Good signs then complete cold shoulder

[qqqttt]

I had been getting some really good signs (I thought) from my ex for the past week and a half. He was kind of indifferent with me when we first broke up unless we were actually face-to-face. That lasted about 3-4 weeks. I went out, had fun, worked on me, still looked forward to seeing him at work once a week, but didn't expect much. Well he randomly starts constantly asking about other guys every time we speak. I've mention this before in a previous post.

 

We had a long conversation on Tuesday night and I did not text him until we saw each other at work. He came to me first and sat down with me for a while. (I'm a nurse and we all have our own hall, so it's not like he was going to see anyone else.) He made a kissy face at me and I just kind of looked at him... Then he kissed my forehead. He went back to his hall and texted me about other guys again. I told him I was interested in him, that I like him. He says, "like?!" I told him I love him and he says, "just making sure!" Then he made the effort to start a new conversation.

 

He went to talk to me many times during the day. When he left, he asked if I wanted a hug. I gave him an awkward "pat pat pat" hug. Then within a minute after I left, he (FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE BREAK UP) texted me to say hello. The conversation only last like 6 texts... And I wouldn't even say it was a REAL conversation. I asked if he wanted to hang out that night. He said he was very tired, but he would take a nap to try. I didn't expect anything.

 

He texted me at 9:30 saying he decided to stay home and sleep. I said that was fine because I worked the next day at 6am anyway. I finally got sick of the confusion, so I asked straight up, "have you at all questioned your decision to leave me?" He says, "I'm sorry... But no... I don't." I said, "ok, I'm sorry for asking. I was just sort of wondering if you were wanting to get over me, but weren't yet." He says, "I dunno!" I asked him to not let my feelings for him ruin our friendship again. Being friends isn't awkward and I told him I respected his decision and would back off completely. He said, "I feel you!"

 

Confused, though, I asked him why he constantly asked about other guys. His response is that he just gets angry because he thinks I'm lying about not looking or being with anyone. He says he doesn't care if I am with somone. "I want the truth, so I keep asking." Well... Okay, but why ask in the first place if you don't care that/if I'm with someone else? Why would you care to know the truth? It shouldn't even come up.

 

His excuse for the kiss was, "you looked sad." I don't feel that I looked sad. I was actually pretty happy that morning. I didn't ask about anything else. Today after work I asked him if we were going to hang out before I leave the state for 12 days (because he said we would and I leave in a week). He said, "probably not! I dunno!" I said, "wow, ok." He didn't write back.

 

Um, so yeah... None of this makes sense to me. I know you should believe what they tell you because that's how they feel, but he acts like he really has feelings for me still. It's really annoying. Anyway, I'm thinking no contact while I'm gone. Then I'll probably see him once a week at work. Lots of people say it's a bad thing to see an ex, but I honestly think it's good while in a limited contact phase. Just so they're reminded you exist. And in my case, he's a lot better face-to-face.

 

So what I'm wanting to know is... Does this man sound confused as frick?! Or is this me looking for something out of nothing? Or some other interpretation?

 

Meeeh, stupid brain of mine!

[qqqttt]

Wow, these are always long!!

[sardeen]

I had been getting some really good signs (I thought) from my ex for the past week and a half. He was kind of indifferent with me when we first broke up unless we were actually face-to-face. That lasted about 3-4 weeks. I went out, had fun, worked on me, still looked forward to seeing him at work once a week, but didn't expect much. Well he randomly starts constantly asking about other guys every time we speak. I've mention this before in a previous post.

 

We had a long conversation on Tuesday night and I did not text him until we saw each other at work. He came to me first and sat down with me for a while. (I'm a nurse and we all have our own hall, so it's not like he was going to see anyone else.) He made a kissy face at me and I just kind of looked at him... Then he kissed my forehead. He went back to his hall and texted me about other guys again. I told him I was interested in him, that I like him. He says, "like?!" I told him I love him and he says, "just making sure!" Then he made the effort to start a new conversation.

 

He went to talk to me many times during the day. When he left, he asked if I wanted a hug. I gave him an awkward "pat pat pat" hug. Then within a minute after I left, he (FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE BREAK UP) texted me to say hello. The conversation only last like 6 texts... And I wouldn't even say it was a REAL conversation. I asked if he wanted to hang out that night. He said he was very tired, but he would take a nap to try. I didn't expect anything.

