Why do Females have less Empathy than Men?

[ScienceGal]

I think women, meaning healthy women, have a lot of empathy and that they direct it very specifically.

 

If/when you are being verbally abused, that isn't lack of empathy, rather an indicator of some other psychological malaise. A lack of empathy would be a neutral response to your expressed circumstances. The reaction is neutral. Abuse is proactive.

 

IME, men are generally far less empathetic to other people, men in particular. Additionally, one of the most common complaints I've heard from women, true or not, is that their male partners are not empathetic. I've seen actions/words in some cases which match with that assertion, some to the point where I cringe. Then I ask why women remain with such men. Then life goes on.

 

Best response.

 

A lack of empathy is certainly not gender specific. I care quite a bit, but I know women that fit the description you've provided. I've also dated men with great empathy, and some without it. Whenever anyone tries to segregate based upon gender, race, creed, etc. I simply reply, "there are good people, and there are less good people".

[Marek]

OP, here's a wonderful old thread about empathy which I think you'll like, or at least gain insight from.

 

From re-reading your OP, if this has been going on since you were young, and emotional memories are being formed as the result of your experiences, the not so good news is that, even decades later, under the best of circumstances, you may still get triggers which bring you right back to where you are now/were then, not literally, but emotionally, in the moment. I call it 'seeing the red of the past'. It's somewhat similar to flashbacks abuse victims experience long after the abuse has ended.

 

If you could identify one positive change in yourself from when you penned this thread a couple years ago, what would it be?

 

Thanks for providing the link to a thread on empathy. It was an interesting and insightful read.

 

Oh, yes. That "thread" of mine you I created nearly 2 years ago... Well, I have achieved two positive things since creating it:

- I don't drink at all anymore; and

- I have completed my education.

 

I vividly recall that incident about which I wrote in that thread. I was very angry back then, and I was drinking quite heavily, too. I do remember feeling quite good about standing up for myself (for once!) in that incident. I don't really regret it; however, having said that, perhaps there was a better way of dealing with it.

 

Still, today, I get very angry when people have slighted me, particularly if it is witnessed by the public. However, my anger is rather "controlled" these days. I think (for a large part) that's because I've stopped drinking. But my fundamental problems are still very much present and unmanaged, just as they were 2, 3 or 4 years ago.

 

Consequently, I feel that one day I could explode violently , for I have no real healthy way to vent my feelings. Hence I'm seeing my doctor on Friday.

 

Yes, I see what you mean by "triggers" that can arouse emotional states akin to those of past experiences. It happens to me occasionally. It's another thing I have to work on, because such things, and my current state of life, are deleterious to my wellbeing.

 

Anyway, I will try to march on in spite of my detractors. I just wish I had some support from the community (e.g. a few good friends); it's hard to achieve some self-confidence and self-esteem when you're alienated and downtrodden, but I suppose it's not impossible.

 

Thanks for your reply and everyone elses'. It makes feel as though there are still remnants of altruism and inherent goodness left in humanity. Thank you.

[Marek]

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A lack of empathy is certainly not gender specific.

It just doesn't feel that way to me. In my reality, it is women who appear the more callous sex. Of course, such a thing is subjective to one's own experiences; in other words, a person's worldly experiences often dictate his or her own feelings and beliefs.

[carhill]

Congratulations on both your commitment to sobriety and finishing your education. Both are noble goals. Well done.

 

Consequently, I feel that one day I could explode violently , for I have no real healthy way to vent my feelings. Hence I'm seeing my doctor on Friday.

 

I've found, when I see the 'red of the past', MC kicks in and I accept the retrospective hurt, resentment and anger and know that it is in my psyche and can be processed to neutrality. Is that a perfect process? Hell no. Then another tool kicks in, the one which says it's OK to be imperfect and not self-loathe for such imperfections. Accept them, apologize as appropriate and move on.

 

I liked the reference to schadenfreude upthread. I've experienced that with women, that they take my pain with glee, and that was a very potent trigger of 'red' in the past. Now I process it differently, accepting that their behavior is their path in life and no reflection on myself, and then, generally, erase them and seek out healthier and more empathetic individuals. Billions more to be met and served

[Mrlonelyone]

Could it have something to do with where you are and what kind of people are around you?

 

I ask because here in Chicagoland I have never seen anyone over the age of 14 make fun of someone with your issues (and much worse issues). In my opinion the lack of empathy you speak of could well be more a function of where you are, and who you are around. i.e. if you live in NYC. The people there are famous for being unnecessarily hostile and nasty to strangers.

 

I know this is about quite about what you said, but notice how much of a difference where you live makes.

 

As others are saying consider the sources of the slights. Are the women saying things about you that hot, that mentally competent, that accomplished?

[Marek]

Congratulations on both your commitment to sobriety and finishing your education. Both are noble goals. Well done.

 

 

 

I've found, when I see the 'red of the past', MC kicks in and I accept the retrospective hurt, resentment and anger and know that it is in my psyche and can be processed to neutrality. Is that a perfect process? Hell no. Then another tool kicks in, the one which says it's OK to be imperfect and not self-loathe for such imperfections. Accept them, apologize as appropriate and move on.

 

I liked the reference to schadenfreude upthread. I've experienced that with women, that they take my pain with glee, and that was a very potent trigger of 'red' in the past. Now I process it differently, accepting that their behavior is their path in life and no reflection on myself, and then, generally, erase them and seek out healthier and more empathetic individuals. Billions more to be met and served

You make some good and useful points, carhill. In effect, it seems to one geared at changing cognitions, changing self-destructive thought-patterns. It is also one that requires dedication, I think. How long did it take you to adopt such a mindset and actually make it work for you?

 

I realise that I have to change many things in regard to my self-defeating and self-destructive thoughts. It just seems hard when I'm faced with some vehement hostility every day. But as I wrote earlier, it may be hard, but it's probably not impossible.

 

Also, I completely agree with schadenfreude; it seems the perfect term for the mentality of many women.

 

Thanks for your input.

[Marek]

Could it have something to do with where you are and what kind of people are around you?

 

I ask because here in Chicagoland I have never seen anyone over the age of 14 make fun of someone with your issues (and much worse issues). In my opinion the lack of empathy you speak of could well be more a function of where you are, and who you are around. i.e. if you live in NYC. The people there are famous for being unnecessarily hostile and nasty to strangers.

 

I know this is about quite about what you said, but notice how much of a difference where you live makes.

 

As others are saying consider the sources of the slights. Are the women saying things about you that hot, that mentally competent, that accomplished?

Thanks for the link. I will read it thoroughly when I get home. (I have to go somewhere after this post.) I just wanted to answer your questions. I live in a large North American city, but I what I experience isn't what the general public of my city experiences.

 

As to the questions about the women who are insulting me: most of them are at least somewhat attractive (a few have been very attractive, and a few have been unattractive).

 

I have no idea how mentally competent they are, but a few of them seem to be educated (for instance, I've had female pharmacists slander me), but for the most part, from what I can gather, they seem rather uneducated; I can't always ascertain a strangers' education and career. I mean I can't gather such information from when they are just walking down the street. I can, however, assume such things by their oral eloquence and vocabulary. And judged by such criterion, by and larger they seem rather uneducated.

 

I don't know how you define "accomplished." Is it through education, career, social ability and being happily married? I usually can't answer these four things. However, as I said above, some have been in decent careers, and thus must of had a decent education.

 

At times I have noticed some women who insult me to be quite popular and higher up on the social hierarchy. I never had an idea about their marital status, though.

 

Anyway, I must head off now or I'll be late. Thanks for taking the time to help me. I will be back on later today.