phineas Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 I agree with you, ditzchic, the more they proclaim how 'nice' they are, the bigger jerks they are. A truly nice guy does not say how nice he is, he shows it. And yet, women flock to these guys over & over again while ignoring the true nice guys. What it comes down to is they know he's a jerk, but their hot for him & him saying "hey, i'm a nice guy" let's her rationalize trying to BF him up. Then they get dumped, cheated on, stolen from, knocked up & abandoned & NOW he's a jerk. LOL! Repeat cycle. Problem is, genuine nice guys have learned to recognize these women & run because they know the woman will get bored with him because of the lack of drama he creates. Problem is, jerks have also learned to recognize these women & know how to get them for sex. Basically we are responsible for who we choose to date. Not the other person. There are red flags, we just choose to ignore them based on how attracted we are to that person.
somedude81 Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 (edited) Yea. No kidding. Sign me up for that. Getting sex from a woman while she's helping you with your social skills and confidence. That's up there with the girl who will 'settle for less' when she doesn't have to... Heh, for some reason I got the thought that I'd want to pay her for her services. Not for the sex, but the actual effort spent in helping me turn into a better man. If I can get a girlfriend within a month after my training, she'd get a bonus. Does LS have a classified section? She's talking about guy who hates himself. You're talking about a guy who doesn't like one or two things about himself. It's OK for a man to not like one or two things about himself (as long as he doesn't keep complaining about it). It's something else when a man has a list of 100 things he hates about himself. Ah, but i don't have 100 things I hate about myself. The things that I really dislike about myself is my height and that I can't get a GF. My right thumb also pops at the joint when I move it. Those are pretty much the things I don't like. The only people I've ever complained about my problems to, are my parents, grandparents and online people. You said you've been in "despair" since you were 13??? That's a lot of years of self-hating. Any sensible woman will see through your insecurity after a few personal conversations. You can't hide 10+ years of self-hate. I'm 30. I didn't start becoming depressed about women till I was ~20. By that time I had expected to loose my virginity and have a girlfriend. Neither of which happened. I don't really believe that a woman can look that deeply into my soul just from a couple of conversations. If you see yourself as a failure, do you expect a woman to think otherwise? Because I"m not going to tell her... You can't find love unless you love yourself first. Because until then, you don't really have anything to offer in a relationship. LOL, that's just stupid. I've got a lot of things I can offer in a relationship. What bugs me the most, is that I'm never given the chance to show what I can do. Basically, the only reason I hate myself, is because I can't get a woman. I blame myself for my troubles while I probably should be taking each rejection in stride and realizing that that it's "her not me." I could also shift all the blame to God and say that he's at fault for everything. But sadly, I'm not dense enough to believe that none of it is my fault. So when every girl I have ever liked rejected me, I can't help but not to think that something is wrong with me. If you keep telling yourself you are failure, you will stay that way forever because you don't see change as a possibility. Change is a possibility. But I don't see it happening through my actions alone. All I can do is keep trying with girls till I find one who likes me enough to want to date me. Ummmmmm..... no. Not at all. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I have plenty of faults. But I embrace them all. There are things about myself I don't love. But I really can't say there is anything inherent to my personality that I dislike. The way I see it, there are flaws in my personality that have triggered me to act in ways I didn't like. I've made plenty of bad decisions and have done things that I'm not proud of but I've learned from those mistakes and will try my damnedest to never make them again. That doesn't mean I dislike myself. I still love every part of who I am. I've just learned my strengths and weaknesses and how to maximize the good and mitigate the not so good. I didn't say anything about my personality. Sure I wish I was more charming/smooth, but I don't dislike who I am. I used to be very shy and quiet and I'm proud of how far I've gone. I just wish I knew how much further I have to go before I can get what I desire. Edited December 3, 2011 by somedude81
Author ditzchic Posted December 3, 2011 Author Posted December 3, 2011 Heh, for some reason I got the thought that I'd want to pay her for her services. Not for the sex, but the actual effort spent in helping me turn into a better man. It's called a therapist. And I'm thinking you could probably benefit from one.
jobaba Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 Basically, the only reason I hate myself, is because I can't get a woman. I blame myself for my troubles while I probably should be taking each rejection in stride and realizing that that it's "her not me." I could also shift all the blame to God and say that he's at fault for everything. But sadly, I'm not dense enough to believe that none of it is my fault. So when every girl I have ever liked rejected me, I can't help but not to think that something is wrong with me. Change is a possibility. But I don't see it happening through my actions alone. All I can do is keep trying with girls till I find one who likes me enough to want to date me. I didn't say anything about my personality. Sure I wish I was more charming/smooth, but I don't dislike who I am. I used to be very shy and quiet and I'm proud of how far I've gone. I just wish I knew how much further I have to go before I can get what I desire. Don't listen to anybody who says you need to completely overhaul your personality to get 'A' woman. I've seen you post for a while and your personality is fine. You're a good dude. Do you know how many self loathing, suicide hotline, crackpot, loony women get laid at will? Get your first girlfriend (date anybody, I'm serious). Then, after that, you can concentrate on getting your game down and moving towards someone more compatible.
somedude81 Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 Don't listen to anybody who says you need to completely overhaul your personality to get 'A' woman. I've seen you post for a while and your personality is fine. You're a good dude. Do you know how many self loathing, suicide hotline, crackpot, loony women get laid at will? Get your first girlfriend (date anybody, I'm serious). Then, after that, you can concentrate on getting your game down and moving towards someone more compatible. Thanks, I know I'm a good guy. I just need a woman to realize that. I'm willing to date just about anybody as long as she meets my minimum criteria, which 95% of women in my age range, already do. It's called a therapist. And I'm thinking you could probably benefit from one. I've seen a few,male and female, they don't help at all with learning how to attract women. It's not their job.
Meeks7 Posted December 3, 2011 Posted December 3, 2011 Ah, but i don't have 100 things I hate about myself. I don't think that poster meant it literally. It seems you harbor a lot of negative energy, just from reading your posts on this page alone. I think that's what the poster was moreso referring to. It's how much you lament your "weaknesses" that count, not that you have 100. You could have 3, but if you focus on them so much, then it's the same as having 100 self-hating things. I don't really believe that a woman can look that deeply into my soul just from a couple of conversations. When I was 7, I believed there really was a tooth fairy. Until one night I caught my dad slipping a bill under my pillow. In other words, just because you don't really believe something, doesn't mean it's NOT true. We have to be careful to differentiate between OUR reality and REALITY. Most unsuccessful guys in the dating game are unsuccessful because they don't have a firm grasp on REALITY. There are many other reasons, but that's huge one. Because I"m not going to tell her... Where your lips can lie, your body cannot. A female has an innate ability to read a male's true feelings, no matter how good of an actor you may be. Of course you won't tell her. I don't tell my dates my weaknesses either. But they always find out -- and sooner rather than later. So I've found out... it's a good idea to work on my weaknesses. For example, I was once 25 lbs overweight. I know it's kind of a vanity thing but it of course also has its health benefits. I decided to drop those 25 lbs but it took HARD WORK and DISCIPLINE. That's what everyone needs in life to be successful. Not just at dating, but EVERYTHING. Trying to hide something doesn't make it go away. You gotta work on it. And persevere, no matter how difficult it may be. That's what separates the men from the boys... and those who experience "success" in life versus those who don't and constantly complain.
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