be willing to do so, in a situation where support would what I need most. I'll still walk away because I have my pride. Hit a nerve there, did I? I'm honestly not lacking in compassion and I wasn't trying to be mean, I do understand that sometimes we have an immediate connection with someone. I met my best friend at 17, felt like I knew her my whole life, 17 years later and I imagine we are as close as two human beings can be. So I'm not so cold and detached to understand human bonds and I get that you felt this way about this guy, but come on, 2 months? You've got to admit that is not a substantial period of time to know someone. Plus, you say that if he calls you might not answer. what?? Playing childish games is not the way to having something meaningful. I suspect I am quite a bit older than you, so through life experiences I might know a little more. Yea, my ex screwed me over and I stayed too long hoping he would change into the guy he was when we first got together, that was just dumb and I wouldn't want you to make that same mistake. Want some constructive advice? Move on, this guy isn't into you. If he was, he would have been following you around instead of kissing some other chick. Save yourself the pain and embarassment of trying to win him back, you never had him.
Author Celestine Posted November 28, 2011 Author Posted November 28, 2011 You see I don't want something meaningful as you put it. Basically, I just want someone who knows what's going on in my life. I can't give much right now, at least not emotionally. I don't want a serious relationship, but I don't want to sleep with a guy who is sleeping with other girls or even kissing them. I know that I'm being selfish. And thanks for the constructive advice, I'm not trying to win him back, but if he comes to me I'll probably consider continuing.
M2155 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Two months aside- although people can completely fall head-over-heels within that time period- it's hard to walk away because it's taking a RISK. Giving up what you know for what's behind door number 1 (the rest of your life). And I do agree self-esteem has a little to do with it too in terms of not putting up with things that are unacceptable to you.
Author Celestine Posted December 4, 2011 Author Posted December 4, 2011 So, don't jump at me but I contacted him because I still have some of his belongings including an Ipad. I asked him if I should mail them. He said he'd like to see me and talk to me. I replied that I was free Monday and Thursday evening, he said he wasn't sure if he was going to make it on Monday but that he'd let me know. If not, he said for sure on Thursday. Well, there we go it's Sunday evening and of course he didn't let me know. I mean how stupid is that, I would have mailed his stuff, he doesn't have to see me if he doesn't want to, why trying to set something up and then chickening out again. Stupid guy! Going to mail his stuff tomorrow...
mike588 Posted December 4, 2011 Posted December 4, 2011 Walking away is easy,it's what you leave behind (sometimes) that makes it so difficult.
Author Celestine Posted December 4, 2011 Author Posted December 4, 2011 Well, I much rather think that I crave the attention I got from him... At this stage, I don't really feel so deeply for him, I only knew him for 2 months. I figured it's much more about the feeling that I miss than the person. I went on a very nice date with another guy and I didn't think about this one at all. It's only now that I sit in front of my laptop writing a term paper that is absolutely boring that I start thinking about him. A couple of weeks ago I would have called him and asked to watch a movie. Good thing that I'm actually getting some university stuff done right now. Every change has it's good side I guess!
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