Why do Females have less Empathy than Men?

[Marek]

From my own experiences, I've found women to be the less empathic sex. They conform to a strict social hierarchy and can be quite callous towards men who don't fit their standard of social competence. Morever, they tend to be quite prejudicial, more so than men.

 

I'd say I get orally insulted by people at least once a day. (They do it when they think I'm out of earshot, but I hear it all.) And about 90% of the time I'm insulted a female is the one who made the derogatory remark. Men don't generally make fun of my social awkwardness -- women do. Therefore, I conclude that women are callous and, quite often, heartless.

 

All this makes me quite upset and angry, and I wonder how much more I can take. There's a limit to how much degradation a man can take before he explodes violently.

[carhill]

I think women, meaning healthy women, have a lot of empathy and that they direct it very specifically.

 

If/when you are being verbally abused, that isn't lack of empathy, rather an indicator of some other psychological malaise. A lack of empathy would be a neutral response to your expressed circumstances. The reaction is neutral. Abuse is proactive.

 

IME, men are generally far less empathetic to other people, men in particular. Additionally, one of the most common complaints I've heard from women, true or not, is that their male partners are not empathetic. I've seen actions/words in some cases which match with that assertion, some to the point where I cringe. Then I ask why women remain with such men. Then life goes on.

[Taramere]

From my own experiences, I've found women to be the less empathic sex. They conform to a strict social hierarchy and can be quite callous towards men who don't fit their standard of social competence. Morever, they tend to be quite prejudicial, more so than men.

 

I'd say I get orally insulted by people at least once a day. (They do it when they think I'm out of earshot, but I hear it all.) And about 90% of the time I'm insulted a female is the one who made the derogatory remark. Men don't generally make fun of my social awkwardness -- women do. Therefore, I conclude that women are callous and, quite often, heartless.

 

All this makes me quite upset and angry, and I wonder how much more I can take. There's a limit to how much degradation a man can take before he explodes violently.

 

It is indeed unkind for people to make fun of you if you suffer from social awkwardness...but exploding with violent rage will not address anything. Any woman on here will have at some point experienced cattiness from other women. The sneering "from head to toe" look, whispers, giggles and bitchy looks. It's not behaviour that marks them out as being in possession of remarkable social graces themselves.

 

You can't control how other people behave....and while an immense outburst of anger might make you powerful for a short period of time, the negative consequences (for you) of that outburst of anger will be with you for far longer.

 

In what sense are you socially awkward, and what kind of things do women say about it? When this happens, is it from people you know, commenting in a social situation? Does it happen at work...or are they complete strangers to you?

[dasein]

It's an interesting question, and though it may hurt more when women do this, you may notice it more, IMO it isn't a gender thing, with some exceptions.

 

People who are callous IME tend to be poorly socialized in a few distinct ways. First, I find that people who never had a significant connection to the older generations growing up or as an adult tend to be more thoughtless and callous. People who have experienced the loss of death frequently, suffered through the diseases of loved ones and friends or their own tend to have a more humble, realistic view of the transience of life, no need to constantly be putting oneself above others, because it can be taken from anyone in a moment. In other words, I think people who make it a point to characterize and place themselves above others in their social orbit are immature in their appreciation of life and death.

 

Second, people who engage in this type of behavior have never gained humility through failure or having their own faults and mistakes exposed. I find that people who played sports growing up have a better grasp on humility through failure. The cattiest people have never really stuck their necks on the chopping block in life or had to and been whacked. Once you have suffered some real failure and obvious mistakes in life, it becomes hard to poke fun at people who are less than oneself in some respect. True, women today don't have their "noses bloodied" the way men do, held up and accountable for their mistakes the way men are, instead being told they are perfect and can have it all constantly.

 

Third, too many people today don't even know what empathy is, and think it is an emotional response. This is not correct and is usually patronizing and self-serving. Empathy is not an emotional, warm fuzzy "awwwww" response, but a rational one of being able to identify with someone else's life situation. Empathy is having enough experience in life to identify with someone else's position, not a pity party sop towel excuse to have an "emotion moment."

