Honestly, LoveShackers, have you ever just cut a long-term partner out of your life..

November 27, 2011

...without giving them a full/proper explanation?

I'm fully in the anger stage of my breakup, I believe, which is exacerbated today because it is the 4 month anniversary of the break up (3 months since I got his text to admit there had been another woman involved).

Today I've been thinking about it (as I do every month on the day it happened) and I just can't get out of my head the fact that, after a month of not being able to give me a real answer for the break up (he insisted that he still had feelings for me and gave me lots of stupid reasons for the breakup such as he didn't feel like himself at the moment and that he thought we'd been fighting more than usual even though we hadn't, none of which would explain the sudden demise of a 4-year relationship) he suddenly sends me a text to say that he's seeing someone already and that, yes, she'd been involved in the breakup. After me asking him to meet me and let me ask my questions face-to-face so that I could try and find some closure (the least he could do), he says no and just cuts me out of his life.

I'm past wanting him back now, even though I still miss him every single day. However, I just can't get past the fact that he could have so little respect for me to end it the way that he did (which I don't understand, because he was so respectful during out relationship and treated me like a Queen). Why couldn't he just give me a straight answer instead of letting me suffer whilst I had no idea what was going on and why couldn't he just do the decent thing and meet me face-to-face to talk it out. How could he think that the right thing to do was just to leave me with all of these questions and trying to pick up all of the broken pieces.

I'm pretty sure I'm dealing with GIGs with this guy, as his behaviour was far too erratic towards the end of the relationship. But that's irrelevant, I guess.

It's worked out great for him, he has a new relationship and he's moved out of town so he's cut off his old life entirely (he barely speaks to any of our old friends anymore). He got a completely clean break and left me wondering what the hell happened, when she came on the scene etc. I know you'll probably say that it wouldn't do me any good to know, but I WANT to know all the same. I know I'm going round in circles here, but I just can't see how, after being with someone for 4 years (and being each other's first EVERYTHING) you can just treat a breakup like that as though you never cared about them at all. I just feel like I've been so wronged by someone I loved more than anything and a woman who really ought to know better (she knew he had a girlfriend yet she openly pursued him...and she's a primary/elementary school teacher!! Talk about teaching people to become responsible cititzens...) and I don't know how to move past it.

I'm sorry to rant, but today's one of the harder days I feel like if there's anywhere I can rant, though, it's here. You guys are so understanding and you always give the best advice.

November 27, 2011

...without giving them a full/proper explanation?

I'm fully in the anger stage of my breakup, I believe, which is exacerbated today because it is the 4 month anniversary of the break up (3 months since I got his text to admit there had been another woman involved).

Today I've been thinking about it (as I do every month on the day it happened) and I just can't get out of my head the fact that, after a month of not being able to give me a real answer for the break up (he insisted that he still had feelings for me and gave me lots of stupid reasons for the breakup such as he didn't feel like himself at the moment and that he thought we'd been fighting more than usual even though we hadn't, none of which would explain the sudden demise of a 4-year relationship) he suddenly sends me a text to say that he's seeing someone already and that, yes, she'd been involved in the breakup. After me asking him to meet me and let me ask my questions face-to-face so that I could try and find some closure (the least he could do), he says no and just cuts me out of his life.

I'm past wanting him back now, even though I still miss him every single day. However, I just can't get past the fact that he could have so little respect for me to end it the way that he did (which I don't understand, because he was so respectful during out relationship and treated me like a Queen). Why couldn't he just give me a straight answer instead of letting me suffer whilst I had no idea what was going on and why couldn't he just do the decent thing and meet me face-to-face to talk it out. How could he think that the right thing to do was just to leave me with all of these questions and trying to pick up all of the broken pieces.

I'm pretty sure I'm dealing with GIGs with this guy, as his behaviour was far too erratic towards the end of the relationship. But that's irrelevant, I guess.

It's worked out great for him, he has a new relationship and he's moved out of town so he's cut off his old life entirely (he barely speaks to any of our old friends anymore). He got a completely clean break and left me wondering what the hell happened, when she came on the scene etc. I know you'll probably say that it wouldn't do me any good to know, but I WANT to know all the same. I know I'm going round in circles here, but I just can't see how, after being with someone for 4 years (and being each other's first EVERYTHING) you can just treat a breakup like that as though you never cared about them at all. I just feel like I've been so wronged by someone I loved more than anything and a woman who really ought to know better (she knew he had a girlfriend yet she openly pursued him...and she's a primary/elementary school teacher!! Talk about teaching people to become responsible cititzens...) and I don't know how to move past it.

I'm sorry to rant, but today's one of the harder days I feel like if there's anywhere I can rant, though, it's here. You guys are so understanding and you always give the best advice.

I gave one woman I was dating a full explanation why I didn't want to see her anymore,, it was a very STR.

When my ex. dumped me almost 4 months ago now she told me face to face that she was breaking up with me,, (needed time alone,yea right) was confused etc. etc.

I wasn't until 4 days later she told me over the phone the real reason,,she was going back to her ex.