 

He texted me at 9:30 saying he decided to stay home and sleep. I said that was fine because I worked the next day at 6am anyway. I finally got sick of the confusion, so I asked straight up, "have you at all questioned your decision to leave me?" He says, "I'm sorry... But no... I don't." I said, "ok, I'm sorry for asking. I was just sort of wondering if you were wanting to get over me, but weren't yet." He says, "I dunno!" I asked him to not let my feelings for him ruin our friendship again. Being friends isn't awkward and I told him I respected his decision and would back off completely. He said, "I feel you!"

 

Confused, though, I asked him why he constantly asked about other guys. His response is that he just gets angry because he thinks I'm lying about not looking or being with anyone. He says he doesn't care if I am with somone. "I want the truth, so I keep asking." Well... Okay, but why ask in the first place if you don't care that/if I'm with someone else? Why would you care to know the truth? It shouldn't even come up.

 

His excuse for the kiss was, "you looked sad." I don't feel that I looked sad. I was actually pretty happy that morning. I didn't ask about anything else. Today after work I asked him if we were going to hang out before I leave the state for 12 days (because he said we would and I leave in a week). He said, "probably not! I dunno!" I said, "wow, ok." He didn't write back.

 

Um, so yeah... None of this makes sense to me. I know you should believe what they tell you because that's how they feel, but he acts like he really has feelings for me still. It's really annoying. Anyway, I'm thinking no contact while I'm gone. Then I'll probably see him once a week at work. Lots of people say it's a bad thing to see an ex, but I honestly think it's good while in a limited contact phase. Just so they're reminded you exist. And in my case, he's a lot better face-to-face.

 

So what I'm wanting to know is... Does this man sound confused as frick?! Or is this me looking for something out of nothing? Or some other interpretation?

 

Meeeh, stupid brain of mine!

 

It seems to me that he is too proud to admit that he regrets leaving you and is that is stopping him from telling you he wants you back.

 

That, or he is just playing with you head. Obviously you can honestly know if he is that manipulative or if he is too proud.

 

The best thing to do is to tell him that his actions are confusing you and it may be best that you initiate no contact so you can get over him because it appears you are not.

 

This could lead to you two becoming friends with benefits or something, and if you are not over him and start catching feelings, you can expect a lot of awkward moments..

[Teuen101]

Don't be a yoyo on a sting. he wanted a parting of ways so that means it a brake up. sure he wants you around to fill the gap and have sex spend time with you or whatever, why not ? it's win win for him he isn't giveing you anything, and he is telling you what he is doing if you watch his actions. But he isnt willing to give you what you want or meet your needs when you question him about the relationship.

 

He yoyo's you along. watch out this might end up being friends with BENEFITS, then when he meets some one else your out the door and then he can say well, you guys didnt have a relationship anyway.

 

see what I'm getting at ?

 

Also I noticed he is asking you if you seeing any othere guys ? most the time they ask you that when they are seeing some one else, so they figure your doing the same.

 

This sounds like some one else is in the picture, don't be the fall back plan walk away and stay gone. after all your broken up and your trying to work it out but he has othere ideas.

[qqqttt]

Oh, I'm absolutely positive he's not seeing or talking to anyonr else. He works night **** with a bunch of women in their 60s. When he's not there, he's skating outside his house with guy friends. Plus his mom and friends would tell me. They all want us back together.

 

But I can see how both theories can be true. He's very uninterested in being friends with benefits. He asks to have sex sometimes, I say no, then he says sorry for asking later. He doesn't want to hurt me more, I think.

 

What I'm most assuming it that maybe he's not meaning to, but falling into the touchy and friendly habits of couples because that's what we've been for 3 years. Then when I call him out on it, he realizes it and retreats. If he had feelings, he would probably not be so cryptic about letting me know, right?

 

I mean when I came back to him the first time we broke up (for less than a month), I made it really obvious that I wanted him back.

[Teuen101]

He's very uninterested in being friends with benefits. He asks to have sex sometimes, I say no, then he says sorry for asking later. He doesn't want to hurt me more, I think

.