[Marek]

It is indeed unkind for people to make fun of you if you suffer from social awkwardness...but exploding with violent rage will not address anything. Any woman on here will have at some point experienced cattiness from other women. The sneering "from head to toe" look, whispers, giggles and bitchy looks. It's not behaviour that marks them out as being in possession of remarkable social graces themselves.

 

You can't control how other people behave....and while an immense outburst of anger might make you powerful for a short period of time, the negative consequences (for you) of that outburst of anger will be with you for far longer.

 

In what sense are you socially awkward, and what kind of things do women say about it? When this happens, is it from people you know, commenting in a social situation? Does it happen at work...or are they complete strangers to you?

 

Yes, I suppose you're right. However, it doesn't make it any easier. I have problems confronting people orally about any type of insult they have given me; I get tongue tied and I tend to stammer.

 

The comments I often get are as follows: freak, weirdo, reject, loser and retard. They won't often say it to my face; they'll say it when I'm near by and they'll say it quietly to their friends or partners. As I said though, I still hear the negative comments. And I'm NOT misconstruing anything. It's always strangers (primarily females) who are so egregiously belligerent towards me.

 

I have a rather awkward gait. My parents are of russian descent, and thus I partly picked up their accents . (It's weird. I have this strange American/Russian accent thing that sounds laughable. People have laughed a few times when I talked [e.g. in college]). Further, I don't have any friends. I am also known to be quite passive, and I think that gives many females the green light to treat me contemptuously.

 

These things, combined with my social awkardness (e.g. inability to hold a conversation, odd voice pitch, rather ungainly physical appearance ), make me a ripe candidate for abuse.

 

It would be great to be able to go to the mall without females snickering at me or shaking their heads or just maligning me to their friends. For Christ's sake I'm in my late 20s. I shouldn't be the recipient of such problems at my age!

 

It just doesn't seem right. I have NEVER spoken badly of anyone because of their appearance. Females see me and, I assume, they couldn't care less how their negativity adversely affects me. I may be "different" from others, but I still have feelings just as everyone does.

[Marek]

I think women, meaning healthy women, have a lot of empathy and that they direct it very specifically.

 

If/when you are being verbally abused, that isn't lack of empathy, rather an indicator of some other psychological malaise. A lack of empathy would be a neutral response to your expressed circumstances. The reaction is neutral. Abuse is proactive.

 

IME, men are generally far less empathetic to other people, men in particular. Additionally, one of the most common complaints I've heard from women, true or not, is that their male partners are not empathetic. I've seen actions/words in some cases which match with that assertion, some to the point where I cringe. Then I ask why women remain with such men. Then life goes on.

 

I'm not sure if I understand your point, Carhill.

 

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Therefore, if females are putting me down, they will undoubtedly know that it's hurtful to me, yet they do it regardless as they cannot understand the distress it causes me. If they had empathy, wouldn't they remit from such acts?

 

Abuse is proactive, yes. But abusers often lack empathy and have a neutral response to their victim's pain, as my female antagonists do.

[Marek]

Why should these people be nice to you?

They don't have to be nice to me. However, there is no need to victimize a complete stranger solely because they appear different. If they have nothing positive or constructive to say, they ought to keep their mouths shut.

[Disillusioned]

It's called schadenfreude, a feeling of pleasure at someone else's misfortune, and it's part of the way women's brains are wired. It can't be helped.

 

Without schadenfreude, women would be nothing more than incomplete female human beings. It would be almost like they had lobotomies.

[Marek]

It's an interesting question, and though it may hurt more when women do this, you may notice it more, IMO it isn't a gender thing, with some exceptions.

 

People who are callous IME tend to be poorly socialized in a few distinct ways. First, I find that people who never had a significant connection to the older generations growing up or as an adult tend to be more thoughtless and callous. People who have experienced the loss of death frequently, suffered through the diseases of loved ones and friends or their own tend to have a more humble, realistic view of the transience of life, no need to constantly be putting oneself above others, because it can be taken from anyone in a moment. In other words, I think people who make it a point to characterize and place themselves above others in their social orbit are immature in their appreciation of life and death.

