What's The Smart Decision?

[Norse]

We've been split up almost two months now. I didn't give the space she wanted before, and I would attempt to guilt her into spending time with me saying things like "why don't you have as much time for me as you do your friends?" After enough of these upsetting scenarios she decided it was too much stress. Perhaps she got tired of forgiving me only to see me guilt her again.

 

Yesterday when we talked again I told her I hated seeing her sad like this all of the time, it seems like anymore when we do couple things she doesn't enjoy them like she used to, and she really isn't into it. She just seems really sad all of the time now. Then when I wanted to do something a second time she got mad and felt she didn't need to give me a reason why she didn't want to do something a second time. So anymore I'm going to avoid pushing that.

 

I talked about walking away before when I seen her sad like she is and I hate it. She acted like she didn't want me to do that. Then yesterday I said, maybe it's better to be alone than to have to struggle making a relationship work. She asked me if that's what I really thought, and I told her I guess not when you love someone.

 

She's coming up on the end of her testing periods that she's been scheduling tests for and studying 8+ hours a day every day for. So I'm hoping that with that stress coming off of her, and with enough scenarios where I don't get angry about her doing other things that this will turn around and she'll give me another chance.

 

My only other option would be to walk away, which I couldn't entirely do since I do things with her family so often and in her church.

 

What is the smart decision? If I try and walk away will she come back to me? or should I just keep doing like I'm doing and trying to show her I've changed?

[AwptiK]

I didn't give the space she wanted before

This line really stuck out to me. It seems like you're still not giving her much space, in trying to hang out and especially with trying hard to make sure she has a good time with you. Having a good time is natural.

 

So I'm hoping that with that stress coming off of her, and with enough scenarios where I don't get angry about her doing other things that this will turn around and she'll give me another chance.

This too. You seem to still be trying to control the situation and have a hand in things. You are not dating her. You have NO reason to be mad or upset if she does ANYTHING. You're being the same person she left and even if you don't think it shows, believe me, she can still see that.

 

For my advice, you should back off and genuinely stop trying to control things. If she wants to be with you, she will make it pretty obvious. I don't mean to use control as much as I have, just know that I mean it in response to you saying "..trying to show her i've changed"

 

She wants space and i'm sure she needs it right now with her testing. Give that to her and be supportive. She will come to you if that's what she wants.

 

 

As a reference for how much you should back off, I understand that you two do run into each other often with the family things and church? (Often being, 2-3 times a week). If that's the case, I suggest for a while you do not call, text, or make contact outside of those times. Be friendly and be yourself when you do see her. Again, she'll make it obvious if she wants more.

Edited November 28, 2011 by AwptiK

[Norse]

Thanks for the reply! I understand that also. So I should only see her on her terms?

[twinkles]

The line that got me was "I talked about walking away before when I seen her sad like she is and I hate it"

 

You just keep telling her that and she'll be the one walking away.

 

A woman needs to feel secure in her relationship and not feel like she's walking on eggshells all the time. No wonder she is stressed.

[Norse]

I guess I should explain better, I told her after we broke up that I might walk away. I hate seeing her sad.