November 27, 2011

...without giving them a full/proper explanation?

I'm fully in the anger stage of my breakup, I believe, which is exacerbated today because it is the 4 month anniversary of the break up (3 months since I got his text to admit there had been another woman involved).

Today I've been thinking about it (as I do every month on the day it happened) and I just can't get out of my head the fact that, after a month of not being able to give me a real answer for the break up (he insisted that he still had feelings for me and gave me lots of stupid reasons for the breakup such as he didn't feel like himself at the moment and that he thought we'd been fighting more than usual even though we hadn't, none of which would explain the sudden demise of a 4-year relationship) he suddenly sends me a text to say that he's seeing someone already and that, yes, she'd been involved in the breakup. After me asking him to meet me and let me ask my questions face-to-face so that I could try and find some closure (the least he could do), he says no and just cuts me out of his life.

I'm past wanting him back now, even though I still miss him every single day. However, I just can't get past the fact that he could have so little respect for me to end it the way that he did (which I don't understand, because he was so respectful during out relationship and treated me like a Queen). Why couldn't he just give me a straight answer instead of letting me suffer whilst I had no idea what was going on and why couldn't he just do the decent thing and meet me face-to-face to talk it out. How could he think that the right thing to do was just to leave me with all of these questions and trying to pick up all of the broken pieces.

I'm pretty sure I'm dealing with GIGs with this guy, as his behaviour was far too erratic towards the end of the relationship. But that's irrelevant, I guess.

It's worked out great for him, he has a new relationship and he's moved out of town so he's cut off his old life entirely (he barely speaks to any of our old friends anymore). He got a completely clean break and left me wondering what the hell happened, when she came on the scene etc. I know you'll probably say that it wouldn't do me any good to know, but I WANT to know all the same. I know I'm going round in circles here, but I just can't see how, after being with someone for 4 years (and being each other's first EVERYTHING) you can just treat a breakup like that as though you never cared about them at all. I just feel like I've been so wronged by someone I loved more than anything and a woman who really ought to know better (she knew he had a girlfriend yet she openly pursued him...and she's a primary/elementary school teacher!! Talk about teaching people to become responsible cititzens...) and I don't know how to move past it.

I'm sorry to rant, but today's one of the harder days I feel like if there's anywhere I can rant, though, it's here. You guys are so understanding and you always give the best advice.

Hello Fifi (I hope it's okay to call you that),

Ouch! It's hard enough when relationships end let alone when it ends with dishonesty and a third person involved. I am sorry to hear about everything you've been through! Before I respond, could you please give some more detail into what you mean by "He treated me like a Queen." Also, some examples of his erratic behavior towards the end?

November 27, 2011

I am the long term partner of 25 years. I do feel like my husband has just dropped me out of his world and I don't exist anymore after being (so very happy) with his GIGS and her kids (his new family) after 4 months.

Brackets = his words.

I should imagine eratic behavior is confusion.

My advice is never date anyone just out of a relationship. They are not ready to forget ex (maybe?)

November 27, 2011

I am in the same situation and am going through similar emotions.

It just was not love and the sooner you realize that, the happier you will be.

Look for someone who will care for you and can communicate their feelings to you properly, that is what I am looking for now.

Its tough letting go of someone you really cared about, but the feeling needs to be mutual and unfortunately it takes years to find out the truth.

November 27, 2011

You've gotta love the cut and run. I always feel bad for the next person, the dame thing will probably happen to them too. I loathe these people. They lue and they're cowards.

November 27, 2011

i think he loved you

it is gigs though.

November 27, 2011

Thanks guys, there are always people here going through the same thing or who have been through the same thing. Feels like we're all in it together.

He treated me like a queen in the sense that we had 14 years of history. We liked each other for a decade before we finally got together for our four year relationship. When we were together, he never stopped talking about how happy he was that we finally got together, that I was everything to him and that he wouldn't be able to be with anyone else. I felt exactly the same way. We were each other's first everything and childhood sweethearts. It was honestly perfect (but I know everyone says that about their first love)

By erratic behaviour, I mean he started seeming really dissatisfied with his life all of a sudden. He was working long hours in a job he hated and

started suggesting all sorts like joining the army. He also started being sexually different and wanting to try new things (which isn't a bad thing

but he used to be quite set in his ways), doesn't get along with his mother etc. Then whilst I was away studying abroad for a few months before the

breakup he said things were different, he felt he'd lost us and he didn't know how to fix it (and all of the other bogus reasons he gave, but really

the other woman was on the scene at this point). I believe this behaviour has something to do with his dad passing away suddenly 2 years ago. He

never really grieved properly and he had a lot of responsibility placed on his

shoulders. He changed after his dad died (as one would, of course).

I think it's GIGS because he has comPletely cut out his old life and I feel

like he is wondering what else is out there, realising life is short etc. Maybe he wasn't happy to

have only been with one person for the rest of his life (but it never bothered him before as he'd always talk about marriage and kids with me).

What hurts most is that the girl he left me for is very similar to me but better (I'm a trainee teacher and she's already a teacher. I just got into the gym and she's a regular at his gym so she's in better shape etc)

Yuck, that was really wallowy of me.