 

Second, people who engage in this type of behavior have never gained humility through failure or having their own faults and mistakes exposed. I find that people who played sports growing up have a better grasp on humility through failure. The cattiest people have never really stuck their necks on the chopping block in life or had to and been whacked. Once you have suffered some real failure and obvious mistakes in life, it becomes hard to poke fun at people who are less than oneself in some respect. True, women today don't have their "noses bloodied" the way men do, held up and accountable for their mistakes the way men are, instead being told they are perfect and can have it all constantly.

 

Third, too many people today don't even know what empathy is, and think it is an emotional response. This is not correct and is usually patronizing and self-serving. Empathy is not an emotional, warm fuzzy "awwwww" response, but a rational one of being able to identify with someone else's life situation. Empathy is having enough experience in life to identify with someone else's position, not a pity party sop towel excuse to have an "emotion moment."

 

Interesting post. You've raised some thought-provoking issues within me. Thank you.

[Marek]

It's called schadenfreude, a feeling of pleasure at someone else's misfortune, and it's part of the way women's brains are wired. It can't be helped.

 

Without schadenfreude, women would be nothing more than incomplete female human beings. It would be almost like they had lobotomies.

Ah, yes! That beautiful German term I had forgotten about till you posted it! That's exactly what it is with females and I agree with your post 100%.

[Taramere]

Yes, I suppose you're right. However, it doesn't make it any easier. I have problems confronting people orally about any type of insult they have given me; I get tongue tied and I tend to stammer.

 

A lot of men stammer a bit when they talk to women. Personally I think it's quite appealing, and makes a person seem far more human. When I was a kid, my dad had a friend who had a really strong stammer. It would take him a while to say anything. Even with me, a little kid, he would stammer....but that was just part of who he was. I'd just wait for him to finish and then answer.

 

The comments I often get are as follows: freak, weirdo, reject, loser and retard. They won't often say it to my face; they'll say it when I'm near by and they'll say it quietly to their friends or partners. As I said though, I still hear the negative comments. And I'm NOT misconstruing anything. It's always strangers (primarily females) who are so egregiously belligerent towards me.

 

I have a rather awkward gait. My parents are of russian descent, and thus I partly picked up their accents . (It's weird. I have this strange American/Russian accent thing that sounds laughable. People have laughed a few times when I talked [e.g. in college]). Further, I don't have any friends. I am also known to be quite passive, and I think that gives many females the green light to treat me contemptuously.

 

Do you live in a small town? The behaviour you're describing sounds like one would expect of people who'd never travelled anywhere and who think of anybody, or anything, that doesn't slot exactly into their narrow perception of how things should be "freaky" or "weird".

 

These things, combined with my social awkardness (e.g. inability to hold a conversation, odd voice pitch, rather ungainly physical appearance ), make me a ripe candidate for abuse.

 

It would be great to be able to go to the mall without females snickering at me or shaking their heads or just maligning me to their friends. For Christ's sake I'm in my late 20s. I shouldn't be the recipient of such problems at my age!

 

It just doesn't seem right. I have NEVER spoken badly of anyone because of their appearance. Females see me and, I assume, they couldn't care less how their negativity adversely affects me. I may be "different" from others, but I still have feelings just as everyone does.

 

The behaviour you're describing is very clearly wrong, and I'm sorry you're having this to contend with so frequently. The difficulty for anybody responding to you is that we can only advise in terms of what you personally can do to try to make things easier.

 

Which makes it sound as though you're being told to take responsibility for other people's bad behaviour....but it's not really about that. It's about accepting that sometimes you just can't do anything about the way other people behave, so the emphasis is on reacting in the way that is most helpful to you.

 

Some years ago, I saw this really inspiring documentary about Dr Archibald McIndoe, who helped soldiers who had been badly burned after the war. He was a pioneer in plastic surgery...but the physical treatment was just a part of what he did in terms of rehabilitation. There was also a psychological component that involved helping the men to deal with other people's responses.

