Million.to.1 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I was doing ok... then I get this txt last night. " are you ok? " then a few minutes later.... " I'm sorry i know you probably don't want to here from me.... " So i replied. "you need to trust that i will be ok, Ok?" then he replied "i know you will be, i just needed to ask. I do really care ***. You know that I hope... " I know he just feels guilty and is worried about me. I stayed up all night unable to sleep and so sent him an email early this morning.... I know I shouldn't have, but I don't want to leave him feeling like he only ever hurt me. I kinda hope that one day, when he is ready, he will come back. Here is the email I sent. I know you are feeling guilty and sad that I’m hurting and want to me tell you “im ok” to ease that feeling for you, but I can’t. It’s only been 2 days and I’m not ok. It’s going to be up and down, as you know. I don’t know when I will be ok. When I’ve stopped wanting you? I don’t know when /if this will happen as I have lost something I really did not want to lose. Of course I know you care. Please don’t feel bad, I do respect your decision. Maybe I can ease your guilt this way instead…… I’m sorry that I dumped all that stuff on you on Friday, got overly emotional and begged, blamed and demanded answers like an idiot. I know this made you feel terrible and I’m sorry. I’ve thought a bit about it and I can see that I was putting WAY to much pressure on you right from the time I got back from the boat and couldn’t just let things grow and develop naturally. That is my issue, not yours. It was wrong of me to make you feel and that you were a bad guy for not feeling / doing/ saying the things I wanted you to. Your reactions of pushing me away were perfectly understandable and you do not need to feel that you are at fault in any way about this. I know you felt like you were constantly hurting me, but I was only hurting myself with my expectations. You were honest and that’s all you could have been. You are not broken or disconnected. Just an amazing boyfriend I will miss very much. I have learnt so much from you and had so much fun… and YOU need to know, that YOU made me very happy. I only upset myself. No contact is what I need to heal and move forward. Contact makes me step backwards, and I don’t want to keep hurting, I want to be Ok. I have to be Ok. Please trust that I will be, for yourself, and do not contact me. Set me free, be free and free yourself from the guilt of what I know was a tough decision for you. You have no reason to feel bad anymore. There is only love in my heart for you, now and always." Now to start N/C again. Did i do the right thing?
Glove_slap Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 it would have been better if you just didn't send the email but the heart does what the heart does now you have to live by your words and only then could you figure out if what you did was right, what other people say don't matter by the end of the day. The only thing that matters is how you feel. Do you think you did the right thing?
Author Million.to.1 Posted November 28, 2011 Author Posted November 28, 2011 I don't know if i did the right thing. I just didn't want him to feel guilty and contact me to see if i was 'ok' just to ease his guilt. I want him to contact me because he misses me and wants to re-start a dialogue. What i said in the email was very true, and it's more of the tone of how I actually want to leave the relationship rather than how how I left it on the day of the break-up. I said lot's of things i shouldn't have as i was very emotional. I made him feel terrible and that's not how I wanted to leave things.
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