Wow, Lolita! 25 years?! You are incredibly brave. I can't imagine the pain that must come from the end of a 25-year relationship! I'm thinking it must be what I'm feeling magnified by 100!

Edited November 27, 2011 by fificremefarben

November 27, 2011

my latest girlfriend broke up with me after 9 months, sure it might not be the longest, but by far the hardest one. you can read about it her if you want

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t308360/

November 28, 2011

This sounds exactly the same thing that happened to me. The only difference is that the dumper was a girl. I too asked for a final face to face meetup for closure and my ex wouldn't do it. Then eventually one day she told me to no longer contact her when the subject was brought up. She thus has ignored me and we haven't been in contact for 2 months.......They are cowards

November 28, 2011

No, but I've been on the receiving end. 3 years together, lived together and boom, she dumps me and hasn't said a word in six months post break-up. Haha. She didn't even break up face to face! So the last time I was with her everything was peachy between us. (on the outside at least, considering she gave me no idea) Amazing eh? Absolutely amazing. I don't even hate her anymore though, she's not worth the energy it would take to hate.

I look at it this way: Am I lonely as hell now, and lonely for her? YES. I deal with all the thoughts, jelousy, anger and regret. I will live with them for as long as I have to. Am I 100% sure there is someone better, and that I will without a doubt end up with someone better who I'm also a hell of a lot more attracted to? **YES**

Just my rant, to add to your rant

November 28, 2011

fifi, I am thinking at some point he stopped feeling special to you. I had an ex we were together for 5 years she treated me crappy she went on vacation for 10 days and never called. I think that is where things changed in my eyes. There was another girl involved she was persueing me I always told her I loved my girlfriend even tho I was very attracted to the other woman and she made me feel like I was the only guy on earth. So when my ex did that to me I felt betrayed I mean who doesn't call their boyfriend of 5 years for 10 days. Also, for a long time before this I was close to depression. Ok I guess my point here is I was sad all the time so it must be my ex's fault, combined with the great new girl treating me like a king it became the only time I was happy is when I was hanging out with the new girl. I broke up with her face to face it was literally the worse moment of my life. I can almost say it was as bad as when I lost my dad. But still I did it face to face. I can understand why he would have just cut and run cause there is nothing worse than telling a person whom you still love very much that you are breaking up with them. I also told her I didn't love her anymore which was a lie. I was still very much in love with her but I was unhappy, very unhappy. Anyways I wanted to call her every day. I cried myself to sleep a lot. I missed her so much. I almost wish she had called me. I couldn't do it. I couldn't go back to her and do it to her again if I had become unhappy with her again. I don't know if you still want him back or what but if you are still that in love with him get ahold of him. Tell him that you can forgive him and you are willing to take a chance of being hurt again if it doesn't work out. I wish my ex did cause I lost a person who would have loved me forever. But if you guys had that much history together trust me he thinks of you every day all day long.

November 28, 2011

after a 25 year marriage.............

When he told me about OW. He was going to help me with DIY, gardening and my car still and told my father we would be great friends. This was two months ago and he doesn't contact me at all, even though I have lost my job. On the few occasions I have contacted him he has been nosey to my situation with no feeling or empathy, followed by dictating to me and me treading on eggshells by saying the sky is blue . He even said he was far too busy to phone me at all.

Your ex will drop you off the face of the world if he has OW and turn into the most selfish barstool your have ever known in your life.

Hang on in there, act cool, no contact, be brave and get on with your amazing life. Prove you don't need them.

You will have the last laugh in most cases I am sure. It does get easier, better and you will find true happiness again.

November 28, 2011

Leoc, are you still with the girl you left your ex for?

Lolita, in mad at your ex on your behalf. It's like they know they've done a ****ty thing and they don't want to face you. But is that out of love (because they did care about you at some point and hate that they're hurting you?) or just simply that they want to move on and can't be bothered to clean up the mess they made before they move on.

Do you think exes who do the cut and run ever find it in themselves to make amends at some point? Like it suddenly hits them how horribly they behaved and they seek you out again?

November 28, 2011

fifi,

An interesting take on things.

I have no idea but would guess his focus is solely on his OW, starting a new life and dropping me as the easy option.

He has no family he talks to, no friends to speak off except colleagues. Only our children to care for him (20 and 23)

What will he do if it goes tits up??? He has outcast my family also doing this.

One friend said maybe it is like when you find a new love and then don't want to know your frieds for a while.... Maybe??

Who knows if the guilt will eat at him??? Or if he will contact me at some point???

He wont even drop my post off now. I really don't exist.

Don't ever think you know anyone. He was a caring man beforehand, who would help anyone. Maybe he is being brainwashed by OW ???

November 30, 2011

Well, Lolita, I know she's been there, flirting with him for months before the BU, flirting with him when I was studying abroad.

I dno, I think if you two have literally decades of history the story can't be over yet. It just can't be.

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Honestly, LoveShackers, have you ever just cut a long-term partner out of your life..

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