 

So say a badly burned soldier went down to the local village to buy something (the start of the social interaction part of his rehabilitation) and he met with appalled stares/embarrassment from people he dealt with. Dr McIndoe's rehabilitation programme accepted this as a reality. That unfortunately there are people in the community who react badly to anybody who doesn't fit in the norm.

 

The burned soldier were taught to react to this in a "planned ignoring" kind of way. That means, continuing to interact with the person normally -as though they weren't reacting in this horrified/appalled way. Very, very difficult thing to do I should imagine...but I think it was made clear to them "you have to learn to do this. If you want to live out there in th community, you have to learn strategies of dealing with people like that." Essentially, learning to deal with it with class.

 

The advantage those soldiers had was that they were part of a rehabilitation programme and were able to support eachother. If you don't have that support, then it makes things trickier.

 

It might be that there's a support group in your area for people who have social phobias as a result of feeling socially excluded. Have you ever spoken to your doctor about the sense of social exclusion you're dealing with on a regular basis?

[carhill]

Abusers can lack empathy but it isn't required. As I suggested prior, such 'walk in their shoes' identification as dasien eloquently stated can be targeted and specific. In other words, a woman can freeze you out and yet completely identify with the person standing right next to you. You don't receive her empathy because she chooses not to give it to you. That, in and of itself, is not abusive. However, if she chooses to ridicule you proactively, most would term it abusive. At that moment of abuse, she may/might/could/does have no empathy for you, specifically, but that does not define her globally, which I am understanding to be the assertion of the title of the post, that women have less empathy than men. That woman, at that time, had perhaps no empathy for you, in addition to being abusive, but that does not a generality make.

 

I've personally experienced women who could be incredibly empathetic at one moment and incredibly abusive/unempathetic the next. Which dynamic defines them? This is all part of the 'gray' of living the hopefully very long journey of life.

 

My advice to you would be to use this dynamic and your feelings about it as a tool in choosing the people you interact with. If you identify in a healthy way with people who demonstrate empathy, then include those and exclude others. If other, other. Make choices which align with your style of interaction. If the interaction is 'forced', as in a work situation, then keep it business. Otherwise, erase them. They're just a few of billions of humans on this planet. Give them care appropriate to that infinitesimal importance.

Edited November 27, 2011 by carhill
fixed poster's name

[Marek]

A lot of men stammer a bit when they talk to women. Personally I think it's quite appealing, and makes a person seem far more human. When I was a kid, my dad had a friend who had a really strong stammer. It would take him a while to say anything. Even with me, a little kid, he would stammer....but that was just part of who he was. I'd just wait for him to finish and then answer.

 

 

 

Do you live in a small town? The behaviour you're describing sounds like one would expect of people who'd never travelled anywhere and who think of anybody, or anything, that doesn't slot exactly into their narrow perception of how things should be "freaky" or "weird".

 

 

 

The behaviour you're describing is very clearly wrong, and I'm sorry you're having this to contend with so frequently. The difficulty for anybody responding to you is that we can only advise in terms of what you personally can do to try to make things easier.

 

Which makes it sound as though you're being told to take responsibility for other people's bad behaviour....but it's not really about that. It's about accepting that sometimes you just can't do anything about the way other people behave, so the emphasis is on reacting in the way that is most helpful to you.

 

Some years ago, I saw this really inspiring documentary about Dr Archibald McIndoe, who helped soldiers who had been badly burned after the war. He was a pioneer in plastic surgery...but the physical treatment was just a part of what he did in terms of rehabilitation. There was also a psychological component that involved helping the men to deal with other people's responses.

 

So say a badly burned soldier went down to the local village to buy something (the start of the social interaction part of his rehabilitation) and he met with appalled stares/embarrassment from people he dealt with. Dr McIndoe's rehabilitation programme accepted this as a reality. That unfortunately there are people in the community who react badly to anybody who doesn't fit in the norm.

