PoppyLove89 Posted November 27, 2011 Posted November 27, 2011 I'm losing all hope...on this rollercoaster of emotions. My bf and I broke up about a month ago. For the first two weeks he'd always reply, ring back...and was adamant he "wasn't sure" if the break-up was the right idea. I even asked him, "Be honest, is it over or is it a break?" And he said, "I don't know, I need to think about it". I asked, "What makes you want to be with me?" He said, "I love you and I miss you." then I asked what made him not want it and he replied, "The mider" (We'd been arguing about silly things the last couple weeks). Then I basically text him, "I'm giving you space. Not talking to you until you've made up your mind etc." I was basically saying goodbye, but when it came to the 'goodbye' he didn't reply. I said, "Come on, after a year I must be worth at least a text goodbye?" and he text back, "I'm literally still not sure what I want but if I do feel like we need to talk, dont worry I'll let you know". So the days rolled by, and not a peep from him...only facebook photos of him on nights out and acting as though nothing had happened so I deleted him because I couldn't bare it, my heart sank every time I saw his name pop up. He must have been checking my profile and realised he'd been deleted because I got this text about an hour after I deleted him, "I'm sorry for how I have been. I genuinely never ever meant to hurt you in any way. I'm sorry we didn't work out in the end." - ever since our break-up he's been acting out, he's been angry, avoiding his family, going out and getting hammered with his younger friends etc...maybe he did just need time to think and me deleting him has made him think I've been hurt too much and is letting me go? I know deep down this isn't what he wanted, he wouldn't have text me the way he did or rang me back the first week, only the night before our split he was telling me how much he loved me and couldn't wait to live together, we'd never been so close. It has been suggested by several close people that he left me to avoid causing me further pain (he's in the army and always away - due for afghan in 2013) but it has also been suggested that its his newly single 20 year-old friends (he's almost 24) that egged him on to walk away following our last row. We were planning on living together, he brought up the fact that he was planning to propose when he got back off tour in afghan only 4 days before we split (so he was still invested)...could spending time with his friends, his scary career that he's now regretting and realising he could be killed on tour in about a year, have made him think our relationship was too serious? When his sister asked him what he was playing at he laughed it off and said, "I don't have to be with one person forever, I'm only young."...he never said this to me, he's a very guarded person and goes on the defensive when he's hurt - i feel like i dont know him and nothing we had was real
twinkles Posted November 27, 2011 Posted November 27, 2011 he said to you "I'm not sure what I want but if I do feel like we need to talk, don't worry I'll let you know" "I'm sorry we didn't work out in the end" It sounds like he either needs time to think or he wishes to end the relationship. At this point I suggest to you, as hard as it may be, not to persue him at this time. Give him his space. Do not contact him. If he reaches out to you try to keep the conversation light. Do not talk about your relationship. Don't tell him you are giving him space or ask where the relationship is going and absolutely no ultimatums Let him do the talking and you just listen to what he has to offer you. I stress listening.
Author PoppyLove89 Posted November 27, 2011 Author Posted November 27, 2011 yeah i guess you're right. i guess he was confused and for now this is his decision...as heartbreaking as it is. the day after the break-up he told me he thinks he's "emotionally depressed" so i told him to go to the padre on camp since the army cant risk depressed people handling weapons and that...he says he doesn't know what to do because he loves me but he just drifted further and further away after the split (his friends are very immature still and hate him being in a relationship because he's never home to see them for more than a day as he's always on camp) one of our mutual friends has said that he's been acting like an angry teenager since the split, i guess he's confused/hurt/angry/frustrated/sad etc, he's not one to tell people his feelings so he keeps it inside. im not going to contact him, if his love for me was as real as he made out - he'll come and get me when he's ready...or at least try. If not, it was never meant to be.
twinkles Posted November 27, 2011 Posted November 27, 2011 another thing when he told you he was emotionally depressed you tried to help by giving him a solution. In the future don't offer a man a solution unless he asks your opinion. Sometimes a man just needs to vent. Just let him know that you are sorry he feels that way but you are sure he has what it takes to find a solution. When you tell a man what to do you imasculate him and you sound like his mother... Keep smiling.
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