carhill Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 OP, what do you think of Feelsgoodman's advice to end this on a positive note and continue therapy? TBH, I'm leaning in that direction myself. My compliments for your proactive efforts to work on yourself. Does such a decision mean a permanent end to any potential with this man? IMO, no. If there is synergy, it can be reborn within the parameters of what two healthier adults bring to the table in a new relationship. If he or you is so easily lost, is that synergy really there?
tassle01 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I appreciate everyones advice and I take it to heart. I don't think I am ready to take a longer break or breakup while I work on myself. I feel that I am at a good place right now and have resolved most of my issues regarding my controlling and impulsive behavior. I agree with you about synergy but if we can't figure this out after this current break, I don't want to have hopes of it working out later on. If he can work on his issues while I am working on mine while we are together, then that would be great. I see only two options, either we work through our issues or we totally walk in 2 opposite directions. I guess bringing up the weekend getaway will just hinder any reconciliation and may make him rebel even more since he really doesn't like my controlling side. If we can't figure out what we can both bring to the table right now, we probably won't be able to do it later. I've been NC during this process and am not really sure when and if he will come around to call me.
tassle01 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I just realized that althought I initially explained the purpose of my break to him, maybe he thinks it was a "have my cake and eat it too" approach. When I mentioned the break he told me he knows me well enought to know why I want the break and that I should "enjoy the fling". There's obviously no other man in the picture from my end, maybe this was a orojection tactic. But if he really doesn't understand why I wanted a break and thinks its from an insincere place, then maybe I should try calling him? We said we'd speak Monday...
carhill Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Are you still long distance with the man in this thread? Are you in your mid-20's? How long have you been receiving professional counseling for your issues? I'm asking because I'm seeing a pattern back to your first posts in 2008 which indicate a well-established 'style' and such styles don't appear and disappear or are modified at a whim, rather by long, slow, sometimes painful work. If you are indeed as young as I surmise, that lends even more credence to the lack of propensity for a 'quick fix' though I'm sure you are eager for change and believe it to be the case.
tassle01 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 No, that was with someone else. I'm in my late 20's now. Really don't want to think to old times and to the past.
carhill Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I was speaking to more recent (April 2011) events with a man whom I believe is your current BF, outlined in this post, which says, in part: "After not having learned my lesson, and due to a lack of self control I came to see him after his work day again today to congratulate him and he would not speak to me and told me he would press charges if I came close to him again. I was very embarrassed because I have never been violent or anything with him that would necessitate any criminal charges but I do know that I love him and people do get moody so now I am not sure what to do." Thanks for clarifying your age. I was constructing from your past posts.
tassle01 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 He sent me a text this morning and we had some small talk. Finally I said to home "so what's the decision" he ran around the question for a bit and then said "i don't know, let's talk later". I can't live in this gray area anymore and I just need to know either we are together or we are going our separate ways. I'm not sure if his "I don't know" is him giving me a negative answer in a nice way but I really can't wait for him to figure this our for the next few weeks while he keeps jerking me around. It's just not fair, and I want an answer I just don't know how to get a straight one from him. The communication is really lacking. I tried speaking to him again just now and he just said let's talk later like he did earlier in the day. I'm so confused, if he doesn't want to be with me why is he still calling me and telling me let's talk later? I am starting to break down and feel extremely heart broken, I just don't understand. I can't move on without closure and he doesn't want to seem to give it to me or talk about it. What else can I do?
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