 

The burned soldier were taught to react to this in a "planned ignoring" kind of way. That means, continuing to interact with the person normally -as though they weren't reacting in this horrified/appalled way. Very, very difficult thing to do I should imagine...but I think it was made clear to them "you have to learn to do this. If you want to live out there in th community, you have to learn strategies of dealing with people like that." Essentially, learning to deal with it with class.

 

The advantage those soldiers had was that they were part of a rehabilitation programme and were able to support eachother. If you don't have that support, then it makes things trickier.

 

It might be that there's a support group in your area for people who have social phobias as a result of feeling socially excluded. Have you ever spoken to your doctor about the sense of social exclusion you're dealing with on a regular basis?

 

Thank you for taking the time to provide an in-depth reply. No, I haven't seen a doctor in regard to this matter. Perhaps I ought to, because this alienation and contempt I've been feeling is taking its toll on me. I have gone 10 days without uttering a word to another person. Such social isolation isn't normal. If only people were less prejudicial and actually took the time to get to know me, they might see that I'm not completely worthless, as they initially believed.

 

You know, all I really want in life is to have a few good, close friends, and perhaps, dare I say it, a girlfriend. It just makes me feel terrible when people look at me and produce a negative, on-the-spot evaluation of my character.

 

It makes it even worse when they malign me to their peers, because that taints their peers' perceptions of me. And if their peers here enough negativity about me from enough people, they're going to draw a foregone conclusion of who and what I am.

 

By the way, I don't live in a small town. I live in a large city. Thanks for taking the time to help out a misfit.

[Marek]

Abusers can lack empathy but it isn't required. As I suggested prior, such 'walk in their shoes' identification as dasien eloquently stated can be targeted and specific. In other words, a woman can freeze you out and yet completely identify with the person standing right next to you. You don't receive her empathy because she chooses not to give it to you. That, in and of itself, is not abusive. However, if she chooses to ridicule you proactively, most would term it abusive. At that moment of abuse, she may/might/could/does have no empathy for you, specifically, but that does not define her globally, which I am understanding to be the assertion of the title of the post, that women have less empathy than men. That woman, at that time, had perhaps no empathy for you, in addition to being abusive, but that does not a generality make.

 

I've personally experienced women who could be incredibly empathetic at one moment and incredibly abusive/unempathetic the next. Which dynamic defines them? This is all part of the 'gray' of living the hopefully very long journey of life.

 

My advice to you would be to use this dynamic and your feelings about it as a tool in choosing the people you interact with. If you identify in a healthy way with people who demonstrate empathy, then include those and exclude others. If other, other. Make choices which align with your style of interaction. If the interaction is 'forced', as in a work situation, then keep it business. Otherwise, erase them. They're just a few of billions of humans on this planet. Give them care appropriate to that infinitesimal importance.

 

Oh, I now see what you mean, Carhill. Thanks for clearing that up for me. Yes, my thread title was intended as a generalisation of females. However, you're right: Occasionally I've witnessed females showing me no sympathy or empathy, but then, later on, I've witnessed these very same females exhibit these traits towards others. It seems that, because of the way I am, I draw much negativity towards me. I just don't get why it is that the older I get, the animosity I receive by women. I thought such things usually fade away after highschool.

 

I will try to ignore my detractors, and instead just give a damn to those females who aren't so prejudicial.

 

I would rather live a life of relative poverty and be accepted and have friends and a girlfriend than be affluent and treated how I am currently treated.

[Taramere]

Thank you for taking the time to provide an in-depth reply. No, I haven't seen a doctor in regard to this matter. Perhaps I ought to, because this alienation and contempt I've been feeling is taking its toll on me. I have gone 10 days without uttering a word to another person. Such social isolation isn't normal. If only people were less prejudicial and actually took the time to get to know me, they might see that I'm not completely worthless, as they initially believed.

 

You know, all I really want in life is to have a few good, close friends, and perhaps, dare I say it, a girlfriend. It just makes me feel terrible when people look at me and produce a negative, on-the-spot evaluation of my character.

 

It makes it even worse when they malign me to their peers, because that taints their peers' perceptions of me. And if their peers here enough negativity about me from enough people, they're going to draw a foregone conclusion of who and what I am.