 

You said he wasnt interested in being friends with benefits. but he is asking for sex sometimes.? that is friends with benefits. sounds like he is fishing, however some times they don't come out and say, hey, lets be friends with benefits, it happens all by it's self, just saying. However he is probing. sure he wont be pushy about it. But he hints none the less.

 

What I'm most assuming it that maybe he's not meaning to, but falling into the touchy and friendly habits of couples because that's what we've been for 3 years. Then when I call him out on it, he realizes it and retreats. If he had feelings, he would probably not be so cryptic about letting me know, right?.

 

I wish there was somthing I could do to make you feel better you seem so awesome and giving and kind, but his words are telling you that he wanted to brake up.. give him his space. stop assuming and see your brake up for what it is. the more you hang out with him the harder this is going to be on you to heal.

 

Shouldnt you have some one in your life that wants to work with you at a relationship or some one who brakes up with you yet wants you hanging around for comfort out of habits, please look at what you saying.

 

uncrypic him withdraw. hanging around only hurts you, thats why your here posting like all of us. where all hurt.

[qqqttt]

Surprisingly, I asked for friends with benefits. He was really offended by it. Even when I ask him for sex, he says no. Which I know is definitely good.

 

For the first three weeks of our break-up, I felt great amd wasn't bothered by him because he didn't give me any hope. I told him he was confusing me and asked him to stop if he didn't have any intentions behind it.

 

This break-up actually was a result of me. I was horrible to him at times. He described it as "manipulative and you just say mean **** for no reason." He wasn't trying to change me, but constantly asked if I would go to therapy because of it because he could see it hurt me as well. I've got my moods well-controlled now with meds and he kmows I'm doing really well.

 

I'm not really looking for a relationship with anybody right now because I nee to continue being happy with myself for a long while. He says the same. I mean, I would be glad to be with him. Being friends makes me happy as long as he ONLY acts like a friend. I'm basically going on with a not expecting anything, not actively trying to get him, trying not to complicate innocent things he says sort of attitude. I'll probably have a little hope that time will change his mind, but I'm not really kidding myself into being convinced of it anymore.

 

I'm not going to ask to hang out or anything anymore. Talking a little at work is the furtherest I'll bring it. If he asks to hang out, I'll make sure I have no expectations before I go.

 

Meeerh :/

[Teuen101]

Then do this, do whats best for you, sounds like you know there is a You problem here, I know your worried about losing him, But just tell him look I'm stepping away and get your self help If you feel like your a problem,

 

If you love him help your self, But from the sounds of your post it sound like you should take some time off and look at your self.

 

sounds like you already are looking in your own heart, maybe you both should go see some one ask him, maybe it will help, sounds like you want it to work but i wouldnt push it, i would just suggest it and then work on me, if i was you.

[qqqttt]

I contacted a psychiatrist when I broke down one night when he told me he didn't know if he wanted to be together. I knew the emotions I felt were way too strong to be normal. I was prescribed a mood-stabilizer which made me miserable through the titration period, but it is freaking wonderful now.

 

I think I've only cried three times in the last two months. I havet had any abnormal anger in the same amount of time. Also my jealousy and anxiety have pretty much gone away. I'm happy, happier than I have been in a while, with myself. I just have that empty feeling right before I go to sleep that's associated with losing someone that close.

 

I do agree that I still have work to do, though. Change means nothing unless it's time-proven. I feel with time, he might see I've changed and want me back or see I've changed and just be happy for me. I'd feel okay, but better if it were the first option, obviously...

 

I'm looking on a six-month to a year timeline, by the way. No rushing.

[chados]

lets say like the post above that he's to proud to admit leaving you, well that might be the case, but that would be rare. i really do think that he just dont want you to be with anyone else, he's jealous. he doesn't want you to meet someone new before he does. everything you have been writing, included your other tread i cant see anything but a jealous insecure guy that cant handle the fact that you are moving on before him. if he wants to be together with you he will tell you, even if it takes 5months. i dare you to tell him that you've met someone else. he will come running back like a little schoolboy.

 

in fact i think you should tell him that, just to see his reaction. because he got nothing to do with your privatelife, especially since he dumped you. everything you do right now are making things worse. and let me ask you, since you are saying that you would like to be his friend, and your happy at work, are you sure your not more afraid being alone then to loose him as a boyfriend. dont mean to sound harsh but it's time you show yourself some respect, because i think you deserve better.