Flare Posted November 27, 2011 Posted November 27, 2011 Hi. I wont bore you with ALL the details of my breakup, but basically me and this girl were together for 3 years, we were engaged and soon to be civil partners. One day she randomly broke it off, something about change. I was torn apart, still kinda am but learning to move on. We've been broken up for 7 months now, in our 6 month of No Contact. Then this afternoon I checked my inbox to find this email waiting for me: I don´t want you to get your hopes up. I don´t want you to be a shadow of our past together. I want to start new, find a new love. I still want you as my friend, I want to know how you are, okay? but it´s hard because i constantly question myself as to what the hell went wrong with us and why I couldn´t fix it. I know I made the right decision, but I can´t seem to let it go as easily. And I feel stupid telling you this cuz I´m afraid now you´ll be like "oh she still loves me" or sth like that. But that´s not what this is. I don´t love you the same way anymore. I just have some questions I need to answer for myself to be able to let go. I'm not jumping to any concluions, to be honest i cant think of any. It has me stumped, very confused. After 6 months NC and making it clear to me that her feelings had changed, why is she contacting me now, and why is she questioning herself?? I've started to let go, so why cant she, when SHE's the one who broke it off? I dont get it... I havent replied. Not yet.
BoredAgain Posted November 27, 2011 Posted November 27, 2011 Frankly, it sounds like she's being a bit selfish. She seems to know that you still have some raw emotions about all of this, and yet she still wants you to re-hash the failings of your relationship? Screw her.
twinkles Posted November 27, 2011 Posted November 27, 2011 You could just ask her what questions she needs answering and them answer them as honestly as possible. It sounds like she is having alot of trouble moving on and is possibly looking for closure.
Author Flare Posted November 27, 2011 Author Posted November 27, 2011 You could just ask her what questions she needs answering and them answer them as honestly as possible. It sounds like she is having alot of trouble moving on and is possibly looking for closure. She doesnt want me to answer her questions (whatever they may be) she said she needs to answer them for herself o.O I also dont get why she's having so much trouble moving on when she insisted it was the right thing to do, its not like it was a mutual breakup. It was her choice. @BoredAgain: Part of me tends to agree with your opinion, this might be a selfish moment of attention seeking. Another part of me doesnt know what the hell to think...
twinkles Posted November 27, 2011 Posted November 27, 2011 oops misread that.. She is probably having a bad day and possibly feel regret at this moment and maybe at this moment only. Don't reply wait and see if she writes back. She may have sent this off and regretted it a few seconds later. I've done that.
hoping2heal Posted November 27, 2011 Posted November 27, 2011 Hi. I wont bore you with ALL the details of my breakup, but basically me and this girl were together for 3 years, we were engaged and soon to be civil partners. One day she randomly broke it off, something about change. I was torn apart, still kinda am but learning to move on. We've been broken up for 7 months now, in our 6 month of No Contact. Then this afternoon I checked my inbox to find this email waiting for me: I'm not jumping to any concluions, to be honest i cant think of any. It has me stumped, very confused. After 6 months NC and making it clear to me that her feelings had changed, why is she contacting me now, and why is she questioning herself?? I've started to let go, so why cant she, when SHE's the one who broke it off? I dont get it... I havent replied. Not yet. Eeeek! I'm so tempted to call her mean..no okay, I am going to say it - she's mean. "Hi so, I'm not in love with you anymore and I don't want to get back together but I do need you to absolve some guilt for me so..you think you could do that?" Is basically what she said in a nutshell. As far as why you two didn't work out? Come on, you can't answer that. She is the one who broke up with you so all of those answers lie within herself, she seems to feel guilty about hurting you though and wants to be rid of that so she doesn't have to feel guilty any longer. This is really your call as to how you will respond but it was mean of her to do - she should have left you alone and not thrown salt in the wound just so she could have an opportunity to make herself feel better.
M2155 Posted November 27, 2011 Posted November 27, 2011 She probably means exactly what she says in her message at that moment. We reflect and wonder why/how things happened sometimes and maybe she is not moving on as easily as she hoped...just because it's the right decision doesn't mean you sleep well at night. Imagine firing someone who isn't doing the job well, you feel guilty even though it's for the best. But there is nothing in it for you so no real advantage to entertain her questions.
lymtal1 Posted November 27, 2011 Posted November 27, 2011 so let me get this straight. she broke up with you right? didn't contact you for six months? tells you she doesn't want you to get your hopes up. tells you she wants to be your friend. says she knows that she made the right decision about the break-up. says she doesn't love you the same way anymore. and to top it off, she needs some answers for her. and to be able to let go. i think this is all about her and not about you at all. you don't need closure, she gave you that when she broke up with you. let her figure it out on her own. i agree, she is being very self centered.
wildirishchick Posted November 27, 2011 Posted November 27, 2011 I agree with many of the others posters...she is being selfish...like it's all about her and you had no feelings involved in the breakup. She dumped you and moved on, or so it seems, but wants answers. As others have said, she dumped you, SHE has the answers. I just don't understand DUMPERS!!! They think it's ok to contact you and say stuff and then we sit here and analyze the crap out of it...for what???? Ugh!!! I know what you are going through all too well. I say, give it another week or so, she'll contact you again. Then, let her have it. What do you have to lose??? I did that with my ex last week and after I sent him an email going off on him, he responds by saying he misses me, thinks about me all of the time and realizes what he let go of....wtfe!!!! Good luck!!!
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