 

By the way, I don't live in a small town. I live in a large city. Thanks for taking the time to help out a misfit.

 

Marek, lots of people are misfits. With some, it's just more immediately obvious than with others. I would guess that the people laughing most cattily at you probably have strong insecurities about fitting in-and what they're projecting is their own insecurity. If they were less frightene4d about the whole "fitting in" thing, then they wouldn't need to zoom in on others like that.

 

Somebody mentioned schadenfreude, and I read an interesting article about that recently. About schadenfreude stemming primarily from a personal sense of shame.

 

http://www.psych-it.com.au/Psychlopedia/article.asp?id=248

 

I do think it would be a good idea for you to speak to your doctor. What you're saying about getting close to losing it violently is a tad worrying and indicates that it's maybe time for you to talk to somebody in a professional and supportive environment about these issues.

 

Your doctor would also have good awareness of resources in your area that might be helpful. If there were a support group for people who experience social panic or social phobia, this might be something that will help you to feel less isolated.

[Marek]

Marek, lots of people are misfits. With some, it's just more immediately obvious than with others. I would guess that the people laughing most cattily at you probably have strong insecurities about fitting in-and what they're projecting is their own insecurity. If they were less frightene4d about the whole "fitting in" thing, then they wouldn't need to zoom in on others like that.

 

Somebody mentioned schadenfreude, and I read an interesting article about that recently. About schadenfreude stemming primarily from a personal sense of shame.

 

http://www.psych-it.com.au/Psychlopedia/article.asp?id=248

 

I do think it would be a good idea for you to speak to your doctor. What you're saying about getting close to losing it violently is a tad worrying and indicates that it's maybe time for you to talk to somebody in a professional and supportive environment about these issues.

 

Your doctor would also have good awareness of resources in your area that might be helpful. If there were a support group for people who experience social panic or social phobia, this might be something that will help you to feel less isolated.

 

Thanks for providing the link. And I'll make an appoint to see my doctor this upcoming week. Thank you for taking the time to help a complete stranger. You've slightly uplifted my faith in females; it seems that not every female on this planet is sadistic and spitfeul. There are a few good ones left. A very few...

 

I have to go now, but thanks for listening, guys.

[Taramere]

Thanks for providing the link. And I'll make an appoint to see my doctor this upcoming week. Thank you for taking the time to help a complete stranger.

 

No problem at all. If it helped at all, I'm glad....and really glad you're going to see your doctor this week.

 

You've slightly uplifted my faith in females; it seems that not every female on this planet is sadistic and spitfeul. There are a few good ones left. A very few...

 

Shopping malls filled with crowds of teens with time on their hands aren't necessarily places where you can see human nature at its best. I think if you were to find a good support group you'll start to see a much better side of people.

[Anela]

I've actually read that both men and women feel better in the company of women. I read that in The Happiness Project.

[carhill]

OP, here's a wonderful old thread about empathy which I think you'll like, or at least gain insight from.

 

From re-reading your OP, if this has been going on since you were young, and emotional memories are being formed as the result of your experiences, the not so good news is that, even decades later, under the best of circumstances, you may still get triggers which bring you right back to where you are now/were then, not literally, but emotionally, in the moment. I call it 'seeing the red of the past'. It's somewhat similar to flashbacks abuse victims experience long after the abuse has ended.

 

If you could identify one positive change in yourself from when you penned this thread a couple years ago, what would it be?

[Wolf18]

Women have a tendency towards almost child-like cruelty and can be really ungrateful, often times they don't even notice it. Part of wisdom that men gain over the years is to learn not to take possibly hurtful things women say or do seriously. Schadenfreude is indeed the perfect word to describe it.

[PlumPrincess]

It's an interesting question, and though it may hurt more when women do this, you may notice it more, IMO it isn't a gender thing, with some exceptions.

 

People who are callous IME tend to be poorly socialized in a few distinct ways. First, I find that people who never had a significant connection to the older generations growing up or as an adult tend to be more thoughtless and callous. People who have experienced the loss of death frequently, suffered through the diseases of loved ones and friends or their own tend to have a more humble, realistic view of the transience of life, no need to constantly be putting oneself above others, because it can be taken from anyone in a moment. In other words, I think people who make it a point to characterize and place themselves above others in their social orbit are immature in their appreciation of life and death.

 

Second, people who engage in this type of behavior have never gained humility through failure or having their own faults and mistakes exposed. I find that people who played sports growing up have a better grasp on humility through failure. The cattiest people have never really stuck their necks on the chopping block in life or had to and been whacked. Once you have suffered some real failure and obvious mistakes in life, it becomes hard to poke fun at people who are less than oneself in some respect. True, women today don't have their "noses bloodied" the way men do, held up and accountable for their mistakes the way men are, instead being told they are perfect and can have it all constantly.

 

Third, too many people today don't even know what empathy is, and think it is an emotional response. This is not correct and is usually patronizing and self-serving. Empathy is not an emotional, warm fuzzy "awwwww" response, but a rational one of being able to identify with someone else's life situation. Empathy is having enough experience in life to identify with someone else's position, not a pity party sop towel excuse to have an "emotion moment."

In the few rare moments when you don't go ballistic because of women, you actually write good posts.

[PlumPrincess]

Yes, I suppose you're right. However, it doesn't make it any easier. I have problems confronting people orally about any type of insult they have given me; I get tongue tied and I tend to stammer.

 

The comments I often get are as follows: freak, weirdo, reject, loser and retard. They won't often say it to my face; they'll say it when I'm near by and they'll say it quietly to their friends or partners. As I said though, I still hear the negative comments. And I'm NOT misconstruing anything. It's always strangers (primarily females) who are so egregiously belligerent towards me.

 

I have a rather awkward gait. My parents are of russian descent, and thus I partly picked up their accents . (It's weird. I have this strange American/Russian accent thing that sounds laughable. People have laughed a few times when I talked [e.g. in college]). Further, I don't have any friends. I am also known to be quite passive, and I think that gives many females the green light to treat me contemptuously.

 

These things, combined with my social awkardness (e.g. inability to hold a conversation, odd voice pitch, rather ungainly physical appearance ), make me a ripe candidate for abuse.

 

It would be great to be able to go to the mall without females snickering at me or shaking their heads or just maligning me to their friends. For Christ's sake I'm in my late 20s. I shouldn't be the recipient of such problems at my age!

 

It just doesn't seem right. I have NEVER spoken badly of anyone because of their appearance. Females see me and, I assume, they couldn't care less how their negativity adversely affects me. I may be "different" from others, but I still have feelings just as everyone does.

Oh man, I need to be nicer... I never say anything when I think someone is weird, but I kind of tend to avoid them.

[spopov27]

Chicks are pre-programmed to walk all over you if they see you as "weak" or an outcast. Next time some girl says something like this to you, try being a complete d**k. Say something like "Yeah coming from the b**** whos 10 lbs overweight." Or if they say something about the way you walk be like "At least i can keep my legs closed you slut" And if you have a huge grin on your face when you say it, even better. You don't have to respond violently, but you should put people in their place when they put you down. You are the one who is in control of your response, don't let others walk all over you. You'd be surprised how much more positive responses from women will be when you stand up for yourself.

[PlumPrincess]

Chicks are pre-programmed to walk all over you if they see you as "weak" or an outcast. Next time some girl says something like this to you, try being a complete d**k. Say something like "Yeah coming from the b**** whos 10 lbs overweight." Or if they say something about the way you walk be like "At least i can keep my legs closed you slut" And if you have a huge grin on your face when you say it, even better. You don't have to respond violently, but you should put people in their place when they put you down. You are the one who is in control of your response, don't let others walk all over you. You'd be surprised how much more positive responses from women will be when you stand up for yourself.

I used to believe that I want to be the better person and so on, but really, I think giving people their own sh*t back is much better. I move on and leave my anger with my comment behind. I guess, eventually, I'm more the goddess of revenge than the goddess of love...

[Woggle]

I don't know but a woman without empathy is very unattractive.